First fic… woohoo ( i couldn’t think of a title to stick with so bare with me here )
Revenge/Stupid bird/Apologize.
Lee!Hyperlaser, Ler!Katana
——————————————————
TW: light cursing, TK stuff.
If you dont like tickle content please just scroll and move on.
“HYPERLASER!!”
It was about 30 minutes after a phighting match and oh boy was it fun. Well atleast for a certain phighter. Hyperlaser was currently dashing through crossroads trying to reach his apartment before a certain owl caught up to him.
And you might be wondering: how did this senario come to be in the first place? Well my dearest reader let me tell you! During the previous phight Katana got caught not once but TWICE in Hyperlaser’s Phinisher. And also got sniped by him multiple times aswell. Was it on accident?… to be determined. Is hyperlaser sorry? Kind of.
Cutting back to our two phighters Katana was hot on Hyperlasers tail. Thankfully Hyperlaser had finally reached his apartment and closed the door leaving Katana on the other side, so he thought. Hyperlaser took of his helmet and when he opened his eyes-
“WHEN DID YOU GET IN MY HOUSE?!”
Katana. Right in front of him.
“I cannot believe you’re suprised.”
The samurai spoke before picking up Hyperlaser and setting him on the bed.
“Listen, Tana- it was on accident!-“
“Twice? On accident? Plus the other times where you sniped me out of nowhere?”
…
“Okay so maybe it was a little but on purpose…”
Hyperlaser snorted thinking about the previous events.
“Oh so its funny?”
“Noho!
Yes. 100%
…
Katana sighed and pulled Hyperlaser closer to him so that the mercenary was sitting infront of him.
“Apologize.”
“What?”
“I said-“
Soon Katanas fingers were hovering over Hyperlasers sides. The sudden action made Hyperlaser freak out internally.
“Apologize.”
“Katana… we can talk about th-IHIHIS!”
The hovering fingers made there way to Hyperlasers sides squeezing and scribbling all over them gently. The sensation was driving the mercenary up a wall and they had just started!
“We can talk about this afterwards. But for now, Apologize.”
“BuHUHUT ITS FUHUHUNNY- EHEHEHAHA-!”
Katana paused to look at Hyperlaser
“So it was funny to you?”
“Yehehes..”
He admitted in a softer and giggly voice than normal. He cursed at himself internally for sounding so soft.
“Good to know.”
And with that Katana moves his fingers from his sides to his stomach. Specifically right where his stomach and sides meet because of course he remembered that one specific spot from YEARS ago. Hyperlaser let out a shriek and grabbed Katanas wrists weakly trying to push him away to no avail.
“TAHAHEHEHEHEH- TAHAHANA NOHOHO-!”
“Whats wrong? Bad spot?~”
Smug asshole.
“NOhoHOHO SHIHIHIT.”
“And you still decide to be rude. How unfortunate.”
Katana soon went up to Hyperlasers ribs squeezing and scribbling all over again. Hyperlaser fell over gently on his side curling into a ball still a giggling mess.
“Yohohure calling me mean?!”
“Yes, yes i am.”
“Tch. Asshole.”
“Dont think im done with you, laser.”
“Whahat?”
Katana, in those exact moments, had put one hand on Hyperlasers side/ribs and the other on his stomach.
“WaitwaitwaitwAHAHAIT!!”
Katana continued with his previous tickle attack obviously not planning on stopping untill he got what he wanted.
“You know how to make this stop, laser.~”
“FuHUHUCK OFF!”
“Oh really?”
Katana lowered his head down to Hyperlasers neck and started blowing small but quick raspberries there while also whispering small teases in his ear. Hyperlaser squealed trying to curl in on himself but we all know its not going to work.
“C’mon.. just apologize~ or else i can stay here tickletickletktktktktkling you all day..~”
“GOHODS ABOHOVE SUHUHUT UHUHAHAHAP!”
“Why should i, dear friend? You obviously seem to be enjoying yourself.”
Honestly he was right. Hyperlaser was enjoying himself! But hed rather die then to tell Katana. Let alone say it out loud.
“IhIHIHI AHAHAM NOHOHOT!”
“Then apologize.”
“FIHIHINE FINE! Ihihim sorry!!”
“Thank you.”
Katana stopped his attack letting hyperlaser breath. He smiled at the flustered mess on the ground below him. He didn’t get to hear Hyperlaser laugh often so this was a great experience.
“Have fun?”
“N-nohoho..”
Katana stood up then helped Hyperlaser up.
“Dont worry. Ill get you again later.”
What?
“What?”
Katana didn’t respond he just walked to the front door and left. Hyperlaser sat there in his bedroom thinking about the events that just transpired. He sighed to himself and layed down on his bed
I sit down in the moonlight and look up at the stars. I mistakenly spent my wish on a home, but I really should have spent it on a home with someone. I look back at the ranch that sprawled out before me, my actual tiny house a small blip on the horizon. My truck rumbled quietly a little ways away. I didn't bother with turning it off. Out of the corner of my eye, a light flashed. I turned, and it looked like something had smashed into the earth. I ran over to investigate. Out of the rubble and metal, a handsome person stepped out. "Well fuck me with a communicator, I guess I can't teleport through planets like I used to." They said. They looked up at me and I saw the most beautiful purple eyes I'd ever seen in my life. I suppose I got my wish.
Silence Writes... about death, and what it means to those left behind.
How the death of my mother is causing me to revisit my books, Genuine Magic and its sequel Genuine Myth, and offer them for a read to anyone who is interested or might be facing a similar situation in their lives.
The recent passing of my mother has been very difficult for me, and in trying to decide whether to give myself a break in writing for a while or to push ahead in some way, it occurred to me that maybe others out there might benefit from something I wrote a long time ago. Life has kept me from publishing two other completed novels that I have not had the time to properly edit and format, but I have two published already that I felt compelled to mention, particularly the first one. I wrote them more than a decade ago and admittedly, they are not my best work. I have improved much since I wrote them. But, the first book especially is perhaps more relevant to me now than even when I first wrote it.
