Artwork by @deny-the-issue
Story by @sofiemystique
Read it Now!
Collaboration for @thefadediscordserver Anniversary Zine
Allette could have anything she desired, ask anything of him, and he was ready to sacrifice to place it in her hands. If her wish was to spend her days with a foolish old man, he would selfishly grant her this request. For he too never wanted to be anywhere but in her presence.
He was pulled on top of her, her legs wrapping around his midsection her lips refusing to break from his. One day, Emmrich hoped he would make her see there was so much new and wondrous for him to discover with her. It mattered not to Emmrich Volkarin that Allette Ingellvar was not his first romance.
It mattered only she was his last.
Emmrich had been attempting to read the same page of his book for the last half hour but between his mind wandering on how Allette and Davrin's little picnic was going coupled with Johanna's incessant tittering and jibes, he was feeling the hint of a headache encroaching. With a resigned sigh he closed the book, Johanna snerking at him. Allette had told him of the picnic first, wanted to reassure him it was not romantic, it was a check in coupled with Antoine and Evka asking her to please make sure Davrin was okay. They had jaunted off to Arlathan before and it was no different than when she was with any other team member.
When they had shared that kiss in the garden and she had reciprocated his feelings, he had never expected jealousy to also rear it's ugly head along side all the other emotions. Davrin was strapping, quite handsome, and very strong. He'd seen Allette carried in his arms as if she was nothing but a feather as he still wielded his sword. And Davrin had even patted him on the back one morning in the kitchens, congratulating Emmrich on getting the girl. Emmrich had sputtered out a thank you unsure if the warden had been prodding at him again or if it was sincere.
He shook his head. These thoughts were not conducive to any sort of peace of mind. And if there was going to be any sort of future with Rook, he needed to trust her. As a show of good faith he had helped Davrin prepare some truffle wort tea. Maybe he could brew some for his own personal observation and experiment, see if there was truly magical properties. It might help ease his mind until they returned.
The kettle was placed over the fire and Emmrich stood watching the flames, his mind still wandering into dangerous territory. "Focus Volkarin," Johanna's skull screeched at him with a cackle. "You're going to set yourself and the whole place on fire if you keep that up. Then I'll be left to deal with your ignorant, insufferable roommates."
With a growl Emmrich waved his hand, casting a silence ward over her. He couldn't hear her but the way the skull emanated a darker green hue and vibrated let him know she was most displeased. Good. Someone else needed to suffer alongside him. How long would they be gone? What if there were Venatori? Or an artifact that was misaligned and corrupting the fabrics….
Allette was strong and a very powerful mage in her own right. An impressively devout Mourn Watcher to for her time away from the order as well. She'd been more than adequate at managing problems as they arose. And Davrin was there with her. They would be perfectly fine.
But what if he kissed her?
Emmrich couldn't get the thought out of his head. The way her lips had been so soft, parting in an invitation for his tongue to lightly introduce itself to her own and stroke her mouth in gentle exploration. Maybe he should've been more aggressive, less docile. He could've held her waist a little tighter, put his hand up as if it was a necklace adorning her. Maybe that was how she liked things, they hadn't really had an opportunity to discuss that specific topic. Though she was not stingy with the little pecks and kisses she left on his cheek and mouth. And his lips had become quite familiar with the curve of her forehead.
The kettle whistled shrilly, though Emmrich was unable to hear it through the thick, gloomy thoughts torturing his mind. Instead of his arms wrapped around her, it was Davrin's muscled ones, him laughing in her ear as she giggled, cheeks flushing. Davrin's lips discovering the skin of her neck, trailing kisses down lower and lower…
"EMMRICH!?" the yell pulled Emmrich from the abyss he had been unceremoniously spiraling towards. Turning his head, he found Davrin standing in the entrance to his lab. "You…ok?" the warden questioned, his eyes dropping to Emmrich's hands and back up to his face, concern laced with fear was present in the dark eyes.
Emmrich realized his fists were balled and soft green wisps of magic. He suspected due to the stinging in his eyes that they were glowing green and Davrin, from the looks of the warden, was considering the possibility he was possessed. Breathing in slowly, trying to get the image of Davrin on top of Allette out of his mind, Emmrich blinked. "What's the matter?"
