Hold My Hand: John Wick x Reader Chapter 190
warnings: nsfw, dual povs hmh masterlist
It’s a pretty rainy day today--you never expected this much rain in New York, but you’re not complaining. Ronan is playing in the living room with her toys and has been watching movies all day. She’s been fairly quiet and has been able to entertain herself, which is nice since it’s given you time to make beef stew for dinner. You’re also just in the mood to bake, so you decided to make some sweet treats as well.
As for John, he’s been working in his office on some stuff with the shop. You have no idea what he’s working on, but he’s been keeping to himself until now.
“Baby, I have a request.”
You look over your shoulder at John as you stir the big pot of stew on the stove, “And what’s that?”
“Whoa,” John stops, and you turn around to look at him, “It smells amazing in here. What are you making?”
“I have beef stew on the stove right now, but I also made some apple turnovers and your favorite…” you walk over to the fridge and hold up the little glass cups, “Chocolate mousse.”
John hums, “I do love it when you make chocolate mousse.”
“They just need to stay in the refrigerator for a little longer.” You close the fridge and walk back over to him, “So what was your request?”
“I was thinking that we should have a nice weekend away.”
You furrow your brow, “For what?”
“For…” John laughs as he leans closer, “For baby making. Not just for baby making, but you know…”
“Oh,” you start to laugh, “Okay, yeah. As long as someone is okay with taking Ronan.”
John grabs his phone from the counter, “I can call your parents. Your mom is always happy to take her.”
Your mom is even happier to take Ronan since she knows you’re trying to get pregnant again. She wants as many grandkids as possible.
“Where should we go?” John asks, and you nod before you lock eyes with him and smirk. “Okay, fine, we can go to the continental.”
“I like their menu! I like their little filet mignon sliders and their truffle fries!”
“You really do.” John chuckles as he presses the phone to his ear, “Hey, hi, Bev. Oh, we’re good. How are you?”
You look over at John and smile as he says a lot of “uh-huh, yeah, mhm, sure,” and nods his head. Your mom loves to yap. He looks at you and smiles before furrowing his brow. You mimic yapping with your hand, but he just smiles and shrugs. He doesn’t mind at all. He’s a good man!
“Yeah, I’m good. Thank you for asking. Yeah, the girls are great too.” he says, and you smile at him, “Yes, your daughter is still obsessed with me, of course.”
You laugh, “Yeah, what about it?”
“Oh, you know me, just as obsessed with her--if not more.” he says, and you roll your eyes.
If this weren’t John, you’d be fully convinced that he’s just saying that shit to please your mom or win her over, but this is John. John fully means everything he says, especially when he talks about you with your mom. She loves to hear it, and he loves to say it.
“Well, I was calling to ask if you’d take Ronan for a day or two. I want to take Y/N somewhere for the weekend. And--” he stops talking and laughs, “Yeah. We really appreciate it, mom. Thank you. What time would you like us to drop her off? Okay, we’ll see you then. Love you too. Bye.”
“You barely got the question out, and she said yes,” you laugh as you stir the pot on the stove.
John wraps his arms around you and buries his face in the crook of your neck, “Are you excited?”
“I am very excited to have the weekend with you,” you say, and he hugs you tighter.
“I should go put Ro down for her nap,” he whispers, and you lean back into his arms more, “Can I come help you with this when I’m done?”
You tilt your head back to look at him, “Of course, though I don’t know what you can help with. I’ve made everything.”
John just shrugs, “Then we can just hang out. You can help me in the office.”
“What are you doing in there?”
“Payroll,” he says, and you jokingly snore. “Fine, you don’t have to help. You can just sit there and look pretty.”
You start to laugh, “Yeah, I can do that.”
John presses a kiss to your cheek before he turns around, calling out for Ronan. You go back to what you’re doing and lose yourself in cleaning for a few minutes. Before you know it, John is already coming back down from putting Ronan to sleep.
“She is just like you.” he smiles, shaking his head. “I put her down and was patting her back to get her to sleep. I turned on her sound machine, and she was out in 30 seconds.”
“Oh, rain noises.” you nod, “She loves the rain too. That’s so cute.”
John smiles as he looks at you, “I’ve noticed she sleeps best when she has the rain feature on. You listened to it a lot when you were pregnant to help you sleep. It rubbed off on our bug.”
“I guess it did.” you smile back at him. “I’m all yours now. I’m ready to sit and look pretty while you stress out.”
Pulling you into his arms, John leans down and kisses you, “You’ll be sitting next to me, you really think I’ll be getting any work done now?”
“I’ll be on my best behavior!”
John laughs, “Who says I will?”
__
As soon as you walked into the hotel, someone who knew John came up to him. He seemed younger and full of energy. Life clearly hadn’t beaten him down yet. His name was Dmitri. You found him to be quite charming. He seemed to really look up to John, which you always find cute. After talking to him for a few minutes, John ushered you up to your room, where you spent a few hours just hanging out and talking before deciding to get dinner.
Since you were still getting ready, you told John to just head down to the bar, and you’d meet him there. You still needed to blow-dry your hair, and you knew he was getting a little hungry. You’re hungry too, so hopefully he got a table and some appetizers; even just pretzels or chips sound fantastic right now.
