Questions
I was going to start writing the next part of Thoughts project when something happened yesterday that I had to put out there. A couple of weeks ago a friend of mine from work and I had a discussion about ABDL. She apparently saw something about it on YouTube and brought it up in a conversation. The discussion lasted about 45 minutes and mostly centered on wearing diapers. During which time I tried my best to give answers that didn't give away my insider knowledge of the subject. As we were talking I got the impression that she was fairly accepting of the idea that some people just like to wear diapers. Bare in mind that she had no idea I was a diaper boy and have been wearing diapers most if my life.
As the conversation came to a close, I did something that I still have no idea why I did it. Understand that she is a friend from work but also a personal friend outside outside of work as well. However, the risk I took is definitely not me. I've never advertised my diaper boy status to anyone who wasn't already aware of it. She said "Well, I'm not into it, but I do wonder what peeing in a diaper would feel like." I still have no idea why I did this, but I actually answered her question in TOO great a detail. When I was done she just stared at me and covered her mouth with her hand. The jig was up! She wasn't stupid and put 2 and 2 together. She didn't even ask, she just blurted out that I was like one of those people. I froze! I'm glad I had just gone to the bathroom shorty before because if I hadn't I would've probably soaked my pants right there. She must've saw my embarrassment and fear, and knew she was right. She said "Oh My God! You!? Really? Of all the people I know, I wouldn't have thought it." I had finally composed myself enough to actually answer her. I told her I had been like this since I could remember. Since I was a kid. I also threw myself at her mercy and begged her not to tell anyone. That it is a private thing that most people don't understand and don't even want to understand. I also apologized for putting it out there to her without much lead in.
Thankfully, she said she wouldn't tell anyone and that my little secret was safe with her. I was so relieved that I hugged her. We'd hugged as friends before, but not at work, so this kinda surprised her. She said she had so many questions about this. About the subject matter but also about me and my history wearing diapers. I told her NOT here! I didn't yell, but I made it clear that we could definitely get together and talk, and she could ask ANYTHING she wanted, but not at work. So after work she texted me asking if we could meet and discuss this. She said she already had a bunch of questions written down. I was impressed and nervous by this. I told her we could do lunch on our next day off and then go to a park, find an out-of-the-way place and she could ask all her questions.
This discussion took place yesterday. We talked for over 2 hours! She had so many questions and follow-up questions that I felt like I was being interrogated! Not in a mean way, she just asked about almost every little detail. I told her at the start that I was only going to be speaking for myself, not the entire ABDL community. That immediately got her attention as she had no idea just how many people are included in our community. After we were done I told her I never thought I could have a conversation like this with anyone who already didn't know I was a diaper boy (I had introduced her to that term during our conversation), and with her permission, I'd like to write about it on my tumblr. She said it was OK, but not to use her name. I said of course, I wouldn't. So, here are a list of her questions, follow-up questions, and my answers.
For reference: (Q)=Her question, (F/U)=Follow-up question, (A)=My answers.
Q1. Do you "really" like wearing diapers? (A): She gave the kinda squishy face when she said the word "Really", which made me smile and chuckle a bit. I answered her: Yes, I do "really" like wearing diapers.
Q2. What about them do you like? (A): An excellent question. Much easier to answer than the dreaded "Why do you like wearing diapers?", though I expected that one to creep up at some point. I told her my standard, truthful answer to this one. I told her about my 3 C's of what I like about wearing diapers.
COMFORT: I find diapers very comfortable. Both physically and psychologically. They are soft (especially cloth), warm, snug if put on properly, and feel like you're sitting on a pillow. Even wet, most diapers are warm at least for a while and still comfortable. Psychologically they definitely comfort me. I told her that when I'm wearing diapers I have much less anxiety and stress. I don't even have to worry about making it to the potty. Not that I usually have an issue doing that in my Big life, but being able to potty in my pants is just one less thing to think and worry about.
CONVENIENCE: Whether you're into wearing diapers or not, let's face it, sometimes wearing a diaper would definitely be convenient. Busy doing work and don't want to stop? Just go in your diaper. Crucial point in the big game and don't want to miss sports history? Soak that diaper. Gotta go bad and are worried about making it to a toilet in front of your friends? Easy, just go in your pants because you are wearing a Diaper! Diapers can be very convenient for many reasons. The hard part is getting over the stigma of being back in diapers. Once you do that, it's smooth sailing, even for the non-ABDL. Whether it's sports, gaming, movies, house work, yard work, long trips, planes, or anything that requires me to hold it like a big boy should, I've found that wearing diapers and just going potty in my pants is much easier than stressing about wetting or messing my big boy underwear.
