WHY I SPENT TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS ON SNOOPY PLUSHIES!
Recently, I’ve been receiving a steady inflow of cash from my job selling drugs (I’m a drug dealer) (I sell people drugs) (I make money from people I give drugs to). Now, most people would have spent this cash on worldly desires like food and shelter, but I have studied with Tibetan Monks who helped me to open my third and fourth eyes. As such, my first priority is spiritual enlightenment.
How does one reach spiritual enlightenment? Well, it’s different for everyone, but when I saw that my local CVS was selling Snoopy plushies, my path was more clear than a clear glass of water. Unfortunately, I hit a wall when I bought all of the Snoopies at that store, meaning there was no more Snoopies for me there. Thankfully, my CIA training had prepared for me this. I tactfully chose to travel to the CVS in another city. There was even more Snoopy plushies there. Right now, I can safely say I have plundered every single CVS in Colorado for its Snoopy plushies.
I now have no more money- not even money to buy drugs and then resell at a heightened price. Thankfully, I don’t waste cash on frivolous pursuits such as haircuts, prostate exams, and soap.
