To leave, or not to leave
I usually busy myself most of the time with fanfics, wandering around my house trying to do something, or just browsing tumblr. (homework too) And yet I seem to complain that I don't have time to do anything I want to do. But that's not really the case. I'm just tired of how slow my computer is, since I don't like opening up a program and waiting for it to load. (which can take a long while on my laptop, mind you) I just see it as being highly inconvenient, and it un-motivates me to write, or to do anything else on my computer. Not only that, but I seem to half-ass things, thinking about writing a cool story, and then losing all motivation for it days later. I have two accounts on Tumblr, and I lose so much motivation after a few months. It's happened to me twice now, and I don't know what to do. I feel like the only reason I'm even rp'ing is to simply know what it feels like to do something like this. And the only time I do ever get work done is when I have a whole day off, on which I know I won’t be doing anything. But days like those are extremely rare for me, especially when whenever I do find time to write, a friend demands for me to do something with them, and it feels like I’m not meant to rp. (though that’s probably me being a pessimist) It seems like I never seem to follow through with things completely, and I know this is a problem I need to fix, but I don’t know how honestly.
Like I said, this is worrying me since I feel like I’m letting you guys down when I’m not on. You all care, and maybe I’m just overreacting, but I feel like a burden to you when I’m not here. I know I’m no one special, and I hope I’m not acting like I’m doing this for attention, (because I’m seriously not trying to) but this is how I honestly feel, and... I’ve thought about sharing this a few times with you guys, but I thought you wouldn’t care, and I still think you won’t... It’s probably because as I’m writing this I’m thinking about how this is just a little problem about how I naturally focus, but... nonetheless I’m starting to think the only way to fix it is to just stop rp’ing on here for good, since I’m not active on here as much as I would like to be. It’s not that I don’t find it fun, but I feel extremely guilty for keeping you guys waiting on a thread and not knowing if I’ll ever answer it, but again this may not bother you, but it really bothers me...