"It's Rook."
The world seemed to suddenly lack air. No longer was it Davrin's lips on her body, but gaping wounds, blood spilling out, her heartbeat going slower and slower still.
"She's fine Emmrich, she's just, ah," the warden rubbed his face, trying to figure out the best way to explain, "a little incapacitated."
Emmrich could only blink, confusion blooming on his face. "Do explain."
"The gingerwort tea you made. She was sensitive, but she insisted on drinking two cups. She's in her room, but I thought maybe you might want to check in on her. Especially with all the wisps flocking that way," Davrin quickly said.
More surprise and strange shock. "Wisps?"
Davrin turned and motioned for Emmrich to follow. Pulling the kettle from the fire before he followed the warden, Emmrich was not prepared for the site he beheld out in the library. Sure enough, there were dozens of wisps, flocking towards Allette's room, chittering giddily.
"Oh my," Emmrich murmured. They weren't malcontent or insidious in their formations, that was a relief. Instead, they were laughing, squealing with delight, as they trailed towards Rook's quarters. "Thank you Davrin. I will check on her."
Davrin clapped a hand on his shoulder. "You have fun with that." And the warden was walking down the library stairs, making a quick exit. A few straggling wisps followed Emmrich as he made his way down the hallway towards Rook's door. It was not fully shut, and though Emmrich gave a soft knock, he knew it wouldn't be heard given Rook's pealing laughter and the wisps chittering echoing.
Inside he didn't see Rook, but there was a glowing magic orb twirling in front of the fish tank - fish and wisps alike chasing it and Allette's pleased laughter filling the chamber. Suddenly the orb disappeared, fish and wisp alike seemed to be looking, waiting expectantly and once again it reappeared but in a different location and they were off chasing the thing again. He moved around the book shelf and the chase to find her sitting on the ground, leaning against the green couch in naught but her small clothes grinning wildly at the scene she was creating.
"Rook?" Emmrich ventured a soft greeting.
Her head turned towards him. "Emmrich! Hi!" She blinked a couple times, suddenly taking note of her hand. "I think the gingerwort tea affected me more than I realized." Another giggle escaped past her lips. "Oh dear. This is almost as bad as the time Corina convinced me to try a crypt shroom. Miri, Portia and I sat on top of the Gardens Wall laughing at the wisps for hours. They kept playing with our hair and would tickle the back of our necks." She snapped her fingers, the glowing orb disappearing leaving the wisps waiting in anticipation.
Emmrich was relieved to see she was unharmed, mostly, but she shouldn't be alone while she was under the influence. He didn't know the effects gingerwort tea would have or how long they would last. He should make a note for future reference. Her eyes were gleaming in the cool light reflecting from the aquarium, her pupils so dilated that he could barely see the beautiful lilac of her eyes. And she looked him with naught but affection. There was joy there at seeing him, though he knew later she would most likely be embarrassed at her current state.
"Would you sit with me, I promise I'm not teasing them. I can hear them, I think," Allette said, her head turning back to the wisps and fish. "They came when I was playing with the fish and then the wisps started laughing and singing? I can't quite understand like you do, but I got feelings of their emotions more clearly than usual."
"Really? That's fascinating," Emmrich lowered himself to the ground sitting beside her. "I wonder what else gingerwort will do to those sensitive?"
"I am most definitely far too hot," Allette supplied. "I should apologize for my appearance. You've seen me like this before. All though we weren't…uh…together…" Suddenly she snapped her fingers and the orb was back, the wisps were squealing chasing it alongside the fish. Emmrich didn't need to look at her to know her cheeks were flushed.
Without warning her head came to rest on his shoulder, and she gave a great sigh. "It feels almost like I am drunk but my mind isn't fuzzy. I feel more attuned to the Fade. The vibrations and the flow, I am able to feel them in my body all while sitting here. The wisps little chitters make sense in my head." She gave another giggle, the sound making Emmrich's body grow warm. "This is for your notes I know you are cataloging in your mind."
He couldn't help but smile, bringing his arm around her drawing her in closer. Feeling her close to him, snuggled into his side eased some of the earlier tension his mind had plagued upon him. "How well you know me, darling." Upon the top of her head he placed a gentle kiss. She smelled like Arthalan, a hint of magic with the touch of the wild earth that lived in those forests. "How was your picnic?"
