Winter Returning Part 7-8 (end)
This is the final part. Many thanks to those who have been reading along. I know fewer people read f/f and I don’t write it often, but this piece is very close to my heart.
Part 1-2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5-6
Historical lesbian romance, fever, caretaking etc.
“Poor love.” She said, very softly. I don't think she meant me to hear it but I did. Some sweetness in it was exactly what I needed to send me into sleep at last.
Thea
We came into a kind of rhythm after that day, for the two that followed were much the same. I was often busy out of the cottage and though Kay professed restlessness and was forever on her feet, tending her weapons, the fire, the garden, she did not stray far. I came home to find her in the woodland to back of the garden, felling enough wood to last the rest of the winter. I could see that the swing of the axe pained her and she could not stop coughing and sneezing in the cold air, but it was no good asking her not to.
I watched her from a distance. Her breath trickled from her lips in plumes and she paused to cough chokingly into her fist at regular intervals, but it didn't stop her moving.
We seemed to be stuck in this brittle, lovely pattern. It couldn't last forever, the scouts would come and find her sooner or later and she would leave me as she had before. But for now, all I could do was enjoy it, enjoy her. And I did.
The shivering cold drew her closer to me and I was grateful for it. We spent the nights under the same blanket. As she got stronger we reverted to our old positions in the bed, me with my head cradled on her breast, her chin on the top of the head.
The third day was different. Kay was much better, her wounds healing. The gash on her head had made a russet crust that still split and cracked when she moved too fast, but she didn’t need the dressing on it any more. The swelling on that side of her face was down, leaving only faint purple warpaint just above her left eye. She let me fasten her hair back from it and looked almost back to her practical self. She moved tenderly around the cut on her stomach. The fever came and went, worse at night, then seemed to pass, though the cold was very much in evidence and she was fairly miserable with it. She didn't say anything but it was in the pained twist of her mouth after a set of sneezes tore through her throat, in the hollow husk of her voice.
“You needn’t-“ she said, each time I rubbed her back through a fit of coughs, or passed her a cup of water in the night. But I think she smiled, and when her head felt heavy she let me run my fingers through her hair.
I felt better about leaving her then. That day I went out and left Kay sleeping. She lay on her back with her mouth charmingly open, one hand cast above her head as if in a gesture of despair. In sleep her features were softer. She was almost smiling. As I climbed over her to leave the bed I couldn't resist a swift press of my lips to her cheek. She smiled more.
It was still bitterly cold. I dressed as quickly as I could and threw my thickest shawl over my shoulders before setting out into the morning, munching on a piece of bread. My boots echoed like hoof beats on the frozen earth as a went down the lane and toward the town.
My business in town kept me for longer than I expected. I saw four patients, stopped by the market and the hardware shop that sold my bottles, cloths for straining and copper pots for boiling up. The woman in there, Mara, blinked at me over her ledger of figures.
“It’s been a few days. Have you been well?”
“Quite, thank you.” I said guiltily. “Just avoiding the bitter weather. I had much to do at the cottage despite the season.”
“Oh aye.” Mara said neutrally. “But there’s folk looking for you. Two scouts came by not an hour ago.”
“For me?”
“They didn't have any wounded, they said. Wanted to ask you a question. Asking the way to the cottage. Go out in the square and you’ll catch them, I expect.”
So it was time. My interval alone with Kay Winter was at an end and her people had come for her. I straightened my back and left the shop at a brisk walk, chin up to face the world.
I missed them in the square and hurried back along the lanes out of town without a hope of catching them up. The prints in the soft ground under the trees told me that they were on horseback, so I hadn't a chance.
It was early afternoon by the time I returned to the cottage. The sun was still above the trees and it shed lemon yellow radiance that made even the bare garden magical. It was incredibly still. Not even the foraging robins were speaking in the bushes. The only intrusion of sound was the huff and stamp of two horses hitched to the big elm tree at the edge of the woods. I passed them on my way to the door, reached out absently to pat the nearest on it’s flank. They were tough dun and black beasts with bright, handsome eyes and the insignia of the King’s Scouts on their tack.
The door to my house was ajar- Letting in a draught in this weather- and the unfamiliar rumble of a masculine voice came from within.
“Hello? Who’s there?” I called. “Kay?”
The front room was empty. Our visitors and Kay herself were through the back, in our bedroom. My bedroom. I felt invaded. Bristling, I strode forward.
What was Kay doing in the bedroom? Had she taken a turn for the worse? I found it hard to imagine, I'd thought the worst was over and besides Kay would fall on her own sword before she held an audience with her superiors in her nightdress. But sure enough the door to the bedroom was ajar and I could hear Kay coughing. Two tall figures hovered on the threshold.
