Il Trovatore, Act IV, 50 lines
Scene 1: Outside the tower where Manrico and Azucena are held prisoner
Ruiz: Here you go. This is where your boyfriend and his mother are.
Leonora: Thank you. Now, go. I need some peace and quiet to sing the next 3 numbers.
Leonora: Oh, Manrico, how terrible to be away from you. I have so many flowery metaphors in my repertoire and I’m going to get them all out now for the next five minutes or so just to say that I love you and I miss you and I hope that you somehow know this and that you love me and miss me too.
Monks: We are the obligatory disembodied chorus of monks praying for mercy for the man who’s about to die.
Leonora: Poor Manrico! He’s going to die! I’m so scared I could faint. Being a soprano and all, it’s a little surprising I haven’t yet.
Manrico (from inside the tower): It’s torture to wait, I wish I was dead already. It’s not like I could just hope to get out of here. Being a tenor and all, my life is lived in absolutes. Farewell, Leonora! I’ll never see you again! I’m paying in blood for the love I have for you, which is indirectly me saying this is all your fault.
Leonora: Death is eminent! But I’m going to stand here singing for a little while because that’s what I do.
Monks: Have mercy on the poor soul.
Leonora: No! Even if it costs me my life, I will set my love fee! Of course there’s no option for us to get us both out of here alive. I’m a soprano and live my life in absolutes. Now I’m going to go, but not to get anything done, just to step out for a minute. *leaves*
Di Luna and a few guards come in
Di Luna: Is everything ready? Good. Now remember, the mother goes to the stake, and the son to the block. Got it? Okay, good. Now, get going. Ah, Leonora, this is all your fault. Obviously this is not me overeating. If I can’t have your love, neither can he. It’s not like we can find some middle ground or I could just give in and find someone else to love me. (Fernando raises his hand but no one notices.) No, I’m a baritone, and I live my life in absolutes. If I can’t have her, no one can. I’ll be happy to see that Manrico dead. Where is Leonora, anyway?
Leonora: *comes back* Here!
Di Luna: Don’t sneak up on people like that! Why are you here?
Leonora: I’m here to save Manrico!
Di Luna: Of course, why else would you be here?
Leonora: Please spare him!
Di Luna: You must be crazy if you think I’m going to spare him after all this. I just spent 3 acts hating him. I’m not going to relent just because you throw those pretty trills at me and bat your soprano eyelashes.
Leonora: Dang, I was banking on that. Well, if my beauty, charm, and piteous countenance won’t persuade you, how about this: Kill me instead.
Di Luna: Why would I do that? That’s totally counter-intuitive to this whole thing.
Leonora: Let my blood flow for his.
Leonora: Oh have mercy and take my life in exchange for his!
Di Luna: Just because you ask it in a different way doesn’t mean I’ll give a different answer.
Leonora: Fine! I have one weapon left in my arsenal. What if I could give you what you want?
Leonora: Let him go, and I’ll marry you.
Di Luna: Done! I can’t believe Leonora is finally mine! This is the best day ever.
Leonora: I have no choice but to take the poison that is somehow inside my ring. I have no idea how one can put poison inside a ring. Also, do I just carry this around with me in case I find myself in a position where I need to kill myself? This whole thing is a little strange. Anyway, farewell, cruel world. Manrico, I have saved you!
Scene 2: A horrible dungeon
Manrico: Mother, why can’t you sleep?
Azucena: Let’s see, we’re both sentenced to death, this dungeon is literally described by the original authors as “horrible,” it’s extremely cold and we have no blankets, the ground is made of stone, and to top it off I’m having flashbacks to my mother’s death. Remember, the bonfire?
Manrico: What if I sing you a lullaby?
Manrico: Sleep, dear mother, don’t say a word…
Leonora: I’m here, my love! I love you so much
Leonora: NO I LOVE YOU MORE. Now quickly leave. I’ve saved you and you can go home now but you have to leave me behind.
Manrico: Wait what? Why can’t you come with me? This is all very suspicious. How did you manage to save me? What did you do, sell yourself to the count?
Manrico: Traitor! Get out, I can’t even look at you right now.
Manrico: Nooooo I’m sorry I said those horrible things please don’t die
Leonora: Too late! I would rather die saving you than live as that horrible count’s wife.
Di Luna: Whoa hang on there what’s going on
Di Luna: What the heck I can’t believe she would rather die than marry me. Well so much for my promise! Guards, come take Manrico away! Send him to the block!
Manrico: BYE MOM I LOVE YOU
Azucena: WHAT WHERE IS MY SON
Di Luna: Look out the window, obviously they’re already at the chopping block three stories down and you can watch him be beheaded right here even though they left like five seconds ago.
Azucena: WHY DID YOU KILL HIM HE’S YOUR BROTHER
Di Luna: THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN GOOD TO KNOW EARLIER
Azucena: MOTHER YOU HAVE BEEN AVENGED
Di Luna: And I’m still alive! This is the worst day ever! I should have known I couldn’t have a happy ending. Why does Verdi hate baritones so much?
