warnings: major character death, destiel, and so on and so forth.
this is again set sorta season 10ishy. closer to canon than last time.
except, like, established destiel canon. also, be proud of me, mailey! half of one of the scenes, dean was just sorta naked. not doing anything. but sorta naked.
Sometimes, you can just feel that something is going to go terribly wrong.
They were all on a hunt – Dean, Sam, and Cas. Cas as a last minute addition when he had voiced an opinion about not entirely wanting to stay at the bunker at the moment, especially not when Dean and Sam weren’t around, since they were the ones that he was watching over.
Well, Dean was the one he was watching over. Sam more… needed protection at the moment. He needed to be watched over so that he knew that Dean wasn’t going to do something that he regretted in relation to the younger of the brothers, because the older had voiced that concern after his latest breakdown that had showed everyone around very well that Dean was not at all over the little issue that he was struggling with at the moment.
‘Little issue’ being the fucking Mark of Cain. The Mark of Cain that was so… it was just… It was ruining him, that was the easiest way to put. He had gotten it for noble causes – the rid the world of a demon that there was no way he would have been able to remove any other way, as far as he was able to tell, but that didn’t mean… It didn’t stop there. The one kill, it ruined him.
The Mark of Cain ruined him.
And it didn’t stop there.
It couldn’t, of course. Since when would the Winchesters have gotten that lucky that it would stop there.
The man was currently curled in the corner of one of the beds, on his phone, typing something out to who the hell knows who while Castiel sat across the room flipping through one of the binders that was pretty much full of service information for the hotel, but somehow, what he wanted to do. Sam was off at the moment, getting them dinner.
All of them. Because, oh yeah, Cas was falling apart! Sure, he had ‘new’ Grace that Crowley had gotten for him, but that didn’t at all mean that he was okay.
“Dean,” The voice was quiet, and Cas didn’t even look up from the book that was in front of him, but the hunter’s eyes rose from his phone to glance over to the other man.
“What?” He questioned slowly, not sure if it was going to be some strangely personal question or if it was going to be something simple. You never really knew with Castiel anymore. No matter how far he came, he still couldn’t hide the fact that he hadn’t always been a human, and that he wasn’t entirely human anyway.
You never really had been able to tell. It was one of the best parts of Cas. That question that you tended to have every single time. He let a small smile come to his face thinking about it, and then he looked back at the angel once more, because he still seemed lost in concentration.
“Are you sure it’s a good idea for you to be here?”
“Cas, we talked about it.” And they had, without Sam. Dean had pulled Cas into another room, and they had talked about it. Cas had been so worried that Dean was going to break down again, was going to succumb to the Mark if they did this together, if they all went on this hunt, but Dean couldn’t stay loced up in the bunker until it went away. He couldn’t just stay locked away.
“I know we did, but I’m doubting our ability to ensure that you stay safely by our sides as often as you should be at the hunt. It’s for no one’s safety but your own, Dean. You’re going to kill anyway, but with the Mark… I fear that the toll it would take if you have another… incident, it would overwhelm you,” Castiel’s voice was a little uncertain, an uncharacteristic trait when it came to this subject. Cas had seemed sure on his opinions on what they were doing with the Mark until this point.
Until Dean had learned that he was more out of control than he knew.
“So, what? You want me to stick around the hotel while you and Sam go out there after I’ve been stuck doing research all week because Sam doesn’t think that me doing interviews while Marked up is a good idea? Look, I get it. I’m a liability, or whatever shit you want to pull this time, and I’m not entirely to be trusted, ‘cause of the Mark, but you can’t bring me on hunts and then just… expect me to stay in the room all day long. No way in Hell.” Dean said, narrowing his eyes at the angel, who sighed.
“I just want to make sure you’re…” Castiel looked him over and Dean smiled a little bit of a sad smile.
“I know what I’m doing, Cas,” He said, stepping forward a step to make eye contact, and he saw his smile reflected on Castiel’s face, which made him shake his head some. “We’ll be fine.”
The door opened then to reveal Sam (who only had a key to their room because he had said he’d need it if he did things like this for them). Dean stood up and helped his brother bring in the food before kicking the door shut and carrying the food out to sit on the bed, pulling his into his lap and eating it, listening to Sam and Cas talk about the possibilities of what might be happening. He sighed, deciding to zone them out as he ate.
Cas’s hand on his now-idle (he’d finished eating) hand was what drew him out of his thoughts, and he blinked his eyes in confusion.
“You weren’t paying any attention, were you?” Sam said, narrowing his eyes at his brother, and Dean shrugged.
