Alfie [to Tommy]: One of the many, many things that baffles me about you is that you remain unmurdered.

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Alfie [to Tommy]: One of the many, many things that baffles me about you is that you remain unmurdered.
Michael: Tommy's gonna kill me, isn't he? How fucked do you lot think I am? On the fuck-o-meter, where am I
Polly: Oh, 12?
Arthur: Yeah. 12, say
Michael: Out of what?
Polly: Erm... 50.
Arthur: Oh. Mine was out of 10.
Ada: What's the best way to clear a paper jam?
Tommy: I don't know. Kill a kid an hour until it sorts itself out?
Scruples? Scruples, what are they? Is that those low-fat Kettle Chips?
Alfie Solomons
John: Thomas, you're bullying me, and I don't know why you're bullying me.
Tommy: How dare you! How DARE you?! Don't you ever, EVER call me a bully.
Tommy: I am SO much worse than that.
Tommy: Fuck you all. I'm going to write my own epitaph, and it'll read, "yes, he was a cunt, but he was a fucking dignified cunt."
Polly: You might struggle to find a stonemason who'll do it for you.