#so... this

[rattanwhip]

Crossover event of the century

[ackermom]

post-paradis, arranged marriage for propaganda and morale

it is bertholdt who comes to see him last. by then, reiner has grown numb to the barrage of consultations and interrogations. they have come everyday since he was locked inside these four walls, their gazes boring into him as they circled and prodded and scolded. he thinks, at this point he has seen one of every marleyan authority, from doctors to soldiers to social workers. they consult with their heads together, speaking about him as if he is not there as they pass notes and cigarettes. reiner has gotten used to this over many years, and he stays where they put him. he doesn't protest. of course, he doesn't protest. he never has. 

though there is a moment— that moment, just before they all leave, their secretive whispers suddenly fall out, and they turn to look at reiner, something strangely satisfied crossing over their faces. they have never looked at him like that. he thinks— they are smiling. 

ten minutes later, bertholdt shuffles in. something soothes in reiner the moment he sees him, and for the first time for as long as he can remember, he thinks that he feels alright. everything will be alright. until bertholdt sits down across from him, and he does not meet reiner's eyes. and reiner remembers— it's only been a month or two since they returned from the island, from hell, and he's already let it all fade away for his own peace of mind as he stares at these white walls with nothing but his own turmoiling thoughts. all the stupid decisions he made, all the ways he nearly got them killed, all the reasons bertholdt has to hate him. it all comes crashing down in that second, and reiner has to swallow the lump in his throat to keep himself from crying. to stop himself from sinking to the floor and kissing bertholdt's boots and begging for his forgiveness. no— retaliation. 

he opens his mouth.

"they, uh," bertholdt starts, then stops. 

he is still staring at his hands, laced loosely together on his lap. a gap lies between him and the edge of reiner's bed, and he keeps his legs tucked close to his chair. he's not wearing his uniform, reiner notices in the frail silence that follows. hot guilt flashes through him. he thinks, he has gotten them both killed, and they'll have to stand side by side in that dark glass chamber and wait for their names to be called. he hopes he'll go first so bertholdt won't have to look at him any longer. clearly bertholdt can't stand the sight of him. no— maybe bertholdt would rather go first, so he can leave reiner behind in this wretched life and start anew in whatever comes next. whatever bertholdt wants. 

when bertholdt clears his throat and starts again, reiner is still fixated on his clothes.

"they have a proposition for us," reiner hears him say, but he is not listening to the words. all he hears is bertholdt's voice, for the first time in what feels like forever, and he blinks up with tears in his eyes, because no matter how flat and sullen he sounds, no matter how much he knows bertholdt must hate him right now, it's him, really him, sitting here in front of reiner and breathing. he's just inches away. just an arm's length.

"reiner," he hears, and his gaze snaps up.

bertholdt is looking at him. those dark eyes, that serious gaze. reiner tries to blink back his tears, but they roll freely down his face and he has to hold his breath to steady himself.

"bert," he whispers, chokes.

the graveness on bertholdt's face intensifies as he furrows his brow, before quickly glancing away again, his gaze flicking to the side, then dropping back down to his hands. 

"they've made us a proposition," he continues, softly. "it's a way for both of us to live. because after what happened—"

"i'll go," reiner syas.

bertholdt's eyes are wide when his dark gaze flicks up again. "reiner. no, that's not what i—"

"it was my fault. they can take me, but you didn't do anything wrong."

"reiner, please," bertholdt says, his voice low like a whisper as he sits still in his chair. something in his eyes softens. "please, listen to me. try to pay attention. they're not going to get rid of either of us. not even— they're going to let us live, okay? as long as we do something for them. we have to help each other through this."

reiner stares. "but you... you don't—"

"reiner, please—"

"i ruined everything," he exclaims, and he can't help it when his voice breaks, from the guilt that's flooding through him or the fact that he hasn't spoken out loud in two months. he can't help it when the tears keep coming, not when he's seeing that sad face in front of him, not when bertholdt is looking at him like that, so desperate and tired, but still so soft with reiner, always, even when reiner wishes he would just hate him. 

"everything that happened was my fault," reiner exclaims. "if they're going to save anyone, it should be you, bert. and after all i did to you, you shouldn't— you shouldn't be helping me." 

no matter how loud he shouts, his words fall flat in the small, white room. and bertholdt's face stares back at him, similarly blank, unmoving, at least for a moment, at least for as long as it takes for reiner to catch his breath, blinking at bertholdt through his tears. then something changes in bertholdt's eyes, or at least, reiner thinks he sees something. but something changes, the softest little ease of the tired lines on his face, and he leans so slightly forward in his chair to extend on arm and take reiner's hand in his. reiner's cold, trembling, untouched hand.