“Excuse me, Sir, Madam.” I addressed the two scouts and they turned to me.
It was the Captain and a scout I didn't recognise who had her dark hair braided up on her head. At least they had the good grace to look embarrassed.
“Very sorry to intrude, Miss Loughran.” The Captain bowed to me. “We had information suggesting Leiutenant Winter was out this way and we were in the area so….” He spread his weapon-coarsened hands.
“… so you thought it was appropriate to burst into my house while I was out.”
He cleared his throat and tilted his head to indicate the bedroom. I peered past his shoulder to see Kay lieing in the bed. Well, it could only have been Kay but the covers were pulled so far up over her head that very little of her could be seen. Her hair was damp with sweat, mussed over the pillow and matted with blood in a streak across her forehead. Her eyes were almost closed but for a split second they opened and caught mine. No way was that woman sleeping. She was watching and listening as hard as she could.
I was about to speak to her but she shook her head minutely. Then the movement came again, a shudder through her shoulders as she drew a ragged breath and sneezed- “htzSscH!”- weakly against the pillow. She didn't even open her eyes but groaned afterward, her breath a whisper.
What on earth had happened in the hours I was gone?
Kay sneezed again and the female scout drew back a few steps in distaste. The sound turned into a nasty, drawn out cough that rattled in her chest.
The Captain cleared his throat, clearly embarrassed.
“Truly sorry, Thea.” He said again, less formal and more genuine. “If I'd known she was in such a bad way I'd not have intruded. Had we best come back another day?”
“I expect you had.” I replied absently, distracted by the state of the woman in my bed. “Wait in the front and I'll see to her a moment.”
The minute they had retreated I fairly ran to her bedside and knelt, peeling back the covers to look at her face.
Kay raised her head enough to see that the others were gone and placed one finger to lips. Not a word. Well, then. What was she playing at?
I cupped a hand over her forehead. It was damp and warm, but only under-the-blankets warm. The wound on her head had been knocked open and she’d swiped the blood and fluid back into her hair. It looked far worse than it was.
The cough that came a moment later was real enough though. She was working up a nice chest infection and I didn't like the sound of the wheeze between each breath. Kay struggled to one elbow to get more air and I passed her a cup of water. She sipped gingerly and lay back down.
“I’ll just go and tell the captain that you're too unwell to give information or rejoin the force at present, then.” I said very quietly.
A cough, a minute nod.
Back in the healer’s room the female scout was pacing in front of the window as though expecting the ash trees to leap out and attack. The Captain has lowered himself into one of the wooden chairs and gestured for me to take the other.
“Is she… will she recover?” He asked.
I bit my tongue. “I expect so. What she needs is time, and not to pass it on to the rest of the force.”
The scout at the window nodded emphatically and the captain rose to his feet.
“As you were then, Thea. We’ll be on our way. When should we come back?”
“I wouldn't hold your breath. She’s wounded too, more than you saw. If you want her back in fighting condition I'd wait for her to come to you. She knows where to find you.”
“She does that.” He growled, buckling his crossbow back over his shoulder as he made for the door. He paused to clap me on the shoulder. “See her well for us.”
“I will.” I promised.
I stood at the window and watched until the horses were out of sight. Only then did I draw the curtains against the bitter weather and made my way back to the bedroom to give Kay Winter a piece of my mind for nearly scaring me to death.
.......................
Kay
“You scared me to death!” Was the first thing Thea said when she came into the room.
“Have they gone then?”
When she nodded I flung the covers off and sat upright. It was stifling under there and I was wearing some of Thea's old clothes, for when I head the Captain coming I hadn't had time to change. Between the two I was slick with sweat and it made the congestion and pounding in my head feel ten times worse.
Thea came to sit on the side of the bed.
“I didn't know you were an actress. Or such an actress as that.”
“Neither did I. But it was worth a chance.” I said.
Thea laughed then, really laughed. “It seems they think you have some sort of plague. You're as cunning as a winter fox.”
I had to snuffle uncomfortably to answer, finally admitting. “I feel rough enough. I'm not exaggerating so much as all th- th--aah – htzSscH!”
A conveniently timed sneeze knocked me forward into my lap. When I looked up, Thea was holding a handkerchief out for me with a complicated expression on her face.
“But Kay-” she paused. “Why? Why exaggerate? Why lie?”
There was the question. It wasn't until she asked it that I knew the answer myself, and then it was obvious. There was more than simple need that had lead me to this house in the woods
“Because...” a deep, steadying breath. “I just want to stay here with you. If you'll have me.”
