#spierfield

[hozuhaku]

[aehr-canter]

it is a gay people thing to hide love confession notes in ur significant other's clothes

[enragedbisexual]

anybody have fic recs where character A jus doesn’t think that they’ll ever find love & doesn’t rly feel like anyone will ever see them that way so then they’re rly taken aback when character b [ the person they love ] loves them back? anyone ? asking 4 a friend ❤️

[ninjasandnightmares]

Need help figuring out what to draw next 👇🏻😵‍💫🥴

More Andreil (Andrew x Neil)

Solangelo (Will x Nico)

Pynch (Adam x Ronan)

Sinn (Sean x Finn)

Spierfield (Simon x Bram)

[female-overlord-3]

Going through my WIP's 2

The next WIP is my Love, Simon and Shadowhunter crossover with the love simon gang being Downworlders! There's like a whole other scene but since its not done and exceeds the text limit I might post it another time! A fun adventure of Malec being their mentors, Simon and Bram meeting on a random night, and no one realizing they actually know who Blue and Jacques are.

It’s been a crazy couple of days. Alec just wants to take a very long nap in their bed, warm and content with his boyfriend. Scratch that Alec just wants to see him and hold him because these last four days have been horrible. He’s been stuck at the Institute helping the new recruit- okay stuck is a little mean- preoccupied is the better word. 

He’s a good kid, Abraham, and Alec does see a lot of himself in him. He’s clever, very respectful, quick on his feet, and quiet. He also prefers going by Bram but the slightly annoyed eye roll he does when Alec uses it is too much fun.

Abraham is the first person to actually request to be transferred, all the way from the Atlanta Institute which was also a first. He’s also the first closeted kid who’s personally asked Alec for help. 

Elvis Presley’s ‘Can’t Help Falling in Love” starts playing from his phone and Alec can’t help but smile as he grabs it off his desk and answers.

“Alec Lightwood of the New York Institute speaking. For his office hours press one, for his-” “-lovely boyfriend who is done for the day and about to portal but might reconsider, apologize.” Magnus answers.

“Apologies.” Alec laughs as he feels the pressure of a portal opening in the room. “Apology accepted. How are you my dear Alexander it’s been forever.” Magnus actually throws a hand to his head to emphasize forever.

“To be honest i’m exhausted but happy, much happier now that I can finally see you in person.” He stands to bring Magnus into an embrace that seems to settle both of them.

“You Mr. High Warlock? How are the clients you shouldn’t be taking and dealing with the other lovely people?” They move to sit on the couch, Alec sighing in relief when he lays his head in Magnus’ lap and his very magical fingers start digging into his scalp.

“Missed you.” The words are mumbled into the fabric of Magnus’ silk shirt, Alec’s arms coming around to wrap around Magnus’ waist so he can bury his face further into said shirt. “Missed you too love. Same old same old. Someone actually thanked me this time and I didn’t want to murder that one guy you cleverly titled ‘Rat guy’ so a pretty good day.” 

Alec hums and melts further against him as Magnus’ hands start stroking his hair. “How’s sweet Abraham? Anything new on that front?”

“Same.”

A knock on the door makes them groan in annoyance. “Mr. Lightwood it’s me… Bram. Can I come in?”

Alec nods against Magnus so with a flick of his wrist he opens the door.

Bram walks in and Magnus can see a very light blush rise to his cheeks when he sees what he’s interrupted. “I’m sorry I can come back or-”

“Nonsense Abraham we’re just taking a minute to breathe. What brings you to us?” Magnus questions as he continues to stroke Alec’s hair. 

“Oh I just wanted to see if there was something I could do. I finished my shift at the weapons room with your sister and already spar’d with Clary Fairchild. I can help out on Ichor duty or look through footage for a case but I wasn’t sure so I wanted to ask you.” Bram tumbles out as he stares at his feet.

Magnus cannot get over how adorable this young man is, though there’s the hesitation and nerves that remind him of another certain shadowhunter.

“Alexander what do you think he should do?” 

“Join us for food. If I haven’t eaten yet then neither have you Bram.” Alec rises to sit up and quirks a brow at Bram who’s blush is very visible even with his darker skin. “Your sister did offer food…” He trailed off. 

Magnus and Alec share a look, their minds already mutually decided. “How do you feel about Greek? It’s been a while since we’ve had that. Dine-in or carry out?” Magnus raises his hand ready to portal but Alec catches it and laces it with his. “Carry out please, you’re scaring the kid babe.”

Bram has his arms clasped behind his back in the traditional military stance but he’s a little drawn in.

“Well I’m just trying to share the wonders of the world with the young man Alexander. Greece is beautiful this time of year and you both could do with some actual sun.” Magnus waves his free hand over the table between them and a spread of Greek food is laid before them.

