Last Christmas - Closed RP
@silent-on-the-hunt
As Christmas grew nearer, Erwin’s anxiety snowballed large enough to make a weary snowman out of it. Finals for his Advanced Placement classes were taking up most of his time and looming over his shoulders like the garland and wreaths they decided to hang up around the hallways in school. Department stores had isles and isles of cheap Christmas decorations and the radio was constantly playing ‘White Christmas’ or ‘Winter Wonderland’. Living in the northern area of New York State meant getting all of the ‘picturesque’ things about Christmas - including the buckets of fluffy snow that fell from ashy clouds then stuck and watered around wheels and soaked into the thickest of boots. Driveways were dark at 6AM but were already filled with every car owner to push the mounds of white off hoods and scrape the ice from windshields. Students and workers would wake up early to tend to and warm their vehicles, baring the freezing cold just so they could be cozy on their drive.
Erwin wasn’t bothered by the snow, but the season itself made him depressed. Not the season of winter, but the ‘holiday season’ as they called it. November made everyone weary yet December was supposed to lighten everyone’s hearts with festive cheer, despite the fact students and workers were still in their respective nine-to-five places until a week before Christmas Day. There was hardly any time to even build up enough joy for the holiday.
Yet, people still got excited. Mothers and fathers could be found in toy aisles, intently gazing at Christmas lists addressed to Santa Claus or Saint Nick. Lovers could be found snuggling in parks or mall benches, sharing a single scarf that contained their heated breathes, rubbing Eskimo kisses against red noses. Students talked in the hallways about the extended break, glad to be done with the overbearing pressure of school for a few weeks. Some would be visiting their Grandparents in some exclusive cottage out west, while others would be visiting extended family in the city. Some had to decide whether to spend Christmas with their father or their mother, while others had to deal with distant cousins crowding their small, suburban houses. Jewish kids had to deal with the over-excited questions of fellow classmates about their “eight days of christmas” - always to be let down by the reality.
Erwin hadn’t had a proper Christmas since he was eight. The first holiday after his father died he was nine - only seven months after the accident. Erwin’s father had been a family-type guy who enjoyed the collected company of his loved ones; even those he hadn’t seen since the year before. The first eight Christmases of Erwin’s life were spent with a large family in a living room big enough to encompass a seven-foot tree and all of his relatives. His father was often smiling, holding him on his lap while his mother snuggled up against him.
The closeness of his father’s Christmases was probably what made it unbearable for his mother to go back. Erwin’s mother didn’t even attempt to attend her husband’s family Christmas after he died - knowing it would be too painful to see the photos he was apart of adorned upon mantles and chests, and would note all too well the empty spot on the dinner table where her husband’s dessert dish would have been, lost amongst the others but appreciated all the same.
Erwin’s mother tried to have a traditional Christmas with Erwin, just the two of them, but it had been hard to attempt. Instead, in the few years following, they had Christmas on the twenty-sixth. Christmas Day had instead been spent reading, taking baths, watching ‘It’s A Wonderful Life’ on Television, and listening to Vince Guaraldi’s jazz renditions of classic carols on their record player. The mother-son pair would hardly speak, and instead relaxed in their respective corners. On the twenty-sixth, however, they would head out to the local stores to pick up presents at their discounted prices for one another, and when they came home, his mother would put on Joni Mitchell, Herbie Hancock, Nina Simone - or something else deep from her record collection - where they would then bake the rest of the day away. The kitchen would be full of breads, muffins, cookies, and a number of other treats. This was when Erwin honed his culinary craft, under the watchful and nourishing instruction and gaze of his mother. At the end of the day they would snack on their treats and open each other’s presents. Those years were looked upon with nostalgia and warmth like the fire in the hearth. Christmas had never been so hopeful for Erwin...
When Erwin was fifteen, his mother got a second job in a factory, and would spend the afternoon of the twenty-sixth at work preparing for the outgoing shipments post-Christmas. Their tradition ended there, and even though that had only been three years ago, to Erwin it was an eternity away. It was now inscribed in a history book right after the death of his father.
Erwin supposed that’s why he was so depressed about Christmas most of the time, but this year he didn’t have the luxury to feel that way. He could just make an excuse about it and insist on being left alone, but he had a boyfriend to worry over him. It was odd to even admit to himself that he had a boyfriend - a secret position that no one dare know of. Erwin was sure Mike would be spending Christmas with his large family, so the blond had no reason to worry. Except for, that is, a present.
Erwin was wrapped up in the wool hat and scarf Mike gave him for his birthday not only a month before, scouring the shelves at a local record store in hopes of finding his boyfriend something for Christmas. Erwin was terrible at gifts - he’d basically copied Mike’s birthday gift to him for the other male’s birthday, with the added edition of a book - and now he was looking for an album to give the other. Erwin didn’t even know if Mike liked music all that much? He only ever listened to music when he was over at Erwin’s house - and even then it was Erwin’s record collection. He had contemplated getting Mike a Nintendo game but those were expensive and it was Erwin who owned the NES. Erwin only knew how to give people gifts that were his own interests - hence giving Mike Lord of the Rings for his birthday.
The teen sighed, tugging at the scarf around his neck, now warm in the confines of the store. Perhaps he would get Mike something sports related? In that area Erwin was a lost cause. He picked up a recent rock album release, trying to remember if he recognized the name upon it, totally oblivious to his own boyfriend in the aisle behind him.
