continued from @splitmeopens here !'
teddy didn't know what the inner workings of jude's mind operated like – except for when he did. except for when he could clock things immediately, like the way they couldn't tear their eyes from him all night, or the certainty with which they pulled him in. he doesn't always know about how he reads to the rest of the world. he's always been all cocky smiles and stupid grins, and he wants so desperately to be seen as fun and exciting, without the fear of being noticed for all of the vile, vulgar shit that lurks just beneath the skin.
jude has this way about them that makes him feel comfortable. safety isn't something teddy expects, but the way their hands anchor into his hips feels like they could provide if he asked. he doesn't of course, but it's nice to feel like he could. wanting – lust – impermanence. those are all relatively safe places for him, he doesn't have to think too hard about it. it's that deeper, more persistent desire to just be around that has always thrown him for a loop. but that's a future teddy problem, not a present day one. he can worry about consequences when they happen, because right now he's a bit too focused on the friction of jude's thigh pressed between his legs.
teeth graze against the soft skin of his neck, and fumbling, stuttering breaths pull from him like second nature. he's good at this part. the wanting, the desperation. it's not as though he doesn't notice the way a well timed gasp has always spurred jude further. there's a part of him that wants to tell them to quit being gentle and keep pushing, but something in the unhurried way they pay attention to him feels like it borders on reverence, and teddy has an unrelenting desire to be cared for. one he shoves down, and pretends doesn't exist, but it's there nonetheless.
he can hear the way jude's voice has darkened, edged with desire instead of the haphazard, faux habitual nature that he's used to hearing. it's more substantial and teddy would hold it in his hands if he could. it stirs something darker and more primal within him.
desire coils low in him, and wraps itself so tight in his chest. their knee presses into him, and hands flatten against his back to pull him closer. god, it's all so perfect and hot and he doesn't want to pretend this isn't exactly the kind of thing he lays awake at night picturing. he couldn't have fantasized it any better. a soft, barely there moan tumbles from his lips before he has a chance to pull it back, but why does he need to anyways ??
it's messy and desperate and hot breath against rapidly warming skin, and teddy feels like a live wire. like everything is enough to make him spark. including, but not limited to, the way jude presses their hips into his, friction enough to pull quiet, shameful noises from somewhere deep within him, gentle enough to still tease and build. their foreheads tip together, and jude admits tha they've been pretending too. if teddy wasn't losing it before, he certainly would now. but they know him so well, from months of orbiting each other, and they don't give him the space to sink his teeth into it, to spin it into something sharp and painful. instead, jude's pressing him back into the wall, tongue slipping between bitten red lips like he has nowhere to be. it's deliciously comfortable to be settled into their arms in a way he won't name. they play this game of avoidance like it's the easiest thing in the world. there's no need to draw focus to one more piece of information they're both so keen on ignoring.
he finally pulls back, just for a moment, his own breathing ragged and smile crooked. "you gonna fuck me on this wall, or should we go to your bed ??" to be honest, teddy would probably do either. both. it doesn't matter. he just craves sensation. wanting. and he's choosing it with jude, because it feels obvious. because this has been what he wants for months. so maybe it was kind of the obvious choice, but if he's going to destroy everything, he may as well at least get a couple good orgasms out of it. even if he hasn't interrogated the fact that at no point has he wanted to run.
