#smile killer

[kyeomdata]

200107 ICN © smile killer

[chocolatcandy]

[superjuniorsteenagequeen]

#HappyKibumDay 

[aripinthesky]

I’m not trying to fix you, you have to understand, and I’m not asking to be fixed.  I know that I’m broken and constantly cutting myself on the pieces, and I know that the thorns dig into your insides more days than you can count but I’m not looking for a hero to journey into the darkness of my soul and return with my withered pale form into the light, whimpering with gratitude.  I’ve had that and it didn’t work and it never will because if you could really save me you’d do it by sitting in the sun and tempting me with crumbs of food until I trusted you like some silly story where you’re the human and I’m the animal.  So don’t waste your time and energy trying to save me, because I’m not asking you to.  And I’m not trying to climb inside your tangled mind and ease the volatile snarls of thought apart.

[aripinthesky]

I feel like what you want from me is not something I’ll ever be able to give, not a version of myself that will ever exist, not really.  Maybe for fleeting moments in the dark, yes, but not forever, not for the long term.  I won’t be this way forever, and I can’t even say I’ll be this way in five seconds.  I’m having to trust the fragile idea that you’re taking what you want, that you’re not unhappy that you’re not miserable that everything you want is something you’re getting out of this because this doesn’t seem to be your usual thing, your usual way of dancing along the wire of too much, too little, too edgy, too safe.  In a moment of fragility, of brokenness, I might ask for the truth, ask you in a brusque demanding tone to clarify for me what it is, exactly and explicitly, that you want.  And you’ll pause and think about it and waffle on about it, struggling to find the words to define what it is you want and I’ll take away from it not what you really mean but a fractured version of what I wanted to hear and we’ll continue bobbling along until you can refocus your eyes and suddenly one day you’ll realize that I’m not what you were ever looking for and in that moment, in the center of a busy street, in the quiet morning hours, while we’re eating dinner, you’ll make up your mind that you love me too much to let such a thing matter anymore because you’re different now or that idea of a person will still sustain you and you’ll leave me in the inevitable and endless quest for a perfect person to fit the correct criteria in the correct order.

[aominesan1]

[aominesan1]

[aziiankppop]

omfg. that smile is killing me.