#shitscray

[thelastlastone]

Friends, Life is strange and sometimes things happen when you least expect them to. This is one of those times. So, uh, yeah. Come see @theburstandbloom at @vanswarpedtour @ernieball @mikeherreratd #seriouslyletshang #shitscray

[talldarknsexy]

Some La Paz street art #shitscray

[bcglassworx]

##stl #newyeareve #midnight #shotsfired #stllife #istayedhome #goodwhiskey #goodweed #shitscray ... happy new year everyone

[bfinsideman-blog]

#shitscray

Hello world,

(that's about as much programming I learned from my time at university, the phrase Hello World)

This is my, what, 100th attempt at writing a blog or starting one. Maybe it's just the basic white girl in me that craves attention and wants the whole universe to be about her (a.k.a me). I'm basic, I own up to it. So let's talk about the title. The title has two meanings: first literal, being inside a man, or as the layman's would say it being gay. I’m gay. Yay!!! There goes my affinity for trying to rhyme whenever I get the chance. Second, I'm the first in my family and my community to say that I am gay, therefore an inside man. Get it, genius right, well I completely just pulled that out of my ass. But let's tread back a little and take it one at a time (or if you're brave we can try two).

I can out to myself a long ways ago. When I was just a babe and knew that something was different about me, I wasn't chasing the girls I was running with them, more like tripping i have no hand eye coordination at all. I came out to myself official first year of university. The year was 2010 and I had just found out that my roommate switched rooms because he was under the impression that I was judging him for being gay.Gasp, What, NO, Impossible, no? When I first heard it, I sat on my single, too small for me, bed and thought “was I actually judging him for who he was, but wait I can't be judging him cause that's who I am or who I hope to be, a proud out and in his own skin homosexual man”. I still tease him about it today, fun times. Slowly I came out to my friends and soon it was just kind of a known fact, but I guess some of my friends still get shocked way into the friendship when they found I am gay and I’m like “gurl, let me get you up to speed”!

My Parents that was a whole different ballpark (is that what sports say, I don’t fucking know). I came out to my parents, the first time in 2013. I remember the exact date, 03-25-2013 cause that day I mailed my letter and my biggest secret with it. Safe to say it didn't go so well. There were tears and guilt and pain and being the person I am I couldn't face my parents in that state so, ironically enough I yelled out April fool's and that was that. The seed was there, but my parents were master suppressors. They let the topic die away and I tried to bury it myself. Thus began my dark ages. It was literally the shits. I was depressed, severely, having panic attacks on the regular and just to top it off my brain was totally going against me. I started cutting myself to avoid the real issue and mask the pain and thoughts of suicide took over my dreams. It was tough. My parents being very conservative, didn't believe anything was wrong and they chose not to believe it, it couldn't happen to our family. Then I had a melt down. Britney Spears style, like i mean a full on 2007 Britney Spears MELTDOWN. I cut off my beautifully dyed hair (from Texture in Ottawa, ON love that place) and had a major panic attack in front of my whole family. Finally they had proof, they had seen the actuality of my situation. So they sent me to good ol’ Oklahoma to see a shrink friend (She is by far the most amazing person I have had the pleasure of getting to know; She helped me out, more than she ever needed to). So with my sanity back and some courage, that finally fucking decided to manifest itself, I came out to my parents, again. There was crying and yelling and by the end of it, I learned that it doesn't matter who you are, if the people that love you and the people you had complete trust in don't understand you then too fucking bad, they don’t deserve to. I'm not changing and I'm not going to let you make me hurt myself, I'm sorry, but finally, I love myself too much to let that happen, over you, no matter who you may be. So here I am living back home in a battle field, trying very hard to keep myself true to me. Wish me luck.

Well I said a lot so I'll leave quickly. Tune in next time to see what other stories the inside man has to share with you.

Till then,

The Inside Man.

[yeskimstacy]

Baltimore: It speaks for itself. #theclubcantevenhandlemerightnow #shitscray #baltimore #partypeople

[missbiddle]

So i run an ice cream shop. I make ice cream, i serve it, i clean it up. I'm writing a story that involves it and atm i'm EATING IT. Ice cream is my life apparently.