#sovereignshift

[selfhealinggoddess]

When He Became the Victim After Breaking Me

I’ve seen this version before.

The one where the damage is done first…

and the apology never comes—

only a shift in roles.

One minute,

I’m being blamed for everything that went wrong in his life.

His missed interview.

His frustration.

His inability to show up for himself.

And the next…

He has nobody.

I’m all he had.

And somehow, I’m still the one expected to hold him.

—

But I’ve learned something about pain that isn’t mine.

It gets loud when it’s looking for somewhere to land.

And this time…

it tried to land on me again.

—

He told me

“fuck your presence.”

“fuck your value.”

And in the same breath…

wanted me to stay.

That was the moment it clicked.

I was never being valued—

I was being used as emotional shelter.

—

Because if I was truly everything to him,

he wouldn’t have spoken to me like that.

You don’t destroy what you cherish.

You don’t belittle what you need.

You don’t break the very place you call home.

Unless you expect it to never leave.

—

And maybe the old version of me wouldn’t have.

She would’ve stayed.

Explained.

Cried softer.

Loved harder.

Tried to turn chaos into comfort.

—

But I’m not her anymore.

—

This time,

I didn’t argue.

I didn’t chase clarity from someone committed to confusion.

I didn’t shrink myself just to keep the connection.

—

I chose my daughter.

I chose my peace.

I chose to listen to the part of me that said:

“You’ve been here before… and you’re not staying this time.”

—

He called me a crybaby.

But what he didn’t understand is…

Those weren’t weak tears.

They were recognition.

Of a pattern.

Of a cycle.

Of a version of me I’ve already outgrown.

—

And when he tried to become the victim

after being the one who caused the damage…

I didn’t step in to save him.

Because I finally understand:

I am not responsible for fixing what hurt me.

—

Some people don’t want a partner.

They want a place to fall apart

without ever being held accountable.

—

And I am no longer available for that role.

—

My presence is not something you get to disrespect

and still have access to.

—

I didn’t lose him.

I just stopped volunteering

to be the place he breaks things in.

[selfhealinggoddess]

I’m Tired of Feeling Small

There’s a specific kind of loneliness that hits when someone is right next to you… and you still feel unseen.

That’s where I’ve been.

He’s here.

Physically present.

Sleeping next to me at the end of the night.

But somehow, I still feel the same neglect I felt when he wasn’t even around.

And that’s what hurts the most.

Because it confirms something I didn’t want to admit:

It was never about distance.

---

I remember when I used to beg for his attention.

When I accepted quick encounters, small moments, crumbs…

just to feel close to him.

I thought if I gave more, loved harder, showed up better…

he would meet me there.

But now he’s here, and nothing has changed.

If anything, it feels worse.

Because now there’s no excuse.

---

I feed him.

I take care of him.

I give him back massages because he’s in pain.

And I don’t even mind doing those things…

until I realize it’s not being reciprocated.

It starts to feel like a chore.

Like I’m pouring into someone who isn’t even trying to pour back into me.

And that’s when something in me shifts.

Because I shouldn’t feel undesirable in my own space.

I shouldn’t feel like an irritation.

I shouldn’t feel like I have to earn softness from someone who claims to want me.

---

Lately, he’s been snapping at me.

Talking down to me.

Moving like my presence bothers him.

And I keep thinking:

Is this how I make you feel after not seeing me all day?

Because if that’s the case…

I don’t even want to be around.

---

What makes it worse is that I’ve already said something.

More than once.

And I hate that I even felt the need to explain it.

Because in the back of his head… he already knows.

He knows what I’ve been through.

He knows how his ex has affected me for years.

He knows what triggers me.

So at this point, it’s not about awareness.

It’s about whether he cares enough to move differently.

---

And I’m starting to accept something I didn’t want to:

Knowing hasn’t changed anything.

---

I’ve been more sad than happy since he’s been here.

And that truth is sitting heavy on me.

Because I remember what it felt like when I was alone…

pouring into myself, minding my peace, coming back to who I am.

I didn’t feel this drained.

