#shitdiary

[libertim]

Make peace with your past so it won’t destroy your present. I start to think of my lifetime. It goes like a whirligig. I has spent hours, days, years being a good one with someone. But time and past always be our enemies. They just sit like a king and say, haha you both cannot go through me, let’s wait for my play. Sometimes I‘m frustrated with me, sometimes I feel like what’s is going on, what I am doing. Then I realize that I have not so much time left. I need to accept something. I need to get used to it and do it. I need to heal every pains and overcome myself. I just believe in me. Maybe I’m the worst person in the universe but I always try my best for someone for something in this world. #shitdiary #butlovely #aachen #ootd #vsco #vscocam #mensfashion #menswear #menstyle #menshair #menslook #instadaily #instamoment #instamood #instalike #man #guyswithstyle #fashion #fashionblogger #fashionable #fashionista #photo #photodaily #photoftheday #streetstyle #fitness #fitspiration #tbt (at Aachen, Germany) https://www.instagram.com/p/BsC4iT-BnNQ/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=pqf8t00cs44r

[artversusbrain]

We were like a bad metaphor

Let’s say we have a big hole on the street, a silicone gun, and a rock.

When we broke up, a hole, a big feeling of emptiness was left on me. I tried to fill that hole with everything I could, including people. Months later, I realized that a new relationship wasn’t at all what I wanted, and then again, you left a hole in me. At the time, a new guy started talking to me, and that’s when I understood it all; I was never interested in him; however, talking to him helped me to get distracted, his attention made me forget about you for a while… That’s when I realized that is what I have been doing the whole time, using people to fill a hole that I’m supposed to let heal instead of forcefully trying to fill it. That’s why I started a relationship two months after our break up, to fill an emptiness that I desperately wanted to get rid of.

Now, I am the street, that hole on the street I was talking about represents the hole that your love left on me. Trying to fill it with other people’s attention and affection is like trying to fix the hole on the street with silicone; it will work, but temporarily. Wait until a storm comes or when a few cars pass on top and see if it still works… Of course not, it will come off. And we all know that silicone is not even a good option to fill a hole on the street, it’s a stupid idea…

You coming back to my life would make me feel better instantly. It’s much quicker than going through the process of getting over you, and less painful… But it’s just as if I try to cover that hole on the street with a big rock that, in fact, perfectly fits in. It would instantly work, it would somehow fix the hole! However, putting a rock in it isn’t the best way to fix it, and I perfectly know that. I can either move the rock from the hole (even though it’s heavy and the effort would be so fucking much) and just let it heal, eventually fill it with pavement, let the street slowly go back to itself even if it would take a shit ton of time… Or I can leave the rock in there, let it slowly become a part of the street perfecly knowing that it will damage it and ruin it.

Sometimes I wonder what other people in my shoes would do. Move the fucking rock and slowly fill the hole on the street with pavement, leave the rock in there even if it’s not a good thing to do, or keep filling it with pieces of silicone even if it’s stupid?

[georgeandshelby]

#tbt to one of our friend's old literary zine he used to run. Found this in a box of old stuff I was digging through. #shitdiary #surllama

[brylardino]

9/365: Untitled

Nagising ako mga 5:30am. 6:30am kasi naalis ang service. 30 minutes na pagligo at 30 din sa iba pang kaartihan. Mga 6:45 kami nakakarating sa school gawa ng byaheng langit yun takbo lagi nung driver namin. Maaga ako. 7:00am pa klase ko. So, nakita ko yung dalawang co-irreg friends ko and naghintay sa prof namin na 40 minutes late na 30 minutes lang talaga dapat ayon sa handbook. Gusto man naming sabihin "Aba ma'am abuso na yan ah. Pag kami late bawal na pumasok tapos pag ikaw keri lang. Nasan ang hustiya?!" e wala kaming magagawa kundi pumasok at magtake ng lab exam niya na before christmas vacation pa dapat. Ang saya no. Wala akong review at wala din ako balak magreview dahil excel lang naman.

After that, 8:30 next subject ko. At dahil irreg ako, iba na naman mga classmate ko. At sa section na yun andun yung isa sa mga 947463 kong crush sa school. Close kami ng crush kong yun at alam niyang may gusto ako sa kanya. At dahil busy si sir sa discussion, nagpaka-busy din kami ng katabi ko magdaldalan about nga kay crush na nasa kabilang row lang. Nagkausap daw sila kahapon and napagkwentuhan nila ko. Shit. Halos mamatay ako sa kilig. Ang bait ko daw, ang pogi at kung ano ano pang papuri. Pero wala siyang nasabing gusto niya na rin ako. Dati kasi nagpaparamdam na ko sa kanya nung nalaman niyan may gusto ako sa kanya pero di ko na tinuloy. Baka mabusted na naman ako for the 8685749 times. So nakuntento na muna ko sa friendship. Habang busy nga kami, biglang nag-announce ang prof namin ng project na gagawa kami ng kahit anong composition like song, poem atbp. Kung gusto daw namin mag-alay ng kanta sa mga iniirog namin sa loob ng room na yhun e yun na daw ang chance namin. At bigla kaming nagkatinginan ni friend na parang nangngusap ang mga mata na nagsasabing alam na namin ang gagawin namin. At pagkatapos nun, balik discussion na naman. Balik din kami sa buisness namin. Hanggang nakita namin ang oras na 10:15 na, na dapat e hanggang 10:00 lang kami sa klase na yun, at malapit na kong umiyak dahil bigla kong naalala na wala pa pala akong assignment sa susunod na subject ko; physics, at late na ko. Kaya pagkasabi na pagkasabi ni sir text-extend-send-to-8888 e dali dali akong tumakbo papunta sa susunod kong classroom hanggang pagdating ko dun. Ayun, wala pa din pala si ma'am. Sayang pawis and effort. At dahil may time pa, binalak ko mangopya ng assignment sa isang close kong kaklase sa klase na yun, pero dahil sa kasamaang palad wala akong yellow pad at nasa third floor kami at aabutin ng mga 5-8 minutes kung bibili pa ko. Baka biglang dumating at mag-attendance. Delikado na. So inantay ko na lang at nung nagkaklase na at nakapag-attendance na, nag-excuse ako na magsi-cr ako. Pero segway lang talaga yun at bumili ako ng yellow paper. Takbo. Baba. 2nd floor. Takbo. Baba. 1st floor. Takbo. Labas gate. Bili. at teleport pabalik ng classroom. At pagbalik ko... napasa na ang assignment. Bigte.

