im sorry if this has already been asked, but I've seen a statement about how trans men are socialzed as women growing up, but trans women aren't socialized as men. can a trans woman pls explain this to me so i can better understand?
Hey buddy,
Someone has given you quite a bit of misinformation! Trans people are not socialized as cis men or women, because we are trans. When a trans person is socialized, they are socialized as a transman, transwoman, or nonbinary person, simply because the socialization process, as a trans person, is a completely different experience than that of a cis person.
Even if a trans person internalizes gender roles of the gender they were assigned, they are dong so as a trans person. In my head, I break it down like this. I (Ken), a man, had people attempt to socialize me as a woman. I was invited into womens spaces, and I internalized a number of things I was taught in order to feel like I “fit in”. But, at the end of the day, I am a man, so all of the experiences I had were as a man. And because my socialization was not the same as that of a cis man, that makes my socialization that of a trans man.
Meanwhile, I (Sophia) was taught the artificial differences between “men” and “women”. One thing that is often neglected to be mentioned is that everyone is exposed to the same messages about men and women to socialize you and to teach you how to think and act towards the “other” gender. I internalized the same narratives and lessons young cis girls are supposed to internalize. If I was told women were supposed to act a certain way I automatically assumed that was how I was supposed to act and had to fight against these lessons. I was learned bodily shame and the misogynistic lessons young girls are taught to control their behaviour. Lessons for “girls” seemed like they automatically applied to me. Meanwhile, people told me what men were supposed to be, but it never sat right with me, and it always frustrated me because it always seemed counter to how I felt and thought. Which was because I was already internalizing polar opposite things. In fact, many trans people feel a particular distress and aversion to many of the ways people tried to get them to act as their coercively assigned gender. I have had to unlearn a lot of toxic things, but they haven’t been “male socialization”, they’ve been some of the toxic lessons we get young girls to internalize about themselves. Regardless though, the whole debate about socialization is ridiculous and transphobic and frankly heteronormative. The same people who use it to police trans peoples’ behaviour would never question a cis women or cis man’s gender if they didn’t act like a living stereotype of heteronormativity, and falsely associates femininity and masculinity with gender. Besides, it’s a vicious circle. If a trans woman acts too masculine these people claim that “proves” she is a man. If a trans woman acts too feminine, then these people claim she is trying too hard. In the end, this debate is simply another transphobic tool based more on the political desire to invalidate us rather than any credible proof. The studies that are cited have all been debunked, and it is disproportionately used to attack trans women and deny them access to women’s spaces
Our experiences with socialization are based on OUR gender, not the gender we are assigned, as much as cis people would like to talk about it as though it were the other way around.
Hope we could help!
Sophia and Ken