Surviving No Contact One Day at a Time
So... ya girl got dumped. It was a mess and probably valid... but I reacted badly anyway. After spending the first couple of days totally panicking, ruminating about what I could've done (or not done), and physically wasting away, I want to document what I'm doing to stay strong and maintain space.
I am going to put the first 3 days here and then reblog with a list at the end of the subsequent days. Suggestions and encouragement are all helpful, so I can stick with this! I want to note really quick that throughout all of this, I'm still healing, thinking about how I contributed to the breakup, and recognizing we both made choices. But I am making space to be proud of myself, too. So here are the lists for days 1-3.
Called a mental health line to talk about what had happened instead of bottling it up since I was still in crisis mode.
Read an essay I had written in college giving advice to someone in crisis.
Took work matters into my own hands and got flyers printed for my lab.
Got a shirt for a soccer game with friends and made conversation with the people in line.
Got fruit and water to hydrate. Managed to get a couple bites in despite feeling sick.
Texted my best friend from back home for the first time in a while. We talked about the breakup, caught up, and shared some memes.
Called a counseling center to schedule concrete therapy appointments.
Went on a road trip with our mutual friends and didn't discuss the breakup. Managed to eat a salad and drink some tea before the game and drink a soda at the game. Took pictures with friends and was able to laugh at the game and sing in the car. Initiated way too many jokes using the Waze app.
Documented my feelings and fears rather than reaching out with questions.
Woke up feeling panicky and regretful, so I put the effort into cutting flyers for an event later in the day.
Called the mental health line again and got some encouragement and more time to vent.
Took and shower and found my work t-shirt for the event.
Ate a few bites of pastina before I left and checked in with my best friend.
Went to a Pride event to advertise for my lab's current study. Reminded me of my ex, and people asked about him, but I managed to stay longer than I thought. Took pictures with folks and made connections with new research assistants. Told a few people I wasn't in the best place, and I got some hugs and reassurance.
Saw both my research mentors while walking in the parade and was able to smile even if I didn't feel like it.
I got a dirty soda and allowed myself to leave when I started feeling overwhelmed. Communicated this to one of the mutual friends.
Cried for the first time since it happened.
Worked on a paper we are both on and was able to finally critically edit his work since I no longer see him academically with rose-colored glasses.
Got dressed to go to another soccer game with the mutual friends. Was able to communicate with them that I was having trouble eating.
Went to the game and managed to eat pizza and get hydrated even while ruminating. Witnessed a championship win for my town and participated in all of the chants and yelling at the refs lol.
Watched the trophy presentation and sang with my friends while watching the celebration show.
Heard the song Opalite (one of our songs) without feeling pain.
Knew other friends were communicating with him and didn't feel bad or wonder what he's said.
Controlled the aux on the way home and played songs like the subway and the cure. Realized I'm ready to listen to music again.
Slept through the night for the first time since it happened.
Took another shower and planned to leave the house to work.
Felt like texting him. Called my mom instead and talked to her and my dad about their golf outing. It was good to hear their voices.
Cried for the second time since it happened.
Walked to the store for the first time in a while and got some protein shakes and simple snacks to try to keep getting calories in.
Came home and started labeling my keyboard to learn some songs on it.
Read a couple of Bible verses and listened to a hymn that was my late grandpa's favorite when he struggled in life.
Kept texting my parents and played Wordle with my mom.
Created a substack. Left my phone in the other room while I recorded 2.5 hours of content. 4 podcast episodes about topics I'm interested in, and reading out some of my old writing.
After testing out some songs with my friends, I was finally able to make a playlist with some breakup songs and allow myself to start feeling like two people were responsible for the breakup.
Listened to an old comedy bit and finally laughed at something.
Started listening to some Kendrick every time I started to feel down again. Diss tracks help!
Ignored the "he's gonna come back" tiktoks and watched my algorithm go back to normal.
Walked to get fast food on the other side of town and listened to my playlist of breakup songs. Allowed myself to feel like someone he lost out on.
Ate my first full meal in a few days after hyping myself up with classic sports hype songs (Welcome to the Jungle, Seven Nation Army, Hells Bells) in order to do so.
Shared some tiktoks with our mutual friends and a meme with one of our coworkers.
Thought what if I'm blocked and didn't worry about it.
Sat down to write this list.
Got through the day without physically seeing anyone.
These ended up being more points than I thought! I hope I'll keep seeing progress throughout the days. Tuesday is gonna be a missed milestone so I'm hoping I can keep making upward trajectory. Thanks for reading and feel free to share suggestions!