“A nice tip too.” Alec said as he reaches for a piece of pita bread that innocently stays out of his reach. He smacks Magnus’ knee that’s replied with a flick to his ear.

Bram watches this with a bashful smile. It’s actually really nice to see an actual couple like Magnus and Alec. Something he might have one day.

He takes a seat and hesitantly takes a piece of pita bread, this one not moving away, before a plate piled high with food is placed into his hands.

Alec and Magnus gives him expectant looks before getting their own plates.

All three of them can’t quite make the small smile leave their faces the entire meal.

-

Simon takes one more look at the window, the fingers of his left hand drum against his arm before he turns and walks over to his collection of books. He’s read all of them at least three times but maybe he missed something.

“Haven’t you already gone through those enough Si?” He flaps a hand at Abby who’s poking his head.

“Possibly.”

“We’ve all looked through them bro, I think you need new books.” Simon snaps his attention to Nick, flashing him a bright smile. “Holy shit how could I forget! Thank’s Nick.”

Simon tosses the book onto the table that gently places itself straight and proper with the others. Leah gives him an annoyed look he’s oblivious too. Those aren’t just his books.

“I’ll be back!” Simon calls out as he makes a portal and is gone before anyone else can even ask him where he went.

The crisp night air of New York never fails to surprise him but this time there’s something different… something settling this small part of hectic energy he’s felt for the past couple of days.

Simon can feel like he can breathe again. He looks around and thankfully this time he’s not in a random alley like the first time he portalled to the city… or the middle of the street. His eyes catch the faint glow of well something on the building across the street and walks towards it. Sighing in relief Simon quickly walks up and waves his hand at the door to see if it’ll open, which is does. If he can recall it was the Loft so he takes the elevator up. The hallway looks familiar and so does the doors he’s standing in front of.

Simon takes a breath and knocks then waits. He waits a good fifteen seconds before knocking again. Still nothing.  

“Maybe he’s not home.” Simon mutters a little dejected he couldn’t ask for help. 

“Oh hello youngling have you been waiting long?” Simon jumps and his glamour falls as he spins around to see the person behind him.

“Oh Mr. Bane- er High Warlock of Brooklyn. I don’t know if you remember me from-” Magnus’ eyes roam over his face before a spark of recognition lights them. “Simon Spier! It’s been a couple of months. How are you, your friends and family?” Magnus snaps his fingers and the door opens. “Come in, sorry I stopped by to see a special someone and I stayed for dinner.” Magnus ushers them inside resting a warm hand on his shoulder. It reminds Simon of his dad.

“I’m good. Friends and family are good too. Thank you again for the help.” Simon stumbles out.

“Of course you all really needed to get that troll under control. I hope you’ve been able to adjust and again if you ever need to talk to someone i’m here or my boyfriend who’s actually taking on his own charge.” They’re in Magnus’ apothecary and it still amazes Simon how much stuff is in here.

“I’m actually perfect… and I think I met someone.” A coy smile spreads across Magnus’s face as he stays quiet. “I don’t- it’s just emails but it actually happened a little bit after the troll incident. I don’t know Magnus I just feel that something… like a connection. He isn’t out yet to like anyone since the last we spoke- wait no he told his best friend and parents but it’s been a while since I got a message from him. I call him Blue and i’ve been going a little crazy with worry cause it’s been almost two weeks since I got a message. I just wanna know if he’s okay.” Simon slumps against the large table, a pressure no longer there making feel a little woozy. “Wow that’s like the most i’ve told someone about this.” He looks up and Magnus is still smiling at him but it’s more fond now.

“I did teach you and the others how to use a tracking spell right?” Magnus questions but he seems to get why it hasn’t been used yet.

Simon looks down at his feet a little embarrassed. “I don’t actually want to find him just yet… just it still feels too soon and he’s still a little worried about anyone else knowing. We both live in Georgia though so I get why.” He purses his lips and gives Magnus a pleading look. “I just want to know if he’s okay. I’m sure there’s a spell for that right? I’ll even pay!”

Magnus waves him off as he turns and searches his bookshelf before pulling one out. “Yes there is and i’ll perform it, free of charge for this one time.” The glint in his eyes makes Simon think he says the last part to a lot of people. 

“It’s a simple one that can be used for multiple things actually. It is also a locator spell but i know how to enable that.” He brings the book over and shows Simon the inscription. “It’s just a flame that’ll change color and said color determines the state of whoever we’re focusing the spell on. It’s an easier one that you just have to think about instead of actually have a physical piece that’ll tether the person or thing.”

Simon nods in understanding. “Sorta like a portal right?” Magnus gives him a proud nod. “Yes sorta like portalling. Now think about the person and what you want to know.”

