OoOooOoooh is it Ask Easter time? IN THAT CASE: What are your 5 favorite ships from TV shows? :)
oh man Sam what are you doing to me with this question. i could probably answer this with a different list every week depending on where my mind’s been going. let’s go with the ones that i never would have expected to ship as hard as i did? here we go:
1. the only age gap I’ve ever been intrigued by:
2. listen when your affection makes this woman look as soft as this you have my complete support:
3. broke my fucking heart and took me by COMPLETE ADORING SURPRISE:
4. i was WAY too invested in these two:
5. & i wasn’t even going to include them because OBVIOUSLY but they fit the bill. I still have NO idea what happened here but I have not been able to pry this ship off my heart to this day:
2, 17, and 18 for the writers asks! Please and thank you
hiii sam thank you for asking! <3
2. answered here!
17. When you get a new fic idea, what does that look like in your mind? Does it play out like a film? Do you imagine lines of dialogue or a certain moment? Does a character just sit there staring at you?
i wouldn't necessarily call what happens in my brain "film-like", but i definitely get flashes of scenes where i can hear the dialogue and see what's happening, at which point i do my best to commit it all to memory so i can write it down before i forget.
for the polytrix spitroast, i distinctly remember spending like 4 hours of my work day last tuesday just frantically repeating porn dialogue to myself because it came to me (ha) and i didn't want to forget it before i had the chance to type it out on my phone on my break 💀
18. If you have noticed themes emerging in your writing, what are they? What broad themes and topics do you enjoy exploring?
interestingly enough i do think that when i don't know what happens next, the scene just pauses, and then i have to metaphorically poke the characters with a stick like "do something" and they just stare blankly back at me in flagrante delicto like "well it's YOUR brain and YOUR imagination, so YOU do something"
hmm i don't think i really have any themes, but i'm a huge sap so i really enjoy sprinkling in Emotions before/during/after The Fuck, so that's probably some kind of theme? like yes these characters are going to fuck nasty, but also they love each other so much it's disgusting. i guess it really just boils down to fuck nasty, love nasty <3
wait i do have a theme/topic i enjoy. the theme is: needy pretty baby wants to be fucked and on god she's going to get exactly what she wants in as many holes as she wants as many times as she can take it
POI cast in a Star Trek AU for your ask game :) (just to make things interesting)
from this AU ask game:
Oh! This is interesting! I think Team Machine will be in an experimental NX Class ship that uses an ASI simply called 'The Machine'.
Reese was from Starfleet Intelligence, he joined during the Dominion War and while it's not Section 31... what Reese was required to do during the Dominion War... wasn't pretty. He quit and he tried to go to the border planets to lose himself. This is where Finch finds him.
They pick up Shaw who was Section 31 until they killed her partner and did kill her.
Root is a criminal, a Betazoid who still clearly thinks machines are better and actually has voluntarily become a cyborg. (Not a Borg). And, worryingly kind of a fan of the Borg. This is the part that disturbed Finch.
Finch took the NX Machine class ship from Starfleet because he thought Starfleet wasn't ready for this kind of technology.
Joss Carter is a Captain of her own ship. Fusco joins her crew and at first, Carter is very skeptical of Fusco until he proves himself. Carter was tasked to track and bring Finch and the ship back to Federation space.
There are some hijinks but eventually, they band together to stem the tide of the Samaritan Alliance. Something more insidious than Cardassians and Dominion put together.
Kara was exceptional with words. She just was, there was no denying it. Even Lena, who was inclined to be biased in Kara’s favor—who had a tendency to look past Kara’s mistakes and flaws in every aspect, not just in her opinion on Kara’s writing—could say so without sounding totally off base, totally mad.
Kara was talented. And she worked hard at it. Her every article better than the last, her every word clearly carefully chosen, unique in her ability to distill difficult to understand topics into something easily digestible.
(Even more importantly, she wrote with passion and pride, dissecting even the most complicated of topics with the nuance and attention to detail it deserved.
This talent extended to her speeches as Supergirl, the calls for action, for change, for peace—she was consistently capable of rousing words, an inspirational and impassioned sentence away from bringing people together.)
