While there is no magic wand for nipping sibling rivalry in the bud, there are a few strategies to try that can help short-circuit a huge amount of noise — and help you teach your kids valuable lessons about family life at the same time. Ultimately, getting your kids to stop fighting takes touch of ingenuity, a generous dose of authority, and a commitment to consistency. Here are six smart ways to keep the fighting to a minimum.
1. Spend Time With Each Child Individually.
All too often, a bickering war starts because one child sees another getting something he/she doesn’t get, especially when it comes to time spent with a parent. The “slighted” child doesn’t even have to really WANT what’s being handed out; it’s the perceived preference (“Mom likes you best”) they find intolerable. You can short-circuit this nasty green-eyed monster effectively, and prevent the start of bickering, by making an effort to provide opportunities for each of them to participate with you in something they find enjoyable.
2. Refuse to Play the Blame Game
It’s a classic scenario: something spills or breaks, someone takes a spill or gets hurt, and the screaming starts. When we go to investigate, what’s the first thing we hear? “I didn’t do it!” or “It’s not my fault!” or “She started it!”…or any of a hundred variations on the “blame game.” But there are magical words you can say in this melee that will virtually stop it in its tracks. Those words? “I don’t care who’s to blame. No one is in trouble. I just need to know what happened.”
3. Pay Attention to What Goes In.
All parents would love to have kids who treat each other kindly — who don’t belittle each other, call each other vicious names, poke holes in each other’s dreams, or deliberately break each other’s toys — but they end up being happy if they keep the “little monsters” from killing each other! Part of the dilemma, of course, is that kids are learning boundaries (and pushing them!), and they have a lot of growing-up to do before nicely finished, evolved personalities come out. But another answer lies in what you feed them.
4. Make House Rules Hold…For Everyone
Speaking of what will or won’t fly in your house, don’t hesitate to make it clear (with appropriate consequences) that some things simply will not be tolerated in your home. Teasing a sibling can be fun and good-natured if both sides understand limits; taunting a sibling to the point of tears is neither fun nor acceptable. Letting kids fight it out can be a reasonable strategy if it’s a minor skirmish between brothers who are always roughhousing anyway…but it’s not if a much bigger kid is “letting loose” on a small, defenseless one.
5. Keep Idle Hands Busy
Kids can often become whiny or argumentative simply because they’re bored. In situations where kids are forced to sit still, wear uncomfortable clothing, or be confined for long periods of time–such as a long car trip or rainy day–sooner or later, their patience wears thin and tears and complaints can follow. Working with your children’s lower threshold for frustration is key. It is a good idea to have high expectations for your kids, but it is also important to remember that they are still just kids, and plan accordingly.
6. Employ Creative Corrections
In our house most infractions are dealt with on the Naughty Stool (thank you Super Nanny!) But when it comes to two kids who are fighting, sometime drastic times call for drastic measures. We have found the best method to getting our kids to stop bickering is to put them on time-out together, facing each other and holding hands. They are not allowed to fight or bicker or they get another minute added to their time, and they don’t get to come off, even if their time is up, until they can apologize to each other and get along.
Source: http://www.livingwellspendingless.com/2014/06/27/get-your-kids-to-stop-fighting/