Simon straightens and nods as Magnus recites the short chant with his palms facing out and let’s a small flame appear between them. It’s flickers for a second then grows a little and turns a more solid orange color.

Magnus lets out an inaudible sigh of relief. “He’s alive and well.” he voices. The statement let’s Simon’s shoulders drop in relief and a bright happy smiles flashes across his face. The interesting thing is the flame flickers a scarlet red before returning to the orange and then it goes out.

Both Magnus and Simon stare at each other, Simon in concern and Magnus in wonder.

Blinking Magnus claps his hands together. “Your Blue is fine, just the flame extinguishing Simon have no worry.”

“Oh ok cool. Great.” Simon’s phone goes off and he quickly goes to answer it before remembering his manners. “It’s my mom so I should get this. Thank you Magnus! I’m going to head home and tell my friends the news, we’ve been trying to figure out a way to see if he was okay for the last week and I might have drove them a little nuts about it.” He pauses for a second as he answers the call and asks his mom to please wait a moment, before cupping his hands together and using his magic to make something, as a thank you for Magnus. In his hands bloom a single Alstroemeria which he offers to Magnus. “You didn’t say I could give you a gift. I’ve been a little into flower meanings and this one means friendship. Thank you again Magnus!” Simon grins when Magnus takes it, Magnus giving him a kind smile before Simon portals back home.

Magnus sighs, a happy but tired sigh, as he conjures a small vase to place the flower in. He gazes at the flower and his mind goes back to the locator spell. He feels a little bad he didn’t tell Simon the whole truth about the spell, or well what other information it supplies. Magnus has tried the spell before, a couple times actually when Alec was away for missions that went outside their respective city or dealing with Clave stuff in Idris. The same thing happened everytime and it brings a hopeful smile to Magnus face as he waits the few hours he has before Alec finally comes home. 

“It seems Spier and his Blue might be more than just emails.” He voices to himself. Magnus is excited to see how this unravels and if he’ll ever meet this mysterious Blue.

-

Bram has made one new friend after his transfer that’s outside of the Lightwood mixed-matched family. His name is Garrett Laughlin and unlike most other Shadowhunters at the Institute, he’s actually genuinely kind and has a heart. While Bram is quiet and firm, Garrett is loud and relaxed. Bram almost wishes they met when they were younger so they could be parabatai. As much as he misses his mother and will be seeing even less of his father, Bram feels so much better and believes with absolute truth transfering to the New York Institute was the right choice for him. It's like he can breathe again though there is still one small thing that's been on his mind.

After the past couple of days he finally has the time to reply to Jacques, a friend-maybe-more person he’s been emailing for the last couple of months. So he’s going to be honest with himself because he’s terrified of Jacques freaking out that he left Georgia. That was the one thing they both knew about each other: that they both lived in Georgia, are the same age, and share the same secret.

Being in the same state made it both exciting yet horrible because anyone could possibly be his Jacques. That reason wasn’t the main one for why he moved but it did add a little push to apply to transfer. Both his parents agreed it would be best for him to be somewhere he could breathe, not have him worried every second of the day, that he should be somewhere he would feel safe. Even though it’s been three weeks, Bram does feel at home and it’s very much because of Alec Lightwood and his family.

Rolling his shoulders back Bram grabs his phone and opens the gmail app. He’s gotten a couple emails from Jacques the last one being that he hopes Bram, or Blue as he goes by, is doing well and that Jacques might be a little worried about his absence with a weak joking threat of Jacques going to spam Blue with emails until he replies. Jacques didn’t of course but the worry comes off clear as day and it makes Bram’s heart beat just a bit faster.     

Dear Jacques,

Where are all those spam emails you promised? 

I’m doing well, more than well actually, i’m perfect. Before I get into why i’ve been absent for a bit, let me say i’m sorry for worrying you these past two weeks, something big happened. I will be honest and say i’m worried about what you’re going to say after I tell you what’s been going on since I last emailed you.

Ok here I go: I moved. I’m no longer in Georgia and will say i’m much closer to the ocean now. It was a hard decision with everything going on in my life but you gave me the courage to take this step and be somewhere I could feel safer, where I could finally be myself. 

I still want to keep in touch though and maybe when we both feel ready we can finally meet. 

Once I get a more stable schedule i’ll be able to reply more often but as of now I have no idea how the next week will be, hopefully it should be more settled after next week.

You still owe me spamming of emails, don’t think I forgot! I hope you’re doing well too and that you’re not mad.

Love, Blue

Bram holds his breath as he hits send and falls back into his bed. He hopes Jacques understands.

