#silentstcrm

[etastra-moved]

[shift]

@silentstcrm || soft, soft, soft || not accepting !!

     purple smudges beneath sallow eyes squinted in disorientation and annoyance, hoodie drawn up despite the late summer heat bearing down and sticking strands of bleached hair to forehead. it feels like forever and a half since hosung has last been out and about, something even he cannot embrace so easily, and the lack of sleep under his belt plus the chaotic noise of the market leaves him on edge, leaves teeth grinding until jaw pops with numbness. he shuffles a half step behind the other, loitering in the cool kiss of shade provided by the awning outside the store, waving the other’s words of concern away without processing them ( knowing intrinsically it’s a worry for the sluggishness in bones and for the way he hides away beneath heavy hood, things he has heard before and will hear once more ).

     attention is zoning out, elsewhere, on the hazy mirage rising up further down the street, when shoulder jump beneath the surprise of a hand nudging at hood. “hood up means no touching,” he mumbles quietly, the fight in squinted eyes and crossed arms losing its bite with the soft tone he speaks in, with the way the hacker remains still, allowing the other to knock free the hoodie and push sweaty strands of hair back out of half-closed eyes. does he truly look so pathetic that he warrants a nurturing touch ? he certainly feels as such, as the hacker does little other than lean back, out of beau’s touch ( after indulging in it for a heartbeat, a millisecond ).

[luxinexitium]

@silentstcrm​:

[ x ] Beau fiddled with his fingers as the feeling was all too familiar to him. It nearly managed to make him anxious, but he took a deep breath and swallowed it away. “I hate feeling like that. It’s as if you are at the bottom of a very tall wave, ready to drown in the violence of nature. It is scary to not be in control. Yet I don’t think there is a solution to it. It is part of life, however miserable.” 

sometimes, he likes to think of the world as built on mirrors. oceans and cities alike shimmer with the same mystery that blankets their skies. the plush cushion of grass in springtime echoes with soft sighs, softer smiles. and here, caught between planes of the cosmos, fiddling fingers find themselves reflected in a pair of restless souls. gentle against his skin, the sleeve of his shirt offers some comfort, enough to ease the tremble in his voice. “but it doesn’t happen all the time, right? we’re in control sometimes, even if it feels like we aren’t always. right..?”

[anticoagulvnt-blog]

“my mind is a dark place. you don’t want to be there.”

as thoughtful as that sentiment was, Noah had no plans on looking through the other’s mind. he barely wants to deal with his own, let alone someone else’s. the demon rolled his eyes as a brown gaze flicked up and down, trying to pinpoint the issue with Beau this time. “join the club,” Noah huffed, crossing his arms to his chest. “but i asked you to tell me if you were alright, not give me a sob story.”

answered // @silentstcrm

[anticoagulvnt-blog]

“Watch yourself, Noah. Our 'alliance' is an increasingly temporary one.”

Noah couldn’t think of anything that would provoke such a comment, but it didn’t sit right with him. it felt like he was being threatened, and the demon did not take too kindly to being threatened by anyone. he felt a growl rise in his throat, head canted. “watch yourself, Beau. YOU’RE PLAYING WITH FIRE.”

answered // @silentstcrm

[anticoagulvnt-blog]

“It’s not because we’re so different from each other… it’s because we’re all so goddamn alike.”

he doesn’t consider them ALIKE in anything more than J U S T appearance, so when he drones on about their lack of individuality, Noah has to disagree. he doesn’t let the words soak in, because honestly, how DARE Beau compare him to himself? it’s rude, to say the least, and the demon isn’t too much of a fan of the conversation.

“i’ll let you continue pruning in your delusions, but there’s more differences than similarities in both you and i. people are going to have qualities that relate to you but it doesn’t make them the same.” perhaps, he’s misinterpreting the suggestion, but the demon’s head is too groggy to care.

he peaks an eye open, still leaning against the cold wall with arms crossed against his chest. “might i ask what got you to thinking? even if we were SO DAMN ALIKE as you claim, does it bother you that much? am i burden for sharing similarity with you?”

@silentstcrm // answered

[anticoagulvnt-blog]

“But here’s the secret about most sacrifices… there’s nothing selfless about them at all.”

