❝ For as long as I can remember, I just wanted to do what was right. ❞
WINTER SOLDIER / accepting.@soldscars
HE HAD never claimed to be a hero. none of them ever did. they knew what they were. what they had become. had known that any light within them was now perpetually accompanied by the reminder that they were not good. & reyes was fine with that. all he wanted to do was fight for something that mattered ( * a very long time ago, a boy lost his father & realized that living was not living. it was fighting death ). there was precious little he believed in, but he believed in what he was doing & he believed in this overwatch. gabriel reyes knew doubt & knew regret, but he never lingered & pushed through regardless.
later, but not during this moment, reyes would stop believing in anything. in fact, he stopped all together & that was not how it was supposed to go at all.
reyes almost said many things. almost said & what ? now you don’t want to anymore ? but he stopped himself & held back his tongue. he considered his next words carefully, perfectly aware of their possible ramifications & the seeds he could plant with even this intake of breath. he could say you’re still doing the right thing & reyes was many things, but he was no liar. he could bend words with his tongue & pry open holes in promises & oaths because he was clever & no such thing was ever perfectly true, but he did not lie. there were those that would argue, but they would be lying themselves. he could say something cruel & efficient, sparing jack’s feelings because maybe that was what he needed. he needed a harsh, but well meaning statement to fish him from that dangerous melancholy that so often captured men & drowned them in drink or the rush of adrenaline. he could also be kind & say that jack was a good person. & it wouldn’t be a lie because jack was a good person.
but he could not. he could not because this was jack morrison & hope was a dangerous thing, but reyes was never one to back down from impossible odds. reyes sighed & made his choice.
❛ & now you’ve realized that’s impossible, ❜ he said honestly. doing what was right did not mean doing what was good. a contradiction, really. a silly statement to make one feel better about themselves. in a way, they were all such arrogant fools. ❛ i’d say don’t worry, but you should worry. the moment you start thinking you’re right is the moment you should be scared of yourself. think about what you actually want some more. maybe you’ll find an answer then. ❜