I didn’t feel this small.

---

There’s nothing worse than laying next to someone

and feeling like they don’t even pay attention to you.

No warmth.

No desire.

No softness.

Just presence… without connection.

And my body feels it.

My energy feels it.

Everything in me feels it.

---

And I think that’s where I am now.

Not confused.

Just tired.

Tired of being talked down to.

Tired of overgiving.

Tired of feeling like I have to shrink just to keep things smooth.

---

I don’t want to beg anymore.

I don’t want to explain anymore.

I don’t want to compete, question, or overextend myself anymore.

---

I just want to feel like myself again.

The version of me that was calm.

Grounded.

Soft… but not self-abandoning.

---

And the truth is…

If I have to choose between feeling like this

or being alone and pouring into myself again—

I’m choosing me.

[selfhealinggoddess]

I’m not chasing anything right now.

Not clarity.

Not attention.

Not reassurance.

I’ve learned what it feels like when something is aligned…

and it doesn’t come with confusion.

So I’ve been sitting in my own energy lately.

Quiet.

Soft.

Aware.

Letting everything reveal itself without me interfering.

Because the truth is…

What’s meant for me doesn’t need to be pulled closer.

It comes forward on its own.

And anything that doesn’t…

I don’t question it anymore.

I let it go.

That’s the energy I’m working with now.

Empress energy.

[selfhealinggoddess]

She Became the Empress

I used to sit in front of the mirror asking questions I already felt the answer to.

Hoping.

Waiting.

Trying to read between silence.

Now I sit differently.

Not searching…

not reaching…

not trying to understand what isn’t being shown.

Just present.

Just aware.

Just in my power.

There was a version of me that needed reassurance.

That needed consistency to feel safe.

That needed effort to feel chosen.

But the truth is…

The Empress doesn’t need proof.

She doesn’t chase clarity.

She doesn’t beg for alignment.

She doesn’t perform to be loved.

She becomes still…

and everything reveals itself.

Now I don’t ask, “Do you want me?”

I observe.

I don’t ask, “Where do I stand?”

I watch how I’m treated.

I don’t ask, “What does this mean?”

I let time expose it.

Because the right things don’t confuse you.

They meet you.

And anything that doesn’t…

falls away on its own.

I didn’t become cold.

I became unavailable for what doesn’t meet me.

That’s the shift.

That’s the power.

That’s the Empress.

[selfhealinggoddess]

[selfhealinggoddess]

[selfhealinggoddess]

[selfhealinggoddess]

They Watch, I Don’t React

There was a version of me that would’ve reacted.

Not loudly… but internally.

Trying to connect timing.

Trying to read between actions.

Trying to confirm what I already felt.

That version of me believed awareness required response.

This one doesn’t.

⸻

Now… I notice.

That’s it.

No spiraling.

No chasing clarity.

No shifting my energy to match what I think might be happening behind the scenes.

Because I’ve learned something real:

Not everything you see is an invitation to engage.

Some things are just… information.

And information doesn’t require emotion.

It requires discernment.

⸻

People will watch you.

Closely. Quietly. Intentionally.

Sometimes out of curiosity.

Sometimes out of comparison.

Sometimes out of something they don’t even understand themselves.

But watching… is not access.

And it’s definitely not influence.

⸻

There was a time I would’ve adjusted.

Blocked everywhere.

Or overthought every move.

Or subconsciously moved in a way that acknowledged the audience.

Not anymore.

Now I move the same… regardless.

Because my life is not a performance.

And my peace is not conditional.

⸻

I set boundaries where they are needed.

Not where I’m trying to prove a point.

If there’s disrespect—access is removed.

If there’s silence—there’s nothing to address.

Everything doesn’t deserve the same level of response.

And everyone doesn’t deserve the same level of access.

⸻

So if you’re watching…

Watch.

Just understand—

You’re observing something you don’t have access to anymore.

And I’m not reacting to anything that doesn’t align with me.

⸻

Closing Line

“Observation isn’t connection.

And silence isn’t weakness… it’s control.”