Noah sits in silence, gaze fixed on his hands as fingers fidget with one another, picking at each other’s skin. a sigh shakes his shoulders and he makes no effort to resume eye contact with the older man. his words are true, and it… it TWISTS his insides. a sudden sickness washes over him and he feels himself choke down a sob, a hand immediately moving up to rub at flushed cheeks.

“i know,” he whispers, flinching as more tears rise to the surface of his eyes and escape their corners. Noah lives with the knowledge of his mistake, his SELFISHNESS, his IGNORANCE. it’s not something that is forgotten with time; it’s something that will stick with him for his entire existence.

AND IT HURTS.

at the time of his actions, they’d felt so right… he was angry, GRIEVING, and he wanted reality to be a dream. though it was clear he’d have to give his soul as punishment and payment for his wishes, Noah never stopped to consider how everything would effect Kaori. when she’d come back she was much like a zombie, and though Noah was aware and could clearly see that she’d changed, his heart was still content to have his wife back.

when he lost her again it hurt just as bad as the first time, but that time he knew he could never get her back. but still, it NEVER crossed his mind that her revival would entail consequences on herself. SHE didn’t do anything wrong. she only DIED. but why is it…that all these years later it bothers him? why is he suddenly being met with the idea that she possibly did suffer even after her fate…and all because of him? 

Noah H A T E S himself even more, and he feels something in him break. as if he isn’t broken enough, the last bit of him crumbles inside. suddenly, all of this hidden guilt and pain is pouring out in front of Beau as the damn has broken, and a waterfall tears down his cheeks. he’s been holding it in for so many years, and the confrontation on this subject… it wasn’t needed.

now he’s unable to hold himself together, V U L N E R A B L E and an absolute mess in front of his friend. he never wanted anyone to see him this way, as this was a show for his nights spent alone – when there was nothing but the darkness to watch and slowly swallow him up.

@silentstcrm // answered

[anticoagulvnt-blog]

@silentstcrm​ // continued from x

Noah’s heart pounded heavily in his chest, eyes wide as he watched the other squirm and scream, BEGGING for his help. the demon felt breathless and panicked, knowing he could do something for the older being, but not sure if he SHOULD. he wasn’t sure if Beau would A L L O W him to, but quickly decided he’d skip the part of asking for permission.

“please, just... just S T O P!” he cried out, only as panicked as he was because of the shrill screams and shrieks coming out of the witch. “i know it hurts, just...” he quickly grabbed the arm with both of his hands before his friend could pull it away, his grip tight as his palms grew warm. he knew it would hurt healing as it did in its current state, but Noah could not tolerate anymore of the S C R E A M S. they were too unbearable for the demon, even more because he CARED. 

Noah held on tight, grip unshakable as the heat transferred from his palms into the witch’s hand, crawling down to his hand. after a moment the burning would change to a tingle, and then the pain would be alleviated. after that, the true healing process would begin, and Beau would be able to watch his own skin regenerate before his eyes and without the aid of another potentially dangerous POTION.

he didn’t stop until he felt WEAK, hands shaky from the energy EXERTED. from the energy GIVEN. 

demons were meant to TAKE not give. it’s their nature to drain others of their health and energy, but Noah had done the OPPOSITE. it wasn’t something he’d done often -- maybe only once before -- but it wasn’t safe to do, either. but this...it was an EMERGENCY. his friend was hurt and he had no idea if witches could survive that S E V E R E of a burn, because humans sure in the hell couldn’t. so he put himself at risk.

“you’re going to be okay,” he mumbled quietly, lowering himself to the floor so he could sit.

[anticoagulvnt-blog]

"Hello gorgeous, have we met? Because you look awfully familiar." ;)

the comment renders him CONFUSED, because he doesn’t need a mirror or any kind of picture to point out their similarities... or moreso the fact they were mere copies of each other. the demon growled softly under his breath, increasing the distance between them.

though the other...him didn’t come off as a threat, Noah still remained cautious. he didn’t have a TWIN, and doppleganger’s were never this similar where they were almost the same down to a T. there was something wrong here -- maybe not as EXTREME as he currently acted like it was, but this was THROWING HIM OFF, and he really didn’t know how else to respond to the situation other than building his guard higher than usual.

“who are you?”

@silentstcrm // answered