#sk writes

[tedwoodward]

My Strawberry Love, by jollllly

Summary: A poem from Deb's POV about her love, Alice. Inspired by one of this week's starkid writes themes: strawberries

link to ao3

[starkissed1]

Rules of the Game

Summary: What do you do when you get a wrong number text? What about when the text is a picture of an impressive dick? When your name is Loki, you answer it. And when you find you that the straight man on the other end of that picture is a truly interesting guy, you play the game.

Tags: E, 10K, Loki, Thor, Val, Loki/Thor, Human AU, Sexting, implied Thor/Val, mistaken identity, which makes the initial sexting rather non-con, strangers to ???, internalized homophobia, Q as in Questioning, Hurt/Comfort.

This is a fic born of Fandom Trumps Hate, and has been prompted and sponsored by @ladyvaderpixetc. Thank you for the opportunity, Enjoy!

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

[nadrianne]

Gone with the Petals (Chuuya Nakahara)

You already knew,yet you keep this façade of yours.

You knew he loves someone else, yet you cant bring yourself to stop loving him.

You knew you would die in a few months, yet you still look at him with love and admiration.

You knew that no matter what,You would either die with these feelings for him or live with no particular emotions for him.

"Y/n? Are you okay?" The red haired executive asked as you coughed,covering your white handkerchief with red hue. You nodded in response to your,practically, boss.

"Y-Yes, Sir .." You stuttered,clenching the piece of cloth on your hand. "E-Excuse me for a while" You could feel that the coughing fit would start soon,you slowly feel the petals in your throat.

Chuuya only dismissed you. What he sees was only a sick subordinate. nothing more,nothing less. You knew that. You knew that you're only a subordinate to him.

Walking through the hallway of the Port Mafia Headquarters, you started to feel the wave of dizziness as your vision blurs,soon your surroundings were now enveloped in black.

"The doctors said its Hanahaki Disease. I can't believe this..." The executive, Kouyou Ozaki said as she gracefully sat on the chair beside the hospital bed-which you are currently on.

"A promising subordinate gets this ridiculous excuse of a disease? Tell me, for who do these feelings exist? Tell them immediately about it so it may lessen your burden or yet, Have the operation perform in a few days." Her voice shows concern. You only looked at your superior.

"I'm sorry ma'am... and to answer your question,its for my superior, Nakahara Chuya. It would be impossible for me to tell him what I feel because...I know he already loves someone else."

"I'll have the doctor schedule your operation next week" With that, Kouyou stood up and left the room.

You feel really lonely.

You feel confused.

Should you tell Chuuya about your feelings?

_ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - _

The day of the operation comes close... You can't possibly tell him how you feel.

Besides, even if he knew what you feel...He would only reject you.

The woman who captured his heart was still unknown to you. Never have he ever showed us a picture of his lover. I mean who are we, but his underlings working for him?

The door suddenly opened to see the hat wearing executive with his arms full of baskets of fruits.

"Oi, You better be okay. You hear me?" Chuuya said,placing the baskets on the table beside you.

"I have an operation this week,sir. I might need some time off of work" This annoyed Chuuya.

"Look, You are one of those people who are diligent and loyal to the mafia. We can't lose you."

ah... so its just for the Mafia and not for you.

You faked a smile. "Don't worry,sir. I'll be good as new when I recover"

"Call me Chuuya... well Chuuya-san if you like. Anyways,what is your diagnosis ?"

so his Ane-san didn't told him about it.

"Dont worry about me,Chuuya-san" shrugging the topic off. He won't buy it so Chuuya asked Kouyou about the diagnosis.

"She was diagnosed with Hanahaki disease..."

_---------------------_

"Sir- We cant let the patient do that!" You can hear the doctor argue with someone just right out your door.

"Just today! Only today, I'm sure she feels like trapped in this hospital." The manー Chuuya argued back as he opened the door to your room.

"Get up, We are going to go to some places today,Y/n" He said, his look almost terrifying. The doctor was hesistant but your superior glared at him and lets you go only for a day.

First, you went to eat at a local restaurant, a traditional Japanese Cuisine restaurant. You can see the wonderful view of the restaurant's garden as you and Chuuya wait for your orders.

After, Chuuya stopped by a shop. A jewelry shop. He eyed the simple yet expensive diamond necklace.

"Do you think she'll like this?" He asked you as he makes you try the necklace. His face close to yours as he was putting on the necklace,locking it behind your neck. You can feel blood rushing to your cheeks. In the end, Chuuya bought the necklace.

Lastly, You both spent the rest of your day at the Port Side. You look at your superior and smiled.

