Triumphant Thursday
@bladesingerlily uno reversed a Whumpy Self-Care tag with the prompt/request of something seriously joyful or fun. I'm going to grab snippets from every gift Astarion and Miss Fortune have stolen for each other for their little pickpocketed/stolen gift competition because nothing says roguish love like petty crime 💜 i.e., watch the rogues fall in love slowly over stolen items.
In return, gentle tags for my tadfools + some other faves. I know many of you love your angst so I also challenge you to find a fun/joyful snip (or collection of snips if you're extra like me): @litsenn @lottavilja @r3drozebud @play-me-a-durge @lilhumanoid @et-augury @elceewunjo @aerin67 @spillingteanotpermitted @lofi-fried @lucretiouswept @burnt-by-marigolds @archduchessgortash @cinder-rellish181 @echoechowhiskey @chaushaus
1) Bejeweled baculum bone - From MF to Astarion (a druid's version of an engagement ring, the day he planned to propose)
“Hey, Astarion,” they loomed over his face, blocking out the sun. He cracked an eye open in mild annoyance. “I’ve got something in my front pocket for you,” they purred.
“Not in front of poor Shadowheart, you little menace,” he scolded.
“Ha! It’s not my penis. It’s a penis, just not mine.”
...
Miss Fortune reached dramatically into their pocket, pulling the trinket out painfully slow before closing it in their fist. They placed it gently, almost reverently into Astarion’s upturned palm. Sitting up to take a look, the vampire’s shoulders began to shake with laughter. It was a baculum bone about as long as his palm was wide, and it had been intricately carved and bejeweled with tiny emeralds.
“What in the bloody hells is this little beauty?!” Astarion laughed.
2) A mummified toe - From Astarion to MF
Astarion dropped what appeared to be a desiccated hairy mushroom in their palm. Except that it had a bone sticking out where the stalk should be.
“It appears to be a mummified toe,” Astarion explained, beaming with pride. “It still counts for our little game because I plucked it off one of the gnoll’s necklaces before it noticed we were there.”
Miss Fortune had examined it closer and saw he spoke true. “Disgusting. I love it.” And they did love it. Because it was strange, stolen, and it came from Astarion. They quickly pocketed the gnarled prize before settling back down and patting the space next to them.
3) A single brass knuckle - From MF to Astarion + a prostitute's love letter - From Astarion to MF
“Darling, as I was saying, I got you something,” he said with pride.
“But it was my turn,” Miss Fortune whined in pretend dismay. “I guess it’s a good thing I also got you something. Honestly, those drunk-ass goblins were such easy targets.”
“Weren’t they just?” Astarion laughed. “All right, let’s exchange on the count of three.”
The pair each held out a hand, and on three they dropped their stolen gifts. Moments later, Astarion was examining the single brass knuckle Miss Fortune had fished out of the pocket of a goblin who’d been sleeping off a drunken stupor on their side. It had ‘Love, Mom’ engraved on the side. The vampire proclaimed it hilarious and waited with an eager smile for the half-elf to open the faded and bent envelope he’d handed over. Miss Fortune gingerly untucked the flap and tugged out a folded letter. When they opened it up and began to read, their jaw slackened and they felt the color leave their cheeks. The letter read:
... [insert embarrassing love letter here...trying not to make this too long]
There was no other explanation: the universe was toying with them. They knew the sender of this letter; it was one of their old colleagues at the brothel who had fallen in love with a merchant’s son and run away. A prostitute who had fallen for a customer. Word had it she died on the trip to this village, which felt all too fitting given Miss Fortune’s predicament.
4) A new, unbroken mirror - From MF to Astarion
With a dramatic flair, Miss Fortune produced a new looking glass from behind their back. “It’s a lot more convincing to use a mirror that isn’t shattered when you’re spying on people. Try not to throw this one around, hmm? I am happy to provide an endless stream of compliments if you need your ego stroked,” they grinned as he took it in his hands.
Astarion held it aloft, seeming to admire the silver frame. He fingered the intricate gold filigree that swirled delicately around the glass and twisted down the handle. He chuckled when he turned it over to see the initials “E.S.” engraved on the back. “Well, it would seem E.S.’s loss is my gain. Thank you, little bird.”
5) An...interesting mug from the Underdark - From Astarion to MF
“I stole this from the belongings of one of those Drow we encountered today who had been petrified by the Spectator,” he explained. “Go ahead, open your eyes.”
When they did, Miss Fortune beheld a mug that could only be described as unique. Hilarious, but unique. It was a cauldron-shaped mug, short and squat, lacquered in a black glaze. The maker had embellished spiderweb details at the base of the mug’s handle with tendrils of spider silk trailing around the mug’s bulbous girth. The crowning jewel however, was that the mug had “Drider Rider” written on each side so that no matter how you held it, your company would know you were pro-fucking cursed spider-Drow monsters.
...
“This is incredible,” they murmured, bringing their lips to the rim to take a sip of tea. It was probably their imagination, but it tasted better coming out of a mug freshly gifted to them by their favorite person.
“Of course it is, darling, I picked it out, after all.”