You round the corner and head toward the bar, and you smile when you squeeze past a few people who are lingering near the doorway. You search the bar for John, but don’t see him anywhere. Knowing how flirty John has been all night, it wouldn’t be a surprise if he got a table tucked in the back for the two of you. You smile to yourself at the thought of John wanting a secluded place for you and him.
Turning the corner, you look around and finally spot John, but the smile fades from your face when you see a woman standing at the table talking with him. They seem to be talking about something privately since they’re whispering. Something about it just looks suspicious. You quickly hide behind a large potted plant and sneak over near the table, and you lean closer to hear them speaking in hushed tones. You lean a little closer and furrow your brow. They’re speaking Russian, so of course you can’t understand anything.
The woman looks about the same age as you, with soft features but an air of confidence that you wish you had. You can't shake off the feeling that the conversation is definitely something you are not meant to hear. Glancing around, you notice other people enjoying their drinks, oblivious to the tension at the table. Then again, you’re sure that it’s not very unusual to see two people whispering in this hotel.
A small group of people pushes past you, momentarily blocking your line of sight. You inch closer to hear better, straining to catch any word you understand; god, you wish you could understand their language. Curiosity holds you in place. You dart your eyes back and forth between the woman and John, trying your best to suss out the situation for yourself.
You can’t handle it anymore, so you take a deep breath and round the corner. The woman tenses up and glances at you, and you stare at her. It’s full of tension. She finally breaks the hold and looks at John, saying something to him that you don’t understand. You watch as she walks away, then you look back at John, who is already looking at the menu.
“I’m thinking a burger sounds good.” he says, then he looks at you when you don’t say anything. “Sit down. Oh, I like this dress.”
You blink a few times before you look down at your black dress, “Yeah, I…thanks.”
“Sit down, baby.” he whispers, reaching for your hand. He tugs a little to get you to slide into the booth with him. “You look so beautiful.”
You look at John and furrow your brow, then you look over at the exit door where the woman disappeared.
“What are you in the mood for?”
If you were truly petty, you’d reply with “the truth,” but you don’t. You simply look over at him and plaster a fake smile on your face, “Whatever you’re in the mood for.”
“I have a few things I’m in the mood for,” he whispers, and you let out a small laugh as he kisses your shoulder. He moves your hair away from your face and looks into your eyes, “You are so beautiful.”
It was probably nothing, you tell yourself. He’s not acting any differently. It was nothing. Yeah, it was definitely nothing to worry about.
You smile at John, “Thank you.”
John’s hand runs down your back and wraps around your waist to pull you closer, “Gimme a kiss.”
You lean closer to kiss him, “You said you wanted a burger?”
“Sounds good,” he says, then he looks at his menu, “Unless there’s something that you’d like to share with me.”
“I’m good with whatever,” you reply, and he smiles at you. You look down at his lips and smile when he leans over to kiss you again.
John hugs you closer to his side, “I love you.”
“I love you too,” you smile, and he kisses your cheek.
You smile as John looks at his menu, absentmindedly tapping his hand along to the band against your thigh. You reach down and place your hand on his thigh and lean into him more before you look to your right and see the mysterious woman watching you and John from the very spot you were in two minutes ago. She holds your gaze for a moment before turning around and walking away.
__
Honestly, nothing beats a warm shower, clean pajamas, and clean sheets on a bed. You’re ready to pass out from the night you’ve had. After dinner, you and John stayed in the bar for a bit, even slow danced to a few songs. Eventually the two of you made your way back to your room where John had you in positions that worked several muscles you didn’t even know you had--you’ll be sore tomorrow.
“So, you wanna watch some TV?” you ask as you walk out to John. You wrap the towel around your hair and furrow your brow when you see that John has changed back into his suit. “I thought you were going to shower.”
“I am, I just have to go speak with Winston,” he says, holding up a small note card, “He asked to see me.”
You sit next to him, “Oh, well, can I come with?”
“I think you should stay here and order us dessert,” he says, and you smile when he kisses your cheek, “I won’t be long. I’ll be back before your ice cream melts.”
John presses another kiss to your cheek before he gets up and grabs his suit jacket, then he turns around and looks at you as you watch him. You take the towel out of your hair and dry the ends, then you run your fingers through your hair and push it back. He smiles, shaking his head before he leans down to kiss you.
“I’ll be back, beautiful.”
“I’ll be here.”
John smiles, “With ice cream.”
“Yes.” you nod, then you cock up your brow, “Before the ice cream melts?”
“Before it melts, I promise.” he whispers, kissing your lips, “I love you.”
You watch as John walks to the door, “I love you too.”
__
Looking over at your ice cream sundaes, you sigh when you see that they’re straight-up liquid at this point.
“Back before they melt, my ass.” you say as you get up. You walk over and grab your robe, then you put on your shoes and head to the door. You know where Winston’s penthouse is, so you’ll just go find John. This weekend was meant for the two of you. Yes, this was your idea to come here, but you hoped that John would tell people that this is a weekend for the two of you, not for his old work shit.
Crossing your arms, you lean back against the elevator wall and watch the numbers climb as you ascend to the penthouse. You step out of the elevator and make your way to the front door, and you lift your hand to knock when the door opens.
The gentleman opens the door and gestures for you to come in, but you’re a little shocked to see it’s not Charon. Maybe he’s on vacation. You give the man a soft smile, and he gestures toward the living room, where you hear voices. One of them definitely belongs to John; you’d know that voice anywhere.