“Don’t know why I should if I just have to sit around the room anyway. It’s not like I’m really part of this hunt,”
“Dean,” Cas started to speak before sighing quietly, shaking his head. “We’re going out tomorrow morning to try to track down the person we think it is. Sam was just asking if you feel up to coming,” Cas filled in quietly, not looking up at the younger Winchester, who seemed a little bit worried about his brother.
“Oh. Right. I mean.” Dean was obviously not paying attention a few minutes ago, but he grinned at his brother and Cas nonetheless. “I’m fine. I’ll do it,” He said, nodding his head, and looking between Sam and Cas, who were sharing a look. “Just go to your room, Sam. You’re done eating, and I don’t want another discussion about it, honestly. You said I could come, so if I’m coming, then I’m not going to be just hiding in this room until the world falls around me. You offered, I’m coming,” He spoke calmly, though his eyes showed another story.
Cas’s concerned gaze was obvious on the back of his head, and he ignored it. Cas could be worried all he wanted. He knew that Dean was fine. He would know when Dean wasn’t fine. Probably before even Sam. Because Dean trusted Sam.
He closed his eyes, resting his head against the wall until Sam was gone, and Cas cleaned up dinner before sitting next to him, resting a hand against his back quietly, but Dean didn’t open his eyes. “You have to not snap back, Dean. The anger doesn’t help the Mark.” Cas said softly, and Dean tried to ignore him, but he replaced his head where his hand was, obviously frustrated as Dean was with the whole situation.
Dean turned around so that he could put his arms around Cas, pressing his own head against Castiel’s quietly, letting their foreheads touch, once he brought Cas up to look him in the eyes. “I can’t help it,” He spoke quietly, but it was truthfully, and he saw the sad smile on Castiel’s face again as he leaned forward with the softest kiss.
“We’ll figure it out.” There was a small laugh in Castiel’s voice as he felt Dean relaxing a little bit, but he was okay. He was okay. “I know I keep saying, but it’s true. My Grace, I have enough to figure out how to get back my Grace. You, you just need to hold on. Just hold on, don’t let it take you over, Dean. Don’t let it win. That’s all that is, do you understand? Letting it win. Remember me and Sam,”
Dean nodded his head and kissed Cas back, a little bit harder this time. Grounding himself in the fact that Cas and Sam were here for him, and that he was safe. That no matter how far the Mark brought him down, he wouldn’t have to worry, because he had Cas right there. And Sam a room over. “But what if we can’t?”
“No,” Cas’s voice was strong, looking Dean straight in the eyes until Dean looked back, “We can, and we will. We’ll figure both of them out, because we have reasons to do it. Until we have any good reason to stop trying, you won’t give up,” Castiel warned, but it was more a hope as he looked at Dean, begging him to agree.
Finally, the hunter nodded his head a little bit, and Castiel relaxed in his arms. “I guess so,” Dean said quietly, resting his head against Castiel’s shoulders. Cas stroked his hair gently, smiling.
It would be fine.
That night, they fell asleep curled against each other (as tended to happen), and were woken with one of Cas’s hands grasping the Mark (as if willing it away) and the other resting against Dean’s shoulder where his mark would have been if it had not gone away.
Dean didn’t move, just leaning into Castiel’s touch for a few minutes before sighing and rolling over, knowing that they both had to get out of bed. “So we’re gonna do this thing today, huh?” Dean said, standing up and stretching, not bother to make Cas leave the room as he stripped out of his clothes and grabbed new ones to slide on, looking over to Cas, who was still lying on the bed, watching him with a raised eyebrow, and avoiding ever looking at the Mark.
“If you’re referring to the actual hunting part of the hunt, yes,” Castiel answered, still not moving, and burying his face back into the pillow, as if to hide away again. His Grace was fading fast, and sleeping felt like the perfect way to fix that little problem at the minute. And at the always. Also, if he went back to bed, it was more likely that Dean would go back to bed, and then they wouldn’t have to risk Dean going kill crazy if he was to go on the hunt rather than just stay in bed with Cas all day.
See, it wasn’t just a plan to help Cas! It was a plan to help everyone! Especially Cas! Dean looked over after he was completely dressed and shook his head, seeing the angel pretty much falling asleep again, walking over and pressing his hands against Castiel’s back.
“Get up.” He murmured in Castiel’s ear, and Cas just groaned at him, finally rolling over to look at him with narrowed eyes. “And get dressed.” He added, pulling the blanket from Cas and wrapping it around his shoulders like a cape as he perched himself onto the bed, fully dressed. “Sam’s probably going to be here soon, and he doesn’t like it when we’re naked.”