6) A whoooole buncha shit + a Scroll of Comprehend Languages (not included in snips) to read Astarion's scars from the Arcane Tower - From MF to Astarion
Miss Fortune dragged the heavier, bulkier pack toward them with a grunt, pulling it to a stop in front of Astarion. Then the half-elf got to their knees, purposely leaning over his arm for contact while they tugged at the pack’s drawstring and threw back the flap. Rifling through, they began pulling out book after book and setting them between Astarion’s legs until he had a stack up to his chest.
“Th—this is a lot of books, my sweet,” Astarion stammered. Then, recovering his mask, he continued. “Honestly, I’m surprised Gale let you snag this many and you lived to tell the tale.”
“Err, I may have suggested that you might be willing to lend him a few from time to time. But I noticed you’ve been rereading the same few novels and thought you might appreciate some fresh stories.”
...
Miss Fortune slid the second pack over once they had finished unpacking the last book. From it they produced a silver necklace with several pale blue gems dripping down the front and offered it to Astarion. He took it and began running fingers over the gems in a quiet appraisal.
“Gale identified this as an amulet of Misty Step,” Miss Fortune explained.
...
“These were all very thoughtful—“
“I’m not done yet, sweetie,” Miss Fortune interrupted, rifling through the lighter pack once more. They pulled out a large glass jar filled to the brim with dark, viscous liquid. “This is deep rothé blood from the kill we made on the way home."
...
"Okay, second to last gift: this one counts towards our friendly rivalry because I uh, maaay have committed a teensy bit of grave robbing to acquire it?”
Astarion let out a surprised guffaw. The half-elf paused for dramatic effect once their fingers clasped around their target, then painstakingly revealed it to their lover with a sly grin. Dangling from a finger was a leather dog collar with runes scratched into the hide and a tag with the name “Myrna” engraved in the center, also surrounded by runes.
7) Jaheira's belly chain - From Astarion to MF
“You stole from Jaheira? Are you mad?! I hope you were extra careful to make sure no one spotted you,” the half-elf scolded.
“Trust me, darling, every Harper eye was trained on dissecting your every twitch while you chatted with the crone. Now hold out your hand.”
When they held their palm out to him Astarion dropped the prize, his fingertips lingering well after a metal chain dropped into the half-elf’s hand.
Miss Fortune quickly realized the delicate chain was far too long to be a necklace. They stretched it out between their hands and let out a quiet gasp of surprise. It was a belly chain, elven in design, a delicate braided gold interspersed with topaz and sapphires. A couple smaller chains hung down from the main one, looping back up at regular intervals to form half-moon shapes that were likewise adorned with alternating topaz or sapphire gems. It was the embodiment of sunshine and blue skies; while it didn’t feel magic-imbued, Miss Fortune felt it lifting their mood as if it were.
8) Silk fabric to sew a shirt (not explicitly stated as stolen but uh...of course it was) - From Astarion to MF right before his Act 2 confession
With hands tremoring worse than Astarion's, Miss Fortune took the offering. Their breath caught in their throat; where in the hells had Astarion gotten his well-manicured hands on silk in this wasteland?! They couldn't discern the exact hue in the dim light but it appeared to be some shade of dark purple. Letting it unfold before them they saw a neatly stitched wrap-around shirt with a gold-threaded tie at the bottom. Miss Fortune knew without needing an explanation that Astarion had selected a design they wouldn't grow out of no matter how much more muscle their frame packed on. The gesture was so sweet they almost forgot they were nauseous with nerves. Almost.
"Astarion, this is…this is gorgeous work," they praised, voice cracking with emotion as they slid it on. An involuntary groan of appreciation escaped them when the fabric caressed their skin. It had been so long since they'd felt such a high thread count or soft fabric and it tickled their mind in indescribable ways. "Thank you…"
The vampire stepped forward to help them secure the inner tie and then to wrap the outer tie around their waist, using their proximity as an excuse to brush a stray hair behind Miss Fortune's ear when he was finished.
"Let's go somewhere private. I…I think we need to talk." Without waiting for an answer, Astarion turned and began to lead them away from the others.
9) Two of Disciple Z'rell's 17 wedding bands - Mutual theft
The rings were all beaten silver and brass, the faceted metal dull and full of nicks, the texture uneven. And while each of them sported a single gem they were of lower quality, unpolished and rough.
"Hmm," Astarion hummed, rubbing his chin a moment. Then he decisively plucked one from the bunch and held it out in front of him, turning it this way and that with a slight frown. "Your hand," he commanded. "Give it here."
With their hand in his, Astarion slipped a silver band with a rough-hewn sapphire in the center onto their middle finger, frowning when he was able to spin it freely. Switching to Miss Fortune's pointer finger proved a snugger fit, and Astarion flashed them a toothy grin.
"There. You can't sell this one because I've just stolen it for you; it counts towards our friendly rivalry. And before you get any strange ideas, NO, I'm not asking you to marry me. No need to turn this into something sentimental, little bird."
...
...[Miss Fortune] fished through the ring box again, pinching a brass and onyx ring between their fingers. They turned, dropping to one knee. Astarion's face stretched like taffy, his jaw dropping and eyebrows shooting to the ceiling.
"Astarion, will you…" they began with a smile, taking his hand in theirs. "…please stop leaving your empty blood goblets all over our tent every night?" they slipped the ring onto his thumb, their grin widening until their face threatened to rebel and remaining frozen while Astarion's expression shuffled through at least a dozen distinct emotions in rapid succession before settling on incredulous annoyance.