[a-bit-of-classics]

when I say these books made me cry from loneliness I mean it simon and bram r so cute and leah and abby just reminded me of the angst and the entire shitfest that is school :')

artist: @kidovna on instagram

[forabeatofadrum]

God, this feels good

Summary: After coming out, everything changes. Luckily, Victor is not alone, especially when Simon and Bram are in town.

Notes: I’ve had this idea since the very end of season 1 and I finally decided to write it down, because a certain someone (hi Shay) gave me the push I needed. Enjoy.

AO3

--

Pilar is the first to react. She walks over to hug him.

“I love you,” she says as she pushes him closer, “And I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Victor asks. His mind immediately goes to the darker places. Is she sorry about me being gay? Is she sorry because she can’t actually accept it? Is she sorry on our parents’ behalf?

“If I’d known that B was a guy, I wouldn’t have made such a big fuss in public.”

Pilar did lead to Victor kissing Benji, so he can forgive her easily. “I love you too.”

Pilar pulls away, but she’s still holding his arm. Together, they stare at their parents. Isabel looks like she’s on the verge of tears. Armando just looks shocked.

“Mom, dad-”

“Don’t,” Isabel says and Victor’s heart breaks. He can also hear Pilar’s breath hitch. “Don’t, mi amor.”

She gets up and she leaves the room without another word. Pilar and Armando watch her leave. Victor can’t. All he can do is stare at the ground.

Suddenly, there’s a firm hand on his shoulder. He looks up and he sees his dad looking at him with a very serious look on his face. Victor braces himself for the worst and Pilar also starts tugging at his arm, as if she wants to pull him away.

But Armando says: “Your mother will come around.”

Then he also walks away. Pilar and Victor look at each other with wide eyes. It wasn’t the reaction that they had hoped for, but it also was better than expected. Armando didn’t straight up tell Victor that he’s okay with it, but he also doesn’t seem as devastated as their mom.

“Goodnight, Pilar,” Victor says. It’s been a long day.

“Goodnight.”

--

The next morning, Victor can hear his mother crying in the bedroom. That’s how upset she is about the whole situation.

Victor decides he needs to leave the house.

--

“Wait- wait!” Felix says, “Rewind!”

Victor and Felix are sitting at the stairs in front of their apartment building. This is where Victor first came out.

“So, your parents are separating. You kissed Benji. Mia and Andrew know you’re gay. Pilar apologised for being kinda invasive. Your mother is crying about it and your father didn’t really say anything about it.” 

Felix is counting on his fingers.

“That’s it in a nutshell,” Victor nods.

Felix leans back. “Damn what an evening, and here I am, thinking I’ve got big news to share.”

“Oh?” Victor asks.

Felix grins. “Lake and I are dating. Publicly. We kissed in front of everyone.”

“That’s great, man,” Victor says and he playfully punches Felix’s shoulder. But then another thing comes to mind. Can he ever kiss the person he loves in front of everyone?

His face must’ve fallen, because Felix looks worried. Felix uses a finger to tilt Victor’s head and it is kind of weird, but at that moment Victor is just so grateful that Felix still hugs and touches him. He wonders if other guys at school will treat him differently now.

“This changes everything, right?” Victor tells his friend, sounding sad. 

“Yeah, buddy. I think it does,” Felix replies solemnly, “But I’m here for you, right? And if anyone at school or at home gives you any shit...”

Felix trails off, but Victor understands what he’s saying. 

He’s so incredibly grateful for Felix, but there’s still someone missing. 

“I wish I could talk to Simon, like in person. Again.”

“Your gay guru?” Felix asks.

“I mean, I can’t unload this on Benji, right? Not a great way to start a relationship.”

“So, it’s like official-official?” Felix asks, “You two are dating?”

Victor can’t really answer that. He hasn’t called Benji yet. He’s been too busy with all this family stuff. “I don’t know.”

“Well fuck me, ask him out!” Felix says, sounding very excited. He’s very invested in Victor’s life. “You two kissed and you two are definitely into each other. Maybe he’s waiting at his phone.”

“You think?” Victor asks.

“Yeah!” Then, Felix gets up and he pulls Victor on his feet. “The two of us are going into town now and we’re going to find a great outfit for a first proper gay date and you will ask him out, okay?”

“Y-yeah,” Victor says. He’s a bit thrown off by Felix’s enthusiasm, but he wouldn’t have had it any other way. Felix slings his arm around Victor and together they walk away from their apartment building.

Victor looks back over his shoulder, only to see his mom quickly move away from the window.

--

That evening, his mother wants to talk. Victor fakes a headache.

“Where has it gone wrong? Please, Victor, I just- please- why are you doing this to yourself, to us?” Isabel sounds desperate. Victor leaves without another word and he once again hears his mother sob.

He can’t do this.

He messages Simon. It’s not much. In fact, it’s his shortest message yet.

