#snarcasmic

[snarcasmic]

Cleaning up after 2018

Friend: um dude, where should I put your 2018 resolutions you didn’t do? They’re fricking all over the place.

Me: just put them over there next to all those sporting awards I didn’t earn and the Nobel prize for ending world hunger I didn’t receive.

Me: no, that’s the doctorate degree in medicine I didn’t go for, and that’s the humanitarian award I never got. Jeez. Use your eyes!

[snarcasmic]

I love how my humor is still on point

...when everything else in my life is like...

[snarcasmic]

When your job is a breeze and you really can’t complain about anything...

And then one thing happens which causes you to actually do a speck of work and it’s like...

[snarcasmic]

Did you ever notice

That if you get a little bit of teriyaki sauce on your fingers you might as well take a shower or call HazMat because that shit is going to get all over everything.

[snarcasmic]

When you post a killer meme and just sit back and wait for the likes...

[snarcasmic]

WHEN YOU REALIZE HALF WAY THROUGH CLEANING YOUR BATHROOM YOU DGAF. BUT NOW YOU ARE STUCK.

[snarcasmic]

Me: You’re too high to tell me the story and I’m too high to listen to it.

[snarcasmic]

RB if Relateable:

“Pretty much everyone who says, “I don’t want to call you out on this one, Carol” REALLY WANTS to call Carol out. And is about to unload.”