Your pace quickens a little, but you stop when you hear a woman’s voice--the woman from earlier. Taking a few steps closer, you peek around the corner and see John with his back to you. The woman is pacing back and forth as she speaks to him in Russian.
Winston is nowhere to be found.
So, he lied. John lied about where he was going and whom he was seeing.
You’re so mad that you just turn on your heel and instantly head out the door. You don’t even let the very nice gentleman open it for you. He looks a little shocked, to be honest.
Heading back into your room, you roll the cart with your melted sundaes out to the hallway, then you turn off the TV and lay down. You know John won’t be far behind. He’s already been gone way longer than he said he’d be. Almost on cue, the door opens, and you pull the blanket over your head.
“Baby, I’m so sorry. Winston needed me longer than I thought,” he says as he walks in. He sits down on your side of the bed and rubs your shoulder before pulling the blanket down, “Oh, you’re sleeping.”
“Mhm,” you nod with your eyes closed. “Felt stupid staying up by myself with melted sundaes, so I’m just going to bed.”
John leans down and kisses your temple, “I’m sorry. Hey, I’ll order us more. We can eat them and watch a movie.”
“I don’t want to,” you say as you roll over, “I just want to sleep now.”
John sighs and curses under his breath before he stands up. He uses the bathroom and comes out a few minutes later, crawling into bed next to you. You flip over to face away from him. He sighs again, this time a little louder. He rolls to his side and wraps his arm around you, and you start to pull away, but he just pulls you closer.
“Nice try,” he whispers, “I’m stronger.”
It’s annoying how good it feels to be in his arms though. Ugh! All soft, warm, and comforting. It’s so annoying!
“I’m sorry,” he says against your shoulder, pressing soft kisses to your skin, “Can I make it up to you?”
You shake your head, “Not in the mood.”
John takes a deep breath. “Okay. Well, I love you.”
“I love you too,” you say, taken aback when John leans over to kiss you. “I’m not in the mood, Jonathan.”
“I know, I know. Jesus, I just wanted to kiss my wife goodnight.”
You roll your eyes. He’s dramatic. You are too. Whatever.
John rolls onto his back and sighs, “Goodnight, baby.”
“Goodnight, John.”
__
Of course you ignored John all morning and on the way home. He didn’t ask what was wrong, but he knew something was bothering you. You drop your suitcase near the couch and turn around to look at John as he sets his down. He glances over at you and takes a deep breath, then he gestures to you, waiting for what you have to say.
“Who the fuck was that?”
John furrows his brow, “Who was who?”
“Don’t play dumb, John.” you roll your eyes at him, “At the hotel. I went to look for you. You were with that woman you were talking to earlier in the night. The one that you were conveniently not speaking English to since you knew I was there. I fucking saw you! Who is she?”
“She’s just someone from the past, but I don’t--”
You cross your arms, “So you’re sneaking off to meet up with someone from your past? Do you fucking hear yourself?”
“Yes. She’s someone from my past. My past.” he says, holding your gaze, “Wait…wait, are you upset that it’s someone from my past or that it’s a woman from my past? You met Dmitri and were quick to introduce yourself to him as my wife and to talk to him. You didn’t even talk to Eve.”
Yeah, so what if you’re upset that it was a woman? And yeah, he’s right; you did talk to Dmitri. But unlike when he was talking to Eve, he wasn’t speaking a different language or sneaking off to see him. Also Eve took off the minute you walked over.
“Oh, I’m sorry.” you put your hand on your chest in faux concern, “Are you upset that I didn’t introduce myself to your mistress?”
John shakes his head, “What is going on with you?”
“You snuck off to speak with her. You’re whispering to her. She’s watching me from the shadows while we eat dinner. Dmitri didn’t do that shit.”
“I don’t…I don’t even know what to say to you right now.”
You groan as you turn away from him, then you face him again, “Why are you hiding things from me? Here we are talking about adding another baby to our family, and you’re sneaking off to meet with some girl. I can’t fucking trust you, John.”
“I can’t believe this,” he turns around with his hands on his hips before looking at you again, “You really think that of me?”
“I’m making an opinion based on the facts.” you start to count on your fingers, “Taking me to the hotel in the first place--”
“Whoa, hold on,” John puts his hand up, “The hotel was your idea. I suggested we stay somewhere else. I even asked you on the way to the hotel if you wanted to stay somewhere else!”
You continue anyway, “Speaking a different language in front of me, not even introducing me to her, sneaking off to meet up with her. It’s a little suspicious, John. You have to admit that.”
“After all this time, and you think this of me? I have never given you reason to think--”
“You did last night. You gave me plenty.”
John runs his hand over his face, “I really can’t believe you.”
“Put yourself in my shoes. I’m sitting with some random guy, speaking a language that you don’t know, and when you walk over, I don’t introduce you two. I say something to him, and he rushes off. Then later that night, I tell you I have a meeting with Winston, but you don’t feel quite right because, again, I was talking to a random fucking person in hushed tones, so you go looking for me. You see me sitting there with the very fucking person that I was talking with earlier. How would you feel?”
“What you’re insinuating right now…I would never do that to you, Y/N. You know I wouldn’t, and I can’t believe you’re acting like this right now.” he says with so much sadness in his voice, but you furrow your brow in anger. “I know that just pissed you off. I get it, but I can’t believe that you think this of me. It hurts. It hurts knowing you think I’d do this.”
