Ghoap || Ghost x Soap
CW: DDDNE - Major Character Death, Grief, Oral, Anal (giving/receiving) mention, Male Solo Masturbation, Unsatisfying Finish. No Happy Ending.
Johnny - that asshole - always good at keeping Simon up on their shared leave, soft lips traveling across the scars that told stories on Simon's skin until Simon would have to shove him away.
"Christ, Johnny, actin' like a bloody mutt y'are." He'd grumble, never glaring. And Johnny'd just laugh, nod his head and continue traveling south until his heat of his mouth met the length of Simon.
"Aye, an' this mutt's needin' a bone, L.T." He'd just chuckle again and flick his tongue lovingly at Simon's frenulum until he'd groan and roll his eyes. Never took long before Simon'd be scruffing Johnny by the back of that ridiculous mohawk and 'scolding' him.
"Y'know how t'act, Johnny. Get to it, then." And he would, without complaint - those same soft lips finding their place around him, unhurried, like a man settling into something he'd been missing. Simon's hand still resting at the back of Johnny's neck, no longer pushing, just present and heavy. The low sounds that passed between them had no language in them, only the particular grammar of two people who had learned each other past the point of needing words.
It was an odd ritual of sorts, a sort of 'I Love You' when those words felt too heavy before risky missions, felt like some sort of jinx.
A jinx Simon wished he hadn't given much thought to.
A jinx that made Simon wish that maybe he should have said it for once..
It was an odd thing, grief, that kept Simon up at night now, kept the spaces between his bones stuffed with a darkness that tugged on the soul. A thing that tugged memories from the fathoms of Simon's mind - the stupid shit Johnny'd say on missions, the scar above his eyebrow that he'd learned with his tongue… the way the callouses on his hands felt when they'd sweep low on Simon's back and rest on his hips as Johnny's pouted lips wrote love letters across the soft expanse of Simon's belly…
It'd been nearly a year since his passing and Simon still found each day to be as insufferable as the day the lead kissed Johnny's temple, and nearly a year since Simon had felt the knowing touch of his lover. Each time Simon found himself wanting, found himself craving the hands, the mouth, the flesh of his lover, his hands would find their place amongst his own flesh.
Inadequate. Heavy. Scarred and calloused in a way that felt alien, that felt like betrayal in comparison to the blue-eyed Scot that had thawed the Ghost's heart. But his body screamed for relief, for release - and Simon tried to oblige. Shaky hand wrapped around himself with an exhale that could bring winter itself to it's knees and he hesitated before stroking himself once, twice, hoping the third time would bring the beginning of ease that he could settle into.
Three turns to countless strokes of frustration, of pained grunts and imagery of Johnny's hands replacing his own. He thought of Johnny's laugh, the way it rumbled deep in the chest and made Simon want to hit him and kiss him all at once. He thought of Johnny's stare mid-mission, the heat in it, a quick lick of teeth over lip and a promise that they'd see it through alive just to fuck in a supply closet later.
He remembered the first time Johnny'd let Simon take him, wriggling like a bastard, muttering Scottish gibberish with hands gripping the sheets of Simon's bed. He remembered Johnny's breath, warm and raw against his ear, fucking filth into Simon's brain and coaxing him through when he'd been the one to take Simon.
The memories should've made it easy, should have been simple as breathing. Instead the ache in his guts twisted until it was something rabid and unsatisfied, and his own hand felt like a stranger's, every stroke an insult to what he once had. He tried to focus on getting there, on the hiss of his own breath, his cock in palm, the quick shot of sensation meant to overpower the rest. But it wasn't enough. He squeezed harder, sped up, his jaw tightening until his teeth ached, brow furrowed in near pain. Each grunt bounced against the walls, a sharp echo of Johnny's voice that only ever made it worse.
"Bloody fuckin'-"
He gritted his teeth, and squeezed his eyes shut to focus. The memory of Johnny's tongue, the heat of his mouth clamping down - fucking hell, yes, that was it, get on with it, then - but it wasn't enough. He couldn't get past the phantom texture of skin not his own, the difference in rhythm, the lack of a second pulse beating hot against him. He wanted to spit, to snarl, to punch a hole in the barracks wall, but all he had was a burning coil at the base of his spine and the oblivion of his own lonely palm. He pumped his fist, hard, trying to banish the tight ache, but the pleasure was like trying to drink from a cracked canteen - always a metallic taste, always short of what it used to be.
"J-Johnny, please- fuck.." He groaned. He let out a rough, stuttered gasp, hips jerking uselessly into his own bruising grip until it finally - finally - broke loose inside him, a mean, shivering wave that juddered out across his skin. And then it was over before he could even savor it, nothing like that bewildering, seething high Johnny used to drag out of him. The pleasure was thin, almost painful in its bite, and as it faded it left him raw and hollow, groaning through gritted teeth while his hand hung limp beside his cock, slick and aching. The mess pooled hot and then cooled down on his belly, sharp against the hairs of his navel. He didn't bother cleaning it up; didn't bother moving at all, really.
There was no one left to complain about the sheets, anyway.
He stared up at the ceiling as a phantom aftertaste lingered in his mouth - a bitterness he'd never learned the name for, and could still feel the shape of Johnny's head under his palm, still sense the weight of him, how that bastard never hesitated to throw himself down, reckless and devoted and blue-eyed and fucking gone forever.
He could almost laugh at himself. Ghost, with all his infamy, haunted by a ghost of his own.
Hi guys!!im going home tmrw morning(yay!) and i have to say it was quite fun!! Didnt see as much as I planned, bc i felt terrible today and had to stay in the hotel for most of the day but maybe one day ill be back here and see everything!!
