#silkplay

[deatheless]

@silkplay / @curseplay sent: from lauren : have an oyster. they're a delicacy. / accepting. from paris : oysters are supposed to be an aphrodisiac. did you know that? / accepting.

even though she's been invited on her own merit, and has been for quite some time now ( even before she'd joined their tour last year, though the invitations have grown in number since ) — even though she didn't even know the three of them would be there until they'd spotted each other across the hall — she still feels a little bit like SILK's sweet little opener that they're so graciously carting around behind them to the fancy events. they just always seem so much more at ease than she feels. maybe it's just by virtue of her being alone rather than their built - in trio. or maybe, as she's being reminded now, it's because they have lauren's lifelong expertise on rich people shit to follow. mina leans against the table, peering down at the large platter sitting between the four of them as lauren distributes a shell to each of their plates.

❛ they don't look like one, ❜ mina says, with a wrinkle to her nose. she's never been a particularly picky eater, and she can easily believe lauren that they must taste good ( because despite her occasional questionable taste, she has rarely steered mina wrong when it comes to food ) but there's just something about the goop of it all that she just really can't get over. but she picks it up anyway, even if she shoots a dramatic grimace andie's way that makes them giggle as she does it. the shell is cool against her fingers, and she holds it by her mouth hesitantly, watching lauren eat hers first.

somehow, she makes it seem so graceful, even with the whole ... slurping situation. but it looks a lot less complicated than she was making it seem in her head. she can definitely do that. and even if she can't, and it ends up totally unladylike or unsophisticated or whatever, it's just the four of them together, so who cares, right?

as she finally lifts the shell to her lips, paris leans over across the table to catch her attention, having finished their own, and really, mina should have known from the glimmer in their eyes. a cheeky grin splits right across her face as she speaks, head tilted like the thought just occured to her, and mina, very gracefully, absolutely chokes.

( she's too busy nearly dying a second time to hear the suspiciously andie - kicking - paris - under - the - table sounding thump that reverberates the whole table. )

there's a chorus of voices around her ( a paris, seriously?! and a hey, mina, breathe are all she can coherently make out through her own coughing ) as the rest of them jump, and a hand patting her back that could be either andie or lauren's, but somehow, all she can focus on are the fingers reaching across the table to grab onto hers. once the shock fades and it's clear she's okay, just a total idiot, paris tilts her head back and laughs. it vibrates through their hands and up into mina's chest and nearly takes her breath away all over again, even once they let go.

once her breath more or less returns — something that seems harder to do the longer she watches paris — she coughs a few more times into her elbow and then glances up at them sheepishly, cheeks bright pink. when she realizes she's being watched, paris meets mina's eye with a charmingly apologetic smile and a wink, and then tumbles into another round of laughs. sorry, bambi, she says, between giggles, and like an idiot, mina can't help herself. before she knows it, her mouth is opening, voice catching on itself with a gentle rasp, not quite recovered from her coughing fit.

❛ uh, it's okay. i didn't know that. ❜ she did. ❛ but i do now, i guess. so thanks, even if it nearly killed me. ❜ at least it wouldn't be the first time. she reaches up to run a hand through her hair, attempting to smooth down what is most definitely a mess after all of that, and the tips of her fingers still tingle from where paris had held them. she rests her elbow against the table as she leans her cheek against her palm with a theatrical sigh. ❛ but i think i'm oystered out for the night. you guys are just gonna have to be horny without me. ❜ or something like that, she thinks, as something warm flickers in her chest when paris' smile widens in surprise and her laughter fills the air once more.

[lexivon]

I know you've been thinkin' about Me...

Come find Me ...

[deatheless]

@silkplay sent: it didn't turn out how i wanted. / accepting.

❛ really? ❜ she says, but if she's being honest, that doesn't surprise her. the furrow of andie's brow is more than familiar to her by now. mina's a perfectionist, she always has been, but andie's on a whole other level. sometimes she thinks they might be a little too harsh on themselves, honestly — they're the most talented person she's ever met, and she can say that with confidence. even their works in progress are better than a lot of the finished work she's heard from her classmates. but that's what makes them so good, though : with rough drafts as incredible as andie's are, there's some real magic that happens once they can really fine - tune them.

but as incredible as their demo sounds, she can understand how it feels, for the music in your head to seem so far away, just out of grasp no matter how hard you try to pull it into the real world. even if it sounds perfect to her — and it does, it really does! — it could still be miles away from what andie's been envisioning. she shifts against her mattress, pulling her laptop further against her lap so she can peer closer at the tiny version of them on her screen. ❛ i really do like it a lot. craaaazy improvement from the first demo you sent me, too. ❜

but speaking of the last demo ... there is something missing, now that she thinks about it.