CRINKLE: This has 2 sides to it. First is the actual diaper crinkle. As I've said before in earlier writings: I absolutely ❤️ loud, obvious diaper crinkles! I want to hear my diapered bottom crinkle loudly every time I move even the slightest. To me it's a badge of shame/courage if every time you move, you advertise to anyone nearby that you are still in diapers. To me and my CG, it's necessary. If I want to wear diapers like a toddler even though I am supposed to be a grown man, I shouldn't be taking crazy messures to hide that fact, and having a non-inhibited diaper crinkle is a necessary step to that.
Secondly, the "crinkle" aspect, to me, refers to the fact that since I am in diapers, I should be treated that way by everyone who knows. My CG, her friends who know, and anyone else who we have told, should be treating me like a little boy still wearing diapers when we are together, and for the most part, they do. I absolutely love that! It makes me feel like this isn't just something weird I do, it makes me feel like it is WHO I am! The "Crinkle" isn't just the sound my Pampers make, it's the sound of Me!
She was pretty wide eyed at this explanation. She said she never expected my explanations to be so detailed and personal. I told her that for many years I had no one to talk to about this and just had to think about it by myself, which led to many hours of self reflection.
Q3. Do you pee and/or poop in your diapers? (A): When I answered this as a "Yes" to both, she definitely pulled a face. I told her my rule was that if I'm gonna wear diapers like a toddler, I'd better be willing to use my diapers like a toddler. Otherwise, what's the point. (F/U): Even pooping your pants? (A): Yes. Don't knock it till you try it. I invited her to try it once in her life, and if she didn't like it, don't do it again obviously. Don't think she'll take me up on it though.
Q4. What kind of diapers do you wear? (A): I told her I mostly wear ABDL disposable diapers or adult cloth diapers with plastic/rubber panties/pants. She got hung up on cloth diapers a bit. (F/U): They make adult sized cloth diapers? (A): I told her yes and that I had 4 sets at home I could show her. Along with pins, rubber/plastic pants/panties, and various diaper covers.
Q5. What are your favorite diapers? (A): For this question I used my phone to show her all the different kinds of ABDL diapers out there and all the different types of diaper covers as well. I also showed her my top 5 favorite diapers to wear and she exclaimed rather loudly "They look like baby diapers!" I told her that was the idea. I could see her confusion and asked her if all she wore was plain white, cotton panties all the time. I said she didn't have to actually answer, but to think about it. When I'm wearing diapers, they are now my underwear. I don't always wear tighty whities when I wear big boy underwear, so why would I ALWAYS wear a plain white medical type diaper? She seemed understand that rational but said it's still kinda weird. She also could not believe there were SO many companies that made ABDL stuff. I told her it wasn't always this way, and that it's much nicer now than it was even 15 years ago.
Q6. Is this a sexual thing? (A): The obvious question everyone always wants to ask. So I answered the way I always have. No, it is not a sexual thing for me. Simply wearing diapers does not arouse me sexually. I did explain however that wearing something warm, squishy, and wet around your waist that is constantly rubbing your nether regions everytime you move, will cause a reaction. That, however, doesn't mean that I'm fully aroused. For me, the diapers coupled with the power exchange of being a Diaper Boy is what gets me. Yes, the diapers play their part, but only to facilitate the fact that I am a Diaper Boy and need to listen to my CG, or I get punished. It's ALL that together that is arousing to me, not just diapers.
Q7. Isn't wearing diapers as an adult embarrassing? (A): My answer was immediate. I told her that: Yes, wearing diapers is absolutely embarrassing and can also be humiliating, but that for me, that IS the point! I told her that I didn't purposely go out in public wearing clothes that completely show people that I am still in diapers. I also told her that also don't go through great lengths to completely hide that fact either. I told her that when I go out somewhere in my Pampers (regular daytime diaper set-up) I wear my regular clothes over them like any toddler would. Most people don't notice at all since they are dealing with their own issues and lives and aren't particularly interested in if the guy in front of them in line at the grocery store is still wearing diapers like a toddler. However, there is always the possibility that my shirt will ride up too high exposing my toddler pants, or they might notice my VDLs, or they might hear my diaper crinkle in a quiet moment, or my diapers may leak and show everyone the tell-tale half-moons on the back of my pants that any Mom or babysitter would recognize as a leaky diaper. Those possibilities are always on my mind when I go out and I absolutely ❤️ it! The possibility of someone figuring it out, and having to no way to explain it away always puts me in my little mindset and makes it easier to deal with the embarrassment and humiliation.