Genuine Magic is, at its core, a story about a dying character and the people around him who attempt to help him fulfill his dying wish. Originally, I wrote this story to “fix” something that bothered me in another book by my favorite author. My favorite character in that book was executed by fire after being tortured. It was very difficult to read, but his actual death was not what made me put the book down with a turned stomach. It was the fact that his wife, a woman who up until then had been nothing but devoted and loving to him, abandoned him during his hour of need. He was a sorcerer and was able to create a mental link between them. As he is already in pain from the torture, unable to see or speak anymore, and burning alive during his execution, he asks her to stay with him mentally, to occupy his mind, to tell him a story... anything... to distract him from the pain. But she decided it was too much for her to bear, and she closed her mind to him. He died alone. A selfless, kind, gentle healer... died alone... abandoned by his own wife after she promised she would not leave him. WTF.
It was one of the most upsetting things I had ever read, and I felt compelled to “fix” it. Genuine Magic started out as a fix-it story but it grew into its own thing quite well. What I had not realized until now, until I went through the process of losing my mother, staying with her as she died, and honoring her final wishes, that what I had written about and how I had handled her death was all because of things she had taught me. It was all because she instilled in my the importance of two things:
It is important to stay with a dying person, if at all possible, no matter how sad, afraid, or angry at the process of death you might be. The dying person needs you, and turning away from them is what produces the kind of guilt and lack of closure that people then try to fill later with elaborate funerals, memorials etc. The time to honor the person is while they live and as they die. After they are dead, whatever else is done is done for the living, not for the dead. That which is done for the person while they are alive is what matters most.
The dying person’s wishes aren’t about you, it’s about them. Out of love, respect, honor, what have you for the dying person, you should not only promise to honor their dying wish (so long as it is feasible and it does not harm anyone), but then carry it out to the best of your ability. What they wanted is what matters, not what you or anybody else wants after that. People can mourn however they choose, of course, but honoring the wishes of the dead starts even before they die with a simple promise to try your best and an indication that their wishes are important to you.
Maybe you don’t agree, or maybe you do. As I said, everyone is different. But these things are important to me because my mother taught me that they were, and I saw her carrying out these things as she aided various members of my family through their cancer journeys. My father and I did our very best to give her the same courtesy during hers.
I found myself re-reading Genuine Magic (even though I’m somewhat embarrassed at how poorly it is written, the simplicity of the story, and the really stupid typo where I wrote the wrong person’s name in the very last paragraph of the book that the publisher won’t permit me to change... haha) recently, and it is helping me a little to revisit these ideas surrounding the terminally ill and the process of death that I have because of what my mother taught me. She was a nurse who, as I said before, helped many family members with their illnesses, and so death and dying didn’t have this horror or mystique about it for her, it was just another stage of a person’s life, and perhaps a transition to another.
Until she died, I never realized how much she had majorly influenced my writing of Genuine Magic and even its sequel, Genuine Myth, in more minor ways. She loved both of these books, and so I will leave the information about them (the first book in particular is about the process of dying) here for anyone interested in reading them (the first one is free and the second one is only $0.99), or perhaps for anyone who is facing the death of a loved one. Maybe it will help some of you, or maybe you will at least enjoy the stories.
They are available through lulu.com, barnesandnoble.com, goodreads.com, iTunes, and the Google Play store, but I will link to the Barnes & Noble information only because their site is quite nice and you can read the summaries and whatnot. I will even include the books’ “theme songs,” which basically were the songs that set the mood for the books and helped me get into the mood to write them. (They are by Ryann, an amazing YouTube artist.) The songs to this day make me instantly think of each book, so they are forever associated with them for me. =) Just click on the links and you’ll be taken to the books and the songs. (Lulu.com has a downloadable eReader for MAC or PC if you need one.)
Genuine Magic (Book 1); Theme song: Ryann - Sound of Falling Rain
Genuine Myth (Book 2); Theme song: Ryann - Sound of Falling Rain II
All I ask in return for anyone who reads either book is to comment somehow. Tell me what you liked/didn’t like about them. Criticize the writing if you wish, I am always looking to grow. Tell me if something I wrote spoke to you in a certain way. Anything you want to say. I love to get feedback.
More than anything, I just wanted to share these books again, especially the first one, since my mother loved them and apparently unbeknownst to me had a hand in shaping how I wrote them. =)
Since I've been talking about rewriting it so much, my original Clone Colony AU can be found here:
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
If you guys want to read it, be warned, it is cloncest, sexual content between consenting adults, some BDSM themes, violence, and lastly contains male pregnancy.
How much time do you spend thinking about a reply before you sit down to type?
Are you proficient in any language outside of your native tongue? do you write characters that speak multiple languages?
Do you proofread / edit as you write or do you just wing it and save editing for last?
When roleplaying, do you pace yourself when answering replies or do you like to write for them as soon as you can?
Do you reply to threads you have the most inspiration for first or do you work on them in the order in which you received them?
What is your average length / word count regarding roleplay replies? does the length of your partner’s replies matter or is important to you?
What is your limit for how many active threads you can handle at one time?
Are you more comfortable writing in private or public spaces? Why or why not?
Do you have a routine that helps you prepare to work on your writing?
Between mobile or desktop version, which do you prefer regarding writing drabbles or roleplay replies?
When it comes to replies do you trim your posts? Does it bother you when others don’t trim their own replies? Is trimming not a problem at all?
Have you ever had a roleplay partner who helped you to improve something about your own writing quality?
If a reply isn’t coming easily do you draft it for later, delete and start over, chat with your writing partner for help, or something else?
Are there any writing elements that you sometimes find difficult? Monologues, character engagement, setting, progression, dialogue, other?
What subjects / genres do you find yourself becoming the most passionate about when you’re writing?
Does fatigue affect your ability to write or do you always have energy for the grind?
Are there any genres that you will not write or avoid writing?
Are there any writing habits others may have that you find frustrating or exhausting?
Are you comfortable asking your writing partner to correct something in their reply if they got a detail incorrect?
When working on replies or drabbles, do you prefer a desktop keyboard, a laptop, typing on mobile, or other accessibility methods?
{out of paprikash} OMG you sent almost the entire meme! O_O Alrighty then, here we go! XD Below the cut for length...
