the strangest thing of learning to be aware of and having the words to describe what's happening in your body or your maladaptive coping strategies is practicing naming what's happening, and when you find yourself fighting with someone and you realize you're starting to see them from the end of a tunnel or are dissociating and you are flailing to get control of yourself and communicate to them that while they are certainly on your last nerve, you're not at all trying to be cruel to them with your unresponsiveness, and then you just blurt out 'im shutting down!' loool and then it comes across like you're threatening them with silent treatment and then it's like watching someone thru your locked front door that has a glass window and theyre screaming and banging on it and yanking at the doorknob trying to get in and you're just standing there watching them eerily calm inside your house and its all a fucking MESS