“You’re not going to defend yourself?”
“There’s nothing to defend. I didn’t do anything.” his eyes are a little glassy. “I wouldn’t do that. I would never do that to you.”
“Put yourself in my shoes.” you whisper as you tear up, and John shakes his head as he looks down.
“Put yourself in mine right now. Think about how it would feel to be accused of this. What you’re accusing me of is sick. We have a family. I’m in love with you. We love each other. We have a life together. How could you accuse me of this?”
“I guess we’re just not seeing eye to eye.”
“No, I guess we’re not.” John grabs his bag, “You can take the bedroom, I’ll sleep out here.”
“Great.” you grab yours and head up to your room, slamming the door behind you.
__
**
Y/N and I have completely avoided each other for a whole day now. I got up this morning and went to our room for a change of clothes just as she was getting out of the shower. I grabbed what I needed and went downstairs to take a shower instead. After I got out, she only left a text saying she went to pick up Ronan from her parents' house. She didn’t even ask if I wanted to go with her, which I would have loved to. I assumed she took her to get some lunch since she didn’t come home right after. Her parents only live 10 minutes away, and she didn’t get home until nearly two hours later. When she did, she put Ronan down for a nap and sent another text that said she was going across the street to hang out with Tess. I knew what that really meant: she needed time to talk to her sister about what was going on between us. Fuck, I wish I knew what was going on between us.
When Ronan woke up from her nap, Y/N was still gone. I sent a text to Jimmy and asked if she was there. He replied with a grimacing face emoji. I told him that I would be over shortly after getting Ronan a snack. She’s currently sitting on the floor eating apple slices and watching Bluey.
I hate when Y/N and I fight, but I hate it even more when she refuses to talk to me about it. I wish I knew what was going on in her head.
**
“I don’t know what’s going on with me!” you pace back and forth in front of Tess, “Like, she was just watching us and it just set me off.”
Tess puts her hand up, “Wait, so you went down there and he was talking to her in a different language? Maybe she’s like a sister or something. I don’t mean a real sister, but like, maybe they grew up together. He was part of that one group. They had a lot of people; I remember him saying that once.”
“The Ruska Roma, yeah, I guess.” you shrug as you look at her, “But I don’t think so. I didn’t get that vibe. There was a weird tension.”
“Like…sexual tension?” she asks, and you glare at her. She puts her hands up in defense, “I’m just asking!”
You shake your head, “I don’t know.”
Looking over your shoulder, you see the back gate open as John walks through it holding Ronan’s hand. She smiles and runs over to hug you, and you lift her up and kiss her cheek. You hold her tight in your arms and close your eyes for a moment before opening them to see John looking at you.
“I’m gonna go for a drive,” he says, and you put Ronan down, “She didn’t want to go with me. She wants to play with Finn. I gave her a snack, and she used the potty before coming over here.”
You nod, “Okay.”
John inhales deeply and nods before looking down at Ronan and smiling, “I’ll see you later, baby girl. I love you.”
Ronan runs over and hugs John, trying her best to tell him that she loves him too. She kisses his cheek and rushes back over to play with Finn in the sandbox, nearly tripping over her feet in the process.
“Will you be back by dinnertime?” you ask, but John just shrugs. “Okay.”
“Just eat without me,” he holds your gaze, then he turns to leave. He turns back around and looks at you, “I love you.”
A small smile tugs at your lips, “I love you too, John.”
John waves at Tess, then he disappears behind the back gate. You look over at Tess as she cocks up her brow, and you roll your eyes. She will always be Team John.
“Well, he loves you.”
“Well, I wasn’t questioning that.” you say in the same tone as her. “I just want to know what’s going on.”
Tess nods, “He does too. Why don’t you go on that drive with him?”
“Didn’t get invited,” you say, and she rolls her eyes. All you had to do was ask John if you could go with him, and he probably would have said yes. You look back at the gate, “He just needs his alone time.”
Hopefully, when he comes back, his mind will be clear, and he’ll finally be honest.
__
**
Despite the fact that we’re not really talking right now, Y/N didn’t kick me out of our room tonight. She must somehow know that my back is killing me from sleeping on that couch. I did groan a lot when I was playing with Ronan earlier; maybe I did it a little louder so Y/N would take pity on me. I got into bed and read some of my book while she scrolled on her phone, then she turned off her light and went to bed. I turned my light off shortly after since I didn’t want to bother her, and I tried to get some sleep.
I’ve been lying here for hours now, wide awake. I think she is too since I can hear her sigh every now and then. We’ve barely talked about what’s going on, and I don’t want to push. I get that she’s upset, but I am too. I shift on the bed a little and roll over to my side, closing my eyes and trying to get some sleep.
My eyes fly open when I feel the bed shifting as Y/N scoots back until her back is against mine. I freeze for a moment and wait, and she wiggles closer. I smile to myself. This is a sign that she wants me to hold her. I roll over to my other side and wrap my arm around her waist; she shimmies closer. I bury my face in the crook of her neck and inhale the smell of her perfume clinging to her skin.
I’m still upset, but I’ve missed holding her.
**
A soft smile spreads on your face as John clings to you, then you move back a little until your ass is against something hard. You bite your bottom lip to keep yourself from smiling. John lets out the smallest laugh before kissing your neck.
