I found it again, at last. My harbour, my safe haven, my nest, my palace, my woodcabin, my straw hut, my cavern, my cloud, my favourite fur, my home: her. Her skin felt even smoother than before, her inimitable curves looked more perfect than ever, her gentle gaze more welcoming than the last time she laid it on me. As cliche as it may sound, it felt as if we had seen last the day before and yet the pain from our respective absence was sharper than ever when I laid in her arms at night. In the physical presence of her skin pressed against mine, the volume of her flesh surrounding my little spooner of a body, I was made more acutely aware of the density of her being in my life, mirroring that of the air that used to be my cruel lover in the previous 120 or so nights. The more I let myself slide in the voluptuousness of this bodily contentment, the more I felt the suppressed suffering surging back to life. Being alive in that very moment meant to both feel ecstasy and pain at the same time, as if one could not really come without the other one. I was on trial: through the process, I had to acknowledge to myself those hard feelings I had until then evaded, afraid of their power over my resolve. Only by admitting them now, could I really sink in the present moment, as embraced the most fully, a.k.a. bliss. (Past, present and future) bliss demands that one be present to the present, even when it hurts badly. Allowing for our strongest emotions to be what they are right here right now is the only way for us to train ourselves to be, in fact, right here right now. By allowing them so, you show yourself respect and you let the energies flow through you. So I let the pain wash over me as I revelled in my home’s found again arms. My eyes tensed and softly teared up in the warm darkess that was the delicious area over her left breast and her shoulder. My wonderland, my baby-formula smelling, shea butter textured, rising sourdough feeling, beautiful sentient pillow. We were the centre of the world, we created the world we wanted to inhabit. Lost in translation in a foreign land and yet landed at home like never. Because our hearts were now only a few inches away, beating their different though accorded rhythms. Because she was her. Because I was I. Because I was home. At last.