It was somewhat of a joke among their group of friends: Don’t debate with Kara, she’ll blow you out of the water. Oh, Kara is giving a speech again, everyone will change their mind. Just accept that we’re having potstickers again for game night, who could possibly say no to Kara’s argument as to why potstickers should be required.
But the things that really stuck out to Lena wasn’t Kara’s brilliant defenses of her favorite foods, but of her stubborn belief in her friends. It was the way she’d use those words to inspire hope, to protest that they couldn’t be quick to judge, to offer her support, to be the pillar they leaned on. It was how she could send a dozen texts in a row and pull Lena out of whatever mood she was in, how she could drop by the office with a wide smile and a box of doughnuts and chat about her most recent article until Lena felt the weight of her day disappear, how Kara always had the right response—know exactly what to say—when Lena confessed a dark thought or desperately hidden feeling while encased in the safety of Kara’s arms and the shroud of darkness.
So it was odd, when Lena noticed there were things Kara wouldn’t say.
She would never discuss her time on Argo, refused to say anything about her feelings about Clark, only sparingly commented on her time in the Phantom Zone (and only when it served a greater purpose), and seemed utterly opposed to mentioning her feelings towards Lena.
(Kara was exceptional with words, but at the end of the day, she was a woman of action. She wanted to do. She wanted to get out there and take care of things with her own hands.
Lena wondered if it had to do with the helplessness Kara felt when she lost her planet and home, if she felt some sort of guilt and needed to use her powers to alleviate it, if she just hated remaining still after so much stillness in the Phantom Zone.)
Lena noticed it for the first time when she finally had enough of all their tiptoeing around each other and had just blurted out how she felt about Kara, only to get a shocked expression and silence in response before Kara rushed forward and pulled her into a kiss.
Over time, she noticed other strange things Kara wouldn’t say: she never admitted she hated the elevator up to Lena’s penthouse, but found all sorts of excuses to just meet Lena on her balcony; she never told Lena that she liked being held from behind, Lena’s head pressed between her shoulder blades, and Lena had only noticed Kara’s partiality for it when Kara would sag into her in response; she never really discussed her feelings for Lena at all.
It wasn’t as if Kara never said she loved Lena—she did, often too. But Kara, whose words were so expressive, so beautiful, so well thought out, never quite managed to use those words when she talked about how she felt. Instead, she’d show her feelings by tracking down that one bakery in Ireland that Lena loved and forgotten the name of, and brought her sweets when Lena was having a particularly bad day.
Instead, she’d silently seek Lena’s embrace, hiding her face in the crook of Lena’s neck, and remain in that position for minutes on end, in total silence.
Instead, she’d find Lena after she had conversations with Clark, or if she was particularly troubled after spending some time with him, and she’d wordlessly ask for soothing words and touches.
And it was strange, it was odd, it was confusing, but over time Lena learned that despite all of Kara’s talent, despite her incredible ability to give powerful speeches or write world-changing articles, there were just some things she didn’t—she couldn’t—say.
And over time, Lena learned that the things Kara didn’t say were just as important as the things she did—and over time, Lena learned how to hear Kara even when she couldn’t find the words.
18. Do you have a WIP that you keep telling yourself you’ll eventually get back to, but deep down you know that’s probably a lie?
umm do all of them count 😬💀 ahsjdjejd I mean, pretty much all non-supercorp fics tbh. they tend to fall towards the back of the radar bc supercorp is 100% that bitch rn (read this in a lizzo voice for the full experience).
38. What does your writing process look like? How chaotic is it on a scale of 1 (very tame) to 10 (you can’t handle this kind of chaos)?
it depends honestly! im chaotic with some fics (aka i start with a vague concept/phrase/piece of dialogue and run with it), but since i'm incapable of writing out of order most of the time my fics progress in a linear format. so really, on a scale of 1-10 i'd comfortably pick a 5 😔
44. Rant about something writing related.
it's mad wack that when you have an idea you can't immediately write it ?? idk if anyone else's brain is annoying, but mine refuses to let me properly commit to song fics 😩 i have this idea for an ex's best friend au (based on the mgk + blackbear song, i do not have any exes or best friends), but i can't form the actual exposition. god forbid a fic have plot, or anything 🙄
Supercat prompt: stuck in an elevator together. Bonus if Kara starts to feel a bit claustrophobic at some point and Cat , in her own unique way, helps her through it.