Help me.

He falls asleep.

--

Victor walks into the kitchen. It’s Sunday afternoon. He’s managed to succesfully stay in his room all morning. He’s so glad that he decided to stock up on snacks, but the snacks aren’t very healthy. Besides, his parents should be at church.

Should be.

His parents are sitting at the dining table, drinking coffee. Pilar is on her phone, ignoring both of them. Victor stops dead in his tracks.

“Shouldn’t you be at church,” Victor asks and suddenly he feels a small rush of anger, so he adds: “Like, praying for me to be cured or whatever?”

Isabel still hasn’t looked at him, but Victor sees that the grip around her mug tightens. Armando looks stricken. Pilar looks up from her phone, impressed.

“Victor,” Armando says sternly, but that’s it.

“Why would you think that?” Isabel asks, still staring at her coffee.

“Because you walked away after I told you?” Victor tells his mother, “Because you cried? Because you still can’t look at me?”

Isabel closes her eyes and tearfully says: “You have no idea how hard this is for me.”

“... right. Of course, this is terrible for you.”

“Victor!” Armando says again. Victor’s never talked back to his parents, but in this moment, he doesn’t care. 

Isabel still can’t look at him. How is he ever going to get over his own mother not looking at him? He opens his mouth to say something, but then someone knocks on the door.

All family members look at the door.

“I’ll go,” Pilar says and she quickly jumps out of her seat. She’s probably also dying to leave.

Later she returns with Felix in tow. Armando’s face is stricken. He probably wishes for some privacy to talk this out, and now Felix is barging in.

“Hi Salazars!” Felix says cheerfully, “I hope I’m not interrupting.”

“Not at all, Felix,” Isabel forces a fake smile. She looks at Felix and Victor feels a pang of jealousy. She can look at him, but not at her own son? 

“Victor, I found two guys around town. They know you?”

Victor looks behind Pilar and Felix and he’s shocked to see Simon and Bram standing there. They look different, even though it hasn’t been that long since Victor last saw them in New York. Simon’s hair is longer and it looks like he’s growing a beard. Bram dyed his hair blue. 

They’re here.

Victor’s too shocked, he can’t even move. Bram almost pushes Pilar and Felix to the side and he throws himself on Victor.

“Oh my God, hi!” he says excitedly and he kisses Victor’s cheeks and forehead. And again. And again. Bram is showering him with kisses and a part of Victor wants to be able to turn around to see a possible horrified look on his mother’s face. He can’t remember Bram being this affectionate back in New York, but it strangely enough feels comforting. Bram is here for him.

They hear a chuckle.

Simon has an amused look on his face. “Can I also say hi to our adopted son, or are you not done yet?”

Bram moves away so that Simon can give Victor a crushing hug.

“Hi,” he whispers kindly in Victor’s ear and Victor might cry. Simon is here, in his living room.

“What- wha- how-”

“Oh, Simon’s dad had a medical emergency, so we’re back in town,” Bram says casually. Simon also gives a small shrug.

“Turned out alright in the end. But you know, we decided to come down anyway.”

“Yeah, now that we know that Jack Spier isn’t in immediate danger, we actually decided to come visit you. Luckily, a certain Felix sent Simon the address,” Bram nods towards Felix.

“Great timing too!” Felix says, referring to their earlier conversation. Victor needed Simon, and now he’s here with Bram in tow. 

Pilar, Armando and Isabel are looking from Victor to Felix, to Simon and Bram. Pilar furrows her brow.

“Wait, who are you? Victor barely has friends.”

“I’m right here,” Felix says to Pilar.

“Apart from you and Mi-” Pilar abruptly cuts herself off. Mia. Victor hasn’t heard of her yet. He’s not sure he can face her yet, so he’s also not reaching out. He’s ashamed. Not of being gay, but for dragging Mia along.

Victor shoots Simon and Bram an alarmed look. His parents still don’t know about his trip to New York. Simon catches the worry.

“Uhm, school,” Simon replies.

This makes Pilar even more suspicious. “Aren’t you, like, thirty?”

“I told you the beard makes you look old, Si,” Bram teases his boyfriend and just watching the two interact makes Victor feel warm all over. It’s a reminder that it’s okay for two guys to love each other.

Simon dramatically rolls his eyes before facing Pilar again. He also casts a quick look to Victor’s parents.

“We went to Creekwood. Uhm, they are starting this new program where they’re teaming up students with alumni to get a taste of life after high school,” Simon lies easily.

He was in the closet too, Victor remembers. Being closeted makes you an excellent liar.

Same goes for Bram, since he adds: “Yeah, and I used to play soccer at Creekwood and I now play basketball, so Ms. Albright hooked us up.”