How much time do you spend thinking about a reply before you sit down to type?
It realy depends on what muse I'm writing, what the thread is about, and what's going on at the time in the thread. If it's something very simple like fluff and it's a muse that comes to be very easily, then I won't need much time to think at all, especially if the replies I'm writing are on the shorter side. But if I'm writing a very complex muse (e.g. Vision, Vincent, sometimes Tony), it's a long and detailed thread, and I'm writing about political intrigue or intricate technology or anything super complex, then yeah I'll sit on it for a while to kindof mull over what I want to write. It's the difference between replying as soon as I get it (whenever that blog is scheduled again), and maybe letting it sit for a week or two while I ponder things.
Are you proficient in any language outside of your native tongue? do you write characters that speak multiple languages?
I have a basic proficiency in German and Japanese. I studied German in high school and college and Japanese in just college. But unfortunately I don't write any muses who speak those languages, haha. As far as languages I have written in... I created my own fictional language for an original race I made when writing one of my novels, but I never used it on this site, just in original writing and for D&D purposes. I sometimes will try to incorporate some Arabic for Ardeth or Spanish for Carlos, but I don't overdo it because I know nothing about those languages and I don't trust G.oogle T.ranslate, so I don't want to make mistakes and risk offending anyone. Funnily enough, the muse I've written in a different language for the most is Leeloo using her fictional Divinian language, haha. I have a Divinian lexicon that I downloaded which is the same that they actually used for the movie as developed by the director, and I've read the director's notes on how the grammar functions in the language. It's... interesting to navigate, but once you kindof figure out how the grammar and everything works, you can kindof function in it well enough to make it seem at least halfway legit. And since it's fictional, I won't offend anyone if I make a mistake haha.
Do you proofread / edit as you write or do you just wing it and save editing for last?
Yes? Haha. I edit as I go, rereading sentences and paragraphs when I finish them, and then once I finish the entire reply, I'll read through it again. That's just how I roll because that's how I used to edit when I wrote my books, so I just got into that kind of frequent editing habit. It's a wonder, then, with all this editing, that I have so many freaking typos in my replies. XD
When roleplaying, do you pace yourself when answering replies or do you like to write for them as soon as you can?
It really depends on the muse and how much free time I have. Generally speaking I try to get to things that are time sensitive first, like asks I was just sent, things to do with holidays or certain events, or things that maybe just won't be relevant or doable if I wait a long time to reply to them. After that, I try to bounce around and do a little bit for as many people as I can so that everyone gets a turn. This... doesn't always work on some blogs (like Wanda's, unfortunately) where I have so may writing partners that I can't get to everybody every week. Other than that, I'll just reply to whatever the muse wants to do at the time. Very rarely I will reply a bunch of times to the same thread in a night, and that's only when the muse is so strong for that thread that I need to gush-write and indulge myself, heh.
Do you reply to threads you have the most inspiration for first or do you work on them in the order in which you received them?
Oh... I actually kindof also answered this one in the question just before this. XD
What is your average length / word count regarding roleplay replies? does the length of your partner’s replies matter or is important to you?
It varies with partner and thread, honestly. I prefer writing very long and detailed threads, but not everyone does. And lately time has not always allowed for me to write the lengths I would prefer. Sometimes if I see that I'm writing a lot and my partner consistently writes very little in return, I'll scale back so that I don't overwhelm them. But generally speaking... my length will tend to mirror that of my partners' replies, only because I try to address everything that they say in their reply unless it's not needed or it's reached a natural conclusion. So my muse will react to all gestures, words, and actions of yours... if they ask questions, my muse will always answer or at least react... or if anything happens I will try to have my muse react but then also add to it to advance the story. So the more you write, the more my muse has to react to, and the more I'll write back. =)
What is your limit for how many active threads you can handle at one time?
Definitely not as many as I have right now, haha. I'm one of these people that tends to just accumulate threads and keep making new ones, and the old ones just kindof get phased out. I work best with partners that can deal with replies after weeks or months on some threads, or ones who, if they wanted to continue something old, have no problem just skipping time and making a new thread. I just end to kindof work in the present because I don't have a lot of free time and I'm on meds that makes my memory a little wonky, so sometimes I genuinely forget about older threads. I realize this isn't the best way to run rp blogs, and it has kindof gotten out of hand, but I've found several very understanding rp partners who are perfectly okay with just rolling with my chaotic disarray, haha, and somehow we still manage to have fun, which is the overall point of this hobby anyway, right? XD
Are you more comfortable writing in private or public spaces? Why or why not?
Private spaces. Because when I write, I like... leave this world, hahaha. Seriously, like... I get so inside the world, the story, my character's head, etc. that I will say their dialog out loud to make sure it sounds like something they'd say, or I'll smile or chuckle as I'm writing if something funny is going on, or I'll cry if I get really into the emotion of what I'm writing. So....... to do that in public spaces would be really embarrassing. Also I would not be very aware of my surroundings, like to watch my purse or my own safety or whatever else is going on, because I get that absorbed when I write. So yeah, private writing is better for me.
Do you have a routine that helps you prepare to work on your writing?
Not one that I stick to, no. Usually I just decide okay, time to write, and I sit down, open the site, and start working. Sometimes if I need muse, or if I have a ton of muse and want to really soak in it, I'll put on one of my muse's movies or a movie with their FC in it, or I'll listen to music from their movies/shows. The music has to stop once I start writing though, because I tend to focus on music if it's on and I won't be able to concentrate on writing otherwise. But the movies I can leave on in the background while I write. Writing with background noise is better for me than silence.
Between mobile or desktop version, which do you prefer regarding writing drabbles or roleplay replies?
I prefer desktop, because I have a lot of problems with my eyesight, and staring at tiny little letters on a phone for hours tends to give me headaches. Also, mobile is so buggy and weird, not that the desktop version isn't, but I find it easier, quicker, and less obnoxious to deal with the setup and issues of the desktop version than the mobile version, personally.
When it comes to replies do you trim your posts? Does it bother you when others don’t trim their own replies? Is trimming not a problem at all?
