That was... unexpected yet not quite so surprising as one would’ve thought. Hyunbin CEO was notorious for being blunt and not mincing words, but to be dragged like that... Hosung felt ashamed. Hyunbin was right: he should’ve worked harder, he should’ve put more effort into bettering his singing technique, he should’ve... There were many things that should have been in done but it was too late to do anything about them. The past was the past and the only thing that he could do was take the words and have them fuel his fire to become a better artist.
So why did he feel like crying?
As soon as they had gotten back to the dorm Hosung had headed straight for his room, climbed into his top bunk and burrowed under his blanket face towards the wall. He didn’t want anyone to see the hot tears of frustration welling up underneath his closed eyelids.
“I’m fine,” he whispered, willing himself to believe it.
Week 1: ‘90s
Song: Black Cat Nero — Turbo (1996) [ line dist. ]
Date: April 7th
With: @haknyeonrk & @bambamrk
To say that Hosung wasn’t nervous would be a lie, he was figuratively bricking himself at the thought of performing in front of the coaches again. The concept of time travel through the different decades through songs was one that he found cool but on a whole it had been challenging, especially choosing a song for this week’s evaluation. None of them had really been at pop music listening age back then, he’d only been born with three years left of the ‘90s. But in spite of that he thought they’d done pretty well.
The song had rap, vocals, and dance which didn’t really leave much to complain about. The choreo for the song was pretty intense leaving them tired as hell after a couple of runthroughs but Hosung was glad he had accomplished dancers like Haknyeon and Bambam who could quickly get him on track and correct any mistakes he was bound to make. He still didn’t know why Hyun Bin had said something relatively good about his dancing but he’d show him that his vocals could be improved.
I can do this.
The moment the music came on he tried to focus on making his movements as fluid and cat like as possible before the actual choreography kicked in. It was a dance song at its core so he poured all of his energy into making himself look larger than life executing the crisp dance steps in synch with the others. Hak had the first rap part moving to the forefront as he and Bambam continued to dance in the background. Hosung’s expression was what he hoped would be read as charismatic and not moody, that quickly changed to playful as it was time for the vocal part.
그대는 귀여운 나의 검은 고양이
새빨간 리본이 멋지게 어울려
그러나 어쩌다 토라져 버리면
얄밉게 할퀴어서 마음 상해요
검은 고양이 네로 네로 네로
His voice was stable as moved to the front thankful that it gave him a chance to catch his breath before the chorus. Keeping eye contact with the coaches he did some freestyle moves until it was time for them all to gather once more.
귀여운 나의 친구는 검은 고양이
검은 고양이 네로 네로 네로
이랬다 저랬다 장난꾸러기
라라라 라라라 라라
The dance moves were rather repetitive so there was no excuse for any of them fucking it up—not that any of them did—instead giving them full rein to make them as powerful and exciting as possible. Following the first chorus was a little dance break that truly screamed ‘this is a ‘90s’ song’ that smoothly lead into Bambam’s part which once again gave him a momentary breather as he mentally prepared himself for the upcoming pre-chorus.
멋쟁이 그대가 사뿐히 걸어가면
무서운 고양이 뒤따라와요
달콤한 꼬임에 속아서 간다면
후회를 한다해도 나는 몰라요
It went smoothly, his voice strong despite the feelings like his legs would give out the moment they left the room. For the second chorus they all traded off singing various parts and singing together as they danced. Hosung could feel the sweat rolling down his brow as they reached the last dance part that would lead them to their ending pose. His lungs were aching but he powered through, determined not to show any discomfort as the moved around. Finally the song was finished.
When he entered the room he tried to smile at his coach as usual but the expression slipped from his lips quickly leaving behind a tired face. Hosung sat down quietly after he greeted him and sighed softly, acutely aware of the red jersey he was wearing. It was like a constant reminder that he just hadn’t been good enough to garner any sort of praise and was just that much closer to packing his bags and going home. Each passing day it just seemed to get heavier to wear.
“You’re not your usual self Hosung-goon, what are your feelings after last week’s review.”
Hosung picked at the red garment he was wearing and made an attempt to smile but it fell short, leaving behind a sort of grimace of dissatisfaction. “As you can see, I’m wearing red. Normally I love a good strong accent colour but this time... this red means that I’m up for elimination unless I really step up my game this month.” He took a shaky breath before continuing. “Was I surprised by my critique from Hyun Bin CEO? Yes. Am I happy to be on the chopping block? No. I take full responsibility for not training my vocal techniques to the level that they’re supposed to be at. I admit that I trained my dancing more since I do not have that background but now I will try to balance them both out.”
“This month you are placed in a group with others who are in danger of going home. How are you coping?”
“Ah...” he scratched the back of his neck as he pondered on an answer that was diplomatic enough. “We’re all disappointed to be in the bottom but I think we can all use this as fuel to be even more prepared for the next evaluation and show CEO-nim that we deserve to be here just as much as anyone else.” As he finished that sentence, he felt like he’d just spoken his famous last words and that come May he would be at home watching the rest of them debut from behind a computer screen.
“So who in your group will take responsibility if you all should fail?”
That was a heavy question and one that he didn’t want to answer but throughout the week it had been clear to see that he was the one to keep them on track, to keep them focused on task and out of their heads. They hadn’t had a formal discussion on who should lead them but Hosung’s meticulous nature had jumped out and he found himself writing down extensive notes and conducting circle times with his members to get input on song choice, costuming, and just airing any concerns that they would have. He’d somehow stepped into the leader role without meaning to and would gladly give it to Bambam who was his senior but... he noticed that the other wasn’t quite there. And Haknyeon was still young and was relying on both his hyungs to guide him. The pressure was there. He opened his mouth as he locked eyes with Coach Minsoo, a glint of determination sparking in them, “I will take responsibility. We are all working together in a democratic fashion but I will say that I am the one who is trying to keep them on task. It was not my intention but... it has just happened.”
“So you’re the leader?”
“I wouldn’t use that label, no, more like... manager? I take notes, suggest songs for the week, include everyone in the process in order not to step on any toes, make sure people are eating, drinking, and resting...” Hosung trailed off, suddenly feeling exhausted to the bone. Was he in over his head? Perhaps, but he was determined to do his very best even if it meant going back to the Nova building alone.
“If you were to be sent home, is there anything you would regret?”
“Not being able to debut with Hugo,” he replied softly, shifting in his seat. “We often talked about how cool it would be if we ended up in a debut ready team together but it seems as if I will be the one to go a bit early.” Hosung smiled sadly. “I feel sorry towards him because I know he feels bad about being safe when I’m not, but I just want him to know that I will fully support him—and everyone else—should he debut. He’s my best friend here and a talented rapper, he deserves all the success that comes his way.” He turned towards the camera and made a big heart, a genuine grin on his lips. “I love you, Hugo~!”