"I think Davrin needs to get out more, get away from his own thoughts. Him and Taash going to go break something or kill some monsters together would be beneficial - to both of them," Allette mused. "Create a friendly competition who can bring back the most heads of darkspawn or something." She paused before adding, "Not really bring back the heads, I definitely don't want that mess here at the light house and the caretaker might actually throw me over the side of their barge."
Emmrich chuckled and they settled into a comfortable silence, his fingers stroking along her arm and the wisps playing. "Yes, but did you have fun, other than getting high off gingerwort tea?"
"Hey!" Her hand swatted at his leg before they both laughed. She readjusted herself and sighed. "I did. I saw a spot when we were hiking along that I thought would be nice for a more romantic picnic. I'd like to show you one of these days if we get a free moment."
He couldn't immediately respond. Of course she had been thinking of him, wanting to share with him. Feelings of shame bubbled up immediately replacing the jealousy. Caring for her was truly turning him into a besotted fool. And yet, holding her there, watching the fish and the wisps, there wasn't anywhere else he could think that he wanted to be.
"That sounds lovely, my dear."
"Oh good," Allette breathed. Her body seemed to relax and curl into him even more, if that was possible. Emmrich's hand around her arm squeezed in a comforting way. They sat in silence with each other, content, the laughter from the wisps the only echo in the room.
One by one the wisps decided they had had enough play and floated away. "Probably heading back to Neve," laughed Allette softly. She sounded as if she was on the cusp of sleep, her body leaning more heavily onto him.
"Dearest let's have you lay down on your chaise." He got her upright though she was quickly succumbing to sleep, her eyelids closing as if being pulled down. Once Allette was laying curled on her side, Emmrich brushed the stray hair from her face before placing his lips on her temple. "Sweet dreams, my darling Rook."
"Don't go." It was a whisper and her hand reached up for his. "Please stay with me."
In that moment, Emmrich wouldn't tell her no. If he was honest, he wasn't ready to be done holding her close. He was laying himself down next to her before his own brain registered that's what his body was doing. Once on his back, she snuggled into his side, laying her head on his chest, just below his chin as his arms wrapped around her. Another gentle kiss was placed upon her the top of her head. He did so much love how she felt in his arms, it was a nigh perfect fit.
How would she feel under…
A soft snore broke through his very ungentlemanly thoughts. "Sweet dreams, Allette." His head turned to look over at the fish who were swimming in their lazy circles. The orb had long since dissipated. There was only a handful of wisps floating, curious about the fish now and observing through the glass. His fingers absently stroked the hair that fell down along her back and he sighed.
All that worrying for nothing. Emmrich knew in his heart she would always return to him. And that she was steadily opening up the parts of his heart he thought locked forever.
"My darling Rook," Emmrich whispered, before closing his eyes.
He was so gentle with her, holding her ever so tenderly, his lips pressing soft adulations into her skin as he buried himself so deep within her. This was where he belonged, where she yearned to spend eternity. The lock and the key, the completion. A sigh raised from her lips, caught by his mouth.
The bed caressed them, allowing them to sink deep within the pleasure they created. His words were murmured pleas and supplications at the altar he was worshipping. And there was nothing but desire that grew within her, desire for him. Their bodies touching was a drop into the ocean that she wanted to be plunged in. His soul was where she wanted to exist within, hidden in the fabric of him.
For all her mistakes, her missteps, her misguided ambition, he loved her. He accepted and treasured her. The regard with which he held her was beyond comprehension and she could do naught but closer her eyes in sweet surrender.
This man had both broken and healed her. Brought her to the most devastating places only to sit and bear every miniscule part of her. And yet she had stood with him on the shores of his grief, watching the waves of regret roil and crash against him for things loss and basked in the light of his eyes as he celebrated joys newly found.
Together they had become something powerful.
Her name came from that spot deep in his throat, shivers danced themselves down her spine, stoking the embers that resided there. Said as if it was the only spoken word that mattered in the whole of the universe. Everything stilled, his hazel orbs gazing deep into her own lilac ones with longing, love, desire, and need. A desperation was there, the fear he might never be whole if he did not stay within this moment for ever.