I do... because I have several rp partners for whom not trimming posts is a major pet peeve and they really hate it, so for their sake, I do. Also I mean... with some of the replies I write, they really do become unwieldy at long lengths, so yeah I try to remember to trim if possible. Personally, I don't really care, long posts don't bother me at all, but as a courtesy to others who really dislike long posts or long chains of replies, I trim. =)
Have you ever had a roleplay partner who helped you to improve something about your own writing quality?
To be honest, I've been writing for about 25 years, so I've got my own style pretty well set. However, I will say that I have amazing writing partners that are always pushing me to keep up my level of vocabulary, description, sentence variation, balances between expos and dialog, things like that. Their writing is very good, therefore it pushes me to stay on their same level so that we both have a high quality writing experience, and for that I'm thankful because I don't write original writing anymore. I had some losses in my life all within the span of about eight months back in 2016-2017, and it really negatively affected me mentally and creatively. before that I would write 600-1000+ page epic fantasy novels and couldn't imagine a day going by without writing for one of my WIPs. But after that rough patch in my life, I just... weirdly lost the ability to do that. Even not only just writing novels, but short stories, fanfiction, everything just kindof stopped. I'm very sad about it, but it is what it is. RP is the only writing I do now, and... I've always identified as a writer. It's been a huge part of my life and I can't imagine not doing it at all. So for the past 6 years when I haven't been able to write original works anymore, I've been very thankful for and grateful to many of my rp writing partners for really pushing me to remain a writer and to keep up that level of creativity and productivity. So... thank you. I love you all. <3
If a reply isn’t coming easily do you draft it for later, delete and start over, chat with your writing partner for help, or something else?
If it's not coming to me easily, I might write a part of it or draft some notes about what I might want to do with it, and try again another day. If I'm really suck or I have a question, I will chat with my writing partner. But usually I can figure it out on my own, I just might need some sleep or to ponder things over music for a while.
Are there any writing elements that you sometimes find difficult? Monologues, character engagement, setting, progression, dialogue, other?
Yes, action scenes and fighting/battle scenes. I just..... I'm more of a visual person than a words person. I know. You're like buuuut you're a writer, haha. What I mean is... I tend to think visually and be inspired visually, so when I write, I'm picturing what's going on in my head. How the muses are standing, sitting, moving, gesturing, acting, etc. And sometimes I struggle with action or fight scenes because it comes out choppy or like I'm listing things instead of the writing just flowing. And then he did this, and then he moved here, and then he struck here, heh. It just... I haven't mastered the art of making combat and action sound anything other than a list of movements, and that sucks. Also.... s.mut. I just. Omg I'm so terrible at it. It comes out sounding like a bad adult film, like... hahaha, seriously, I'm just not good at making it sound classy, romantic, and creative instead of silly, crass, or again, just a play-by-play of movements instead of telling a story.
What subjects / genres do you find yourself becoming the most passionate about when you’re writing?
I really get into psychological things. My muse growing as a person, dealing with trauma, overcoming their own mental drawbacks, triggers, and traumas, etc. I find psychology fascinating, and so I tend to gravitate towards muses that have a lot of mental health issues, obstacles, or special circumstances, because I love to take them through constructive, healing, coping, therapeutic, or personal growth journeys. It's one of the most interesting things for me to write. I also really enjoy sandbox writing, which I don't get to do a lot of on this site because of how rp typically works. It's usually one on one with muses, or maybe a guest muse here and there, maybe two and two, but I really love writing a sandbox. What I mean is... you put your muse into my world with all my characters and I write everything and make a world for your character to get immersed in. Whether it's my own fictional world or a canon world from a movie or show, I love write multiple muses in that world to give you and your muse a "sandbox" feeling, kindof like when you play an RPG and your character can go anywhere and do anything and wherever they go there will be things for them to do and people for them to talk to. So it feels very open and expansive for the other person. I've done sandbox rps with my own fictional worlds with some of the muses on my multimuse blog, with the world of FFXII on Basch/Ashelia's blog, and with the world of Silent Hill, putting a muse of mine in there and you put yours in there and I write the town of SH around them. I ran a SH sandbox rp with Luther once and it was pretty cool. I'm a SH superfan and I get very into the creatures and the mythos of everything, so that's really fun for me. But a lot of this hasn't been recent, and unfortunately it didn't get very far.
Does fatigue affect your ability to write or do you always have energy for the grind?
Fatigue, my mood, anxiety, eyesight issues, etc. all affect my ability to write. And work and family drama drains me a lot too and can totally sap me of creativity. Years ago I used to have energy to write all the time, but not as much anymore.
Are there any genres that you will not write or avoid writing?
Not really? Other than anything that glorifies things I don't care for or that gets really inappropriate or uncomfortable in some way. I've shut down some anons on my other blogs who have asked questions about my muses that were really just not appropriate at all, and I refused to answer those questions. Other than that, as far as whole genres and things, I'm pretty much up for anything.
Are there any writing habits others may have that you find frustrating or exhausting?
I tend to gravitate away from people who overly punctuate and format their writing. You know, where every word is spaced out, bold, italics, bigger, smaller, colored, etc. and I just... can't make sense of it. It really distracts away from the writing and the story, and I prefer to avoid that. Having said that, if my partner really wants to do that and I like their writing and the stories we're creating, I'll deal with it.
Are you comfortable asking your writing partner to correct something in their reply if they got a detail incorrect?
Honestly, I usually just roll with it, heh. I'll change what I was going to do or retcon what I said to match so I don't embarrass them or because it's really not a big deal at all. If it is something that would really matter or that changes the story or affects my muse greatly, then yes, I will ask them to just confirm which way they wanted it or what it was supposed to be so that I know going forward.
When working on replies or drabbles, do you prefer a desktop keyboard, a laptop, typing on mobile, or other accessibility methods?
I don't have a desktop computer right now, I only have a laptop, and then my phone. Between those two, I vastly prefer my laptop keyboard. I'm old school, haha, so I grew up typing on a full-size keyboard. The laptops I get are fairly large because I need a lot of power and a bigger screen for work analyses and gaming, so the keyboard is full size. That's just what I'm used to and I'm a really fast typer, so that works for me. I get fat finger syndrome on my phone honestly, haha, and I spent more time fixing typos than actually writing if I try to use my phone for replies.
