This is pretty unlike any of my other content so feel free to skip but I just wanna ramble-
I've been thinking about life a lot recently- mine specifically. I've not gone to college yet and honestly I've discovered a lot of stuff about myself that makes decisions a lot harder than they seemed before.
I joke that I'm the token cis straight person of the group- but its true. What I want is pretty in line with semi-traditional gender roles. I'm a femme cis woman and I want to be a mother (whether that's biological kids, adopting, or merely fostering kids and teens) .
but that motherhood is where things get a bit messy. It brings up the question: What do I want to be? Most of my ideas for careers are really focused on pediatrics in medicine (specifically occupational therapy, counseling, or research in general) or other child/teen-focused careers (like social work, teaching, etc). What should I pursue alongside being a mother? could it wait until the kids are in their teenage years and I get a degree then? Do I want to get an actual degree before anything and then figure it out from there? I don't know-
Occupational therapy has kinda been in my mind for a while- I had a wonderful one when I was little who helped me with a few fine motor functions along with working in emotional regulation and play. Even now- I don't remember her name, but I still smile because she was just so kind. She didn't tell little me to shut up when I cried. She helped talk me through it. She didn't scold me for holding the pencil wrong, she got me grippers and encouraged me to correct it slowly. For many kids, they don't have adults like that. I want to be an adult kids can trust.
But the main issue is expenses and time working. I don't know when I'll get married and I don't plan on having children when I'm not married, but there's income and everything to figure out. I think I might just be worrying way too much about it right now because I've gotta work on transitioning into actual adult stuff- but its hard not to think about it. My little scared brain wants to have a plan, even if it's a fuzzy one-
I also want to figure out a smaller set of jobs to look into. I've got a good variety to choose from right now so that's what makes it difficult. But, just gotta tell myself I got this and it'll all be okay. I can figure this out another day.