Her hands found the bare skin of his back, holding on to bring him closer, conveying her own need of him. It was an insatiable hunger she found herself cursed with, or blessed, depending on the view. But she was now irrecovably tied to him. And him to her.
Within her he released his essence, a cry passing from his lips. And she accepted it, gripped him, held him, taking every drop of the sacred gift he offered. Her own pleasure found her, a great fire that throbbed through her body as she pulsed around him.
There were moments of lust, animalistic passion, and crude feral desires that she thoroughly enjoyed and chased. But these moments, deep in the quiet of night, when the world was hushed, and there was nothing but them, souls merging, bodies tangled, were the ones when their love was truly realized.
A slow, deep kiss was shared between, not breaking even as he rolled off of her and pulled her into his arms. The stayed there, basking in the silence and each other, long into the night.
Hello welcome to the sequel to Secrets, Silence, & Sorrow. Enjoy the start of the story.
CW: Major Character Death, Body Horror, Blood,
PRELUDE:
Emmrich was choking on his own blood, the hole in his chest pushing blood every where but through his body. With every slowing beat of his heart, he could feel his grasp on life faltering. Cold was settling deep within his bones, an unfamiliar chill and yet it was comforting, wrapping around him with a gentle embrace. There was no pain. Only the wet of Sastry's tears on his face.
"YOU MUST CHOOSE."
Vaguely he was aware that he was laying in what remained of the Lich Lord's Ritual chamber. Whether or not their endeavors had been successful mattered not. Only that Sastry was in pain. He could bear it not.
"Sastry…." he choked again, more vile, tainted blood filling his mouth. Breaths were hard to manage, but he would sacrifice what strength he had to touch her face. Her beautiful tear stained face. "My love…"
"Don't talk, please. Emmrich. Save your strength," Sastry's voice cracked. There was blood on her own face. Was it hers, or was it his? Emmrich couldn't linger long on the question, her face was blurring in and out of focus. "I cannot lose you. I need you."
There was an attempt to smile at her, reassure her that whatever strength Sastry possessed it was far beyond any Emmrich would've ever hoped to achieve. She was the most resilient person he had ever known. And for a brief moment of his life, Sastry had been his. What an honor to have loved her for even the scarcest of moments.
She needed to know. Now, at the end of all, he must make her know. There could be no question. Not when he was gone. "S…Sastry…I…love…I love you…" It was exhausting but he got the words, horrible and nowhere near what needed to be conveyed to her. Her chest heaved above him as she fought back sobs. Across his cheek the touch he had learned he could not live without ran.
"Emmrich, I know. With every part of heart and soul, I know it to be true." Sastry gasped, her lip quivered. "And I love you."
"TIME. IS. SHORT."
Against his forehead she placed her own. "Will you still love me, even if I choose wrong?"
How could she question? There was nothing she would ever do that he wouldn't stand along side her. Nothing. "Sas…" his tongue wouldn't work. Her eyes were so close and yet those moonwhite orbs were terribly far away. As were her lips that Emmrich wished he could've kissed one more time. "Un…to…..E..ter…..n…it….y……F….la….m…..he….ar…."
And with a final sigh, Emmrich Volkarin allowed darkness to take hold and he knew no more.
Enjoy a little hurt/comfort. This takes place after the end of the game. Also a note my canon inky was Lady Trevelyan who romanced Blackwall (Thom Rainier).
There had been such a celebration at the Lighthouse, friends and comrades in arms had joined for merriment, drinks, and song. Much joy was had, except Allette had somehow snuck off without him even realizing it. Master Rainier had found Emmrich with Antoine and Strife discussing how the blight affected certain artefacts and at the Lady Inquisitor's request, he had followed the burly man from the Kitchen to the Library and into the Infirmary.
To find Allette sat on Varric's cot, head in hands, trembling so violently. The Lady Inquisitor kneeling, gentle hands placed on Allette's legs.
He had seen moments where she had cracked, the pain in her eyes threatening to spill over, but never once had she broken. Until now. He had wondered when it would happen. The amount work that had been placed on her shoulders, the burden of unnecessary guilt she carried, and the grief that had become her constant companion Emmrich had known a break would come and he had vowed he would be there for her. Never had he imagined the way his own heart would break watching her unravel in this way.