Victor is quite amazed by the backstory. He doesn’t know if Simon and Bram already had this prepared, but it sounds believable. Only Felix looks a bit confused when Bram continues to talk about the program, but when Felix tries to ask something, Victor coughs and realisation dawns upon Felix.

“Oh, yeah, so cool that you got a great match and talk regularly,” Felix says quickly, “Mine was kinda wack. She was clearly only into it for the extra credits.”

“Yeah, those extra credits are nice,” Simon says and he and Bram share a private smile. It’s quick, so it’s easy to miss, but it’s there.

“Right!” Victor says.

Pilar still seems skeptical, but Isabel and Armando buy it. Or maybe they don’t, but it’s impolite to call Simon and Bram out on their lie. 

“Anyway, we thought we’d surprise you,” Bram says, “Are you up for some Waffle House? I mean, if your parents are fine with that.” He says the latter part while looking at Isabel and Armando, who look like a couple of deers caught in headlights.

“Oh, uhm, of course!” Isabel says, sounding fake cheerful. Armando also puts on a fake smile. 

God, Victor is so grateful for the forced Christian politeness. What would the neighbours say if they hear that the Salazars aren’t being hospitable? Isabel still can’t look at Victor, but she’s looking at Bram. Either she doesn’t seem to realise they’re gay, or there’s progress.

“Cool. I’m gonna get a jacket.”

Victor moves to his room, but he hears Simon yell: “You know, there’s this denim jacket that really compliments the rest of the outfit.”

Victor laughs to himself.

“Also, don’t forget your bus pass!”

Victor returns wearing Simon’s jacket and he is holding his bus pass. “Don’t you guys just drive?”

“We’re gay, Victor,” Simon deadpans and out of the corner of Victor’s eyes, he can see his mother go stiff. 

Bram nods. “We’re gay in New York. There’s no driving happening anytime soon.”

“Fair,” Victor says as his mother turns her back to the others. Then, he motions towards Felix. “Can Felix come along?”

Felix looks a bit surprised by this, and sure, Victor indeed longs to talk about some gay things, but Felix is also his best friend and he always wants to hang out with him.

Bram slings an arm around Felix. 

“The more the merrier.”

Suddenly, a smirk forms on Simon’s face. “How about we invite a certain... Benji?”

“Yes!” Felix and Bram say.

Victor takes a deep breath and he pulls out his phone. He can do it.

He starts to type.

--

Benji is a little busy for now, but he decides to meet up an hour later. A part of Victor had feared for complete rejection and a “sorry, but prom was a mistake”, so he can handle Benji not being there on time.

Victor, Felix, Simon and Bram take the bus to the nearest Waffle House. On the bus, Bram and Felix are excitedly talking about a new action movie, which gives Simon the chance to say: “I got your message.”

“What message?” Victor asks.

“‘Help me’?”

“Oh. That.”

“No need to be ashamed,” Simon says kindly, “What is going on?”

Victor tells Simon everything. He tells him about how he kissed Benji, but also about how it broke Mia’s heart. He confesses that he tries to trust Andrew not to out him, but he’s still scared. He talks about how Pilar feels semi-responsible for the confrontation with Derek in public, how his mother cries herself to sleep, how his father hasn’t said anything about it, and how Adrian isn’t allowed to know.

Mostly, he feels lost.

“Everything is different now,” Victor tells Simon the same thing he said to Felix.

“It is,” Simon confirms. This surprises Victor a little bit. A lot of coming stories are all about ‘how nothing will change’ or how ‘the person is still the same person as before’, but Victor didn’t feel that way. Neither did Simon, apparently.

“I feel lost and confused. That’s why I need help.”

“And I’m here for you.”

They have to get off at the next stop. Bram almost hugs the Waffle House building when they arrive.

“I missed you, did you miss me!” he yells towards the building with open arms.

“There’s no WaHo in New York,” Simon quickly explains when he sees the baffled looks on Victor and Felix’s faces. 

Inside, Simon whispers something in Bram’s ear.

“Alright,” Bram says loudly, “Felix, let’s order.”

“Wait, what does-”

“Bram knows my order,” Simon cuts in. Now Victor understands what’s going on. Simon wants some more time alone.

“Felix, surprise me,” Victor adds.

“On it,” Felix salutes and together with Bram he walks to the counter. Simon and Victor take a seat in a booth. When a waiter tries to take their order, Simon tells them that Bram and Felix are on it.

“Fun fact,” Simon says when the waiter is gone, “I kind of had a crush on a WaHo waiter, hoping it was Bram.”

“What?”

Simon lets out a laugh. “Yes, I was a disaster gay yearning for love. A boy would smile at me and I’d be in tears. I even tried complimenting a maintance worker on his boots.”

