Since there were no Tony awards this year, I'd like to host my own theatrical awards show: the Snellys! Celebrating excellence in no particular order. SO, without further ado, here are the winners of the first annual SNELLY awards!
DISCLAIMER: This is a joke. I’m not so far up my own ass that I think I’m the one who should be handing out awards. This is just a joke. There will be no golden busts of Wembley Fraggle sent in the mail.
BEST ACTOR: A coveted Snelly indeed! Why, I remember entering the acting world hoping for nothing more than the fabled golden Wembley. Anywho, the best acting Snelly goes to...
THE RWBY FANDOM for acting like Penny’s death was okay!
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR: This is awarded to an actor who tried to audition with a pop song and didn’t even bring a 16 bar cut.
And the winner is:
SPRIG PLANTAR from Amphibia! No, not the actor behind Sprig, Justin Felbinger, just...Sprig.
BEST TOASTER: What’s toast without a toaster? And if you say bread, I’m gonna kick your ass into next week!
The best toaster is...
THE WOLF GOURMET FOUR SLICE WITH MAROON ACCENTS!
BEST ACTRESS: We know what you’re thinking: “Snelly, why even bother with the buildup here, we know that the best actress this year was Squidward in a salmon suit!” Well, I think our actual result will shock you!
LIGHTNING! Because it will SHOCK you. get it? Why is a firing squad pulling up to my house?
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS: This award usually goes to women who are in supporting roles, but has occasionally gone to women who were in lead roles, if you just kinda shifted the perspective a little bit. And the award goes to:
IVY PEPPER FROM LACKADAISY, for her role in “every Snelly fic before October of 2019!”
BEST MUSICAL: A Chorus Line, Pacific Overtures, Carousel, The not Andrew Lloyd Webber phantom; all have been considered musical productions. But which was the best?
THE SOUNDTRACK FROM SKATE 3
BEST STRAIGHT PLAY: Plays that are usually far from Straight. This award goes to productions where the writer couldn’t afford a composer. And the best Straight Play goes to:
DANGERESQUE II: THIS TIME IT’S NOT DANGERESQUE 1! They were right! This time, it really wasn’t Dangeresque 1!
BEST PONTOON BOAT: What better place to have marriage ending arguments than that weird boat your grandparents own? You know, the one with the weird steel drums? Anyway the best of the year is...
THE SUNCHASER GENEVA 22! Easy to clean floor, modular seating, the perfect place to find out you’ve been adopted this whole time!
BEST BROADCASTING/SCHEDULING DEPARTMENT: Broadcasting makes the world go around! But this award goes to a team that stops the world in its tracks, for better or worse. The winner is...
THE DISNEY CHANNEL BROADCASTERS FOR WHATEVER THE HELL HAPPENED ON MAY 1ST! It was a tie between them and Quibi, but to be honest, Quibi didn’t do much of anything at all.
BEST COMPOSER: Many composers have long wished for a Golden Wembley form the Snellys, like...uhm...well...uhhhh....I can’t think of any names at the moment. But the winner is...
THE WOLF GOURMET FOUR SLICE WITH MAROON ACCENTS!
LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD: Many have contributed to the community of acting, composing, watercraft, toasters, and meteorological events, but one person every year is given an award for a lifetime of accomplishment in the field. And this year, we recognize...
THE 1994 ATLANTA FALCONS! With a record of 7-9-0, this team was undoubtedly stoppable. But hey, that’s just being a Falcons fan.
Thus concludes the 2021 Snelly Awards! Recipients will receive a golden bust of Wembley Fraggle in the mail! So long, and thanks for watching! Now, our guest orchestra will play us out!