Master Rainier and the Lady Inquisitor had left them, Emmrich's arms around his love, soothing her with words he felt were sorely inadequate. He couldn't fix this or take this from her. An overwhelming sense of panic began to bubble up from his core. What good was his love if he could not help her in any sort of meaningful way?
Rest, his brain finally supplied. She was far past the realm of exhaustion, her body, mind, and heart needed rest before anything else was to be done. He glamoured them as they walked from the Infirmary, through peals of laughter echoing of the vaulted walls of the Library, ensuring no one noticed Rook tear stained and slumped against him for her support as they made their way to his Laboratory, through the bookshelf that secreted his private bed chambers.
Emmrich had barely been able to get her armor and outer clothes off of her before she collapsed into his bed in naught but her small clothes. Foolishly he had entertained the thought she might like to bathe (and if he had been completely honest with himself, he would've preferred that, but alas sheets could be laundered), but her head had just rested itself on the pillow and sleep had claimed her. It hadn't even been 24 hours since Elgar'nan's defeat and Solas was now sealed away in the Veil. And for Allette, Tearstone Island had been a few days before.
It wasn't the first time she had been in his bed and yet once again this wasn't the romantic tussle between sheets he had been yearning for since their dinner in the Memorial Gardens. There would be time now, he reminded himself. They had their lives ahead of them, didn't they? He studied her with the slightest twinge of doubt. Maybe it had been the throes of passion, a heat of the moment castaway declaration she had made while they lay there in that tomb that he was her forever and how deeply she loved him.
"I cannot imagine any life I live where you are not in it, Emmrich Volkarin." Her lilac eyes glistening with tears as she met his own, her hands around his chest as she once more kissed him as if she would never kiss him again. And he had believed her, so completely. Somewhere, she had infiltrated the empty ghost rooms of his heart that he had pretended never existed and filled them with her hope and her love. He would never let her go, whatever days were allotted him, they were hers.
But somehow he still worried she had only said those things because she didn't believe she would come back from facing the gods.
With a wave of his hand, and a shake of his own head in an attempt to clear it from the roiling, doubtful thoughts, the book shelf slid closed, sealing them away from everything and Emmrich set about laying her clothes over the night stand. Allette didn't stir, her breathing deep and even. Emmrich shed himself of his own clothes before heading to his washroom, allowing himself once last glance at the most beautiful sight his eyes had ever beheld.
~
Emmrich awoke abruptly, blinking his eyes as if it would clear the darkness. From beside him, Allette whimpered in her sleep. She was laying facing away from him, hair still pulled up in her bun, though it was loose and hair was sticking from it. He rolled to his side and placed a gentle hand on her back. "I'm here, my love," he murmured, rubbing along her spine, careful of the bruises he had seen when removing her clothes. The whimpering ceased for a moment and Emmrich sighed in relief. He surely didn't want to wake her when she was in desperate need of rest.
To his surprise, and delight, Allette rolled to face him, still in the depths of sleep, and pressed her body closer to his. Her face buried itself in his chest, arms coming to wrap around him and clinging to him as if her life depended on it. She was shuddering, whatever dream was torturing her, it wasn't a pleasant one. Emmrich brought his own arms around her body, one hand stroking her hair, the other on her back.
"I am here, my love. I've got you. I love you." He repeated the words over and over and over again until her trembling stilled and her body relaxed in his arms. She didn't release him, and truthfully, Emmrich didn't want to let her go either. This was where she belonged, right here in his arms, just as she was his safe place.
He lay there holding her, deciding that no, he could not let her go. He would court her as any decent gentleman would, allow her to see that he loved her so completely, give her the adoration she truly deserved. Before sleep claimed him once more, Emmrich thought of his mother's ring that was safely tucked in his flat in Nevarra. A trip to reclaim that might be in order soon.
~
At some point in the night she had unwrapped herself from him and rolled to her back. Her soft snores had awoken Emmrich but when he saw the time he resigned himself to start the day. Carefully he had entered the Lab, greeted Manfred who had some how gotten green and blue ink on his rib cage, done his morning exercises and stretches before returning to the bedroom to see Allette still asleep on her back, unmoved. Trying to make as little noise as possible he fetched a clean shirt and trousers from a chest of drawers and entered his washroom. Once bathed and dry, he put on his trousers and set about shaving.
