Chad and Tristan – Part 14
Tristan and Chad sat across from each other at the round table, cluttered with half drunken tea and coffee cups. It was a grey and foggy day outside, which suited the ambience inside. Still affected by the disruption from yesterday, Tristan felt confronted by an inner turmoil. Feelings were challenged and without the possibility to shield himself, Wade had consciously made the decision of putting him on the spot and taken advantage of that moment.
‘Honey?’
Chad's voice Tristan snapped out of his thoughts.
‘I need air.' Tristan stated firmly. Having another sip from the beverage which had gone cold and sour. He grimaced as he put the cup down. 'It’s time for us to get out of the house.‘
‘Okay… sure. Where do you wanna go?’
‘I have an idea.’
They were on the bus, since none of them felt like driving. It was taking them towards the destination and the road proved to be kind of bumpy. They didn’t say much but there was no need for words. Just each other’s presence.
Chad, who’d been resting his head on Tristan’s shoulder, shifted and tensed. His shoulders trembled and a hitch slipped out from his parted lips.
‘You okay?’ Tristan asked carefully.
Chad sniffed, then sharply inhaled.
‘…h’tsch! …t’sch!’
It started off with the faintest of sneezes. Caught daintily into his hands. Barely notable. The sound so tender that it settled into Tristan’s chest and as Chad’s fit evolved and grew stronger, Tristan let his arm circle him without hesitation.
‘…hhhh, hhhh… hh’tSCH!! …eh’hhGNiizzscho!! …goodness.’ He ended the attack with a gentle shake at the head, glad for it to be over.
‘Bless you!’
The passenger next to them said out loud in amusement.
Chad blinked, a little surprised. He faintly nodded, as a polite gesture towards the stranger. But then he turned his gaze to Tristan and waited.
He met his eyes, knowing what Chad’s patience resided in.
‘Bless you gorgeous.’
A humble smile formed at Chad’s lips, captured by the understanding that the blessing from Tristan wasn’t habitual. It was his.
‘You always mean it.’ He replied with a sensitive notion. Tristan reached over and brushed some strands of hair from his forehead, then kissed the spot gently.
‘You know I do.’ He whispered and then pulled Chad into his chest.
‘Where are we?’ Chad asked as they got off at their stop. He recognized the area but couldn’t pin point exactly where the bus had taken them.
‘I wanna show you something.’
They reached a park. It was local and rather basic, with a small lake in the middle and a path that circled around it. The air was still and barely moved the surface of the water.
‘I used to come here when I was younger.’ Tristan spoke reflectively. ‘To collect my thoughts.’ His shoe kicked up some gravel. ‘I usually sat on that bench, over the there.’ He vaguely pointed.
‘It’s a nice place.’ Chad reached over his hand and their fingers met halfway. ‘I can see why you felt at ease here.’
‘Not at ease but… somewhere to be. When the pain became overbearing.’
They reached Tristan’s bench and sat down. Grey clouds swept over the sky. It was going to rain any minute.
‘Thank you for trusting me.’ Chad noted quietly, not letting go of the comfort of Tristan’s fingers. The display of Tristan’s personal memories meant more to him than he wanted to openly admit. It was an intimate invitation further into the realms of Tristan’s truth.
Tristan gave him a half a smile. ‘It was hard. I used to just sit here all by myself in the dark. Wondering what I’d done to deserve such a fucked up life. If I deserved it at all.’ His shoulders lifted with a deep breath.
‘You never did.’ Chad insisted strongly, eyeing a duck that glided by on the surface of the water as it rippled. ‘We can’t decide who’s going to be our parents… it’s beyond our control.’
‘At least I could pretend that I was somewhere better.’ Tristan glanced at Chad with glassy eyes, then pulled the hoodie over his head and turned his gaze down. ‘I guess it would have been easier if I’d have someone to talk to.’
‘…what about your grandmother?’
‘She’s alright.’ Tristan sniffled, wiping off his nose with the back of his hand. ‘….but I can’t confide in her.’
‘…I just wish I’d known you sooner.’ Chad pressed his hand, a subtle notion of sympathy.