It’s not exactly as short as I thought it’d be and it’s a little … out of characters, maybe, I’m a little rusty, but it’s something! Thank you for the prompt darling!TW : panic attack —
“Kara! Finally! Where are you? Andrea’s looking for you and she’s like hell on heels, even more so than usual!”
“Crap …” Kara swore, dodging a few people on the street as she ran. “I blew my powers, I’m running at a desperately human pace … I’m on my way though, try to stall for just a little longer, please?”
“You blew your powers? Oh god, this is not good …” Nia was whispering but, despite not having her super-hearing right now, Kara could hear the panic and the worry in her voice.
“I’m okay, don’t worry,” Kara retorted, taking a turn and crossing a road. A few horns went off as she ran in the middle of a busy avenue.
“Kara!” Nia exclaimed on the line. “You’re human now, don’t forget to look both ways before crossing a road … or you know, just wait for the light to be green! I’m pretty sure your boss won’t like it if you die on the way or worse, if you end up in the hospital …”
Kara chuckled and sped up on the sidewalk, making her way toward the CatCo building. She was out of breath already but as she crossed the lobby, she let out a relieved sigh.
“What’s so funny?”
Kara waved the receptionist hello as she moved to the elevators hall. “You make her sound like some kind of Miranda Priestly …”
“You’re no Andy though, that would be me” Nia laughed and then paused. “Isn’t she though, in some ways?”
All of the lifts were busy in the higher floors and she was running out of time. After some seconds of hesitation, she decided that, for once, she’ll take the private elevator. She ran to it and pressed the button, the doors opening almost right away. Looking at her watch to check the time, Kara entered the elevator and turned around to be ready to exit it as quickly as possible.
“Oh no she’s not. You never worked for Cat Grant but I can assure you, Andrea Roja is just a tiny purring and clawless kitten next to the former queen of all medias … If someone should be compared to Miranda, it would be Cat.”
“Why, thank you, I’ll take the compliment.”
Kara jumped a good five inches in the air and dropped her phone, already turning around.
Cat Grant, in all her glory, was standing in the back of the elevator.
Wrapped in a daring blue power pantsuit, she was perched atop a pair of vertiginous black heels that matched the leather vest thrown across her shoulder, held on by only one finger. A black purse was hanging by her elbow at her other arms and she was toying with one branch of her huge sunglasses with her free hand. Her hair was a little shorter now, of a lighter shade of blond that highlighted the sun-tan of her skin.
Her trademark smirk was floating on her lips, her piercing green eyes solely focused on Kara.
“Which made you my Andrea Sach, I suppose, for quite some time … Although I never got to witness the wardrobe update, until today …”
Cat’s gaze traveled from Kara’s face to her figure and all the way down to the shoes, before coming back up, ever so slowly.
“Kara? Kara is everything alright? Did you fell? Do you need any help?”
Nia’s voice came through the phone on the floor, distant and muffled, but Kara was too shocked to move.
“Are you going to answer your friend?” Cat asked, arching an expectant brow. “She sounds worried, whoever she is …”
Kara eventually bent over to pick up her phone and brought it to her ear. She felt out of her own skin, as if she was some kind of gosht looking at the scene from another angle of the elevator.
“I … gotta go. Bye,” Kara mechanically said to her friend and she instantly hung up, without listening to the protests on the other end of the line.
“What … what are you doing here?” Kara managed to ask without stuttering too much.
She still couldn’t believe Cat Grant was here, in National City, in the CatCo building and moreover, in her former private elevator. Today, of all days.
A migraine started to pound behind her eyes and she could feel her heartbeat, erratic and frantic, drum against her temples.
“Wouldn’t you like to know, Supergirl?” Cat smirked again, before a frown appeared above her eyes. “Although I’m guessing you’re not so Super today …”
Kara didn’t even try to deny it.
She’d figured Cat already knew about her alter-ego, probably has known for quite some time already. She had even suspected it was one of the reasons behind Cat’s sudden leave of absence but Alex had told her, in not so gentle terms, that it was probably just wishful thinking.