"Thank you for today,Chuuya-san" at least the pain eased a bit.. He gave you a gentle smile and sat down on the stairs,letting you both have the view of the beautiful sea.

"I brought you here... because.. Y/n.. I want to make you feel better." Chuuya said,his bossy demeanor dropped. You let your head lean on his shoulder, the disease is not only about coughing flower petals.

"Chuuya-san,I have a small favor to ask" you started, the feeling of nervousness sprouts within you.

"Can... you please say 'I Love You' to me?" you asked,knowing its an indirect confession. Chuuya looked like a fish out of water. More or less he was speechless.

"I.. Y/n... You can't make someone say that easily..You can't force someone to love you back." he reasoned, those three words,eight lettered phrase scared him. He doesn't want to give her false hope.

"Y/n... those words. its really special.Besides being in love with someone... is taboo in the mafia. I mean,look at what happened to you!I don't want to give you any false hope. I'm sorry I can't do what you ask of me. " You smiled. You should have expected this answer. He already gave you his answer.

Rejection

_-------------_

Bursting through the executive's office was one of Chuuya's men who are assigned to guard Y/n.

"SIR, Y/N CALLED HER OWN OPERATION OFF AND DISCHARGED HERSELF FROM THE HOSPITAL!" This caught Chuuya's attention.

At the very same time,Kouyou entered his office. Looking back and forth between Chuuya and the guard,she spoke.

"I suggest you go find her. You are the only who can save her,after all." He didn't need to be told twice. He quickly grabbed his coat and hurriedly looks out for you. He first went to the hospital only to see your room being tidied and clean

as if you weren't there in the first place.

He couldn't accept that you just went up and go missing. He rushes out of the building,looking left and right for you. Maybe you havent gone far? He tried to be optimistic. Trying not to let the worse scenarios play his mind while he searches for you.

It felt like he was hit by a bus when the realization dawned at him

"She got diagnosed with Hanahaki Disease"

"Chuuya-san.. can you please tell 'I Love You' to me?"

"SIR, Y/N CALLED THE OPERATION OFF AND DISCHARGED HERSELF FROM THE HOSPITAL"

It was him. You are in love with him and he just realized it now.Countless calls were made, screaming your name in the middle of the busy streets of Yokohama. He couldn't find you. He almost lost hope until he remembers the Port side that you two spent the evening one time.

Out of breath,He arrived at the Port side. Your frail body on the stairs as you quietly watch the sea and ships. Then you spoke.

"You know... I wanted this to be my resting place. I want to die while I hear the large ships going to the port,birds flying over and the waves crash against the sea wall" her voice rang through his head. Seeing her in this state,it broke him.

"I knew I'd die soon.. and I commend you for figuring it out"

"When would you tell me?"

"Does it even matter?You are the one who told me,being in love within the mafia is taboo."

"I could have helped yo-"

"You also said that you cant force someone to love you back. So... tell me,does it even matter if I confessed to you?"

Chuuya couldn't answer you. He didn't know what or how to answer you.

"I would rather die with feelings for you. Knowing that in my life, I loved a man named Chuuya Nakahara... than live but knowing that once... that this," you pointed at you chest, "belonged to the man named Chuuya Nakahara.." you smiled at him sadly. "If only things were different..."

_--------------_

You were found lying peacefully in your bed, flowers-lilacs blossoming out of your chest. it was a gruesome yet fascinating sight. Blood covered the lilacs' petals,staining is beauty as it also stained your now pale,cold,lifeless body.

You were gone

Gone with the petals

[synonemous]

Writing is haaaaaard, you guys.

I thought I’d found a way out of a plot hole, but it turns out I hadn’t. I had to scrap that idea and go a whole other route. Thank the gods I hadn't posted that chapter yet, or I would have been crying into my keyboard right about now. 

I think I know a way to fix it, though. Think. Maybe.

This is what I get for adding another trial to my fic-resume, though. 

Here’s a little tip for you aspiring (fic)writers out there. Don’t do fully fledged judge-and-jury trials unless you’re sure you can pull it off and have every scrap of evidence - down to the last scrap of fabric - accounted for in your notes. Just trust me on that one.