Tagged by: I stole it.
Tagging: Anyone who wants to do this! ^_^
1. How many works do you have on AO3?
Sadly only six.
2. What is your total AO3 word count?
75,262
3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?
Game of Thrones (TV)
Metal Gear Solid/Rising
Resident Evil (Movie Verse)
The Avengers (MCU)
Including crossovers:
I’ve got a Hellboy II / Silent Hill crossover one that I really need to finish and get posted already...
4. What are your top five fics by kudos?
“Windows to the Soul” (MGS/R)
“Saving the Past” (RE)
“Broken Wings of Black” (GoT)
“Gendel’s Children” (GoT)
“Just Twelve Minutes... An Eternity” (MCU)
5. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?
I do! I figure if someone actually takes the time to write a comment about something I’ve written, I at least owe them my time to thank them for it.
6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?
“Just Twelve Minutes... An Eternity,” probably.
7. Do you ever write crossovers?
Like I mentioned above, I was working on a Hellboy II / Silent Hill crossover that I really worked hard on and should seriously go back and finish.
8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?
Not hate, but I’ve received criticisms either for my writing or for the actual plot/content from people who didn’t like it, didn’t agree with it, or saw flaws in it. But that’s okay, that’s how I grow and learn as a writer.
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
Eh... I do? But I hate it? Because I feel like it comes out soooo stupid no matter how much I try to make it sexy haha. But I’ve written smut in rps as well as novels.
10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
Not an entire fic, but I did post small excerpts of some of my earliest fics on here and had them reposted, even though I had a big bold thing right on there that said do not repost, please don’t steal, etc. Yeah, people didn’t care. I reported the blog and contacted them directly asking them to take it down, but neither them nor staff ever did anything about it. Oh well.
11. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
No, I haven’t. It’s really hard for me to work with other writers on something I’m writing for just myself... as in, not an rp or something collaborative. But I have had some rps in the past with really long, descriptive replies that went on for months or even years that I felt were essentially really great fics that I had created with the other writer.
12. What’s your all-time favorite ship?
Oh gosh, that’s impossible to answer, haha. There are so many I love.
13. What was the first fandom you wrote for?
The Mummy (1999), unless you mean actually posted publicly, in which case Game of Thrones.
14. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?
Probably Gendel’s Children. I worked really hard on that one and it’s counterpart, Broken Wings of Black. Gendel’s Children was a culmination of a whole lot of time, effort, editing, research, and careful attention to canon details and personalities of characters that weren’t my own. I just remember it fondly as something I busted my ass for that was fairly well received by the public. I can actually say I’m proud of both of those fics.
15. BONUS QUESTION: Do you have a WIP that haunts you?
Yeah, that crossover I wanna finish, heh. And a couple of novels I left unfinished too.
Just Twelve Minutes... An Eternity || A Maximoff Twins One-Shot Ficlet by Silence Leaflin
(This was inspired by a beautiful and heartbreaking idea mentioned by @jademage13 in this post.)
(Trigger Warnings: death of a loved one, grief, dissociation, stress, anxiety)
Wanda didn’t remember when she had begun to count, or how she arrived at the number once she became aware of it, but it was somewhere around two minutes when she realized she was counting each and every second. Her chest ached. Her heart pounded. Her head ached. An electrical charge sensation sparked through her body as her powers reacted to her volatile emotions. They continued to misfire in small bursts around her following the initial wave of devastating energy that emanated from her when... when he left this earth.
She had died with him in that moment, or at the very least she had felt what he felt, and the loss had left her feeling no longer connected to this world. Every bullet that tore through his body in reality tore through hers with phantom cruelty, her body unharmed but her mind shocked by the agony. She felt blood in her lungs that wasn't there, and the impact of a fall as she felt her body strike the earth though it still stood, her knees finally giving out as she felt all this from him. Her heart beat erratically for a moment, skipping and thumping as if it, too, was stopping, just like his. It took her breath away, quite literally. And then... the horrible feeling of sinking down into cold and darkness, an unwelcome heaviness of mind and body not unlike the unnatural sleep of being tranquilized, the warmth and awareness of this world leaving her as he left. Wanda screamed as she felt herself return to this world without him, their bond severed against her will... and his as well, she assumed. But she could not hear her own scream. Silence and a tingly sort of discomfort set in as her magic ripped through her surroundings, a visual and energetic representation and side effect of the destruction of half her soul.
It wasn’t until Pietro left that Wanda realized she had never known true solitude before. At four minutes she stood in silence, the wrecked mechanical carcasses of Stark’s hijacked robots lying all around her, pondering in her shock this disjointed and surreal feeling of being utterly alone. Everything Pietro was to her, everything that held her together like emotional glue - his warmth, his smile, his laugh, his familiar scent, even his bad jokes - were nothing compared to all the things she never realized he was to her... whatever had been there with her while he lived that now left only a dark, frozen void behind. Pietro’s absence was like a phantom limb for her soul, gone and beyond her reach but no less painful, so easily remembered as having been there just a short, desperate time ago. It was a surreal existence for her. Unwanted.
At six minutes her feet carried her from the scene of her destruction, the shrapnel crunching loudly underneath her boots as Wanda let her senses bring her closer to her brother’s murderer. Her eyes guided her but they did not really see. Her heart kept beating although she didn’t understand why. Life should have stopped. It should not have been possible without him, not when everything she was and everything she would become, she was so sure, had always included him. Seven minutes now... since Pietro and Wanda Maximoff died but a strange hollow girl continued in place of the latter, a shattered shell still left walking the earth despite having the foundation of her life destroyed like a cruel carpet yanked out from underneath her already unsteady feet.
It was nine minutes and then some when her hearing returned to her and the ringing stopped, and that’s when she realized she was crying. Her tears made streaks in the dirt and pain written on her face, accentuated like the darkened, angry strokes of a discontented painter against her flushed skin. The wind whipped her long hair, seeming to join her in her rage and despair with each protesting gust. It was ten minutes now. Ten long, impossible minutes... since her heart was torn from her chest and her soul split in two. Life had stopped for her., if not for the rest of the world. If it ever began again, it would be different, new... wrong. So very wrong. And yet it continued around her as if nothing at all had happened... as if in insult to the ruins of the beauty that had been Wanda and Pietro's close and unbreakable bond.
