#spndeansam

[thenerdiewinchesters]

Dean and Sam s2|s10

[thenerdiewinchesters]

He can still remember the relief he felt, the utter joy flooding through his veins when he saw those green eyes look at him. He could remember feeling like he could collapse knowing his brother was back, and he was okay, even normal. 

Sam still can remember the vacation they took to just bond again and try to lick their metaphorical wounds, and be together, just two of them against the world. 

Standing in that blood drenched room, Dean right in the middle, looking like a kick boy who lost his dog, he felt like those blissful moments were a million miles away, and he was falling back into the darkness, nothing to grip, and nothing to save his brother. 

Even as he cupped his face, to just feel him under his finger tips, to assure himself he was there, he could feel Dean slipping away. He could feel his brothers life slip through his fingers and he was helpless to stop him. So very helpless and he hated it. 

[thenerdiewinchesters]

Let’s talk about how Dean loves Sam more than anything else in the entire world, and though he may try to hide it from Sam and act all tough, when Sam just looks at him he turns to goo.

Lets talk about the ways Sam looks at Dean when he thinks Dean isn't looking. Lets talk about the way Sam secretly relies on Dean more then he will admit. Let's talk about the way he will fight for his brother until he is dead. Let's talk about the fact Dean is his happiness,

Let’s talk about how Dean pretends to be the tough older brother, stern and unyielding, but would do anything Sam asked of him.

Let’s talk about how Dean doesn’t think he’s good enough for Sam, so he keeps pushing Sam away, but he never wants Sam to let go.

Let’s talk about how Dean thinks SAM is the brave one. The strong one. The one who followed his dreams and can do anything. How Dean is proud of Sam. How Dean admires how smart Sam is.

Let’s talk about how Sam is Dean’s entire world.

 Lets talk about Sam fighting to make Dean realize that he is smart. Let's talk about the fact Sam admires and looks up to Dean, even as a 30+ year old. Lets talk about the way Sam wants to take care of Dean, if he would just let him. Let's talk about the way Sam wants to know every detail of Dean, and probably does. Let's talk about the way Sam loves Dean!

Let’s talk about the way Dean totally checked up on Sam at Stanford to make sure his boy was safe.

Let’s talk about the way Dean cares for Sam- making him food, making sure he’s slept, making sure he has clean clothes- because Dean will never stop looking out for his brother.

Let’s talk about the way Dean is totally protective of Sam and would fight anybody who looked at Sam the wrong way or tried to hurt Sam. Let’s talk about how Dean puts himself in front of Sam in any fight so that if someone is going after Sam, they’ll have to go through him first.

Let’s talk about how Dean has always studied Sam. How Dean knows Sam better than Sam knows himself. How Dean knows all of Sam’s aliases and what moves Sam would use to try to throw off Dean.

Let’s talk about the way Dean will never say “I love you” but finds other ways to say it “I’m proud of us” “you’re my weak spot” “there is nothing past or present I would put in front of you”

Lets talk about the multiple phone calls Sam tried to make when he was in standford, but too afriad to put the call through. Let's talk about the relief Sam felt when he saw his brother again, and that brief flood of happiness to just touch his brother. Let's talk about how torn Sam in internally between hunting with his brother and being with the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Let's talk about the fact Sam is Dean's soul mate forever and always.

Let’s talk about the way Dean had never been happier than when he got to see Sam again. Let’s talk about the way Dean smiled as he pinned his brother down, just like they had been when they wrestled as kids.

Let’s talk about the way Dean was torn between being happy for his brother and jealous that someone else had replaced him. Let’s talk about how Dean tried to put on the charm for Jess, but never really felt it. Not when Sam’s eyes were on him.

Let’s talk about how Dean didn’t want to hunt alone. How Dean asked Sam to come with him. How Dean has always needed Sam and has never been as whole as when Sam sits beside him in the Impala, listening to classic rock.

Let’s talk about how Dean was willing to let Sam go follow his dreams. How Dean was willing to accept that Sam wanted to be a lawyer and live a normal life. How Dean was willing to put his own dreams aside for Sam.

Let’s talk about how Dean SAVED Sam because Dean has always known when Sam was in trouble. How Dean risked his own life to get Sam out of the burning apartment. How Dean would have happily taken on all of Sam’s pain, grief, and guilt, if it meant Sam would smile again.

Let’s talk about how Dean has always loved Sam.

Lets talk about the fact Sam is afraid to have a home because it could mean the death of Dean (again). Let's talk about the fact that when Sam got his soul back, he rushed to Dean first, and couldn't let him go. Let's talk about the pure joy on Sam's face after a year thinking Dean was gone forever. Let's talk about the fact Sam ditched the apple pie life for Dean. Lets talk about the fact that Sam will always chose his brother over the lives of everyone, because Dean matters

Let’s talk about how all Dean ever wanted was to give Sam a home. How Dean helped Sam make the Impala theirs, so Sam would always have a place he felt safe. Let’s talk about how happy Dean was to find the Bunker because then he could give Sam the apple-pie life he had always wanted.

Let’s talk about how Dean was willing to die (again) to become Death so he would have a shot at getting Sam’s soul back. Let’s talk about how Dean CHOSE Sam without a thought. How Dean will always put Sam above everyone else.

Let’s talk about how Dean was willing to sacrifice his friend, his brother-in-arms, to bring back Sam from Purgatory. Let’s talk about how Dean would KILL everyone and everything that kept him from his brother. Let’s talk about how Dean would sacrifice anyone for Sam.

Let’s talk about how Dean would rather Sam didn’t complete the trials, didn’t close the gates of Hell, let demons roam the earth, so that Sam wouldn’t die. Let’s talk about how Dean would rather Azazel, the demon that killed their mother, live than have Sam die. Let’s talk about how Dean would damn the entire world as long as it meant Sam was still breathing.

Lets talk about the constant checking Sam does while Dean is sleeping in his bed just to be sure he's breathing. Lets talk about the way Sam watches Dean's every movement for a sign that he isn't all right. Lets talk about the internal pleading he has to fix all his brothers problems because his brother always ends up fixing his. Lets talk about how much Sam wants to repay Dean for all that he has done. Lets talk about the fact he wants to prove to Dean that he is worthy of his love though he doesn't feel he is worthy of his brothers loyalty or love. 

[thenerdiewinchesters]

Sam has held the phone in his hand a thousand times, the number on the tip of his fingers, read to punch in at the speed of light, but his hand stalls, always stalls. He was family sick, that was true, but the yelling, he could still hear the yelling. 

Yet, the one person he wants to call, he knows he can't. He isn't sure he would be welcomed. All he wants is to hear that voice, to hear "Sammy", again. Deep down, he misses his brother like a person would miss a limb. 

So Sam swallows that lump of fear, and lets his fingers punch the number they know by heart. He listens to the rings and hears the all too familiar rock ring tone outside his window. 

Only catching the dark movement, he knows his brother is there. He knows he's still being protected. He could be upset, and he is sure he will be later, but right now, he's too happy to hear, "Hey, Sammy" on the other line, and knowing as Dean lies about where he is, Dean has not forgotten about him, and, he prays, he never will be. 

[thenerdiewinchesters]

You're my brother and I'm here to take you home

[thenerdiewinchesters]

I can't even breathe It's like I'm looking from a distance Standing in the background Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now This can't be happening to me This is just a dream

[timetraveldean]

[timetraveldean]