Q8. Does your wife have any pet names for you? (A): I told her absolutely. She has the usual names most people use for diaper boys/girls. Stinky butt, smelly pants, saggy/squishy bottom, etc... But her 2 favorite for me are Crinklebutt and Pottypants. (As reflected in my feed name) She uses Crinklebutt usually when I'm wondering around the house and she wants to get my attention, or when we're out in public and she can hear my Pampers crinkling. I love this name because when she uses it, I know for certain she can hear my diapered bottom crinkle with every movement I make, and if she can hear it, can others.... Pottypants is the one she uses when she knows I'm wet and/or messy and need a change. Now, I'm almost ALWAYS at least wet. I usually wet my diapers within 10 minutes of being changed. No idea how or why. It's just a talent I have 😁 So she calls me Pottypants when I'm either in need of a change or am one more wetting away from it. Oddly enough, she usually only uses Crinklebutt when it's just us, but will use Pottypants no matter who's around, if they're in the know of course.
Q9. Do you guys do other aspects of ABDL? Or is it just diapers? (A): Apparently she had looked it up a bit on the internet and found that ABDL has more to it than just wearing diapers. I told her that me being a Diaper Boy includes more than just me wearing and using diapers. I told her how we use domestic discipline in our relationship to keep me in line as a diaper boy. I had to explain how we have certain rules when I'm in diapers and if I break them, I get punished. She giggled quite a bit when I told her that I get spankings with MY paddle for misbehaving. Especially since she can see the size and strength difference between me and my wife. She also was quite surprised that I get my mouth washed out with soap for using bad language. I also told her how we have several onsies for me. Several of them are plain colors, but also that a couple of them have childish designs on them as well. I also showed her pics of some of my diaper boy outfits we bought. A pair of shortalls, rompers, and overalls. I explained to her that these outfits are to help me regress and play my part as a diaper boy and makes it easier for my CG to look at me as a diaper boy instead of a big boy.
The hardest part was explaining to her the sissy baby girl aspect of it. I had no idea how to start so I just showed her pics of my sissy baby outfits. My skirts and onsies, my rompers, and dress. As well as my frilly plastic panties and diaper covers. She had no idea what to say other than "You really, actually wearing these outfits?" I told her yes. I tried to explain how being dressed and treated as a little toddler girl helps reinforce my position in our relationship as the Beta. I explained how this was usually used as a punishment for repeated bad behavior or for me doing something so bad that I needed an attitude re-adjustment. She asked if I liked it. I smiled and told her: Sure, afterwards. But it's really hard to appreciate it when you're getting your bottom spanked regularly and have a bar of soap in your mouth several times a day. She just shook her head and said we'll have to talk more about being a sissy baby later because she didn't fully understand. Which I totally get.
Q10. Her last question was about very simple question, but one that would take me a long time to answer. Why? (A): I answered her question very simply initially. I told her I had no idea why I am this way. I told her I have wanted to wear diapers for as long as I can remember and consider myself a "factory setting" ABDL. I made it clear that I had an amazing childhood. That my parents are good people who love me and raised me right. I told her I was NEVER abused in any way, so this wasn't me dealing with any kind of trama. This is just the way I am.
As for why I continue to do this, I explained that for me it's mostly about stress relief and relieving anxiety. I told her that despite what she may see at our job and what she knows about my past, I'm not a natural Alpha personality. I have learned very well to be an Alpha at my job and in other aspects of my life, but in my personal life I like someone else to be in charge. What better way to express that then to have my wife (CG) put me in diapers and punish me if I misbehave? It's a good balancer for all the stress and anxiety I build up during my time at work. I get all anxious and stressed out at my job during the week, then I get to be home on my days off, get put in diapers, potty in my pants, get my bottom spanked, and my mouth washed out. What's not to like?
I condensed some of our conversation for length purposes, but otherwise this was most of the discussion we had. She said she still didn't understand my end of it, but assured me that my secret was safe with her.
I hope some people liked reading this. It was kind of impromptu and took me about a week to finish and proofread. Feel free to comment or message me about any of it.
As always, stay padded!
