Content warning for discussion about dissociation
This may be an unpopular take, I'm not sure, but dissociation can be helpful sometimes. I am well aware of how detrimental it can be to memory and overall mental well-being, including recovering post dissociation. That shit makes things no time concepts empty, but that in some ways can help, at least for me. Dissociation is a way that our brains help us cope with overwhelming stimuli, and it is biologically meant to protect you from further harm by distancing you from the situation. What I mean when I say dissociation can be helpful, is that it does help, me at least, to cope with the excessive amount of stimuli and world awareness I am exposed to every day. I have synesthesia, which can be neat in some ways, but it can also become overwhelming. Looking is also hearing, hearing makes shapes and colors, tastes make colors, smells also turn into shapes and colors, and I often find myself feeling things and describing them as "loud" even if itd not hearing that I am experiencing. Dissociation can help me eat, for example. The different textures and tastes that come with complex prepared foods (more than 1-2 ingredients) or foods that I am not familiar with can become very overwhelming if I am completely there for the experience. It also helps me to wear clothes that are not just pj shorts and t-shirts. It helps me to interact with multiple people at a time, and to touch many textures of objects in a short period of time. I do actively practice mindfulness ~3x a week, and those times can be manageable if my surroundings are quiet (in all the sensory ways). Being present is very nice, and I wish I had an on off switch for dissociation, but unfortunately it just happens. For me, I feel I am at least a slight bit dissociated frequently, especially in these ~spicy times~ in order to cope with isolation and various tasks and expectations being thrown my way. Fortunately, it's not as severe as a period of time in high school when I was probably at my worst mentally, and since I've had practice with mindfulness and awareness of what dissociation is and how to cope, it's gotten better. I would like to have the mental energy to process everything around me, but I feel like that's just so very much. If I weren't lightly removed from my senses, I do think I would have a breakdown after 5 minutes, I'm not exaggerating. There are times when I feel safe and like my sensory input is limited enough that I can become more aware, and it's very pleasant, especially because the place that most often happens is when I'm cozy in bed. I feel like if I wasn't a bit dissociated while going about my daily tasks I wouldn't be able to do everything I want to do, and experience all of the things I want to experience. I'm glad it's at a supportive level, but I do hope as I grow and perhaps as I obtain more therapy, I can find ways to exist without dissociation. It's helpful in ways right now though, and that's neat.