❛ you were ... ❜ she pauses, lead on her tongue as she tries to choose her words carefully, ❛ you were writing this with lauren before, weren't you? i feel like her harmonies used to be in there. ❜ suddenly, the furrow in their brow and gentle curve of their mouth seems a little less like just focus to her. fuck, she thought the two of them were doing better. her chest twists, worry blooming in the pit of her stomach. her voice comes out softer, her words careful : ❛ are you two okay? were you just ... not able to find time to record this version, or ... ❜ or are they not talking about the song at all?

[girlsiren]

@silkplay as lauren: i could throw a car farther than i'd trust that rat fuck.

ramona offered a studied look before pressing the orange of her cigarette into the soft skin of lauren’s bicep. “not with those little arms, you won’t.” she broke into a laugh, girlish and giddy, stamping her feet with delight. ramona had this way about her that made even the cruel acts of a highschool superiority complex seem innocent. perhaps she was too often seen as the eighteen-year-old girl posing half-naked on the telly to be taken seriously; not that she often got away with that when she was speaking to lauren.

“you say that about every man.” because it’s true, she could hear lauren’s voice ringing through her skull before she could get the words out of her mouth. “his daddy bought him out of an embezzling investigation one time.” lie. ramona got her daddy to do a little stalking but beyond the insider trading and sorority rituals, he seemed like a good person (by her standards). “that makes him the least interesting person in new york… well, it would if he didn’t speak like mr. darcy and have stacks of books in every room of his house.” she flashed a grin of sparkly veneers. “aren’t you excited to meet him at lucretia’s? you’re coming to that, aren’t you?”

[deatheless]

@silkplay sent: [ GOSSIP ]: the sender turns to face the receiver conspiratorially, clearly eager to share some new gossip with them. / accepting.

❛ whoa, hello to you too! ❜ mina laughs, eyes widening as she notices the sharp glint in lauren's eye — ooh, she knows exactly what that means. either something's already happened in the time since SILK's earlier arrival, or someone's here that lauren's been sitting on a scoop about and it's finally the perfect time to drop it. either way, it's very exciting.

❛ man, i just got here and you're already corrupting me ... ❜ she teases, head tilting to the side with a sigh of mock - despair, despite her arm slipping comfortably around lauren's waist to tug her in closer. her sigh quickly turns into another giggle, and she tilts her head to rest against lauren's shoulder, peering up at her with an eager look in her eyes. ❛ well? are you gonna tell me, or are you gonna make me guess? ❜ she lifts her head with a cheeky grin and leans in, cheek pressing against lauren's as she scans the room for who the subject could possibly be.

( just from a cursory glance, she's got about three guesses. oh, this is gonna be good. )

[deatheless]

@silkplay sent: [ REASSURE ]: in a bid to steady the unsettled receiver, the sender lightly says "hey" to help them calm down. / accepting.

for a moment, everything turns to static. mina flinches from the sudden overpowering buzz in her ears, but there's no escape to be had. she can't take her eyes away from the crowd. can't take her eyes away from — all she can see is — a head bobbing above the rest of the crowd, a flash of dark hair, the side of a face, a shirt that looks a little too familiar — and she can't breathe. her breath stops up in her chest, heavy and thick. she thinks she might choke on it. her stomach twists painfully, the burn of nausea clawing its way up her throat.

she can't go onstage like this. she can't go onstage if he's here. why is he here?

( she’d tried not to let herself imagine what it would be like to see him again. ideally, she never would, but the thought has crossed her mind on occasion, the tips of a fantasy forming on the edges of her mind. she'd thought it would feel triumphant. she'd thought it would feel freeing. more than anything, she just thought it would feel good. instead, all she feels is the contents of her pre - show snack threatening to come back up. )

she doesn't hear them at first. from their tone, it's definitely not the first attempt to get her attention. but suddenly, like walking into a sunray out of the cold, andie's voice cuts through the noise and sounds in her ear, soft and careful, and a warm feeling flushes over her in a wave so fierce she feels dizzy. abruptly, she feels very small. very lost. how long have they been there? how long have they been trying to get her attention? when she looks to the crowd again, confession on her lips, she sees nothing, and a cold fear takes its place. where did he go?