Eleven minutes. The seconds ticked on as she counted each one in her head, sometimes matching them to her paces through the dusty rubble of Sokovia. Ultron was close now, she could feel him... and by the time she’d found him, she intended to do so much more to him than just sense his presence. Eleven minutes and counting. Ticking onward much too fast for her liking. How dare time continue on through this injustice, this agonizing loss? Fifty-seven... Fifty-eight... Fifty nine...
Twelve minutes.
Ultron was there... right there!... and oh, she would deal with him in a moment, but... for the time being Wanda’s feet stopped. Twelve minutes. She had counted every second. It was real. It was all too real. And time marched on still... without him. Slowly, her eyes closed, pushing out tears and sending them trickling down her cheeks, her bottom lip quivering with the grief that threatened to break her beyond repair. With her mind she sent her thoughts to Pietro, for wherever he was now, spoken words would no longer reach him.
Welcome to a little rant about Wanda’s personal perspective and how I use it to write her…
I’ve gotten some interesting messages over the past few weeks from a number of people, some of whom I write with and others who just felt like offering an opinion, regarding how I write Wanda. Let me state, this is not a callout post or meant to be anything negative. Everyone was polite and I actually welcome challenges to the way I write my muses as long as they are respectful. It helps me to defend why I do certain things with them and make sure I am keeping them in line with how I intend my interpretation of them to be presented. But I’ve gotten enough comments along the same lines that I thought it might be useful (for me as well as for my followers) to explain why I go in certain mental/psychological/emotional directions with Wanda that, to some, might seem incredibly divergent from canon. So… consider this a brain rant for me to organize a crap ton of headcanons into one place, but I hope you all enjoy it anyway, haha
Below the cut because looooong. XD
People have said I write Wanda as if she is a very weak character, meaning I write her too insecure, emotional, and unable to rise to challenges. I just want to clarify that I do not write Wanda as a weak character, I write her as a character who often believes she is weak. There is a difference. Wanda is an “unreliable narrator,” which in a writing sense means that the character speaking, narrating, summarizing, or explaining something to the reader either directly through internal monologue or through the course of a story is misinforming the reader. An unreliable narrator may be misinformed themselves, and may relate information as if it is true because they believe it to be… but it is in fact not true. Or, their perspective may be skewed in ways they don’t consider or understand, resulting in interpretations of information by them that are simply not correct. The reader does not know this, and simply takes the character at their word until they learn otherwise.
This applies to the way I write Wanda. She often says things about herself that are not true or would not be true, but she herself believes them to be true. Regardless of Wanda’s actual power or abilities, she believes more than once in canon in the movies that she is unworthy, incapable, and unwanted. Just because Wanda thinks she could not survive without Pietro doesn’t mean she couldn’t… and we know she ultimately did. Just because she felt badly about the Accords and wanted to hang back and not cause any more trouble, doesn’t mean she should… and she didn’t. Just because she didn’t believe she could destroy the mind stone and told Vision she couldn’t doesn’t mean she couldn’t… and she did. So I just want to separate for a moment Wanda’s actual strength, abilities, and how others perceive her from how she views herself. They are certainly not the same, just as my perception of her is not the same as her perception of herself in a given thread. I am not commenting on Wanda’s character, she is, and she is a biased source of information on the subject, heh. Just because I write her as saying “I can’t,” “I won’t,” “I don’t deserve,” “I’m not good enough,” doesn’t mean I believe that. It’s Wanda who believes that. Mun and muse are not the same.
Some people say I am making her more mentally unstable than she is and giving her low self-esteem she doesn’t have. First, I am drawing from Wanda’s personality in the comics a bit and from some aspects of her character there that was never done in the movies. Second, I elaborate on what any healthy person might think, feel, and go through having been through the traumas that she has, since the MCU seemed content to just ignore any and all processes of grieving, overcoming trauma, and adjusting to huge geographic and cultural life changes. So I am filling in and extrapolating from that, but I am also developing the tiny tidbits of what the MCU did show us to go into more depth on her thought process behind them, because there are a few canon things that show us that Wanda is dealing with a lot more mental trauma and stress than we sometimes give her allowances for.
A Note on Age and Experiences in Hydra’s Laboratory
I write Wanda (and Pietro as well over at @fasterthanmydemons) as younger than canon MCU. Yes, I agree Aaron and Lizzie do not look 17 or 18 but eh, they’re their FCs so I work with it however I can, heh. And yeah, in cases of writing with other muns writing the twins, I usually just modulate their ages up without even asking because I know that having them younger is something that is not well accepted in the fandom. I have a couple reasons for doing so, however, that do affect how they function.
First, I feel that they are very emotionally immature. That’s not meant to be a negative thing, I just mean that they seem very isolated, dependent on each other, and they behave in ways that give me the sense that they are very inexperienced. The sense I get is of older teenagers or young adults that have been made to grow up very, very fast… and there are some gaps in that process because of it, heh. In some ways they are wise beyond their years, but in many other ways they are still very young and inexperienced, with skewed and sheltered views of the world.
Secondly, I really hate the MCU plot for them, heh. The whole… well we volunteered for a Hydra experiment (even if they thought they were dealing with SHIELD) seems really dumb. Why would 20-something year-olds make decisions that incredibly naïve? And why would they stay on the streets for 10-something years, with all that animosity and drive toward change, and not do anything more about it? It just seems… so unrealistic. It’s possible, I’m not saying it’s not, but in my mind, it makes more sense if they were a lot younger when they volunteered. Idealistic children thinking this would solve their problems and empower them, easily duped by Hydra into thinking they were with SHIELD, and physically smaller and easier to control. That’s how I imagine the twins. So my timeline for them is that they were orphaned at 10, spent a few years on the streets, but then volunteered at around age 14 or 15, staying there until they were almost 18. They are close to their 18th birthdays during the events of Ultron. That’s my timeline for them, but like I said, I know that is not well accepted, so I am usual very flexible in changing this even if I continue to write them in my head as if I am still following my own timeline. (If I am in an rp with you right now for either twin and you have a question about something, don’t hesitate to ask, since I know that can affect how people frame the stories in their heads and such.)