[nadrianne]

In the Past (Ango Sakaguchi)

(3/3) Days after you regained your memories, You would always wake up with an empty bed. It is Ango after all, he has to work. You sighed as you got out of bed,and made your way to the bathroom to freshen up when you hear the water running. 'Ango must've been in such a hurry that he forgot to turn off the shower.' You thought before you went inside,only to find Ango taking a bath. The both of you screamed. "AAAHHH MY VIRGIN EYES" "WHAT THE HELL?!?!" then silence. cue the awkward moment. then the realization. "Are you naked?!?!?!" you gasped in horror. You see Ango covered his .. well you know whats that with a towel. "Can't you tell, ____?" He was blushing so hard that you think its really cute to push more of his buttons. "Aren't you late?" You said as you approach the sink and wash your face. "I.. I got carried away with something." He looked away and blushed even more. After you washed your face, you looked at him quizically. "With what?" He just dismissed the topic and dressed himself. 'With what, Ango??" You pouted. "I got carried away by your beauty. I stayed on bed just staring at you" He mumbled and this boi really got you blushing like mad. "Fuck you" you said, still blushing. "I wouldn't mind you doing that to me" He said as he put on his glasses. You decided not to say anything anymore. "Oh and you'll be coming with me to work for two weeks" Ok.. what the actual fuck. "What?! Why???" You asked him. Ango just rolled his eyes. "I can't leave you alone now.. after what happened to you,I swore to myself I would do anything to protect you..I told you about this before, I dont want to lose you..." He sighed and get his briefcase for work. You crossed your arms "That's selfish,you know. Besides, Its all in the past. I will be careful next time." You said with a poker face. Ango sighed. "Just.. Will you put up with me just for two weeks? I know you dont like this.. That it makes you feel like you are caged. Just.. please." You sighed. You never heard Ango plead to you like this. "Okay Baby Boy, I'll go with you. Under one condition" He tilted his head in confusion. "You'll come home before dinner in those two weeks. no matter how much busy you are or anything. Thats a Deal?" you smiled at him. " Its a deal. " He smiled. You intend to kiss him on the cheek but then he moved his head and your lips landed on his. "Cheesy bastard" You hit him playfully. "Your Cheesy Bastard" He smiled. "Shoo and I'll see you later!" You said and see him go. You smile to yourself before going to the bathroom to wash up and later on, pay Ango a visit in his office.

[nadrianne]

Too Much (Ango Sakaguchi)

(not canon but meh) (1/3) "When she wakes up, We don't know if she will remember anything. The damage to her head is quite severe.We're so sorry, Ango" The doctor said,patting his shoulder before walking out of the room. Ango just sat there,holding your hand as he squeeze it softly. The events that lead up to this was too much. He knew that the enemies would involve her into this mess. He knew that you would be used against him, but he never knew they would torture you enough to leave you unconscious on the floor, on the brink of death. He knew you're a fighter. That is why he was confident to leave you without guards,but apparently it was a mistake. The mistake that made you end up in a coma in the hospital. Tubes and needles on your arms did not help him ease his worries. He needs to fight, he wants to kill whoever did this to you. He sighed, He does not have time to mourn or be sad because: 1) you are not dead 2) He has yet to hunt down the people who did this. He just sat there for hours looking at your scarred face,but those scars did not make you less beautiful. He thinks they were a reminder that after all of what had happened, you survived hell. He remembered the phone call you made before he found out you were kidnapped. He should have known,from the way you talked to him that day. -¤ Flashback ¤- It was almost noon yet Ango Sakaguchi is still working on the reports for the investigation that involves ability users, Ango received a phone call from his special someone,____. "Ango..." your voice from the cellphone almost gave away the helplessness you were facing as the kidnappers were trying to find you. "____, is there something you need?" The Ministry officer asked, a soft smile appeared on his face. He leaned on his desk waiting for your answer when there was someone knocking on the door. "Ango,whatever happens...you know I will come back,right?" You said,trying to hide the fear from your voice. He nods,even though you can not see him. "Yes. I know that, my love" You do not particularly like it when he says something like that ,but at that moment you just smiled. Trying to calm yourself by hearing his voice. The pursuers were too determined to capture you. "I love you, Ango" You softly said,sensing the intruders nearby. "I love you,____" He said. Putting away his phone, he continued working on the reports.He imagined that he would come home and find you cooking your favorite meals but only to see that the house was messy, blood trails to the door and knowing you were kidnapped by the enemy. ~¤ End of Flashback ¤~ He did not like how foolish he was and that he did not saw what was the reason behind the faint fear from your voice. He could not accept that, in a way, this was his fault. He was determined to save and protect you. He swore to never let you leave him,because he did not want to feel the loss again. He did not want anyone close to him leave him broken. It was a bit selfish for him,but it was because you were all he have to achieve happiness. He was mostly not affected when enemies tried to harm him,but this. This is too much. He kissed your bandaged forehead and glanced at you before he headed back to work with a determined look on his face. Its time for to hunt down the bastards that brought you on the brink of death.