“I’m powerless these days, yes,” Kara nodded, still struggling to come to terms with what was happening.
She was mostly answering out of habit because Cat Grant still had that commanding aura of authority surrounding her and she’d never been able to resist it. Not that she’d tried very hard, in the first place, Kara absentmindedly thought.
“A regretful aftermath of this … crisis on infinite earths, or whatever name you superheros gave to this ridiculous crossover that put all of you on the same planet, I assume?” Cat mused, casually making her glasses swirl around her hand.
Kara gritted her teeth and looked away, forcing herself to suck in a deep breath.
She mentally counted to five before opening her mouth to answer but at the exact same moment, the elevator abruptly stopped.
The brutal move made her lose her balance and she instinctively reached for the handlebar, preventing herself from ending on the floor. The lights went off and for a few seconds, total darkness reigned in the elevator. Then, a generator kicked in and the emergency lighting in the ceiling took over, brightening the space with a dim blue aura.
“That’s certainly new,” Cat’s voice echoed in the lift. “I’m guessing no one ever bothered with maintenance, after my departure …”
Kara glanced at the former queen of all medias.
Cat was still standing against the back of the lift but her leather jacket, her purse and her sunglasses were on the floor. She’d wrapped both her hand around the handlebar, on either side of her silhouette. She didn’t look scared though, merely annoyed.
Cat’s seemingly anodin words suddenly hit Kara. As far as she knew, no one ever rode the private lift anymore. She wasn’t even sure it had been used since Cat left, which meant their current situation could very well be a serious and dangerous issue.
Her heart skipped a beat and then raced again and she felt it pulsing in her head, in her fingertips and against her ribcage. The migraine behind her eyes migrated to her forehead and then spread everywhere as sweat started to form at the base of her hairline, above her lips and in between her shoulder-blades.
“Kara? Are you alright?” Cat’s voice echoed again, worried this time.
They were standing next to each other but to Kara, the words sounded distant, as if coming from very far away. She shook her head and tried to focus, but white stars were starting to cloud her vision. A heavy numbness was taking over her body, making her feel like she was floating and sinking at the same time.
“No one … the lift … it hasn’t been … used …” Kara tried, forcing the words out of her mouth and focusing on what she wanted to say. “You left.”
“I did, yes,” Cat replied, sounding entirely too casual for Kara’s liking. “Almost three years ago, but who’s counting …”
Her legs were starting to shake and Kara slowly let herself slide against the side of the lift, until she was sat on the ground.
She knew she was having a panic attack, it wasn’t the first time but this one seemed like it was going to be a really strong, intense one. Usually, some breathing exercises and a few Kryptonian litanies would do the trick and calm her down but she could tell it wasn’t going to work this time.
“I am,” Kara eventually replied, slowly turning her head to focus on Cat.
Since the former queen of all media was still standing up, Kara had to look up and the move made the white stars in her eyes grow. The migraine in her head drum rolled against her temples and so Kara closed her eyes and looked back down, bringing her knees to her chest and circling them with her arms. She rested her forehead against her knees and started to count.
“I know you are. You’ve been sending emails and letters, almost every months since I left,” Cat said, her words sounding even more distant now. “Carter was always so happy to hear back from you …”
The mention of Carter made Kara feel a little better, warmer. They’ve been corresponding pretty regularly over the years and they even talked to each other on the phone a few times.
Kara remembered Carter used to have panic attack too. She’d been the one to reassure him, to help him out and to tell him panic attacks were nothing to be ashamed off, that she had them too. They found out together, during one of his most intense attacks, that reciting the various dinosaurs species was his personal trick to calm down.
Cat’s voice echoed again around the lift but Kara was too unfocused to understand.
She still caught the words “situation”, “hurry”, “unemployment” and “waiting” and her brain connected the dots. She figured Cat had called for help, using the emergency button of the elevator’s board, and threatened whoever had answered if they didn’t hurry to get them out.
Glancing up to feel her surrounding, she saw that Cat had sat down in front of her, against the other side of the life. Somewhere in a corner of her mind, a voice told her she must be dreaming because there was no reality in which Cat Grant would ever sit on the floor. It almost made her smile, but the migraine took over and it made her wince instead.
