@soulcleft - you asked for it
Veiled forms of sorrow made all the more apparent. The edged difference of how the heir ‘should’ appear and how she ‘does’ appear, only be brought forth in these few select moments shared in the nothingness of a grand castle. All boiled down to the few instances they were allowed to spend with one another and leaving him to watch the careful movements of the princess [ hard to believe she would be Lord soon ] with a gentle smile. With the softness of a father like he was one, and also - always, in a sense - had been for her. How quaint to think about that now, when she seemed so forlorn, pleading without really doing so [ without being allowed to ] with him to stay. And tumbling in realisations a shake of his head brought to a crashing halt: how he would not want to stay. Want to spend more time with his sons, now that all was so sure, so direly limited, alone for her to raise concerns about the two children? It was enough to have his countenance waver and shatter like fine glass before his eyes turn so unexpectedly - so painfully - fragile in their well-needed placidity.
“Yes, they have been made.” Speaking like through a fog-like dream when recounting faces, recounting expressions and sadness boiling down to the feelings of wanting to soothe it and being barely able to do in the first place [ how his heart aches with the memory ]. “And yes, I have to.” ‘But do I want to?’ - swirled as a sudden questioning realisation behind those darkening eyes, shades of red shimmering, sombre as he doesn’t know anymore, after seeing own children waning with their despair. To see this child weeping with the same form of buried sorrow? He doesn’t and he never did fear this day coming, would follow his Lord’s wishes without any remark nor remorse, but— [ what would he think? ].
So a sigh breaks loose only seconds later, that small and near imperceptible smile managing to lighten up whole visage. Before it, remarkably enough, falls to nought and nothingness.
“Gejutel’s reasons for staying are different, his Highness’ orders are meant to provide utmost possibilities for the future.” Yes, he thought her not quite fitted to be Lord. Yes, he thought she would need more guidance, more time, more experience [ and how this contingency shall not be allowed if only for the Clan Leader to be there with her? ]. It’s all too devastating, to tear them away. But—
But— “I’m sorry.” It breaks free all of a sudden like a barely perceptible whisper swallowed whole by deafening quiescence. Being forced to watch movements of fluttering insecurity, of known sadness, of the feeling that - yes - there was more, there was something else, had it not always been a problem when it came to the family of the Kertia? Their loyalty, their utmost will to sacrifice themselves for Lukedonia, for the Lord? Despairingly apparent to get attached to them from young age on [ and for once in his life, he knows and sees how it feels— ]. “I’m very sorry, Princess.” Casual, without any casualty. Never would he usually use this word, would have all but referred to her as a Lady, from being a shy child on to be introduced to her, that timid little girl hiding behind tall figure of one of his best and closest friends, a small mimicking amusement in regarding the youth with attention well-deserved and - as he knows - desired. But now? It was so different; his mind going in circles, spinning and having the urgent desire to stop.
Nothing, nothing would be anymore like now. Her eyes downcast in avoiding gaze of his own [ lingering on any and each movement fulfilled ], that trails along the hem of her attire, in a sense - he wanted her to stop with it. Wanted her to understand that, yes, he might not feel her ready to be the Lord but he would never - never - question decisions made by his Leader’s will, following them near blindly even though the assassin’s own pursuits had been calculated perfectly [ like splitting his own soul into two - how quaint to reminisce on it now ]. But finally so, with all the ache and numbing inability to do anything else, Ragar relents in his own personal grievances.
When he lowers his tall form to kneel in front of her, head bowed and a hand placed to his chest, upon heart beating and blood pulsing slowly [ running cold with each second ticking away ]. A broken picture perfect resonance of their mutual ache in departing [ unwilling to, unwanting to, it’s a sorrow filled piece of history ], when such the Leader fulfils what she would experience from now on endlessly. Relentlessly. Cursing it all, for it took away cherished memories of the past. As she said, many of the older family heads knew and agreed that her time was not yet here, that she was too young, too filled with emotions in need to be severed for her to overcome a ‘weakness’ that— [ truly was none ]. Heartbeat that still itself out to none at all, when his free hand - unoccupied, flittering before - finally lifts and carefully grasps for her own, lacing long fingers around that delicate wrist in feeling how unsuitable do these hands not seem for fighting, now that, in these moments, reverent gaze was permitted and indulged to finally see. It’s quaint to think about it, how she had been entangled into him so wholly as a little girl [ and how his feelings for her were those of a worried father’s own ]. How she had meant and made to get attached to his form, and reluctantly was now - was now—
—so surely forced, to let him go.
So he gives into his personal grievances [ may they not be pardoned to be selfish for once at least? ].
Leading her hand towards him, having her cease the fretting. The fidgeting. With a guidance of different calibre, soft and slow, when smaller hand had be placed upon the back of his very own then soon enough brought to the assassin’s lips in placing a soothing kiss upon the back of it. Staying like it. Barely perceptible in how he lifts after seconds tricking away like fine sand stalling in the aperture of an hourglass, feeling like an anguished eternity. In all the time he was aware of the date coming closer - of the nobles’ end drawing ever nearer, there were only two moments when he dared to refuse in acknowledgement that it had all been right. All been completely planned. Completely and perfectly overseen. The first moment just, when his own children’s sorrow-filled eyes would regard him and his words with silent pleas to stay. The second, this one right here and right now, achingly settled deeply within his very form. “Do not be afraid, we will always be with you.” Words of sincerity, spoken with a voice unwavering of belief and a smile adorning she was unable to see. Still—
—“I am so very sorry, my dear Princess.” For he knows so well, in these ticking seconds he feels racing in the hidden pulse from her very skin. “Believe in yourself, so that I can leave you behind.” It would still not be enough, in the future was so surely grim.