[nadrianne]

To Remember (Ango Sakaguchi)

(2/3) ~¤ Flashback ¤~ You knew you were a goner. Broken bones and bloodied head, you knew you would die. You gathered every strength you had to fight back only to be beaten down till every muscle sore. Your abductor looked at your tattered clothes and gave you a sinister smile. indicating that this torture, is only the tip of the iceberg. Before Ango rescued you, The days felt longer. The kidnappers would starve you almost to death,would even try to get sexual with you, but you would always fight back to the point that they would only beat you. You never felt so hopeless till the day of the rescue. You would be dunked enough in water to bring agonizing pain and then slapped hard by these monsters. They would also put pressure on your neck,cutting the supply of air in your body before dragging you like a rag doll. By the time Ango found you, your head was bashed in so hard and you can practically feel only a single thread of life in you. The Internal Affairs Assistant Counselor found you on the ground. Blood surrounding you, on the walls, and even on the doors. You knew you could not survive. but you did. You did survived hell, but At what cost? ~¤ End of Flashback ¤~ You felt your eyes slowly opened at the sight of a white ceiling,smell of disinfectant alcohol, and the sound of your heart monitor-to which was annoying for you.You moved to see a young man sleeping beside you,holding your hand as he softly snore. You did not know who this man was so you moved your hand away from him.You looked away from this man. It was ridiculous to see him sleeping with his round glasses on. As a light sleeper, Ango woke up to see his significant other move her hand away from him. Is she mad at him for not being there on time? "Where...Am I?" you said as you looked at him, those lively eyes replaced with void and emotionless eyes. This made Ango tense. He knew that you should know that you are in a hospital,but why were you asking him where you are? "Who.. am I?" The three words that tipped the world and left the Gifted Counselor devastated. He was relieved he got you back physically, he did not even think the possibility of you losing your memories. He did not expect this. He didn't lose you, but he felt that he lost you. ~♡~¤~♡~¤~♡~ Few before after you were released from the hospital,The doctors confirmed that you have memory loss and you won't be able to walk for a while. Ango had decided to take a definite leave for you. He had been by your side,hoping to at least jog your memory of him and take care of you. You were in the bathroom tub when you felt a fragment of your memory resurfaced on your mind. You did not want to call for any help because you want to be independent.Heck you did not want any help from anyone. That single fragment of memory showed you the pure torture you went through by the hand of those monsters. You could feel as if there are handprints on your body,and you screamed. You only found yourself being lifted from the bathtub and you were breaking. You broke in tears as you hugged Ango. Memories began to come back as you cry on his shoulder. He brought you on the bed and pulled you closer to him. "I said I would come back...I'm so sorry, Ango. I'm so sorry,I didn't come back... Ango.. they.. almost.." you could not find it in yourself to continue. You felt his hands wipe away youre tears and kissed your eyelids. "I'm so happy that you got your memories back. I have waited and did everything for you to remember what we have. I'm so glad it paid off. I know I cannot take away those nasty memories,but I promise you ____. I promise you we will make better ones. We will make special memories together. I don't want to lose you. Not again will I ever lose someone special to me." he hugged you,his chin on top of your head. "I will not let it happen again." he said, leaving you to be a red tomato because of his statement. This is not like him. You wiped the remainder of your tears and pushed him a bit. "W-What did you do to my Ango?! BRING HIM BACK!" he blinked in surprise as you tried to shove him away. You broke out a small smile as you look at him. "What are you talking about, my love? I did not switch bodies with anyone.." he said, this boi is confused af. "You're being cheesy,Ango...It does not suit you" You joked and chuckled a bit. You pushed him a bit. "Now go get me some clothes,you lowkey pervert" You said,that made the young man a blushing mess. He walked out,blushing to no end as he gets some clothes for you.

[starkissed1]