So because of this, because they are younger and have been in Hydra’s laboratory for 3-4 years instead of 1 or less than 1, this will change their mental health, emotional stability, and how they view the world. My twins are perhaps even more bitter and angry than in MCU canon to start out, are very overtly emotionally dependent on each other, and have more physical and emotional scars from their treatment at Hydra’s hands. I’ve made their time in the laboratory, their decision to volunteer for it, and their ultimate essential imprisonment by Hydra while the experiments were going on to be far more of a definite event in their lives that had real lasting impacts on their psyche, not just a plot point to be mentioned a couple times but with no perceivable impact as the MCU movies would have you believe.
Being in the laboratory for that extended amount of time also allows me to expand upon Hydra’s purpose in experimenting on them. Why the actual hellnuts would Hydra empower the twins and then just let them go? Yeah okay, they let them out of their cells and maybe the twins simply made a break for it, but I see more than that. Two things, really: Hydra’s overall purpose for them, and the reason why they didn’t leave well before that even though they were capable of doing so.
I believe Hydra wanted to turn them into weapons of mass destruction. Honestly, Hydra is only out for itself, and what it wants is the dissolution of democracy and the subjugation of nations and races it disagrees with or believes are inferior to them. With these twins, I think Hydra wanted their own anti-Avengers, like the Winter Soldiers, but with added powers. To use them for this purpose, they would not have just tinkered around with Loki’s staff, granted them some fun powers, and then left them alone. No, they would have Romanoffed them. Physical and mental conditioning, training to become spies, education regarding languages, geography, and politics, things like that. So my interpretation of the twins is that they were taught a lot by Hydra, but for Hydra’s own purposes and under extreme duress and threat of punishment if they did not learn in a timely fashion. This was especially difficult for Pietro, who had a horrible time focusing and sitting still, but Wanda also suffered abuse for she was the most feared of the two and Hydra felt a greater need to control her.
Which brings us to why the twins didn’t escape earlier if they were being so badly mistreated. This also makes a lot more sense if they were very young when they volunteered, but I suppose it could happen regardless. I believe there was a very obvious abuser-abused relationship going on between the twins and Hydra, whereby they were held captive more by their own minds than by any bars, guns, or electronics. What I mean is, when a level of abuse is reached where one feels like attempting to leave will only make things worse and/or their abuser will always find them no matter where they go, they could be, for example, standing freely right next to soldiers as they discuss what is going on outside the facility and not lift a finger to try to escape. This happens in real life, where abused people are left alone, door open, car in the driveway, keys in hand, and yet they don’t try to escape. Their own fear holds them in place. This is one of two explanations I have for why the twins didn’t break out sooner, and it’s a reason that I think especially affected them when they were very young and first starting out.
The other explanation is that they had a legitimate goal to meet, and regardless of how much they were suffering, they thought they had to see it through to the end. Yes, they were being mistreated, but they signed up for a means to destroy the Avengers and dammit they were going to see it through. It wasn’t until the Avengers showed up and the soldiers around them were like weeeeeeell, we could send the twins, but they’re not ready yet… that Wanda and Pietro were like fuck yeah we are and decided at that point that they were 1000% done and left to pursue their goal. The laboratory had outlived its usefulness to them at that point and the fear of not achieving their goal of challenging the Avengers begins to outweigh their fear of retaliation from Hydra.
Alright, back to focusing on Wanda more specifically, since this is her blog , heh.
Blaming Herself for Things Outside Her Control
Wanda takes things very personally. She is a perfectionist, and a very empathetic person. That combination often leaves her feeling like something is her fault when things go wrong and result in people being hurt. During the battle of Sokovia, Wanda all but has a panic attack inside a building with Clint, muttering to herself, “How could I let this happen? It’s all my fault.” Suddenly there she is, taking responsibility for an entire city being attacked. Now, I suppose some would argue that her support of Ultron led to that, but I think that’s a bit unfair, given the amount of lies and misinformation that both twins were exposed to during their time in the Hydra laboratory. My point is, yes, Wanda blames herself for thing constantly. It is a canon part of her personality. I believe this blame and even sometimes a fear of responsibility stems from her losing so many people she loves. The common factor, as she sees it, is her, so therefore she must be to blame and doing something wrong. That’s not true, but that is how she perceives things.
Dependency on Her Brother
Wanda is emotionally dependent on Pietro while he is alive. That does not mean she cannot learn to live without him and to let him go, but it will not happen overnight and it will not be easy. Her dependency is not just borne out of love for a close sibling. It has been forged in trauma. Being persecuted as a child for being Romani and a witch, losing her parents, losing them in an incredibly frightening way, living on the streets, being experimented on… all these things made her cling to her brother even more than she might have already just due to being a twin. Think of Pietro like a very complex service animal for Wanda. Have you ever seen the bond between a soldier or trauma victim and their service animal? It’s incredibly deep and emotionally necessary. Take that kind of relationship and now apply it to a brother, your twin, someone you deeply love and expect to always be there with you… and then take it all away. Not only does Wanda now have to deal with all these traumas in her life that are recurring issues for her due to PTSD, but now her main support system is suddenly gone and his death is yet one more trauma that will haunt her for the rest of her life, especially since she physically felt him die.
And, to be fair, as a side note, Pietro is also emotionally dependent on Wanda. They have a sort of mutually synergistic relationship going on as far as how they deal with trauma. Wanda deals with it by seeking emotional comfort and safety with Pietro, whether in his embrace or listening to his reassuring words. That feeling of having someone watching over her and protecting her is very grounding and calming to her. Pietro copes with trauma by putting himself in a position in which he feels he has more control over the situation. I don’t mean he’s controlling of Wanda (those aspects of the comics I hate and do not use in my interpretation of him on his blog). I mean that the way he copes with all the bad things that have happened to them is to feel like he won’t let it happen again. He assumes a protector role for Wanda, not only because he genuinely wants to keep her safe, but because it fulfills an emotional need for him to have enough to control over any given situation to keep his sister safe. So the way in which she places her emotional safety in his hands and he assumes the role of a protector serves to accomplish the same purpose of helping them cope with trauma, but in ways that are unique to them and their own emotional needs.