If he were talking to you, he’d say, “I can’t help it!” but he’s not talking to you, and you’re not talking to him.
Whatever. You roll your eyes and shimmy down more. Yes, you’re absolutely teasing him right now, but he doesn’t seem to mind. He would have pulled away if he were truly upset about it. He doesn’t pull away, instead, he places his hand on your breast and squeezes.
It’s a game now. It’s a game to see who will break first, who will say something first. It won’t be you.
John gently lifts your shift and rubs his thumb over your nipple, then he pinches and rolls it between his thumb and finger. You take a deep breath and push back into him more, but this time, he pushes forward too. He slides his hand down your side, so you lean back into him and spread your legs open. Instead of his hand diving into your underwear, he tugs at them. He tugs at them again, so you move a little and allow him to pull them off. You pull your shirt off while John removes his boxers, then you both lie back down.
You’re mad at him. You’re so mad. So fucking mad! But…but he’s so attentive. He’s so gentle. He’s so…fucking sexy. Angry sex is fine. You’re married. He understands. You understand. Sometimes you just need to get it out of your system.
You roll over to your stomach and bury your face in your pillow as John crawls over you. He uses his knee to spread your legs a little, then he guides himself between your legs. Gripping the sheets, you squeeze your eyes shut and try your best not to moan, despite the fact that he feels fantastic.
John wraps his arm around your stomach and lifts you up a little, and you put your hand over your mouth and moan when his hand slides between your legs. He rubs circles on your clit as you whimper softly, and he moans against the shell of your ear. He curses under his breath and begins thrusting his hips harder and faster. You place your hands on the bed and grip the sheets as John hips slap against your ass, then you collapse on the bed and hide your face as you moan.
You so badly want to roll over and look at him. You want to hold his gaze while he fucks you. You want to feel his lips against yours. You want to tell him how good he feels, how much you love him. But you don’t. You just bury your face in the pillow and moan as John slowly rolls his hips. He reaches down to rub circles on your clit again, and you instantly crumble into a twitching mess on the bed. John isn’t far behind. He jerks his hips harder, breathing heavily in your ear, then he groans and jolts a few times as he finishes inside of you.
John leans down and presses a kiss to your shoulder before he rolls off you. You quickly get up and walk through your dark room, then you go into the bathroom to clean yourself up. You grab some tissues for John and pass them to him before getting back into bed and pulling the covers over your shoulder.
It was nice, you can’t lie. You needed it. He did too. Sex with John is always good, but you can’t deny that there was something missing.
John cleans himself up and tosses his tissues into the garbage, then he lies back down beside you. He lets out a sigh and clears his throat, and you take a small peek over your shoulder at him. He looks over at you and raises his brows, and you shake your head.
You’re not ready to talk. It’s too early. You’re tired, and you’re still mad. Chances are he’s still mad too.
Taking another deep breath, John looks up at the ceiling before he rolls to his right side. You watch him closely as he lifts the blankets and moves closer to you. He carefully wraps his arm around your waist and pulls you to him until your back is flush against his chest. He presses his lips to your shoulder and leaves them there for several moments. He presses a few more kisses to your skin before leaning up and kissing your cheek.
You intertwine your fingers with his and close your eyes, but you smile when John squeezes your hand three times in a row; his little way of telling you he loves you. You look back at him and hold his gaze as he sits up.
“It didn’t feel right,” he whispers, but you don’t say anything. “It was good. It was…great, but it didn’t feel completely right.”
You still don’t say anything.
“We didn’t kiss. Not once,” he says, and he sounds so sad. “That’s not us. I didn’t even get to see your face.”
“I know. I was there.”
John lets out a small laugh, then he nods his head since he understands that you’re still upset. “Well, just for future reference, I like to kiss and look at my wife when we’re intimate.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
John smiles wider when a small smile spreads on your face since you’re being a smartass. He tilts your chin up and leans down to kiss you several times with so much heart and passion. He slides his tongue against yours and moans softly.
You have to admit, it was pretty weird not to kiss him.
You reach up and cup his face, then you rub your thumb over his cheek. He presses a soft kiss to your nose before lying back down beside you. He wraps his arm around you and holds you close as you both fall instantly asleep.
__
You woke up this morning with John wrapped around you. He barely let you go so you could use the bathroom. When you came back into your bedroom, you grabbed your pajamas off the floor and put them on while John gazed at you. He finally sat up and smiled softly as you sat on the bed.
Now the two of you have just been sitting there in silence. It’s still early enough that Ronan isn’t awake yet, so you don’t need to do anything right now, which means John knows that it’s time to talk.
“Last night was weird,” he finally says, and you look at him. He immediately backtracks, “I mean, not weird. It was good, but…”
You laugh quietly, nodding your head, “It was weird.”
“It was,” he exhales in relief, “I liked it, but I didn’t like not seeing your face. I like to look at you.”
“That’s nice to know.”
John smiles, “You’re very pretty.”
You don’t know why but it makes you blush like crazy. You laugh a little as you look over at him, and he reaches for your hand. He presses a kiss to it and inhales as he looks down at your wedding ring. Whenever you two are going through tough times, he tends to look at it more. It’s pretty cute, honestly.
“I’m still here. I’m still yours.” he whispers, and you tear up as you nod. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying right here.”