This blanket box is focused on my 2020 Ao3 Fanfics. I did the same process in my 2019 Fanfic Writer’s box, so I’m using this for comparison and reflection on this process. The original can be found here, designed by versegm. You can find other blanket boxes in the BlanketBoxBox community. The Numbers44K is my approximate 2020 posted word count. (2019: 38K, 2018: 32.5K) Seven fics posted on Ao3 (5 new ones, 1 WIP completed, one WIP that is still in progress)3 fandoms: Thor (movies & comics), Captain America (movies), and Jupiter Ascending11003 words make up the longest fic I wrote this year.32 people subscribe to my Ao3 account. This is almost double last year's number. *Gulp*The ReflectionThis year was a ride: I wrote a story that got more response than I would have ever expected; I wrote out of my main ship; I did some things to meet last year’s goal of being more active in fandom; and I was completely shut down by stress/anxiety/whatever that resulted in complete self-judgement about my writing and more stress. I’m gonna quote that kid, “2020 was like looking both ways before crossing the street and then getting hit by a submarine.” [READ-MORE]I started the year on a high point, because I finished 2019 with some conception of what I was doing. I had some writing systems. I’d found where much of my main fandom was posting since tumblr began to dissolve. In December, I had energy to pinch hit for someone in a fic exchange. I could stop referring to this as me screwing around. I was doing what I wanted, on purpose. My writing was decent–not great–but I was proud of my work.So, I set out to see how I could do something with this intention. I participated in Fandom Trumps Hate as a bidder and auctioned fic writing. That was fabulous. I enjoyed the option to be bigger than fandom. I found it eye opening to see how many people really don’t care about a problematic ship (you caught that my previous fandom experience was tumblr, right?). It was neat to work with people through those connections. FTH mods and participants that I interacted with were chill folks who were happy to celebrate something fannish with others. I really want to do this again.FTH prompted my most well-received fic this year. Rules of the Game was written as the USA was just going into lockdown. It’s a 10K porny falling-in-love story. Comparatively, for my work in this fandom, it blew up. More Kudos, Comments and Bookmarks than most other things in my list of works. It still has the highest Kudos/Hits ratio. I do think it’s better written than some of my other things, but I’m still baffled by the response, and the continuation of this response. The comment on this that I return to regularly is, “It felt real—like you were describing something honestly possible between real people.” 🥰That high, took me into April. I signed up for the Big Bang I expected to, and then I signed up for a second. I had beginnings for both of these stories and I was looking at 10-25K stories for each. No problem. Except, life happened, as it does. Now, I know I’m a lucky, well-off bastard and I have weathered this pandemic better than many. But, here is where I lost it. I struggled to write. I knew I was capable of 2K+ weekends and I have some downtime from work that results in more free time, but that would require actually writing. I just didn’t. Parts of me wanted to. Parts of me just sat around and let the hours flow through my fingers. One of my Big Bang partners bailed in a way that I struggled to cope with and a project I’d not written on in a month and a half, sat for another month. In retrospect, I know this was stress and anxiety that was very pandemic related. However, I spent months with berating self-talk and little to show for it. I’m working on being kinder to myself.Additionally, I wanted to take some time in 2020 to step out of my main pairing and write some other characters. I read a lot of pairings and gen in MCU, so I expected that my Stuckytasha fic was going to go easily, but stress/anxiety/writer’s block proved me wrong. Still, I ended up really happy with some of the characterization in the work. I will probably write Sam Wilson again...but even though I love the trio, I have no more plans to write them. The Jupiter Ascending fic was a blessing in disguise. After having such trouble with what I thought would be easy, I was worried about JA. When I finally sat down to write it, it flowed. Both Caine and Jupiter have a lot of room for expansion and that was fun to play with. I’m likely to write more in this fandom. Though, honestly, if I’m going to write more het smut, I need to read more het smut. My vocabulary didn’t feel matched with my intent.What I did end up with by the end of the year was two finished Bangs, two finished FTH fics, a holiday exchange prompt fill, a little published work on a WIP that I love, and two unpublished WIP’s that might eventually see the light of day. And apparently, I have more published words than the year before. I’m a bit perplexed at that statistic. The other thing I accomplished in this process was to identify more of my writing style. When I edit, I have a better understanding of how I’m structuring flow and what is superfluous from my drafts. However, commas will forever be my passion and my downfall.[/READ-MORE]Looking back, I remain surprised that I accomplished things in writing because I spent so much time this year not accomplishing much. As 2021 starts, I want to continue the intentional work of writing. I plan to do so with much more self-care (honestly, this is just a regular life thing. My regular self needs more self-care right now, not just my writer-self). I will sign up for Fandom Trumps Hate (or similar), I might do a Bang, but mostly I think I’m just going to write what I want, when I want. I’m still playing.

This is a self-reflection post. I’m testing out some cross-blogging options.

The Numbers

44K is my approximate 2020 posted word count. (2019: 38K, 2018: 32.5K)

Seven fics posted on Ao3 (5 new ones, 1 WIP completed, one WIP that is still in progress)

3 fandoms: Thor (movies & comics), Captain America (movies), and Jupiter Ascending

11003 words make up the longest fic I wrote this year.

32 people subscribe to my Ao3 account. This is almost double last year's number. *Gulp*

The Reflection (Read More)