Just a tool
I write this late at night like many nights I feel so sad and alone basically my family dynamic is strange. I have four siblings two brothers and two sisters. But the thing is I’m only in contact with one of them and my heart aches with emptiness for the siblings I raised myself and those that came later that the chance to know them was taken from me. I feel like I had to choose when one chose a different path to her twin. Things weren’t going well at her fathers home and she didn’t feel happy there so, against better judgement she chose to live with my mother whom I can’t remember if I’ve posted my story of my upbringing is just how I can say is not ideal. But I understand her she felt stuck and made a choice and it’s working for her I guess. She’s the only one that’ll talk to me. While her brother won’t return my calls at all.
I can’t help but wonder if their father and stepmother have a role in this being as they had us give them help for custody of the twins then turned on us and shut us out once we weren’t useful by we I mean my dad and I.
I raised those twins from the day they care home, I was 4 1/2 years old and I did it all. I loved and cared for them as if they were my own but now my brother won’t even speak to me and I don’t know what went wrong.
I also have two other siblings that I don’t know but I really wanted to chance to know them because I can guarantee I will love them just as much but now they’re growing up without me and I feel so helpless.
I feel like that now they don’t need me they don’t want me and my heart is breaking over it. Im only useful to use as tool for everyone’s own selfish motives. I’m a good person I swear.
I’m not like my mother and I just wish I’d be given the chance to prove it before it’s too late.