I'm just moping bc we went to the Kennedy Space Center today and like, even 6 years ago I would have been out of my mind excited and I would have meticulously gone over all the exhibits and not wanted to leave the room with the Atlantis shuttle in it and it would have been amazing. But now it's just not. Now all I see is American propaganda and something I used to desperately want that is forever beyond my reach. I used to want to go to space to explore, to colonize a new world, maybe even leave the solar system, go to Alpha Centauri just to see what was there. I was so curious and excited. I wanted to be part of something greater you know? Humanity going to the stars...
But there is nothing greater. There is no cause or destiny or purpose. People want to go to space to strip mine asteroids, maybe colonize a new planet so we can make that one uninhabitable too. Even if some of the mining operations get off the ground, ha ha, it won't matter. There'll be talk of going to Mars, some research, maybe even a small manned mission, and then the climate change crisis will come to a head and the money won't be there anymore and things will kind of fall apart, and that'll be the end of it. There's nothing out there for me to dream about. There's nothing there for me at all.
What appeals to me about space now is the nothingness itself tbf, the emptiness of it, the silence. The void comforts me. I want to fly off into it and never come back. Boldly go nowhere, boldly do nothing, just drift away into the dark. It's a fantasy I use to calm myself down when I'm upset. It helps. Makes looking at exhibits about planetary geology and spaceflight pretty damn depressing though.
