Sirius Black's Diary. (1972)
It's so chaotic. I need to write. My stomach hurts.
The music is ridiculously loud but even at the max volume my thoughts can't stop.
They don't stop.
They remain a clusterful mess that gives me no space to breathe.
It's like running on a treadmill with no stop button (Remus taught me about treadmills) .
It's a mindfuck of thoughts that remain irrelevant. It's not even about not being enough like it usually is.
It's the people in front of me. My brain rambles like a convicted killer does in a coutroom. Constantly starting new topics that are irrelevant to fill the silence that it desparetly needs.
It is what it is I suppose.
I never considered myself an overthinker. It's moments you wouldn't expect someone to think of constantly that I overthink about. It's an unconscious habit. There has never been a moment in my life where I've had a lack of thought.
I crave the opposite like a man living in a desert does water. I crave the silence.
The moments that I do get no thoughts is when sometimes the music forcefully bursts through my ear disabling me to think.
Remus gifted me something called earplugs and an mp3. It helps me refocus really.
I don't know if Remus and James really do like me but they're fun. Hogwarts is better than home. Way better. Way way way better.