Once that relationship is severed after Pietro’s death, it shatters a lot of things for Wanda, including emotional security and self-identity. She’s no longer a well-supported twin, she’s alone. Now, we all know that it’s canon that she is able to move on and survive without him, but it is also canon that she stayed behind in Sokovia after exacting her revenge on Ultron, seemingly not in any hurry to leave as the city was about to be destroyed. Suicidal thoughts? Intent to commit suicide? Perhaps that is open to interpretation, but I believe yes, she did intend to die then. Her brother was her entire world at that point. I think Wanda couldn’t imagine life without him and didn’t want to either. After Vision saves her, she isn’t just going to suddenly be fine with continuing on without Pietro. Even if she did not make another attempt on her life, Wanda still would be in that mindset of why am I still alive? and would not see a point to going on without him. Somewhere in between that mindset and finding purpose with the Avengers, she will heal regarding this issue, but between the events of Ultron and Civil War, she will be on an emotional rollercoaster, and I think that is more than implied in canon even if we never got to see it.
Feeling Like People Dislike Her or Are Angry With Her
Wanda comes from a place of believing most people dislike her or even hate her, and I want to put into perspective why that is. Again, I draw from things in the comics, so Wanda is a mutant and was born with her abilities. I then combine the MCU story to say that Hydra’s experiments enhanced what was already there. She is Romani and her religion is a mix of Judaism and polytheism, so she has faced cultural and religious persecution from the time she was a young child. Her powers got her the label of “witch,” which is not merely derogatory, it’s downright frightening. Being called a witch where she grew up could mean you were hunted and killed. So from a very young age she learned that who and what she was would likely be perceived by most people, whether it was true or not, as bad. Now, Wanda has a lot of pride in being Romani, but even so, she has learned that most people come at her with prejudice and hatred, and that makes her wary and defensive.
By the time she joins the Avengers, this feeling is exacerbated by her rocky start with them in Ultron. Her mental attacks let them all very shaken and even resentful of her to varying degrees, and that was not lost on Wanda. Even after she is supposedly accepted, she remembers what she did to them and is sure they remember too. Things like being confined to her room in Civil War to “avoid further public incidents” show a lack of trust in her that not only makes her think that resentment for what she did is still there, but it flares that same defensiveness that she’s felt all her life for cultural and religious reasons.
Having said all of this, Wanda wants to be accepted. Her desire to not cause any more problems in Civil War is indicative of that when she tells Clint, “I’ve caused enough trouble,” and initially refuses to defect with him. But ultimately, Wanda is someone who will follow her heart and what she feels is right, regardless of her inhibitions, insecurities, and phobias.
Insecurity about her abilities
This is something that is not discussed a lot in canon, but I feel it’s definitely part of her personality. Wanda doesn’t believe in herself as far as her ability to do things, and it has nothing to do with how powerful she is. She knows she’s powerful. What she believes she lacks is the focus and stability to use that power. I believe this is what causes her to hang back so long after Clint’s “if you step out that door, you’re an Avenger” speech. Not only is she genuinely scared of what’s going on (this is the first full-scale battle she’s been on the front lines for, don’t forget that for a second), but she doesn’t know if she can focus enough to get the job done. Something that people who are in a full-scale skirmish for the first time have a lot of trouble with if they have no battle training whatsoever is sensory overload… and Wanda was knee deep in it at that point. There were too many loud noises, too many arrows and bullets and robots and things flying around in every direction, and also don’t forget that Wanda is sensitive to energies around her, so any magical blasts or gunpowder blasts or lasers or anything is going to be something she’ll perceive like the hairs standing up on your skin after a lightning strike. That’s… a lot of information for a young woman with little to no battle experience to take in all at once. I think it all got the better of her and she knew that, so before she could go back out, she had to calm down and refocus, which is why you see her so much more confident the next time she steps out.
Another time when this insecurity regarding her abilities reared its ugly head was when Vision was pleading with her to destroy the mind stone. She simply told him, “I can’t.” Most will say that she was merely saying “I can’t kill you” from the point of view of a loved one not wanting to kill another loved one. That is part of it, yes, but she didn’t say she wouldn’t, she said she can’t. I think Wanda had some real doubts as to whether she could set aside her own emotions enough to get the job done. She absolutely has the ability to do it, as Vision tells her, because from someone outside looking in he can see how capable she is, but from her point of view she must have felt like a totally erratic and unreliable mess. Ironic, then, that she not only is able to focus enough to destroy the stone, but to also hold Thanos back while she does it. Wanda sees nothing extraordinary about that at all, however. No, in fact, her proclivity to blame herself returns and she feels she completely dropped the ball that day in not being able to successfully stop Thanos.
Summary
So… Wanda does not give herself enough credit for what she has been through, what she has survived, what she can survive, and what she can accomplish. She is very scarred by her past, between her frightening and difficult childhood, living on the streets, the Hydra experiments, and losing her entire family… and those scars will be there with her for the rest of her life. She is a very damaged and, at times, broken person. But, having said that… she is also brave, strong, kind-hearted, helpful, and loving as well, under the right circumstances and with the right people. She can accomplish amazing things (as we saw in the movies), she just needs to believe that herself. That is one my biggest goals in writing Wanda and something I love to see happen for her, when she begins to believe in herself and stops defining herself based on others or on past deeds or traumas. I love to see her go from a very broken place through the healing process and arriving in a place that isn’t necessarily happier for her, but stronger and more stable. Wanda was robbed of this kind of healing and redemption arc in the MCU, and I intend to give her many of them on this blog, heh. And poor Pietro was robbed of… well… pretty much everything, so my work is cut out for him as well, heh.
If you have any questions, want to make any comments, or want to drop some follow-up asks in my inbox, please feel free to do so! As I said, I love to constantly build on and develop my interpretations of my muses, so you are never bothering me with character development questions. =)