❛ i can't ... i can't do it, ❜ mina whispers instead, voice hoarse. her palms hurt, the pinprick pain of her nails digging into the flesh suddenly almost overpowering, but she can't seem to unclench her fists despite it. she can't seem to relax at all, actually, until andie's hand comes to rest on her shoulder, the other resting somewhere between the small of her back and her hip, and the tension leaves her body so suddenly that her knees nearly buckle. she realizes, then, when she hits their chest instead of the floor, that the hand placement was because they expected this. her chest twists further, and she thinks her heart might pop right out of her throat through her mouth. their touch is so gentle. mina swallows back a sob. it's a miracle she can get any words out at all without wailing them. ❛ i can't do it. andie, i can't. ❜ and then, quieter, like she's afraid if she speaks any louder she'll be overheard ( maybe she is ) : ❛ i think he’s — he'll see me, andie. i can't do it. ❜

[deatheless]

@silkplay sent: have you been in love before? / accepting.

for a moment, it feels like she's been doused in ice water. that's not quite what she'd expected when andie had interrupted themselves, mid - sentence and mid - story, and told her they had a question.

❛ oh, um. ❜ something heavy stops up her throat before she can say any more, and she bites down hard on her bottom lip. something like a laugh bubbles in her chest, but it comes out strained.

( the fact that she's hesitating at all should be a bad sign, huh? )

for possibly the first time ever, she finds herself grateful for the phone in her hand and miles of distance between the two them. grateful that andie isn't actually here with her, and can't see whatever is going on on her face. they've always known her too well. probably better than she knows herself. she can picture them now, their expression clear as day, that concern she's started to know so well pooling softly in their eyes. she can see their cheek, soft from their frown, pressed up against the phone as they listen to her silence, wondering when she'll reply. how she'll reply.

she should say yes, shouldn't she? they've been together ... more than long enough now that she should probably say yes. she's said it to him before, after all. it'd be unfair to him if she didn't, when he does so much for her. and they are in love, right? the question just ... took her off guard, which is why she feels so weird. that's all. really, it's the easiest thing to say in the world, because it's true.

but for some reason the thought of saying it to andie makes her heart start to race, and she can't quite convince herself well enough that it's for good reason. she feels a little sick. like she couldn't get the words out even if she tried.

( there's only so long she can keep lying to herself. she doesn't know what she'll do when she can't take it anymore. the best she can do is keep trying to avoid it. )

❛ is, uh — ❜ in a mortifying self - betrayal, her voice comes out trembling, and she forces herself into a pause, swallowing hard in an attempt to smooth herself out, before she continues. ❛ is everything okay with lauren? is that why you're asking? ❜ and if she's lucky, the question will distract that enough that they won't realize she never really answered.

[deatheless]

@silkplay sent: didn't you hear? i'm asleep. / accepting.

❛ shut up, you’re so fucking annoying. ❜ she can say that all she wants, but the fondness in her voice betrays her — as does the fact that she’s currently crawling onto their chest to cuddle. no matter how tired they get, andie king can always make fun of her. reliable as always, they open their eyes to laugh at her pout, and — reliable as always — mina silences them with a soft kiss. a giggle of her own escapes when they take the opportunity to wrap their arms around her and pull her down halfway against them and the mattress. for a moment, all she can hear is their heartbeat.

the bus is quiet, mostly. if she tries, she can hear paris and lauren still talking through the door, and london and kennedy are up front, of course, but everyone else is already asleep. judging by the yawns being passed between them and the sluggish feeling slowing their movements as they adjust the covers, the two of them aren’t too far behind. paris and lauren sure think so, at least, considering they all but banished the two of them to bed after lauren declared them both basically already asleep after what must have been their collective hundredth yawn and pointed them towards the bunks. not that she’s complaining, though. she loves them both, but — well, she really is sleepy.

her head settles comfortably against their shoulder, face tucked into the crook of their neck, and even the curls tickling her nose aren’t enough to shake the weight of sleep already tugging her eyes closed. into her hair, they mumble something that sounds like a good night, but she’s not awake long enough to tell. one more clumsy kiss to their jaw, and she’s out.

( even when two more bodies join them two hours later, all but piled onto each other in the bunk, she doesn’t stir. when she finally does wake, morning sun streaming through the window, she pretends not to be, so she can enjoy it a little longer. )