You smile, “Good.”
“I would never cheat on you. I would never do that to you. I absolutely adore you. I love you more than anything on this earth.” he says, and you wipe away the tear sliding down your cheek, “You are the greatest thing to ever happen to me.”
“I’ll be honest, I didn’t think that you were cheating on me. I was just mad that you were lying and hiding things from me, so I decided to throw that at you to make you mad, so you were mad like I was mad.” you say, and John nods. “I don’t think you’d do that, John. I know you wouldn’t.”
John holds your gaze intently, “I would never do that to you. Ever.”
“I know,” you scoot closer to him, “I trust you. I really do.”
“The best thing about me is you.” he says, and you smile at him before shaking your head because that’s just not true, but of course, John disagrees with you, “You really are, mouse. I would never take that for granted, and I would never do anything to jeopardize that.”
John is quiet for a few moments, no doubt replaying the fight you two had the other night. He looks up at you and holds your gaze, and you tear up even more when you see how hurt he is by what you said to him. He wipes the tear off your cheek and leans over to kiss your forehead, and you close your eyes and hold each other for a few quiet minutes.
“I’m sorry,” you whisper, “I was just trying to make you mad.”
“It worked,” John says, laughing a little. You sit up and look at him, and he shrugs. “I think you insinuating that is probably the most hurtful thing.”
You frown, “I’m so sorry, John. I really am. I trust you. I trust you more than I’ve ever trusted anyone. I trust you a little too much, to be honest.”
“Well, obviously not.”
“I didn’t actually think you were cheating.” you say, and he playfully squints his eyes. “I didn’t! I just wanted to make you mad, and I knew that would work.”
John shakes his head, “It worked.”
“I know.” you turn to face him, “And I’m sorry. I know that you’re loyal to me, and I love that. I love you. I know you love me too. I really don’t want you to think that I believe you’d cheat. I trust you.”
“Eve is someone from my past,” he says as you look at him, “But definitely not like that. Never like that.”
You laugh, “I got it, John.”
“Just need you to know.” he whispers, and you smile at him. “I only have eyes for you. I promise you were all I was thinking about all weekend. I thought you looked so beautiful when you came down for dinner. I told her to go away. I just wanted to be with you.”
He takes a deep breath and looks out the window before looking back at you. You scoot closer and squeeze his hand to let him know that whatever he wants to tell you will be okay. You’re never going to run away.
“She’s from where I was from. She grew up there too.”
Tess was right. The Ruska Roma.
“She was there after my time, but we did cross paths at one point during my…excommunication.” he says, and you nod. “She wanted to get started doing what I do…did. She didn’t listen to me and got herself into a bad situation.”
“And you were sent to help her?”
John shakes his head, “I was sent to kill her.”
“Whoa, plot twist,” you say, and John starts to laugh. “She kicked your ass, huh?”
“She put up a pretty good fight. I was going easy on her though,” he says, and you playfully squint your eyes and smirk. “I was.”
You laugh loudly, “I bet. Well, you didn’t kill her.”
“She did what she needed to do, and I was relieved of the job. I went back to what I needed to deal with.” he says, widening his eyes and inhaling, “Which was a lot.”
“So why is she here?”
John shrugs, “She’s working. She wanted my help with something. She thought she could convince me to come back. I met up with her to let her know that no one could convince me. I didn’t tell you it was her because…well, because I didn’t want you to think it was something that it wasn’t. That backfired.”
“You could have just told me that, John. I would have understood.”
“I underestimate you a lot.” he admits, and you just shrug. “I should have been honest.”
You smile softly, “I should have been more understanding.”
“You are understanding.”
“I didn’t give you the chance to explain yourself. I just jumped to conclusions in order to make you mad.” you say as you look at him, “But I would have understood. I would have gone right up there with you to tell her. I would have stood by your side.”
John sighs sharply, “I know you would have, but I didn’t want you there. I didn’t know what she would do. She can be a loose cannon. We’ve had this conversation so many times before, Y/N, and every time I say I’ll do better, but I don’t.”
Furrowing your brow, you shake your head, “What do you mean?”
“I hide something from you, then we talk, and I say that I’ll be better and that I’ll tell you everything. And I don’t. I still hide things.” he says, and you hold his gaze as you frown. “It’s like…I can’t be honest with you. I never told Helen anything about that life, so I think there’s a part of me that reverts back to that. I’m scared to tell you things.”
You look down as you rub John’s arm to soothe him, then you look at him, “All I ask is that you’re honest with me so that I don’t run wild in my mind with crazy theories.”
“Like me cheating?” he asks, a smile tugging at his lips. The smile spreads fully across his face when you start to laugh. “I am so in love with you, mouse.”
“I’m in love with you too,” you nod before leaning over to kiss him, “I really am sorry.”
John cups your face and kisses you again, “I’m sorry too.”
“I will never accuse you of cheating,” you say, and he raises a brow. You start to laugh, “I didn’t think you really were.”
“Be honest.”
You roll your eyes, “The thought crossed my mind for like…two minutes, but then you pulled me to the table and couldn’t keep your eyes off me all night. I knew I was being stupid.”
“Do you really think I’d do that?”
“Well, no, but people can surprise you sometimes, I guess.”
John chuckles, “I’m not really full of surprises.”
