Letter to My Daughter
Extract:
“My mother, Vivian Baxter, warned me often not to believe that people really want the truth when they ask, ‘How are you?’ She said that question was asked around the world in thousands of languages and most people knew that it is simply a conversation starter. No one really expects to be answered, or even wants to know ‘Well my knees feel like they are broken, and my back hurts so bad I could fall down and cry.’ A response like that would be a conversation stopper. It would end before it could begin. So, we all say ‘Fine, thank you, and you?’
I believe in that way we learn to give and receive social lies. We look at friends who have lost dangerous amounts of weight or who have added ungainly pounds and we say, ‘You’re looking good.’ Everybody knows the statement is a blatant lie, but we all swallow the untruth in part to keep the peace and in part because we do not wish to deal with the truth. I wish we could stop the little lies. I don’t mean that one has to be brutally frank. I don’t believe that we should be brutal about anything, however, it is wonderfully liberating to be honest. One does not have to tell all that one knows, but we should be careful what we do say is the truth.”
