going to say right away that this is not a horny post (although i make plenty of those too). this is genuine meta about the culture around sex in arlathan and solas' personal perceptions around sex and how they change and develop, especially with a relationship with the inquisitor
who i will be calling "inquisitor/inky" and using they/them pronouns for in this post! much love to all solasmancers
i am absolutely of the opinion that during arlathan era, sex was just normal. it was not exclusive to romantic relationships and it could have any number of meanings, or be largely without meaning
(could easily go down a rabbit hole here but i'll avoid it - maybe some other time!)
the evanuris were not always viewed as gods. that developed. and i think prior to its development, solas likely participated willingly and with enjoyment in the sexual aspects of the evanuris, as well as all else they did. but i think as time went on his participation changed... i don't think it necessarily stopped, but the meaning underlying it was different
if andruil pursued him, and he let himself be caught, it was not to experience her body, to take pleasure in her touch. if it was enjoyable, that was a side benefit, but not the goal. the goal was to see what she might say with her guard lowered. how she might behave in the bliss of afterglow. even to observe how she tried to use and manipulate him, and infer things from that
he was manipulative with it, and cunning, and strategic. and he was not alone in this. i think over time the meaning would have changed for all of them. sex as control. as changing a context. as disobedience. as subversion. as upheaval. as plot and ploy. as distraction. as coercion. as claim. as possession. as worship. as punishment. as reward.
sex does not exist in a vacuum, and it would not there, either. all of these goals are pursued in countless ways, and sex is just one tool among many, but it is a tool
none of this is to say that sex for pleasure or sex for intimacy did not exist in arlathan, even during the height of politicking. i think solas and mythal had more of that dynamic. i think andruil and ghilan'nain did as well. and while we know so little about them, i think it is fair to assume sylaise and june had that too
to me, that's pretty much solas' background with sex. it developed from something purely physical and exploratory into one of many tools in the "game" arlathan played, and his perception of it developed with it
the way solas returns the inqusitor's early flirtations... this, to me, is in line with the game of arlathan. it is so smooth, so eloquent, and so quick. someone approaches him with interest and he knows how to respond to that interest immediately
this isn't to say there's no truth in it at all, either. just that it's a learned behavior. and he gets a bit of a kick out of totally turning the tables and flustering them. but it's not anything super serious at that point
i think the fade kiss is one of the bigger, realer moments for him, but at the same time, he's still leaning on learned behavior. i truly think he wants them at this point and that there is an element of the intuitive, the reactive, the instinctual in the way he slots their legs together, in the way he deepens the kiss into something very intense, but it's also leaning a bit on what he's learned to do. it's hard to do otherwise! countless centuries of participation in these activities in arlathan, so much of this is deeply internalized
but the way he approaches them afterwards, wanting to talk... i think that's him trying to draw a veil (heh) between them, yes, and to minimize the pursuit he fell into, yes, but it's also because he doesn't want to play the game with them. he wants to know them. he's full of conflict, and is at his best, in a way, when any one behavior can have multiple benefits. in this case, he's distancing himself from the kiss, quickly steering the conversation away from physical intimacy and his own true and performed desperation, and into a much safer territory... while also being able to indulge in his own developing interest
and, lbr, this man likes to converse. i know the fandom jokes about how he talks so much, and he does, to a degree... but it's conversation that he enjoys, not monologuing. he relishes the chance to have a deep discussion with someone. he does not share his stories with the inky randomly, only when asked, and he approves of them asking him to tell him these things, but also asking questions afterwards, about keeping an open mind
but the absolute turning point in the romantic relationship is not in haven. it's not in the fade. it's on the balcony. it's after wisdom.
the inky can show solas that they understand that a spirit is his friend. that he cares about it. they can try and help him free it. (note: i haven't done alternative playthroughs of this particular quest because I Don't Fucking Wanna)
and that is the big shift. for many reasons! one of which is, of course, the fact that solas himself is a spirit. or was, but truly, i think he still is in many fundamental ways. but it is also about the inky being open-minded, not just in words, but in actions. because when they arrive, there is no gentle spirit waiting for them... there is a demon
the inky can choose to trust solas, to trust that even though it is a demon in front of them, that there may still be something they can do. that is the turning point for solas. that is why he approaches them on the balcony. that is why he brings up the kiss again. that is when he first tells them he loves them
because he does. he does
now, this is a meta about sex, and i haven't forgotten! things are left up for interpretation on whether or not solas and the inquisitor had sex. but setting that aside, i think it's worth considering what sex with someone he has fallen in love with would mean to him
now, i write him as demisexual. to be clear, this wasn't something i set out to do intentionally, but the more i wrote him the more clearly his demisexuality manifested. so he's had sex. he's also had sex with mythal, a woman he genuinely loves and is loved by (at least in my view), so intimate sex with a physical desire for the other person is not entirely unknown... but it was not something he thought to ever have again
and i think arlathan ruined sex for him for a long time. instead of a form of intimacy, it became a tool. a weapon. i suspect he and mythal's sexual relationship slowed until it was all but nonexistent, because it just felt fraught and complex
so to find his way back to it again...
i think he's fighting with himself. boldly leading, his body a tool... and he has to stop himself, because he doesn't want that. not with them. if it's during inq, he probably allows a certain amount of that. because he still has to manipulate them. he doesn't want to, but they still can't know who he is
but after... or even after veilguard, in the fade... confident hands on their arms turn to clutching ones, trembling, and his breathing sharpens. he's trying to bury the learned behavior. he wants to be here, to feel this. i can see it going many ways.... starting only to stop, maybe a bunch of times... or letting his partner lead, try to ease him into just reacting instead of guiding, to soften his learned behaviors until they eventually fade away and let something more sincere emerge
they could talk it out. they could feel it out. he could force himself to perform until the performance drops away (i doubt any partner would want that, but it could be solas' choice to do that anyway without consulting them)
and i think this is why being dommed is easier for him, in my view. and why especially being pushed all the way into subspace is easier for him. because suddenly the barriers drop and he's a raw nerve and he's all reaction. there's no performance left. and the fact that he's safe, that he's held afterwards, that as he shakes he's comforted, it makes all the difference
(because i like to explore him being in subspace in arlathan... and it being a vulnerability. whether it's used against him or not i tend to keep intentionally vague, but he knows it is a vulnerability, and any vulnerability can be exploited)
but i also think him finding his way towards his own desires - and particularly any desires around domination or sadism - would be very, very important and cathartic for him as well. anything he does with his lover is going to be completely consensual, but if they want to be dommed by him, if they are a masochist, then he can explore those desires in himself, too, in a safe way
because i do think solas probably has... a lot of kinks. ppl can have kinks for any reason, but ppl can also develop kinks based around their own traumas. so i think he'd have some where that is the origin. and that doesn't make them bad! but it's something i think he'd struggle with, and struggle with the morality of them
sex as a tool is easy. you use it to meet your own ends. you know how far you are willing to go, and that's how far you go. you're in control, even when you're play-acting at vulnerability, unless you're not in control because someone's using the tool on you instead...
but that's the complexity of it all for him. and i think being able to explore these things in a safe, affirming way would actually ease a tremendous weight that he has carried for a long time
