Soul Mate VS Twin Flame
I met someone online on October 30th, 2016. Peculiar, I chatted with him. We’ll call him Knoble.
We talked forever. All the time. When we finally met, it was like I was nervous for nothing. We played rummy, and he even re-taught me how to play tunk, a gambling game I learned to play my freshman year in high school. It was really cool to have someone I could connect with again. Little did I know at all, any of his story, and how we came to meet online.
It’s hard for me to remember now, because I’ve been drinking to forget, but as I write about this all to get it OUT of my head, I’m remembering it all, and it’s starting to hurt.
If we weren’t together, we were texting, or sending each other shit on Instagram, Snapchat, or on face-time for hours at a time. When we’d hangout, it was always good. The conversations lasted, or there was silence, and it wasn’t awkward silence. Just *being* together. We watched movies, we went to spot and another skate park. He motivated me to get back into something I have up in middle school. I helped him see that he didn’t need to body shame himself, I took care of him in a time of dire need. When he tripped I made sure to be someone he’d be comfortable around. That next morning, I had fallen asleep, he was up all night. I woke up to him massaging my back, my arms, my legs, and he asked me if I would take a shower with him. I rejected because I’m fairly insecure of my body, not to mention I was really hungover. He didn’t push it and understood. Then I got a text from him asking me if I would, I caved, he convinced me with a spirit wash. He washed every part of me, including my soul. I was overwhelmed with joy and sadness, because I thought I was finally getting the love I had given to so many people, back. That was when my feelings started for him.
We painted a lot together. We showed each other a lot of new but similar taste in things, books/movies/music/quotes/ We made dinner one night, lol. Asparagus, boiled carrots, baked potatoes. I got to leave my pillow and blanket there, because I knew I’d be coming over a few more times.
Although, leaving my stuff there was temporary like my existence in his life.
I didn’t want to, but deep down I knew I would take his actions the wrong way. I wanted to at least have one chance, but I didn’t get it. He even warned me, I didn’t listen. I denied my “I love you” moments and claimed them to be just me sitting back and appreciating him. But he was right, I was starting to fall, he took notice, and hurt me sooner than later.