“I know my son recites the dinosaur’s species to calm down. What do you recite?” Cat asked as she caught Kara’s glance. She was speaking slowly and articulating every word.
Kara anchored herself into Cat’s green eyes and took some time to gather the words she needed to answer. Her brain was all muddy and slow, she was struggling to just breathe but she knew she has to focus.
“The planets in Rao’s system,” she eventually replied. She’d been repeating them over and over and over in her mind but it wasn’t working. “It’s not … working.”
“You need to say it out loud,” Cat replied, gently. ”I think I now know about 25 kind of dinosaurs, just by listening to Carter recite them …”
Kara sucked in a deep breath and then exhaled.
She couldn’t discern the color of Cat’s eyes in the relative darkness of the elevator but her memories were still intact and it was as she could see the golden specks swirl into the hazel irises.
“Out of … thousands, it’s not … much …” Kara breathed, her voice coming out laboured and short.
Cat arched a surprise brow and it took some time before she muttered “I don’t know if I should be offended or impressed that you are able to be sassy in such a situation …”
Kara wanted to smirk but her body wasn’t answering to her anymore. Her head was throbbing like hell, her limbs were numb and heavy, almost paralyzed, and there were still some white stars in her eyes.
“Tell me about Rao’s system?”
Cat tilted her head to the side, like she did when she expected Kara to hand over whatever she’d previously asked for.
Kara suddenly remembered giving away one of her own latte because of this look. She also remembered that Cat had drank the cinnamon flavored drink, even if it was nothing like her regular order, without making any comment whatsoever.
Kara shook her head, very slowly because she didn’t want to worsen her migraine, and said “You … first. What are you … doing … here?”
Cat’s lips twitched and then a smirk made it appearance.
“The last time you were this brazen, you were under the influence of some kind of weird substance …” Cat reminisced. “Seeing that you can pull it off in the middle of a panic attack … I’m definitely impressed now.”
Kara still couldn’t smirk but she wanted to. Instead, she mimicked Cat’s posture and tilted her head.
“Fine, I suppose I can tell you …” Cat heavily sighed, making it clear that she was admitting her defeat. She didn’t look too bothered though, Kara distractingly noticed through her migraine and the sweat that rolled down her face and clouded her eyes.
“I’m here to buy CatCo back,” Cat announced, her voice clear and lined with steel. “This company has became a running joke ever since I left and it’s about time I take over, before this clawless, purring little kitten run it into the ground.”
Kara didn’t move but her skepticism must have showed somehow because Cat chuckled.
“I’m late, I’m aware, yes. James, Lena, Andrea … I probably should have come back a long time ago, but I didn’t. I don’t have any excuse really, I’ve enjoyed my life in the meantime but now I’m ready to claim my throne back.”
Kara was breathing a little easier but a fanfare was still marching in her head, sweat was soaking her hair and her shirt and she still couldn’t move a finger. She mulled over Cat’s words. Something suddenly came back to her.
“You … promised… you’d be … back,” Kara breathed, still managing to sound accusatory.
“Yes, and here I am. Better late than never, as the saying goes …” Cat instantly replied, without any hint of guilt or regret in her voice.
Kara wanted to protest but she knew it’d be wasting energy she didn’t even have.
Three years or so might have gone by but Cat Grant was still the stubborn piece of work she’d been when Kara was her assistant.
“Rao … it’s … it was … the sun,” Kara started, only realizing how much of a bad idea it was.
It was her first panic attack since the crisis happened and it suddenly felt like she was losing her world all over again. She knew that it wasn’t exactly the same but to realize that, across every universe in the multiverse, Krypton had disappeared everytime made her anxiety spike up, drastically so.
Cat seemed to understand.
“Alright, so maybe not this litany. Do you have something else?” Cat asked, gesturing with her hand for Kara to focus on her. “I mean, I can’t imagine Kara Danvers having a panic attack in public and reciting some planet names no one ever heard of … It would have attracted some attention, back in the old days when aliens weren’t public knowledge …”
Kara wanted to let out the hollow laugh that resonated in her head, through the pain of her migraine. She couldn’t, though. Talking was requiring a lot of effort and she had to save her energy to stay conscious, at the very least.
