#shimmer rambles

[raynbow-shimmer]

Someone...uh, help? The snow...is coming. I am fear.

[raynbow-shimmer]

Your character Leah from the Flash fic is a huge comfort for me. Shes so real with not wanting to socialise, and uh idk, I dont remember much, all I know is that I love Leah, and her mad skills, and that no matter what, the relationship between Cisco and Leah is always depicted as queer-platonic, which was super comforting to read 🤍

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~ thank you! I really love Leah as a character. It took me 8 years to realize that Leah is likely aro/ace, but more falling on the demi side of things. She loves her friends with all she has. I like that she's ok with like, platonic kisses and stuff (mostly from her childhood friend, Adam.) Just really platonic affection. She has her found family and she loves them with all she has. And don't get me started on bedsharing. I fucking love bedsharing. It's so intimate, but it doesn't have to be romantic. But like, sometimes I feel like I keep her isolated from the rest of the world, just hanging out with Cisco for the most part. But I guess when you're not too social, that's how it is. *looking at myself on this one*

I hide the fic away from Ao3, because truthfully, it embarrasses me. It was my first time writing in YEARS after I got shamed for writing fic in middle school. My skills developed, don't get me wrong. But I will never get over the fact that I never even NAMED Leah in the first chapter. Like, what? I wrote it on a whim and I just kept going with it.

Thank you so much for reading! It means a lot. I know that damn thing is long as hell. Almost 120k words. Jesus Christ. And it is nowhere near done because I love a good slow burn. Like, so slow it's painful. But I can definitely see their love for each other more landing on the QPR side of things.

If you want to read about a good QPR, might I suggest the book Loveless by Alice Oseman? It had me crying at the end. Just, ugh. I'm tearing up thinking about the ending now. So good. I might run out to my bookshelf and grab it just so that I can read the end again.

[raynbow-shimmer]

Listen to me, as someone who used to work in health insurance billing and customer service, I have seen some fucked up things. My best paid claim from insurance was over a million dollars billed. You know how much worker's compensation insurance paid? 700k. The rest of 300k+ was a write off. I don't want to think about what would have happened if my patient didn't get hurt on the job. I wish they hadn't gotten injured given what happened to them, but it is what it is sadly. If that patient would have had a copay and coinsurance, I am sure the bill would have been outrageous. That's fucked up. I don't want to think about what would happen if the ACA is walked back. Lifetime maximums? Go fuck yourself.

I also worked for a company that made custom prosthetics for children. I actively watched them hike their prices so that they could get more out of parents/renegotiate prices with insurance. The prosthetics weren't always covered by the insurance either. Texas Medicaid? You better have a generous relative because the prosthetic was not covered under any circumstance. That would leave parents with a bill of 1600 to 3400 depending on the state to get a prosthetic that their child really might need. Fucked up.

Don't get me started on supplemental insurance either. Worked there too doing customer service. I got really good at looking at the billing codes to see what was covered and what wasn't. Observation for 23 hours and 59 minutes in the ER? Too bad, you need 24 hours to get paid out. And cancers and heart attacks, oh my god. Carcinoma in SITU? Welp, it's not classified as malignant yet, so no cancer payout for you. Minor heart attack? It has to be a major heart attack for that to be covered. Someone died in a car wreck with a BAC over like 0.08? Sorry, you're not getting that life insurance payout. It's fucked up. Soul sucking work.

I get why someone would have done something about it. (Luigi is still innocent until proven guilty, so I am not blaming him at this time.) For profit healthcare is a scam. It's not just the insurances, it's the for profit healthcare systems too, including hospital systems, pharmaceutical companies owned by the insraunces, and the medical equipment supply companies. It's the for profit hospitals who bill an elastic bandage at 35 dollars (!!! Just looked this up on my local for profit hospital system's chargemaster, jesus christ!) so they can get the tiniest bit of a higher payout than what it is worth from people who lack insurance. It's the drug companies owned by the insurances who hike up prices. It's the durable medical equipment companies who think they can get away with charging outrageous prices for any sort of assistance device. It's not the independent doctors who are trying to run an office (usually). It's not the nurses who are just trying to do the best they can while being underpaid and overworked so that the for profit system can do it's job for the shareholders. And it certainly is not the poor customer service agent you are screaming at over the phone. Policies are policies, which means that the customer service agent's hands are basically tied. All the red tape. It's insane. It's the bloated for profit healthcare system that is to blame for our problems.

Elizabeth Warren and other Senators have currently proposed a bill that would break up healthcare conglomerates and force them to sell off their stakes in pharmaceuticals. This would possibly be a game changer. Health insurances would have to negotiate with pharmaceutical companies to get the best prices on drugs. Because we know they don't want to pay. It wouldn't benefit them to recommend a higher cost drug anymore. That money wouldn't be going in their pockets. I highly suggest you look at the information behind the bill as it develops. I have also read there is a similar bill that was just proposed by the House too.