Should he wake her up now? Or should he have Manfred make some tea and refreshments then wake her up? How was she feeling? What if she was mortified she was in his bed once again…..Questions swirled in his head and he nicked a small spot on his jawline with a frustrated grunt. You need to focus, Volkarin, he inwardly chided himself. With a deep breath he looked at himself in the mirror and set back to shaving his face.
He was halfway through using his razor on his face when she stumbled into the washroom, heading to the water closet. She gave a small grunt before closing the door. Emmrich stood there blade close to his cheek. There had been no knock, no polite questioning if she could come in, no she had merely walked in. This had to be a good thing, a sign, he mused as he looked himself in the eye in the mirror.
The water closet door opened and Allette came out, topless, her bandeau in her hand, which she dropped unceremoniously on the floor. Her hand was fussing with her hair a moment before it cascaded down around her shoulders. There was nothing seductive about how she moved but Emmrich couldn't look away. It was the comfort, the familiarity she exuded in how she moved. The lack of shame that might pop up when first cohabiting with a partner. None of that was present in the way stood there.
She came up behind him, head resting against his back, arms wrapping around his body, fingers laced upon his stomach. "Love you," she murmured into his back, before placing a soft kiss on his shoulder blade. And then, Allette was gone back through the door to the bedroom.
Taking a step back so he could peek out, he saw Allette was once more in bed curled on her side, blankets pulled up to her nose, silver hair splayed upon the pillow. Her breathing slowed and deepened, sleep claiming her for it's own once more. Razor still in hand he returned to stand in front of the mirror, but his eyes fell to the bandeau crumpled on the floor. The phantom touch of her kiss on his shoulder blade lingering and Emmrich knew then this was his forever.
He needed to retrieve his mother's ring as soon as possible.
Rating - E (Explicit)
Pairing - M/F
Word Count - 5,199
Read - HERE ON AO3
Summary - After Goro and V infiltrate the Arasaka warehouse and mess with the parade floats, maybe he doesn't stay away like he should. Maybe V wants him to come over. Maybe things….happen.
"You make my weaknesses as a man apparent," Goro spoke softly, a hand reached to her chin. "And yet I find strength when I am near you." A thumb ran along the curve of her jaw and V's lips parted allowing a sigh to escape. Goro was bringing his head closer to hers, their breaths beginning to dance together. "Would it be dishonorable to…."
"Shut up and kiss me Goro," V whispered.
I was talking with @kirain (who loves angst by the way) while writing Secrets, Silence & Sorrow and was told in no uncertain terms am I allowed to harm, maim, or kill off Sastry. This statement was followed up by this meme.
Well what should've been a funny, ha ha moment, ended up rallying the troops. And I'm still forever grateful that I have an unhinged group of friends who keep me both feral and grounded.
Bone Dad ( @paramortality ) was next telling me that he too would go to war for babygirl.
And of course then @holdingontojupiter (who was keeping me sane while I wrote this whole thing ) would swivel between "good job" and "IF YOU HURT HER"
@hugoingellvar kept asking me who Sastry was and I tried to explain it and decided to just send him the AO3 link. WHICH HE READ T_T Anyway, he also told me I'm too mean to my characters.
Well @mediocremillie99 has had to listen to me talk about Sastry over coffee for months and kept asking me "but does she make it to the ocean? I don't know if we can still be friends if she doesn't."
In the final stretch of my final draft of the final part - @omabell-illustriert and @thenymphia began to grow more and more concerned about the fate of Sastry with the WIPs I would share in the group chat.
And @tacoteddy22 also let me know her *concern* over Sastry's fate while very *kindly* making sure I knew she was keeping tabs on me.
And of course @silshinobii & @lancelotmylove also made sure to tell me that they were ready with teeth and claws for Sastry.
This whole thing is my favorite thing on the internet. Really grateful for the community of people around me. I love you all so much! Hopefully you all still love me.
And did Sastry make it to the ocean? Or did she make the ultimate sacrifice? You can read Secrets, Silence, & Sorrow here.