“Alex … the cars. We … we used to … fix … cars,” Kara answered, hoping Cat would be able to make out what she meant.
“Really? That’s … unexpected,” Cat smiled, sounding intrigued. “Although I met your sister once or twice, I can totally see it but you?”
“I liked … mechanics. It was … something … to focus … on,” Kara explained. “We fixed … a Chevy Impala, once.”
Cat let out a slight whistle and the sound made Kara wince.
“Sorry,” Cat instantly apologised. “What year, the car?”
Kara looked at her former boss with surprise and again, it must have showed because Cat smirked and then shrugged. “I like cars, yes. So what year?”
“‘67, I remember … Of a deep … bottle green … color. Took us … almost … two years … to get it … to work,” Kara retorted, trying to focus on the memories. “Alex took it for … a road trip afterward and … she brought me … along. Lasted two … months.”
Cat nodded “Sounds like a good memory. Where did you go?”
This time, Kara managed to offer half a smile. She felt her lips twitch upward and stretch, which meant progress.
“Arizona. Utah. Colorados. New Mexico. Texas …” Kara took a deep breath and focused. “Oklahomas. Kansas …”
That made Cat snicker but she didn’t comment.
“Nebraska. Both Dakota. Montana. Wyoming …” Kara trailed off and frowned. Her body was starting to obey her again, she noticed. She kept going. “Idaho. Oregon. Nevada … and all along the California coast, back to Midvale.”
“Sounds like a very long trip,” Cat commented. “You visited quite a few states … where was your favorite spot then?”
Kara thought back on the road trips and the many landscapes she discovered during this summer. She’d liked everything back then, every big city they drive through, the Grand Canyon, Wyoming’s plains and Kansas regular fields, Oregon’s dunes and so on but in the end, there was only one place that topped them all.
“I don’t have … one. My favorite spot was … riding shotgun in … Alex’s car.”
Cat didn’t reply right away but Kara saw the gentle smile that floated on her lips for a few seconds. It disappeared rather quickly though and, despite her particular state, Kara still felt a little disappointed.
“You mentioned the cars, plural … what other car did you fix with your sister?” Cat eventually questioned, showing that she was still a journalist at heart. It made Kara want to chuckle because no matter what, Cat never got sidetracked.
“A Cadillac, serie ‘62, convertible,” Kara replied and this time, she didn’t wince when Cat whistled. The former queen of all media looked impressed and slightly envious. “Alex’s masterpiece but… the color… sucked.”
“Oh really? Well, it couldn’t have been so bad … It’s such a fine car! A little … has been, nowadays, but such a classic …”
“It was … Barbie pink.”
Cat made a face Kara could only describe as outraged. Kara had only saw this expression on Cat a handful of time and one of them had been because someone had compared her to Lois Lane.
“You can’t be serious!” Cat protested, as if the mere idea of such a color was a personal affront. “That’s not even …”
Kara tried to move her head and when she noticed she could, she slowly nodded.
“It’s not a color, I agree … yet, the car was … as pink as … one of Buffy’s lipstick.”
“Such a fine car … It’s criminal. Although, Sarah Michelle Gellar could certainly pull it off just fine, back then. Not so much today though and someone should let her know …” Cat shook her head and pursed her lips, like she always did when someone committed a fashion faux-pas.
“You know … the actress?” Kara asked, clearly sounding a little dumbstruck.
Of course she knew Cat was extremely famous and that she evolved in a lot of different circles and yet somehow, she always managed to forget about it. It took weird occurrences like these to get a reminded.
“Oh yes, we have drinks once or twice a year. Aside from her tendency to live in the past when it comes to fashion, she’s a sweetheart,” Cat waved her hand in the air, a dismissal gesture that told Kara the topic was closed. “What other cars did you and your sister managed to get your hands on?”
“We fixed a Mustang Fastback, 1967. Maybe my favorite,” Kara said with a small smile. “A red one, it was a wreck when Alex brought it in … Took us a little less than a year to put it back together.”
“How comes your sister managed to have such fancy, expensive cars to fix?” Cat asked with a frown.
“In Midvale, we have a garage that specialises in this kind of automobiles … Alex used to work there every summer … Started when she was 14 years old and still today … she helps around whenever we go for … vacations of just for a few days.” Kara explained, instantly noticing she could form longer sentences now, despite her still laboured breath.