“God, and look at you now.”

Simon smirks. “I know right. Glow up of the century. Took me some time to get here, but I did it.”

“How?” Victor immediately asks.

“Well, it wasn’t easy-”

“It wasn’t?” Victor automatically interrupts. Simon frowns. 

Is there something Victor is missing? Ms. Albright told him all about the ferris wheel and about the epic kiss on top of it. The school cheered for them and their families seem accepting.

Simon’s coming out story sounds perfect.

Was it?

“Victor, you said you heard about me at Creekwood, right?” Simon asks, still frowning slightly. Victor nods. “What were you told?”

Victor tells Simon what he knows.

“Oh,” Simon sits back, a bit in shock. Then he lets out a bitter laugh. “Of course the straights want to spin it into a picture perfect story where nothing’s ever gone wrong. That’s all they’re comfortable with.”

What?

Victor and Simon stare at each other and Simon looks pissed off to hear that Victor has heard a (fake?) story about his life. 

The tense moment gets interrupted by Felix. He puts down a tray and happily says: “Alright, one coffee and one big waffle with powdered sugar and honey for Victor Salazar!”

Bram is standing behind behind Felix, also holding a tray, but he seems to notice the tense atmosphere. “Is something wrong?”

Simon moves so that Bram can slide next to him in the booth. Victor does the same for Felix.

“Si, what is it?” Bram asks, but Simon closes his eyes and lets out a long sigh. Then, he turns to Victor.

“Victor, I was outed.”

Silence.

Victor’s heart drops.

Felix chokes on his strawberry milkshake and Bram’s face also goes stricken thinking about the memory. Victor is frozen in his seat. No one’s ever told him that.

“I thought you knew.”

Victor shakes his head.

“Lemme guess, straight people are at it again?” Bram says bitterly.

“Yup,” Simon sighs, “They only talk about the ferris wheel.”

“Typical,” Bram says and he stabs his waffle with his knife. 

“... what happened?” Felix asks when he realises that Victor is still too frozen to speak.

The story that Simon then tells them is very different from what Victor imagined. The ferris wheel kiss still happened, but a lot of stuff went down beforehand. Simon and Bram met anonymously over e-mail. They were both still deeply in the closet. Simon was blackmailed into manipulating his friends and when his blackmailer was in a bad mood, he outed him. Publicly. On the internet. 

For the whole school to see.

Victor knows about Creeksecrets, since Lake practically lives on that site, but he’s never heard about this story. He wonders if Lake knows.

“School kind of became hell,” Simon says quietly and Bram grabs his hand. They don’t care if anyone can see it. “My friends were mad at me-”

“Although they weren’t very sympathetic either,” Bram grumbles.

“True. We talked it out after Bram and I started dating. Leah and Abby are now a couple and Nick is dating Taylor of all people, but yeah they didn’t even try to understand up until Abby started realising she’s bi herself.”

“Some guys were super homophobic to you in the cafetaria and they just sat there,” Bram sounds mad.

“Bram.”

“Ugh sorry. I just- I also still feel guilty.”

Guilty about what? 

Simon sees Victor looking at Bram. “I was alone because my friends didn’t talk to me and Bram didn’t- I didn’t know he was Blue, the boy from the e-mails.”

“If there’s one thing I could’ve changed... I’d speak out that day, but I was afraid. Ashamed. I don’t know,” Bram says sadly, or angry. He sounds angry at himself. He looks down to his waffle. Simon takes away his knife to prevent him from stabbing the waffle out of anger again. “I saw what people were doing to Simon and I hadn’t come out to anyone. My parents are cool now, but I had no idea of knowing.”

“I was outed at Christmas Eve, so I told my parents on Christmas. I wanted them to hear it from me, but I still felt sort of forced to do it. I don’t think I was ready. And you know, I was, like, 95% sure that my parents would be fine with it, but the 5% is so loud.”

“Were they?” Victor asks.

“Yes, kinda,” Simon answers, “It wasn’t perfect and things were tense for a while afterwards. Not because I felt like they weren’t okay with it. In fact, my mom was super okay with it. But it’s like you said: something had changed. I felt lost at school and at home.”

Victor almost stops breathing. This is the thing he’s so afraid of. His family will never be the same and it’s because of him.

But then Simon says: “But I think it’s a good change. I wish it’d gone differently, and my dad tearfully apologised to me about past mistakes, but we’ve grown stronger as a family too. They’re... weidly enthusiastic. Now my dad moderates the local PFLAG and one time on a college tour he asked the guide if they could ‘elaborate on the campus’s gay scene’.”

Everyone laughs at that, even Victor. He can feel Simon’s embarrassment, but it’s also really nice.

