#shelly.exe

[wildbornsiren]

Yesterday I got to meet Michael Ironside. He was a guest at a horror convention in a nearby town. I dragged one of my besties with me, and after venturing around the floor we found where the guests were hanging out.

I saw him and nearly started crying.

Dramatic, I know. But Top Gun means so fucking much to me. I grew up watching 86. I have a Goose tattoo. And to see one of the people who made it real....incredible. (I know I'm not making any sense.)

He was absolutely charming. He spoke *with* each person. Took his time with them. He chatted with me. Asked to see my tattoo, said it was one of the best ones he's seen. He pulled me in close for the photo. Jokingly said "I have a boob"

My dumb ass replies, "you can have another one if you'd like." So we switched sides and he got the other boob.

When I was getting ready to move on to let others speak to him. He reached out, and said "give me a hug darling."

He called me darling. He asked ME for a hug. I got a genuine, full body tight hug.

I may never recover. And while I hesitate to show my face on the internet, I have...just...wow. (please keep your opinions about my appearance to yourself. Nothing you can say is worse than what I say to myself daily)

[wildbornsiren]

Be friends with me. It's fun. You get messages like this.

[wildbornsiren]

Poetry book coming August 2025.

[wildbornsiren]

Guess what fucking idiot forgot her wallet at her secure office building. Her wallet which has her key card in it.

Me. It's me. I'm the problem.

[wildbornsiren]

Went to Portland last weekend. The last time I visited the city I left with a broken heart and feeling stupid.

This time I went to a book signing, talked to a pair of authors I really admire. Stretched my limits a little, grew a lot. Spent time at Powells, at the art supply shop. Wandering and exploring, and when I went home; I felt relaxed, a little lighter. Inspired.

Still foolish, but I can learn. And I am.

[wildbornsiren]

Hello lovely.

[wildbornsiren]

A million things left unsaid.

Now that you're gone, maybe I can finally say them.

[wildbornsiren]

I was so happy anytime your name flashed across my screen. A rush of adrenaline, dopamine, serotonin... intoxicating, addicting. Made me feel like things weren't so bad. That there was sunshine that peeked through the gray skies of the pnw.

The closest thing I ever felt to love.

And I was wrong. So very wrong.

Even a year later it still hurts. I'm ashamed, embarrassed and places I once called home feel foreign.

Something broke, and I don't think it will ever be fixed.