‘Ohh you wouldn’t have known what to do with me.’ Tristan let out a small chuckle. ‘I was wild.’
‘I’d still find you very interesting and appealing.’ Chad shyly smiled with a gentle sniff.
‘Oh yea?’ Intrigued, Tristan faced Chad more properly. ‘And how would you confront me?’
‘I'd…’ Chad began but then his breath began to waver. ‘Excuse me, one sec.’ His fingers brushed the bridge of his nose, hovered over the lips when his eyes closed. ‘…hh’tsch!-t’ischo!-txsch!-ah’tschu!! …ugh, hhh… eh’escho!-Eesch!!-ESChhh!-ah’dASCHschew!!!’ The sharp rapid sneezes, caught swiftly but quite messily into his flat opened hand. ‘…oh my, bless me.’ He sniffled a few times with gentle strokes at the nose.
‘Bless you sweetie.’
Chad caught Tristan’s eyes with a warmth lingering within them.
‘Thank you. I’m sorry.’
‘I find it so sweet.’
‘What..?’
‘When you bless yourself.’
Chad blinked and a touch of pink colour rising in his cheeks. He looked down. ‘It just brings me comfort. I don’t know why.’
‘It’s adorable.’
Chad glanced at Tristan with a vulnerable expression tracing his features. ‘When you say it, it stays with me the entire day.’ He quietly admitted.
‘Seriously?’
‘Yea.’ Chad breathed out and leaned forward, folding his hands together. ‘It’s like… and I say this only if it’s pure and genuine, but when people say ‘bless you’ to someone, it’s like they see you. It’s such a small thing, but the simple gesture carries so much kindness and care.’
‘I’ve never thought of it that way.’ Tristan responded, watching Chad rubbing a thumb along the inside of his palm. ‘Do you often bless yourself when I’m not around?’
Chad thought for a moment. ‘…sometimes I do.’
‘Do you feel better then? Sort of like a consolation?’
‘…yes I do.’ Chad confessed softly. ‘…what made you think of that?’
‘I’m just curious.’
‘…it’s like you truly see me.’ He brushed a tear away from his cheek. It wasn’t out of sadness, but from a flow of thankfulness. So many years of feeling invisible rose to the surface.
‘Did I say something wrong?’ Tristan asked carefully, noticing a shift in Chad’s energy.
‘No.’ He sniffled. ‘Not at all.’
A dull frequency rumbled in the distance.
‘Is that thunder?’
As soon as Tristan said the words, a light rain started to fall.
They ran for cover under a shed that was now used for placement of bicycles. The dark clouds rolled in and loud noises hit the tin roof. It left the air rich and grounding.
‘Glad we found some shelter.’
Tristan said with a chuckle which stopped abruptly when Chad started sneezing again.
‘Gorgeous… you okay?’
Chad’s coat, dusted with raindrops and strands of his hair kept falling into his eyes as his head ducked slightly for each unexpected sneeze.
‘…txnghh!! …sorry, I’m… hhh, hhhh… huh’gnixxtsch!!’schooo… t’gnxtsch!!!uhhh… so sorry I think I’m … hhhh… uh’ESCH’gnzxhh!!!’ohhh… having a reaction.’
‘To pollen?’ Tristan crooked one brow.
‘No.’ The sharp edges expanding at the rounded nostrils revealed that he wasn’t done. ‘…it’s something else. Perhaps the …uhh, hhhh… uh’WASCHschew!!!’ The sharp sneeze overtook him as he turned his head to the side. ‘…goodness. I think it’s the damp weather.’
‘Aw...' Tristan brushed away some hair from Chad's cheek. '...okay.’
‘Thank you for being so attentive though.’
‘I think I should say bless you out of courtesy, too.’ Tristan winked as Chad reached over for their fingers to once again connect.
‘Thank you. …you know how much that means to me.’
‘Come here.’
He was taken into Tristan’s arms and held with affection. Now and then he would occasionally sniffle with a careful motion; not to disturb the unforgettable moment surrounding them.