“And my mom is a psychologist and she now wants to help other queer kids out. Nora, my sister, tried to bake a rainbow cake for pride, but we don’t talk about that or about our scorched kitchen.”

Another round of laughs.

“Yeah, and my mom loves him,” Bram says and his kisses Simon’s knuckles. Simon blushes.

“I have that effect on moms.”

Not my mom, Victor thinks bitterly, but he doesn’t say it.

“My mom was a bit worried when I told her I had joined a basketball league in New York, cause, you know, homophobia and sports are friends, but when I told her it’s a gay league she was delighted.”

“There’s a gay league?” Felix asks in amazement.

Victor nods. “Yeah, I’ve played with them.”

“And I cheer them on,” Simon adds.

“Yo,” Felix turns to Victor, “I know I’m not gonna tap that ass, Benji is, but if you’re ever going to join a gay basketball league, can I be your cheerleader? I’ll bring Lake!”

“Uhm. Sure.”

“Nice,” Felix says and he holds out his fist. Victor bumps it and he laughs. God, he loves Felix.

“Anyway, I am still in the middle of my inspirational gay story!” Simon says.

“You’re basically at the end, babe,” Bram says.

“The moral of the story is,” Simon says, ignoring Bram, “that it will be challenging, but it gets so much better and honestly I wouldn’t change a thing. Now we’re living in a gay ass city with some great gay roommates living our best gay lives.”

“And if you ever need us, we’re just a call away,” Bram says, “Same goes for Ivy, Kim and Justin. They ask us about you all the damn time.”

“They better,” Victor jokes and after hearing Simon’s story he does feel lighter. His story might go in a completely different direction, but he hopes that he can overcome it too. 

He thinks about Justin, who needed to hide himself. Or Simon, who got outed. Bram, who was ashamed of himself. Ivy, who told Victor about how she got bullied. Kim, who still flinces when someone insist that their gender is fake.

Still, they all got there in the end. If they can do it, then so can he.

“I think my waffle’s gone cold,” he then says.

“Probably, but WaHo waffles are still great when they’re frozen,” Bram says.

“You’ve had frozen waffles?” Felix asks in amazement.

“Yeah, they got that nice crunch, you know?” Bram says.

“Disgusting,” Simon says.

The four of them continue their breakfast/lunch in peace. Now that Victor feels much better, it’s almost as if everyone feels better. He’s still a bit upset from hearing Simon’s story, but then he sees Simon feeding Bram a piece of his waffle and he spills some whipped cream on Bram’s nose and Victor knows that it really does get better.

A while later, the door opens and Benji steps in. He looks around for Victor and when he finally sees him, he smiles warmly. Victor also gets a warm feeling.

Bram looks over his shoulder. “Oh, so that is the mysterious Benji.”

“Shut up,” Victor quickly says as Benji walks towards their table.

“Hey,” Benji says, only looking at Victor.

“Hi.”

“We’re also here,” Felix coughs.

“Oh, right,” Victor says and he quickly introduces Simon and Bram. They shake hands and they don’t show that Victor’s told them all about Benji.

Felix moves his legs so that Victor can get out of the booth.

“Hi,” Victor says again, “You’re here.”

They move away from the table for some privacy.

“Well, you called me for breakfast-or-kind-of-early-lunch with friends.”

“Sorry for not calling earlier,” Victor says. After all, it’s been three days since prom. “I came out to my parents and things got weird.”

“Oh shit, what happened?” Benji asks, sounding worried. 

“I’ll tell you later. Now, I kinda just want to have some fun at the local WaHo.”

“It’s okay,” Benji says and he reaches for Victor’s hand. Victor still feels a bit nervous, since this is all so new for him, but when he feels Benji’s hand grasping his, it feels right.

Over Benji’s shoulder, Victor can see Felix, Simon and Bram looking with excited looks on their faces. They all look away when they see Victor looking. 

“Sorry.”

“Again, it’s okay. I understood. I mean, I did kind of wait by my phone for three days, but you said that you were sure about this and I believe you.”

“You did not!” Victor says, aghast. The image of Benji sitting by his phone is kind of sad.

“I did not. Not really,” Benji laughs, “Still, I’m glad to hear from you.”

“I’m glad to see you,” Victor says, “So happy you’re here, although...” He musters up the courage for the next part. “Maybe next time we go somewhere to eat, it can be just the two of us?”

“Like a date?”

“Like a date,” Victor confirms. After all, he has a new outfit. Felix took him shopping for this occasion.

“Yes, absolutely!” Benji says.

Victor smiles widely. 

“Okay.”

It will all be okay. He’s sure of that.

[tyrus-endgayme-confirmed]

The Nightmare Love,

Before Simon

Christmas 🤝

being both

Halloween AND Christmas

movies I don’t make the rules