#skyiscalling

[agapaic]

I absolutely have to ask you: what do you think about He Tian’s condition in the new chapter (if you’ve already seen it, of course)? Is he doing it on some purpose? Is it his own choice to fail his exams? Or, maybe, he really feels some pressure? Could it be because of Guan Shan (adults call it bad influence)? He has always inspired me - by being that sly dangerous asshole, BUT with perfects grades (which made him 100 times cooler) and a good reputation at school. Now, I’m worried, honestly.

Sorry, lovely -- I read your ask a few days ago and have had to keep delaying a response because life. 

I think it’s a complete mixed bag of things tbh. I have a feeling Old Xian might chalk it down to one reason if they give an explanation, but in reality it’ll be a whole host of things:

He’s distracted by Guan Shan

He’s suffering childhood trauma/PTSD from his family

He’s no longer having to strive to be one of the best because the people he cares about don’t care whether he’s the best (and he certainly has no love for his family)

He actually has people around him who are worth more than school 

He’s skipped school because of illness and family things

He might be doing it a tiny bit on purpose? Because I imagine that even without studying/pressure/etc. he’d still do pretty damn well on the exams, but I also see him sitting the exam and completing zoning out from everything he’s gone through lately and just... handing in a blank paper

I think mainly it’s about realising the people who want him to prove himself aren’t the people who want what’s best for him. He’s probably had a childhood of overachieving out of a need for recognition/validation/warped affection (and because he doesn’t know anything else), and now he doesn’t need that. The people around him aren’t asking for that from him. And yeah, it’s hard as fuck realising that he’s probably striving for that recognition/affection from Guan Shan and neither of them are really getting anything right, but I’m looking forward to seeing them try.

[agapaic]

Thinking about your repost which says that the amount of kudos on AO3 may be different from the number of hits, and it should not discourage any author. Well, it definitely should not discourage you, ever; as your loyal reader I assure you, there are people who read your works over and over again, because they are charming as hell. Wish you good luck with your future songfic [needless to say, I’m waiting for it]. And a little question: what do you think about He Tian and Jian Yi’s relationship?

This means a hell of a lot to me. Thank you. 

I wish it didn’t, but I still feel like I’ve failed if I don’t get ‘x’ amount of notes or kudos on works I’ve spent days on in total. I turned off hit counts a while ago on AO3 because the ratio thing was getting to me. Why were so many people checking out the works and not leaving a kudos if they reached the end? Were they just forgetful? Lazy? Was I such an awful writer that the first line made them click the back button so quickly? I feel disappointed with myself when I don’t get comments on a work I enjoyed writing, or when a post didn’t get the number of notes I thought it would by the morning I woke up, especially when it’s a commission, because it’s Oh God, someone paid me to write this and it’s crap and I’ve let them down. 

I can’t explain the kind of energy and self-deprecation the process of writing is -- the process of posting writing online. Idk. The way I talk down to myself when I write gets pretty horrendous sometimes, often in-line with the way I beat myself up about other things, and I think that’s often the way with most artists/creators of whatever media. I guess I don’t really think about how wrong it is really until like... now.

“Charming as hell” is a pretty great compliment, so thank you. This message made my day so I kept checking back to it and re-reading before replying.

Thank you also for the well-wishing -- I’m working on the Crazy Rich Asians commission I made reference to a while back, and then I’ll probably start working on that fic. Possibly starting a Patreon to go with it...? Who knows. Travelling is so time-consuming and energy-consuming and I feel like there’s not much left of me at the end of the day. I’m happy to still have a little flame of want when it comes to writing, and working on my writing is a comfort, when/if I get to.

He Tian and Jian Yi’s relationship. I can’t remember who wrote the post or when, but it talked about their ability to talk openly with one another and ask for advice. There’s little awkwardness between them. They’ve both got experiences they’re able to share and draw from. They both need someone a little grounded to, well, ground them. But their similarities are endearing. I appreciate what they are to each other quite a lot, and I think it emphasises that friendship is just as -- actually more -- important than pursuing a love interest. I’m looking forward to more scenes between them; I think they’re as revealing of the characters’ personalities as how they act around their interests.

[agapaic]

I adore your tag “19 days music”, fell completely in love with “Do I wanna know?”, it matches He Tian perfectly. I would kill to see your playlist associated with He Tian [several songs]. If you’ll have some free time, please, share it with us. I wonder, what kind of music he is? [sometimes I think it’s hip-hop 😂]

Thank you so much! I love that we’re all able to share music with one another here— it’s a huge part of my experience of a medium, and a huge influencer when I write.

I haven’t created my own “this is what He Tian listens to” playlist, but these are songs others and I have suggested for songs that REMIND us of He Tian: https://open.spotify.com/user/bettymaestrange/playlist/52cDayTtpjcLYxkdH2Nd9z?si=yRpwz36kRcW3I7oykkBNhg

I might put together a post soon with a “what He Tian listens to” playlist tho. I think that would be a really neat concept (with artwork etc.). Stay tuned! 😉

[agapaic]

IM A HUGE FAN OF THE GODFATHER, so, sorry for being loud, YEAH, that definitely would be a fantastic line, HOW ABOUT TIANSHAN GODFATHER!AU Your post about your recent financial situation worries me; we don’t spend much time thinking about everyday struggles of our favorite authors. Just wanted to wish you “bon courage” with all of this adult shit, we mentally support you so much, it’s also a part of your miraculous path of becoming a great writer. THE NEXT STEP I HOPE IS A TIANSHAN GODFATHER!AU

I confess I need to actually watch the films but yeah I’m so up for it. Worried it might a bit too much like never gonna hurt you, baby tho…

Aw, thank you… Things have been less than good lately. I had to take out a loan and stuff bc there was no way I could pay $650 on rent a week and not have any income since I’m paid hourly. I took a day off yesterday for personal reasons and I really couldn’t afford to so. Yeah. It sucks. But I also had an interview for a Research Coordinator role with an educational publishing company, so I have my fingers crossed very hard for that!

It’s also why it means a lot to me if people support me with a ko-fi or commissioning me or becoming my patron – I literally need that income, and monetising a hobby of mine is the only way I know how to do that right now.

[agapaic]

Speaking about those nuances of translation: when He Cheng takes away He Tian’s cigarette, he is saying 别的可以不管, and, though I love the translation from our personal god yaoi-blcd, this expression may be interpreted in a less formal way (a tiny bit). Basically, He Cheng is saying “The rest is not important and doesn’t bother me, but don’t smoke”. I find it really adorable (suddenly, his concern is sincere, and it’s almost painful) this way. Not sure if you needed this information, but still. ⛩

Thank you so so much! I needed and wanted and loved this; the relationship between He Cheng and He Tian has changed (for me) so much in this recent chapter, especially because of nuances like this. So long as his sincerity is honest, then it says: I want you to grow up at your pace, and learn from your mistakes, and enjoy the road you take while you do. 

Like, He Cheng has taught him that there are consequences; when He Cheng paid for Guan Shan’s hospital bills, He Tian knew there would be repercussions. He Cheng has taught him balance and a kind of brutal understanding that if you want to do A then you must be prepared to do B. Yin and yang philosophy, in a sense? That nothing comes for free. It’s an interesting hardship that Guan Shan and He Tian both know very well, from two very different ends of the spectrum.

I’m still not really excusing him because making your kid brother think you killed his dog is pretty... you know. Twisted as fuck. But I am beginning to see him in a more complex light. He’s got to be one of my favourite characters.

[opticallyaddicted]

Animated Manga “Inio Asano” by skyiscalling: ( Betelgeuse )