There. I'd said it. My heart was hammering now and I closed my eyes as though I could remove myself from the situation.
“Why did you wait so long?”
I shrugged. “I thought if I was injured you wouldn't turn me away. I didn't mean to get ill, to be a burden-”
“Of course you didn't mean to. Nobody would wish that on themselves.”
To be in your arms? I thought, they just might.
Thea still hadn't quite answered the question but the reassurance in her eyes was quite enough for me.
Most of her hair had worked loose in what must have been a headlong hurry through the woods. She pulled the tie from the end and bundled it in her hands, rebraiding it into a fat plait like a horses' tail. I loved the darkness of it against her skin. As the strands of hair were bound together so her thoughts collected themselves, visibly, and when she looked at me properly again it was the practical, sensible Thea I was used to.
“You're soaked with sweat. You ought to have a bath.”
It did sound good. Now she said it I was aware of the slick, itchiness on my skin. I ducked relexively into “Not if it's too much trouble...?”
“Stop it, Winter, it's no trouble. I'll go and draw the water.” Thea said, and off she went, leaving me marvelling at this woman and at myself.
…
When the bath water was warm, Thea called me into her front room, the healer's room where the tub sat in front of the fire. Evening had fallen but the lamps were lit and golden light spilled across the floorboards. It was warmer in there and Thea had taken her overdress off. She was left in a light undershirt and a skirt, sleeves pushed up to her forearms to be out of the water. When she saw me approach she pulled a kettle from the fire and added it to the bathtub where the water steamed.
She'd seen more of me than most people but I still felt a twinge of shyness and wondered if she was going to turn her back while I bathed or whether she intended to wash me like a babe. Thea's face was flush, eyes shining. The humidity had lifted curls of hair from her forehead.
She was definitely watching me, perhaps for the cue to leave. She didn't have to leave.
I started at the buttons on my shirt when Thea rose suddenly, crossed the room to look at me and almost shouted;
“--You were promoted and you just left-- You never came back!”
Thea never raises her voice.
She clapped a hand over her mouth but the words had already surprised me, too; like a slap, like ripping a bandage from smarting flesh.
“Did you want me to?”
I had to be sure. I hadn't been sure then and that had been the problem.
Thea had gained back her usual control now. She took a step back from me but kept those dark eyes on me all the while.
“Are you mad?” She said. “Yes. Of course I did.”
I felt a little light-headed. It must have been the warmth in the room.
“I didn't know...” I said stupidly. She stared at me defiantly until I continued. “... For the first six months I couldn't write, and then I didn't know what to say. I thought you wouldn't want me away most of the year. You could have someone with you all the time. Someone more like you.”
“I don't want anybody else.”
She sighed and turned away, hands twitching for a job to do. I reached out and held them, held her to me.
“Are you angry, Thea?” I asked.
She didn't have to think about it.
“...not with you.”
Then she kissed me.
The sweetness of it nearly knocked the air from my lungs, at once foreign and familiar- I remembered this, but it had been such a long time. Her eyes closed but I kept mine open so I could watch her. It was long, slow and tentative as our lips and tongues began the process of relearning each other. It was only after our lips had drawn apart and we were gazing drunkenly at each other that it occurred to me- “I'll get you ill...”
Thea gave a giddy laugh, murmured, “It's days too late to worry about that. But your bath will get cold. Take your things off.”
So I did, and there was no more shame to be had. I dropped them in a puddle on the floor and stepped into the warm water before the chill of the air could rake my skin. It was good and hot.
Bright fire burned across the site of my wound and I paused my breathing to grit my teeth until it passed, and pass it did as relaxation stole over me.
The steam from the bath loosened the congestion in my head and I sniffed warily, knuckling under my nose in irritation.
“That must feel better.”
I lay in that bath for a long time, breathing slowly, casting shy looks at the woman beside me.
“It's getting cold.” Thea said at last. “You should get out.”
“Can I go to bed now?” I asked. Out of the water I was shivering and my teeth started to chatter.
“Of course.” Thea smiled. She found my nightdress as I towelled myself down and came to me with a candle in her other hand, like a vision of everything I ever wanted; warm, kind, beautiful.
“I feel like I could sleep for a thousand years...”
“You can rest as much as you want, Kay.” She said. “After all, it's nearly winter and the weather may be too bad to worry about rejoining the scouts until spring.”
We both looked out of the window at the same time and blessed the darkening night that, this time, would keep us together.
FIN
Huge thanks to anyone who has made it to the end of this.