Six Degrees Of Separation 6: The End
And the sixth, is when you admit you may have fucked up a little
As the hours passed away, Gerard grew more nervous. He now knew Cassie was here, and he wanted to talk to her. What was keeping him from going to look for her was the look on her face when she’d seen him. Cassie hadn’t known he’d be here, and she’d been surprised to see him, a bad surprise rather than a good one. Maybe it was for the best that they’d broken up, Gerard thought, and then dismissed the thought just as quickly as it’d come. It couldn’t be for the best if it hurt like it did.
They’d broken up because Cassie thought Gerard wasn’t as committed as she was, but that wasn’t true. He loved Cassie to pieces, and would’ve done anything for her if asked. He told her this, but she denied it and said he was more focused on football than on her, that he was somehow forgetting about her.
Gerard disagreed completely, saying that football was taking a lot of his time, but that he would never forget her, she was too important to him. She was basically living in his house, and they spent a lot of time together, he’d never forget about her. Every minute he didn’t spend in football or with his friends was spent with her, but Cassie disagreed saying that, when they were together, Gerard was always lost in thought. They didn’t talk like before, she said, and she missed that. The problem was that she didn’t see this would change anytime soon because football was taking more time of his day each day, and soon all he would be able to do was arrive home, ear and sleep. No time for her.
This pained Gerard, because he hadn’t felt like that at all. That’s why the breakup had come as a surprise to him. He’d never seen it coming, not in a million years. Cassie had one day called and told him they needed to talk. When he arrived home, she was waiting by the couch with her bags packed. They talked, but she left all the same. It destroyed Gerard.
He thought that the breakup was her fault, but he still wanted her back. Whenever he’d called her, she’d said that she couldn’t go or that she was busy most of the time, but now he thought that maybe she was avoiding him because he was always absentminded and not a good company.
Looking back at the last months of their relationship made Gerard realize that maybe it wasn’t all her fault, but his too. Cassie had grown tired of him, and decided it would be better to leave than keep on suffering.
He closed his eyes and looked down, fighting to calm down his emotions. It was true everything Cassie had said. He had thrown away her relationship, not her. You don’t appreciate what you have until you lose it. All those years reading that quote everywhere, and not once had it made sense until now. At this instant he saw that it was one of the wisest things he’d read. Gerard hadn’t appreciated Cassie, hadn’t appreciated everything she’d done for him until she left. Now she missed her, missed being with her. But there was nothing he could do to get her back, because Cassie didn’t want to see him, didn’t want to talk to him.
Regret coursed through Gerard, realizing he’d really lost her, now more than ever. But there was always hope. It was possible that one day she’d be able to forgive him. Maybe not forget, but yes forgive. And he couldn’t wait for that day to come. Sure, it was far in the future, but he’d live his life trying to get Cassie to forgive him for what he’d done.