“You are,” you say, and he jerks his head back a little, “You surprise me a lot, John, but not in that way.”
You both sit in silence for a few minutes, still clasping hands tightly. You look over at him just as he looks at you, and you both start to smile. You let out a small laugh when John glances down at your lips, and he pulls you closer, wrapping his arm around your shoulder to hold you closer.
“Don’t ever be afraid to tell me things, Jonathan.” you whisper to him, and he nods. “I’m not Helen. I’m not saying she wouldn’t have understood, because she probably would have, but I’m not her. You don’t have to worry about how I look at you. You don’t have to worry that I’ll think of you any differently.”
John presses a kiss to the top of your head, “I believe you.”
Before John can say anything else, all you hear is Ronan saying, “good morning” over and over from her bedroom. John laughs as he looks over at you, then he kisses your forehead and gets up from the bed. He comes back a few minutes later with Ronan in his arms as he kisses her cheek. She gasps when she sees you, then she kicks her legs to be put onto the bed. She quickly crawls over to you and sits in your lap. Her excitement over you will never not make you want to cry.
Ronan looks at John and reaches for him, so he gets back in bed and holds onto you and her. He presses a kiss to your head again and ruffles Ronan’s hair. She playfully pushes his hand away, but he does it again. She giggles and crawls over to him so he’ll hold her.
“Are my girls wanting some breakfast?” he asks, and you and Ronan both nod. “Should daddy make breakfast, or should we go somewhere?”
You lean over and whisper to Ronan, “Harborside Cafe.”
She tries her best to say it, which makes both you and John laugh. She’s so cute. She smiles and looks so proud of herself when the two of you laugh at something she says.
“Harborside Cafe?” John asks, and Ronan looks at you before she nods her head. “Well, daddy is stinky, so I should shower first.”
Ronan scrunches her face up as she leans over to smell John’s arm, “Stinky.”
“Yeah, stinky.” John nods, and you laugh. “Why are you laughing, momma? You’re stinky too.”
You playfully gasp, “I am not!”
“Not momma,” Ronan says, and you cock up your brow and look at John.
“Yeah, momma doesn’t stink.” you say, and John laughs as he kisses the top of Ronan’s head. “I should shower though. I’ll hop in after you.”
John nods as he looks down at Ronan snuggling into bed next to you, “I’ll be quick.”
“Okay, we’ll just watch some cartoons until then.” you say, and you reach for the remote and turn on something for Ronan to watch.
You snuggle closer to Ronan as John gets up from the bed and grabs a change of clothes, and you smile when he looks at you. He nods toward the bathroom, so you get up and follow him.
“Hey,” he smiles when you walk in, and he reaches for your hands, “I love you.”
“I love you too. I really am sorry,” you whisper, and he nods his head. “Like, so incredibly sorry. What I said was stupid, and I didn’t mean any of it. I just want you to know that, and it won’t happen again.”
John smooths your hair back before cupping your face, “I know, baby. I’m sorry too. I should have told you right away who she was.”
“It’s fine,” you smile at him, then you gesture over your shoulder, “I should head back out there.”
“I’ll be quick,” he says, and you smile. “Wish you were joining me.”
You start to laugh as you back away, “Maybe mom and dad can have a hot tub date tonight.”
A wide smile spreads on John’s face, “Yes, please.”
__
John grips your hips tight in his hands and groans into the crook of your neck as he finishes deep inside of you. He stays there for a moment before he finally tilts his head back to look at you. You both start to laugh before John nudges you forward to kiss him.
“That was nice,” he whispers, and you nod, sucking on your bottom lip. “You look like you’re not quite finished with me.”
“I don’t think I am,” you tease, and John wiggles his brows. You lean down and kiss him again before sitting back in his lap. You lean over and press the button on the side of the hot tub to turn off the jets, then you wrap your arms around John’s neck, “We should probably head to bed.”
John inhales deeply as he nods, “You tired?”
“You’re so full of yourself,” you laugh while he smirks, “I’m tired because it’s been a long day.”
“And…”
You continue laughing as you roll your eyes, “And because it’s almost midnight.”
“Just admit it,” he says quietly, and you shake your head and laugh.
You run your fingers through John’s hair and hold his gaze, “You really wore me out.”
John wraps his arms around your waist and holds you tight as he stands up, “You wore me out too, peach.”
“Yeah, well, you’re old.” you tease, but John loosens his grip a little, and you gasp loudly. He holds your gaze as you cling to him, but he just continues loosening his grip until he fully lets you go. You sink into the water and immediately get up and splash him before trying to dunk him under the water. “Mean!”
“You called me old!” he laughs, hopping out of the hot tub.
Despite the fact that the two of you are clearly teasing each other and trying to dunk one another, John still helps you out of the hot tub so you don’t slip. Big mistake on his end. He’s vulnerable now, and he’s definitely going to get pushed into the pool. You hold his hand tightly as you get out, then you smile at him. He cocks his brow and shakes his head.
“Don’t even think about it.” he warns, but you just smile, “Mrs. Wick, I mean it!”
You scoff, “Or what?”
“You wanna find out?” he puts his hand out to stop you when you take a step forward, “Y/N Wick.”
A loud laugh immediately escapes your lips, “You are so funny. The first and last name. What are you gonna do next? Throw out my middle name--wait, do you even know my middle name?”