“I’m not completely naked,” It was a grumble more than anything else as the angel finally brought himself out of the bed, grabbing the clothes that Dean had packed for him (“No way in hell are you wearing that stupid suit if you’re hunting with us.” Had been the argument. Considering they were all Dean’s old clothes… There might have been more to it. Cas didn’t question it.).
“Close enough,” Dean snorted right back at him, leaning against the wall to watch him get dressed before getting a shirt in the face when he started to comment, which just made him laugh and lay back, waiting for Cas to come back.
Once Cas was back, Dean opened up his arms so that they could cuddle (It was cuddling, no matter what Dean tried to call it) until Sam came back.
When Sam opened the door, he just rolled his eyes at the two of them and tossed over to them the bags of weapons that they would have to use. “Get up,” He snorted, and once they were out of bed (and after a near argument with Sam) they went down to the Impala.
And drove to where they were going.
And got out.
Cas and Sam had been conspiring in the backseat (why else would neither of them have sat shot gun?) and as soon as they were out of the car, Cas went to Dean’s side. “Sam thinks we should go together,” Which got a little bit of a fishy look from Sam.
“Actually, I said me and Dean because you two would just –“ Instead of finishing his statement, Sam shuddered. “Just call for me if you get wind of anything,” he said, before walking off, ready.
Dean looked at Cas for a moment before sighing. “You’re just here to make sure I don’t freak with the Mark,”
“Dean, I told you –“
“Whatever, Cas,” Dean started forward, and Cas followed after him quietly, his eyes on Dean worried.
It was probably bad luck that they were the ones to stumble across the prisoners (and, subsequently, the vampire). Cas had tried to put Dean on the task of untying the ones locked up by him, but the second that he had uttered any sound of pain (not entirely his fault when he had been thrown hard against a wall by a pretty pissed vampire chick), Dean’s eyes were on him, and Cas could practically see the Mark burning in him.
“Dean –“ But he wasn’t listening. The Mark wasn’t listening. The man stalked toward the vampire with only determination in his eyes, and only received an eye roll from the creature, who seemed to think he was better than the Winchester. The newly freed prisoners were walking away slowly, trying to get out of there, and Cas was stuck where he was, his arm hard to move.
The second Dean was near enough to the vampire, the blade was raised.
Honestly, he had never stood a chance in the first place.
But it was anger coursing through Dean’s system when he turned toward the people across the room. If they hadn’t been there, if they hadn’t been there, the vampire wouldn’t have been there, and no one would’ve hurt Cas. And he would be fine. The anger directed at them caused Castiel’s shouts, his fears not even to be heard by the Winchester who was moving forward quickly, grabbing the wrist of one of them, and not even caring as he beheaded them as if they were one and the same to the creature he had just killed.
The group was humans. They were weak humans, who had just been saved, only to be slaughtered by someone so lost in his rage that he couldn’t even tell who was in front of him when he turned back to who was behind him.
When he turned back to who was staring at him with wide, terrified eyes, and tear tracks on his face. Who was pleading with him when he took a few steps forward, staring at the man against the wall. This was his fault. This was his fault, if he hadn’t been here, Cas wouldn’t have gotten –
Killed.
With no one left in the room, with the door crashing shut behind Sam, with the call of a terrified brother, with the fall of a terrified friend.
The knife clattered from his hand, and Sam was frozen in the doorway when he saw the scene in front of him. Dean couldn’t he couldn’t he couldn’t he couldn’t he couldn’t –
His breathing was increasing as he realized what had happened, and Sam couldn’t bring himself to move, even when he saw his brother’s hands (and whole body shaking).
He fell to his knees, and that was when Sam finally carried himself forward, brought himself toward his brother, whose eyes flashed wildly when Sam came anywhere close, and the younger of the brothers backed away.
Dean refused to leave Cas.
He also was screaming.
Why did he get that blade!? When there was a chance of him hurting Cas, how dare Sam? How dare they give him that chance? HOW DARE THEY?
When he realized it was Cas who had given him this blade (as it was not what he had started with), his heart dropped further.
your poetry is A M A Z I N G and you were kind enough to write a poem for me and I am eternally grateful because it was so good and such a nice things to do
thanks <3 it was an honor to write it for you
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Yooo you should totally start parks and rec if you haven't yet, or if you have start scandal. I'm addicted to both ( I also Voted for Vessehl but idk if you wanted to know that???)
I’ve been meaning to watch parks and rec and I’ve seen some of scandal but I should probably watch the whole thing