Please, contact your representatives. Tell them about the Senate's Patients Before Monopolies Act. Get impassioned and tell them what it would do for you. You voted for them, tell them what you want. These are your representatives. And if they don't care, try your hardest to fire them next go around. Healthcare is of the utmost importance to the people. It's literally a life or death situation at times. More people should care because it affects everyone. The time is now, it's time to push for a better future.

P.S. Please don't yell at the customer service workers. It's not their fault. It's a shitty job with shitty moments. I've cried with people because something wasn't covered before. The for profit healthcare industry is fucked up.

[raynbow-shimmer]

hi, i think i absolutely hate my art right now? I mean, i signed up for this exchange fest and i thought, alright, maybe ill write, but its exam season and i only have the spoons to draw, and I DONT LIKE IT, i dont like my art, and i need to submit it when its PERFECT, i mean, no one in their right minds would accept a piece of art the artist themselves are dissatisfied with, right?

Ok, maybe I over-reacted, on flipping back to it, it isnt so bad? Objectively speaking it passes? Sorry for the vent ask

Hey there anon!

I like imperfect art. Because while you may see the flaws, I only see a completed masterpiece. There is a saying that goes "always leave a mistake in your work, because only god can be perfect." I'm not religious, but that hits a chord with me. When I crochet I can laugh at the little mistakes, the missed stitches, the yarn sticking out where I didn't darn it in right, the bad color changes. It makes the piece mine.

When I make amigurumi, WHEW, I miss so many stitches because I cannot count to save my life. Sometimes I will pull out the round and redo it, but most of the time I will just add or subtract a stitch at the end of the round. I have very loose tension too, so you can always see the stuffing in my amigurumi if I use worsted yarn. Even sometimes when I use bulky yarn. It doesn't have to be perfect, anon. That is what makes art special.

You should see my first crochet pieces. I keep them so I can tell how far I have come. My first quilt? A disaster! Like, I sewed parts that were folded in on themselves. So, my edges aren't neat. My quilting lines? Good god they are atrocious. But I kept it. Because it showed that I did something. That I tried. And that I was ok with an imperfect work.

All you have to do is try and put as much of your heart into it as you can. My writing is absolute shit sometimes, and I wonder how people read it. But then I get comments that tell me "this is my favorite fic to read for x!" Or, "your fic really inspired me to write my own!" I think my writing is awful and cliche, but other people love it.

Don't doubt your work, anon. You might see a steaming pile of shit, but I promise you the right people won't. I once had someone paint me a picture of my cats for an art exchange. They got one of my cat's colors wrong. But I still love that piece with all my heart. Because someone took time out of their day to make that for me. That makes it special.

Don't worry if you are dissatisfied with it. You will always see things that can change because you are growing as an artist. You can't sit there and fix every little mistake because there will always be something new that pops up as your eye for art grows.

I'm sure your recipient is going to love it, no matter what! Good luck with the art and good luck on your exams! Make sure to make time for rest too!

[raynbow-shimmer]

Hi

Would you mind sharing us some of your crochet stuff??(is curious)

Here’s my most recent work! (It’s currently being blocked)

[raynbow-shimmer]

Hi there! I just stumbled on a post of yours saying you like Itakiss, and I was wondering: what is your favourite adaptation? And what do you think about the people who say that Naoki and his relationship with Kotoko are toxic? And how do you perceive Naoki’s character (either on his own or like, comparing the versions you’re familiar with)?

(Sorry if this is a weird ask btw lol you’re like the first person I find here saying they like Itakiss, and I like it too but I’ve seen so much criticism on the lead characters and their relationship throughout the years, and on how the story is outdated and etc, that it made me think no one liked it and everyone thought badly of it. Hope the ask doesn’t bother you! Have a great day!)

I’m so sorry it took me a bit to answer, anon! I hope you’re still out there!

I love Naoki’s character. Yes, in the beginning he is a piece of shit at times. He can be cruel. But as he falls for Kotoko, his walls fall down and he begins to take her into his family. Sure, he gets annoyed with his family, but they’re still his family and he still cares for them. I love the slow burn aspect of it. As someone who’s partner is also notorious for being closed off and indifferent with everything, I feel that I understand him on that level. Sure, he’s all walled up most of the time, but he cares for Kotoko and he sort of lets him be, well, himself around her. I wouldn’t say she’s always necessarily a comfort to him, because he is very self assured, but she can be. I love that he loves to see her grow and succeed. He’s an aspect of positive growth in her life after they get together. I guess just being in an odd relationship like that myself, I can’t really see their relationship as toxic. Naoki changed towards Kotoko. It’s obvious he cares for her. In the beginning, yes, things weren’t built on the best terms. But people change and grow. And it’s the growth I love to see.

I’m most familiar with the anime adaption. I watched the K-drama years ago. And I did watch some of the J-drama as well, though I never finished it. The anime is a comfort show for me! I just want the entire manga set now so I can see what wasn’t included in the anime. I like to know the whoooooole story. Thanks for talking ItaKiss with me, anon!

[raynbow-shimmer]

Cannot tell if writing bad or if just too tired to fully process.

[raynbow-shimmer]

That feel when you don't even want to share the fandom anymore, you just want the thing to yourself.