#spen rambles

[spenchaaaaan]

I got a new fictional crush and I don’t know how to explain it in a way that doesn’t make me sound like the horniest bitch imaginable, so I’ll just show him and let you all judge me:

[spenchaaaaan]

Dr. Beanies things:

-Headcanon he’s fifty-eight. Very specific and don’t ask me why it’s very specific because I don’t know either.

-H. He. He look good in a. A. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Cat girl bikini,

[spenchaaaaan]

I mean yeah sure if you say so.

-starts drawing ritual circles-

[spenchaaaaan]

I wish I knew how to be a good friend or how to make friends. That would be nice…

[spenchaaaaan]

Work has been so stressful lately like. I had a panic attack and had to leave work early because of it, and then I had to meet with my boss which turned out to be a performance review, AND NOW I’m too nervous with the chef who caused my panic attack and I’m working with them twice this week.

And it’s been affecting everything else in my life like a ripple effect. I’ve been struggling to do my creative projects. I question constantly if my purpose in life is to be a nameless cog in the machine. All I can really muster myself to do is sleep when I’m not at work.

I want to cry so badly…

[spenchaaaaan]

Had a panic attack at work Friday that lead to me leaving in tears. Too scared to work tomorrow because the person who gave me the panic attack will be there. Was told the best thing to do was either quit or try to talk things out with the person… obviously I can’t just up and quit my job, especially when I like working there.

Now I’m just waiting for my job coach to contact me so I can talk about my plan for encountering the person again…

[spenchaaaaan]

I’m trying to catch up on delt in my runes and watching LPs so I can finally embark on chapter 5 is oddly stressful. Like. I want to rush but I can’t because what if I miss crucial story details.

[spenchaaaaan]

Sometimes all you need is ice cream to help with depression.