“Makes sense, I suppose …” Cat nodded. She seemed about to say something else when a voice came through the elevator’s line, asking if they were still there.
“Actually no, we went out for a drink, we’ll be back a little later … Why do you think!” Cat sassed, her voice sharp and cutting as she stood up to get closer to the board.
The man on the other side of the line coughed a little and then apologized, before explaining that help was on the way and should arrive in ten to fifteen minutes.
“About damn time,” Cat growled and Kara, force of habit, felt a little bad for their interlocutor.
The emergency lighting suddenly flickered. It lasted a few seconds, before it disappeared altogether.
It’s all it took to make Kara’s anxiety ten times worse.
The numbness in her limbs, which had been slowly reducing during her exchange with Cat, started again and spread even faster this time. She couldn’t feel her legs, her hands nor her face anymore. She could still hear her breathing though, extremely fast and laboured. She knew she was on the verge of wheezing.
“I have a confession to make,” Cat’s voice echoed through the closed space. Kara couldn’t see her but she had this strange feeling she was close. Closer than she’d been before. “When I told you I needed to leave in order to dive, I didn’t tell you the truth.”
Kara wanted to retort with a sassy reply, something along the lines of ‘no kidding’ but she was unable to speak. She was focusing on her breathing, going over and over and over the cars she’d just talked about, in her head.
Still, when Cat spoke again, she listened.
“I mean, it was part of the truth, I needed to do something else, something new but in the end …” Cat paused and Kara felt something move next to her. “I was … running away.”
Kara was grateful for the fact Cat wasn’t touching her. In her current state, it would only make things worse. They were sat down side by side on the elevator’s floor, in total darkness, but there was still some space left in between them.
The sound of Cat’s voice, piercing the obscurity of the space, was somehow soothing. Kara choose to focus on it instead of trying to reign over her panic, which was only making it worse.
“I have to admit,” Cat let out with a dry chuckle “This wasn’t exactly how I planned to tell you about this particular topic but since there’s not time like the present and you clearly need a distraction …”
Again, Kara wanted to snap back but she didn’t. She couldn’t.
“I promoted you to this journalist position you were destined to occupy. I gave you an office, put you in Snapper’s team and then watched you rise to the opportunity … In the middle of it, I realized that … I was missing you.”
That got Kara’s attention, efficiently distracting her from her anxiety just long enough for her to croak a disbelieving “What?”
“Oh, you speak now!” Cat said, somehow managing to make it sound like a cutting criticism. “You heard me. I was missing you but what’s striking about it is that I wasn’t missing my assistant, however competent and efficient you were in this role.”
Kara blinked.
She thought maybe her anxiety has gotten so bad at this point that she was hallucinating, imagining Cat saying all those things she’d once wanted to hear so badly.
Wishful thinking, Alex had said, dismissively.
“I was missing you, Kara Danvers,” Cat breathed, her voice a little lower this time. It sounded like an admission, a little shy but there nonetheless. “The constant questions you used to ask that pushed me to be a better version of myself. The subtle soothing smile you did when someone would get on my nerves and that prevented me from going ballistic. The reprobative eyebrow when I was too sharp, too blunt or just too mean to someone who didn’t deserve it. The way you listened, truly listened, when I talked, especially when it was about Carter. Your ridiculous rambling about one thing or another, the pure wonder in your eyes when you learned something and for God’s sake I was even missing those awfully colorful cardigans of yours.”
Kara’s mind was spinning but this time, she was pretty sure her anxiety has nothing to do with it. Cat’s words echoed in her mind, beating a rhythm along with her receding migraine.
“That’s when I realized something. I had … developed feelings, for you,” Cat said with just a hint of annoyance in her voice, something that proved Kara wasn’t imagining things.
“Inappropriate, unwanted, unrequited feelings. I’m not proud to admit it but I got scared.” Cat was whispering now but the darkness in the lift amplified her voice. “I had been pondering about my future for quite some time already but then the timing was right and I took to opportunity when it presented itself. I left CatCo, and you with it.”
Kara didn’t say anything. She didn’t even know what to say.