11:30 natapos na ang kaklase ko. At kailangan ko umuwi dahil magtuturo pa ko ng sayaw sa isang school sa mga pre-elem students. Whoops kirri yung sayaw nila, limang beses na chorus lang yung pyesa nila. Medyo nakakapagod dahil, kailangan ko rin sumayaw habang sumasayaw sila dahil kung hindi, magmumukang rally. Inayos ko lang yung formation at sinabayan silang sumayaw ng 10 na ulit. Tuwang-tuwa naman yung mga parents lalo na nung mga bibong bata, yung makikita mong may future maging agogo dancer. Dejoke. Nagpahinga muna ko sa bahay ng school mate ko then umuwi na din ako. Habang naglalakad ako pauwi, nasalubong ko yung inaanak ko na papunta rin sa bahay. Kapatid ni crumpledpapers. Kumain kami dito sa bahay at nagbonding. Kaya minsan din talaga naiisip ko na rin na gusto ko magkaanak na, pero baby lang, ayoko nung lumalaki. Yung baby lang talaga. Yung baby. Baby. Oohh. Haha. Yun kasi tawagan namin ni... nevermind. Para-paraan, maisingit lang. Haha.

[brylardino]

2/356: It ends tonight

January 02, 2013, 11:14pm, Thursday.

Hindi ko alam kung pano sisimulan yung post na to para sa araw na 'to. Pero mukang 'di ko na makikwento. Dahil habang sinusulat ko 'to, basang basa na ang t-shirt ko. Pero okay lang ako. Tangina. Ang sakit.

[brylardino]

1/ 365: Moving on.

I started 2014 with a jump. *pupusta ako ginawa mo din yun. I make phone calls to greet lahat ng special sa'kin. But one call yung hindi ko expected na sasagutin, si ex. Nagdalawang isip talaga ko kung babatiin ko talaga siya pero naging part din naman siya ng 2013 ko kaya yun.

Then around 2pm. Lumabas kami ni bestfriend crumpledpapers para gumala at maakigulo. Sinundo kami ng isa naming friend named, Mitch. When we got to their house, naabutan namin yung videoke. Then we started wrecking balls. Haha. Kahit tulog na yung ibang kapitbahay nila, pinush namin ang pagkanta. Tapos kain dito kain dun. Okay na sana e, hanggang nagreserved sila ng mga kantang tulad ng "Colllide" "Thunder" "Naghihintay" "Migraine". Mga kantang tinatatanggal na dapat sa lahat ng videoke. Dejoke. Di naman ako bitter sa past ko, sadyang natutuwa lang talaga ako sa pang-aasar nila. Then pagkatapos nilang kantahin lahat ng mkapagdamdaming kanta ng buhay pag-ibig ko e nagdecide na kami na manood na lang ng movie.

Semi-porn yung pinanood namin. "Don Jon" yung title. Di ko feel yung storyline. Medyo walang sense. Mas gusto niya manood ng porn at magmasturbate kesa makipagsex. Tapos nagalit yung girlfriend niya nung nalamang nanonood siya ng ganun. Nagbreak sila. Tapos may naging ka-close siya na classmate niya then nagsex sila. Na-satisfy na siya. Di na siya nanonood ng porn. The end.

Then pag-gising namin. Kain agad. Pasta as usual. Then videoke ulit. At hindi talaga nila ko tinantanan. Nag-reserved sila ng almost 30+ song na related lahat sa lovelife ko simula sa first love ko. At wala akong nagawa kung di magreminisce na lang. Ang sakit liver. Dami kong naalala. Haha. Hanggang naisip ko na kaya siguro hindi ako agad agad nakaka-move on sa past relationships ko e dahil pinapakinggan ko pa rin yung mga songs na nagpapaalala sa kanila. Pero as of now, naka-move on na ko. Yung mga friends ko na lang ata hindi.

Then pupunta dapat kami ng mall, but we decide na bukas na lang dahil sa paniniwala namin sa kasabihan na wag gagastos sa unang araw ng taon kung ayaw mo maging magastos sa buong taon. Medyo gasgas na yung kasabihang yon pero para sakin kung magastos ka talaga, kahit di ka gumastos ngayong araw, paniguradong magastos ka din buong taon lol

So at 4pm, we decided to go home. Magsisimba sana ko with my dear parents kaso paalis na sila when I got home. Ligo then log in and posted this.