“Of course I know your middle name,” he says, looking incredibly offended. “I know what hospital you were born in, I know the name of your first-grade teacher, I know everything there is to know about you. Why wouldn’t I know your middle name?”
You playfully squint your eyes, “Then what is it?”
“Eunice.” he says, and you burst into laughter because no way in hell did he just pull that name out. “It’s not, but I know that Tess teased you when you were little and said that your mom had legally changed your middle name to that. You were devastated and cried until your mom pulled out your birth certificate to prove that it wasn’t Eunice.”
“Who the hell told you this story? I know I didn’t.”
John just smiles as he shrugs, “I told you; I know everything there is to know about you.”
Of course it was Tess. Or even your mom. Honestly, at this point, it probably was your mom. She loves to share embarrassing stories about you with John.
“Fine, I won’t push you in. Only because I’m getting cold.”
John looks down at your breasts, “Yes, I can see that.”
You reach for John and wrap your arms around his waist, shivering a little when you feel the heat coming off his body. John presses a kiss to your forehead, then he reaches for your hand as the two of you head into the house.
It’s quiet since Ronan is down for the night. Bleu is already upstairs sleeping with her too. Toast is currently crunching on his food, but soon he’ll make his way upstairs and curl up at the foot of your bed. He likes to sleep on John’s back lately, so he’ll definitely be there at some point.
John wraps a towel and his arms around you as you walk toward the stairs, but you both stop when you hear a knock at the door. You look over your shoulder at John as he stares ahead, no doubt tuning his hearing in to whoever could be at the door.
“Who is that?” you ask, turning around to look at John. “Should I answer it?”
“I will.”
You gesture to him, “You’re in swim trunks. I at least have a towel.”
John takes a deep breath before he quickly walks over to the laundry room. You hear him grabbing some jeans from the dryer as you walk to the door.
“Don’t,” John says just as you reach for the door, “I’ll handle it.”
You watch as he walks past in a pair of jeans and a plain white t-shirt. It’s actually so sick how sexy he looks. He touches your cheek softly and nods toward your bedroom, and you sigh sharply before nodding your head and making your way upstairs.
As soon as you get in your room, you hear John open the door. If he thinks you won’t turn around after getting dressed, he doesn’t know you very well. You quickly put your pajamas on and head back downstairs, but you stop at the bottom of the steps when you see the woman from the hotel, Eve.
“I told you to stay upstairs,” John says as you walk over.
“No, you just looked upstairs,” you say, standing next to him, “You should know me better than that, Jonathan.”
John lets out a small laugh, “You’re right.”
“Hi,” you look at Eve and smile softly, “Kind of late to be here, isn’t it?”
Eve inhales deeply before she nods, then she looks at John, “Please.”
“I said no,” John shakes his head, “I’ve told you no three times now. I’m done with that stuff.”
“You’re not. I heard about you helping out--”
John stops her, “I did, but I put my marriage at risk to do that, and it’s not something I’m willing to do again. My priority is here now. It’s standing right next to me, and it’s also sleeping upstairs; my family is what matters.”
You smile softly when John looks at you, then you look down since you feel a little awkward. Obviously, you don’t want John to go. Yes, he’s very good at his job, but he can still get hurt. It’s not something either of you wants to risk. John wants to be here with you and Ronan. He’s made that very clear.
“I can’t do this alone,” Eve pleads, “Just one night, please.”
John exhales sharply before he turns around and walks to the basement door. You and Eve both watch him before you look at each other. You know what is in the basement underneath the floor, but you doubt John would go busting up the floor when your daughter is sleeping upstairs. You look back at Eve and shrug.
After several minutes, John comes back upstairs with a paper in his hand, “Here. He’ll help you.”
“John, this--”
“You wanted my help; this is it. Take it or leave it.” he says sternly, holding up the paper, “This is all the help you’re going to get.”
Eve stares at the paper before she snatches it from his hand and stuffs it into her pocket. She glances at you, then looks at John and walks to the front door.
“Eve,” John calls out, and she turns to him, “I’m telling you just like I tell everyone: don’t ever come to my house again.”
You watch Eve swallow hard before she nods and leaves the house. The moment the door shuts, John locks it and sets the alarm. You shuffle in place a little as he walks back to you, and he furrows his brow and laughs.
“What?”
“No, nothing,” you shrug, but John leans closer in hopes that you’ll say whatever is on your mind. You roll your eyes, “You’re sexy. I like when you get a little stern like that.”
John immediately bursts into laughter, “You are so unbelievable.”
“I can’t believe you trusted her enough to leave me up here with her,” you say, widening your eyes, “So much for protecting me. What if she tried to hurt me?”
John laughs, “I trusted you enough to know you’d be able to handle yourself.”
“Oh, you’re kidding? Yeah, right! I couldn’t handle myself.”
“You could have, and I know you would have been able to,” he says, smiling at you, “Plus I know that she’s not dumb enough to do anything, especially not in my own house. She didn’t know what I went downstairs for. For all she knew, I could have come back up with a gun.”
You nod, then you tilt your head, “What did you give her?”
“Just the location of someone who can help her,” he says, taking your hand to pull you closer, “So, you ready for bed now?”
You hold John’s gaze for a moment before smirking, “On second thought, I don’t think I am finished with you.”
John leans down and presses a warm kiss to your lips before lifting you up, “I didn’t think so.”
__
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