#space for thoughts

[kartamuneda]

So lately I've been really speaking up at work about the things that really frustrate me (mainly incompetent colleagues) . I'm still deciding how to continuously go about it without losing my composure and my professionalism. But I'm glad to say I'm no longer afraid of people getting uncomfortable around me especially when I know I'm in the right. Damn, I think my college years brought up this side of me, though slow and almost imperceptible, it came just around in time enough for me to wholly embody it in this season when I need myself the most. Major facepalm sa lahat ng freeloaders out there - welp, this time I'm ready to be your nightmare (still in a professional manner lol).

Anyway, often we confuse our growth with our expectations - like how we're so quick to invalidate everything else when we commit a mistake or two, or how we wish we're better than the person we are now. Maybe because coming to terms with how naturally these things occur and how everybody has their own learning curve and ripening aren't something we always talk about as we were raised in a culture quick to jump to the next steps - a very promising attempt to hopefully never make the same mistake again. A disrespect to the person we're still growing and figuring out to be. Thinking about all these made me realize na "ah, i've really come this far". Used to be so anxious and scared of voicing out my concerns that I would always end up just accepting the burden pero ngayon mas may peace pala kasi it's not just fighting for the right thing but also affirming myself by upholding the values i believe in whether the other party accepts the correction or not.

[kartamuneda]

How nice of pet express to call me regarding the order I placed last night. Apparently, they made an error with the stock posted online so they offered the option to cancel but in my mind, I don't wanna go through the hassle of placing another order again and receiving it separately so I asked if it was possible to just replace it with anything similar. The item's actually dry food for my 7-year-old half-lab. She asked me if my dog was a senior and I didn't even realize this until now - my precious dog's at that age huh. I remember how he fought so hard to survive distemper about 3 years ago and so I would always remind my two dogs that our pact is at least 10 years 😭 I guess now there will always be that looming feeling, that anticipatory grief, I'm not really quite sure how to navigate (who does, right?) because I'm so used to having them by my side.

[kartamuneda]

The beginning of the year now feels like an old dream I can hardly recall. Well, except there are photographs marked with dates numbering the days I was out there. How I was looking at the vastness I could never touch or take home with me.

Is the sky really this blue?  I mean I can look from our windows to assure my thoughts. But this change, this abrupt turn of events, is certainly taking me to greater heights and once the climb is over, i’ll descend the same person i was but profoundly altered nonetheless.

[kartamuneda]

March 30th.

Isn’t it ironic how this world sees kindness as weakness and yet it clamors for it when trials come?

[kartamuneda]

Lately, as the socmed platform turned into a pool of constructive criticisms which i have nothing against because they’re crucial for growth and betterment. I guess what struck me is how sometimes we take too much pride in what we believe that we just want to make the person feel less. We destroy them with such gigantic information but we never build them up afterwards. Apparently, we can be just as emotionally-driven like what we shame only we learned to clothe our opinions with much bigger and more intimidating words but deep down, our intentions do not balance with the purpose.

It pains to see how some would rudely demand duty, accountability and integrity when they themselves don’t model it at all in their respective lives. When all we know is look around and point blame, we’re no different from the people we call out. We’re just as toxic and just as irresponsible as they are only alone with our guilt to punish us with.

I know we’re all getting tired seeing as how our society is and I’m not exempted to everything i just said. But i hope that we’ll be good gardeners of our beliefs. That we’ll be the wheat instead of the weed. And that we wouldn’t intentionally cause people to stumble just to prove ourselves right.

[kartamuneda]

March 28th. Part 2.

I found new friends when the ecq started and so it never really gets lonely as i move from one day to another.

[kartamuneda]

I admit over the past few days, I’ve gone *skimming through many posts about the government & people’s responses toward the COVID19 situation which greatly stretched my patience and challenged my EQ. With the reality of how chaotic this time has come, I still believe in my God who remains faithful and good both by nature and at being a God.  

As I read through the last chapters of Isaiah, I couldn’t help but be moved how incomprehensible God is—how He orchestrate things amidst people’s stubbornness. How His love pursues even when people turned their backs on Him. We often blame God for the injustices in this world but aren’t those things consequences of people’s sins? Of the conscious decisions people make every day that bear more injustices which even dissipates through generations? Of a dysfunctional faith that only filters what it sees good for oneself?

To quote from Isaiah 61:8,

“For I, the Lord, love justice;     I hate robbery and wrongdoing. In my faithfulness I will reward my people     and make an everlasting covenant with them.”

The God I believe in is a God of justice. His wisdom enables us to maneuver our thoughts through the great heights of our emotions and respond in faith and in action. He’s the ultimate revolutionary who modeled “for the people” by modelling sacrificial service. I still respect the authority but it doesn’t mean I’ll go along and turn a blind eye from their mishaps.

Also, just want to say that I’m always open for exchanging of thoughts only if you are willing to meet halfway. I like corrections and reproof but only from people who i.) check their facts first ii.) confront their mistakes iii.) listen before they talk iv.) practice their faith v.) love God and our country more than the government vi.) maximize the available resources to learn vii.) use credible references viii.) think progressively.