She’d been hoping for something like this for well over three years now, despite her best efforts to try to move on.
She’d tried, with Mon-El, but then Cat came back for a few days. She didn’t even stay a whole week, but it had been enough for Kara to realize she didn’t want to spend the rest of her life with the Daxamite prince.
“I know you can’t talk now and I realize it’s very unfair of me to drop this on you while you’re having a panic attack, but I do wonder …” Cat trailed off, suddenly sounding unsure and small.
Kara didn’t think. She willed her hand to move and when it did, she reached out through the obscurity and found Cat’s hand.
The skin was soft and warm underneath hers, real.
She brushed her thumb across Cat’s knuckles and heard a soft gasp, it made her smile.
She could get used to this.
She was still struggling to breath but it was somehow getting better and the paralisis in her limbs had disappeared. She slowly moved her legs, to extend them in front of her, and sat up a little straighter.
“We need to talk about this,” Kara managed to say, pleasantly surprised that she didn’t choke on the words. “Preferably in broad daylight and in a big, vast, open space.”
Soft fingers squeezed hers and it sent a flutter down her stomach.
“How about my penthouse then, big enough for your taste?” It was still pitch black in the lift but Kara would bet her weight in potstickers that Cat was smiling. “Dinner tonight? Carter would be thrilled to have you and then we’ll talk.”
“I would love to,” Kara replied with a smile of her own. “Tell me something, though …”
The hand in hers stilled but she didn’t let go.
“Why now?”
Cat let out a sigh Kara didn’t know how to decipher. It sounded like relief but she wasn’t sure.
“Again, I’d like to point out this wasn’t how I had planned to tell you about all of this but as for the timing …” Cat explained. Kara rolled her eyes before she remembered Cat couldn’t see her. “I grew tired of running away. It’s as simple as that. I told you once to pull on your big girl’s pants and to own it … It was about time I followed my own advice. I’m incredibly late, by over three years, but then again ….”
“Better late than never, you’ve said it already,” Kara supplied with a chuckle.
She was not surprised by Cat’s answer, not in the least. She knew that her former boss had a lot of emotional baggages and aside from when it concerned her son, Cat was easily skittish when it came to feelings. Paired with her stubborn, independent and perfectionist temperament, Kara thought it was some kind of exploit that it didn’t take any longer.
“Am I too late?”
The question floated around in the elevator, thick and heavy with meaning.
It was a good one, a legitimate one even, Kara realized as she closed her mouth to hold back the “no” she’d been about to reply. The word, so small and yet so important, sat heavy on the tip of her tongue. A lot had happened over the years and despite Kara wanting nothing more than to act as if it didn’t, she knew it wouldn’t be fair.
She opened her mouth to say something when a man’s voice on the other side of the doors made them both startle.
“Hello in there! I’m going to try to pry the door open, should take a few minutes …”
A rumble indicated he was rummaging around to find some tool. Eventually, grunts and metal bending replaced the previous noise.
Kara squeezed Cat’s hand and leant over to whisper her answer.
“A queen is never late. Everyone else is simply early …”
It earned her a laugh, a surprised but genuinely affectionate laugh. Cat intertwined her fingers with Kara’s and held on for a few seconds before letting it go.
The doors opened, slowly, liberating the way to the tenth floor. Light finally spilled into the elevator.
Cat and Kara stood up and gathered their belongings, in silence.
The man in deep blue work overalls that stood in front of the lift looked very apologetic and he helped them out while expressing how sorry he was.“I’m sorry it took me so long, there was some traffic downtown … I know it must have been hard to be trapped in there, I’m sorry for being late …”
Cat glared him at her, towering on her heels and for a few seconds, Kara thought she was about to lash out. She arched a reprobate eyebrow and caught Cat’s eyes. Whatever Cat had been about to say, she swallowed it back and then did her typical dismissive gesture with her hand.
“It’s alright. I suppose it’s better late than never, after all …”
After what Cat strolled away toward the end of the elevator hall and toward the stairs. Before she disappeared into the stairways, she threw one last glance at Kara and smiled.
“Dinner is at 8. Oh and Kara …” Cat smirked, in such a predatory way Kara’s knees wobbled a little.
“Yes?” Kara replied, trying not to sound too affected.