"that's not true," is all bertholdt says a moment later, his voice so soft reiner wonders if he's imagining his words. it wouldn't be unlike him to fantasize, and this is the dream he has many nights over— that bertholdt still loves him, after all. 

another moment, and then bertholdt continues. 

"none of us are free from blame," he says, his gaze fixed on their hands as he holds reiner together. "we all made mistakes over there."

"but i made you do it," reiner says, suddenly numb again, suddenly feeling nothing but the cold shivering in his fingers as his skin melts beneath bertholdt's warm touch. "whatever you did, i was the one who made you do it."

bertholdt only shakes his head, the lines of his forehead tensing again. "reiner, all of that, everything that happened— we can talk about it later. right now, i need you to understand— i need to tell you— they've offered a way for both of us to live, to keep our titans— if we agree, then—"

he stops, measuring his breaths, one in, one out, before he speaks again.

"it's for the good of the empire," he says. his voice is flatlining again, but his hands are warm as he squeezes reiner's fingers. "the warriors will be stronger than ever when we present as a united front. there is strength in numbers, and power in solidarity. love, in adversity."

reiner blinks at him. "w-what is... what does that mean?"

bertholdt sighs as he squeezes reiner's hand. "marley is bestowing on us the greatest honor of life. by their blessing— we are getting married." 

[kintsugihearts]

Hey, Dean. I just wanted to wish you the happiest of birthdays, and tell you how much I love you. There are so many things I love about you, but the number one thing is how deeply you love, how compassionate and caring you are. How everything you ever did, was for love. It has meant a lot to me, to have someone like you in my life, because growing up, I was surrounded by abusive and apathetic adults who just didn’t care about anything or anyone, who were beaten down by life and didn’t have room for empathy, but you showed me I don’t have to be like that, because despite everything you’ve been through, you’re still so full of love. If someone is in distress, you do whatever you can to help. You always take action and stand up for what’s right, even against seemingly impossible odds. You don’t do neutral, you fight for what’s right. You don’t pretend bad things aren’t happening, you face them head on. You’re always looking out for and taking care of everyone. You have so much love in your heart, and the courage to express it, to be compassionate and supportive and vulnerable even though you’ve gone through so much and lost so much and been so hurt by those you love. You never closed off your heart or let your demons harden you and make you cold. Instead you’re so warm and full of light and everyone around you feels it. And I wanted to thank you Dean. For all of that, and also... for being so complex and real. For being both gentle and brutal, at once a soft teddy bear and a badass warrior. For sticking it to destiny and the powers that be and going your own way. For choosing family, choosing love. For making me realise it doesn’t make you weak to show emotion, it’s okay to open up and cry sometimes, or express when you’re angry. For your goofy sense of humour that can always make me laugh. For being a huge geek. For your capacity for childlike joy, the way you enjoy the little things even after all you’ve been through, which reminds me to do the same. For your quirks and contradictions and annoying habits. For your love of classic rock, that made me love it too. For showing me that I don’t have to fit into anyone’s boxes or stereotypes. For helping me fight my demons, face my fears, and keep fighting even when I feel like giving up. For helping me find the strength and bravery to carry on when I wanted to give up. For being so full of love that it transcended universes. For all the things that make you, you. And for saving me, and being there for me when no one else was. You’re my hero, my light in the darkness. You changed me, Dean. You’re amazing, and you deserve to be loved and taken care of and adored and cherished. Happy 42nd birthday, sweetheart. I hope you’re having the best time with your family, eating too much pie and rice krispies treats and watching your favourite western movies. I’m with you in spirit, and I love you with all my heart, forever and always 🖤

[mercedesrollinballer]

Prudence’s moral compass

[royalight]

@awayfly s.c

"O-Oh   ....   oh   my,    are   you   alright?"           concern   gleamed   within   hazel   irises   and   the   palm   of    royal   highness's   hand   landed   lightly   on   the   Phoenix's   back.        

"Are   you   by   chance   feeling   unwell?    If   so    ..   allow   me   to   summon   our   physician."     

---Even   if   he   did   attempt   to   mask   it   ....    Joshua   looked   quite   uncomfortable,   something   would   not   go   ignored!

[screametc]

bram is home!!!! he’s still very groggy (from the anaesthetic) but he was alert enough to wanna stand up in the car and look out the window (he loves doing that) so that’s good. im just glad to have him home :’)

[twoharts]

Soooo, my brother took me to see Star Trek Into Darkness as an early birthday present.

No spoilers, I just want to say that it is amazing! Benedict was certainly better at everything ;-) And just... Everyone and everything was wonderful. I just can't express how much I love this movie. I recommend seeing it as soon as you can! XD